Thursday, December 31, 2009
-the first decade of the New Millennium
-the historic first year of America's first black president
-Berine Madoff (and good riddance)
-the bad economy
-Swine Flu. At least until this spring.
-Captian Sullinburger slipping into a Wal Mart without being recognized
-Tiger Woods untouchable image
-Jon and Kate and their brood of 8
-a World Championship-less New York Yankees team. Damn!
-Papelbon's historic CHOKE at the plate (and good riddance)
-the Indianapolis Colts' undefeated season.....BWAHAHAHAHA!
-Candy's divorced/un-married status
-Charlie Gibson at the helm of ABC World News Tonite
-the year WITHOUT a Boston sports team championship (and good riddance)
-Flannel shirts big comeback
-Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon's relationship :(
-Lady GaGa slipping into a Wal Mart without being recognized
-The Jo Bros??
-Heff's Bar and Grill :(
-Cora and Scope's unmarried status
Happy 2010 Bloggers!!!!
Let's say HELLO to a new decade full of promise and opportunity!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
It's no secret that Peyton and I are NOT friends. We who worship The Tommy, can't help but be a Peyton hater. It's almost like the Yanks and the Sox. I said almost. So you'd think today that I'd be all smiley over their loss to the lowly Jets yesterday, right?
I'm not quite sure how to feel over what I believe is one of the biggest bonehead moves of the season. The Colts lost the game on purpose. What the...?
This is not the way it is supposed to be and Peyton and I most certainly agree here. 16-0 DOES matter to Manning, the Colts, his legacy, team history, and the fans. I say it again, (and I can't believe I'm actually saying this) WHAT THE...?
The undefeated Colts team most certainly had a first round bye, so the theory that the starters were being rested is complete bullshit. The brilliant plan was the brain-child of Indianapolis coach Jim Caldwell and president Bill Polian who are now the two most hated men on the Indianapolis planet. They robbed their team of their shot at history with a perfect season, for a strategum that may never work, and now the Jets will probably make it into the playoffs.They robbed us of saying Peyton got spanked by the Jets, legit, with the Pats perfect season still untainted and they robbed their team of making history.
On the contrary, NFL FanHouse is reporting that history was made at that game on Sunday, "To correct one thing, history actually was made Sunday. The Colts became the first 14-1 team to be booed off its home field."
Thursday, December 24, 2009
BUDDY IS A FOOD-LOVING WHITE BOXER WHO ALSO LOVES CHRISTMAS.
BUDDY IS GETTING READY FOR SANTA TO COME BUT THERE IS A SMALL PROBLEM.
BUDDY TOLD HIS PACK HE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GET COAL IN HIS STOCKING FROM SANTA. THEY PRETTY MUCH AGREED THAT HE WAS SCREWED BUT GOOD, AND BUDDY THANKED THEM FOR THEIR MORAL SUPPORT.
THEN BUDDY DECIDED TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE AND HAVE A HEART TO HEART WITH THE MAN IN RED. THEY TALKED FOR A WHILE AND BUDDY WAS ELATED WHEN SANTA TOLD HIM THAT ALL OF GODS CREATURES, BOTH GOOD AND BAD, ON CHRISTMAS MUST REMEMBER TO KEEP PEACE AND SHOW GOOD WILL TOWARDS EACH OTHER. SANTA SAID THAT WAS MOST IMPORTANT.
BUDDY FELT MUCH BETTER AND HE REALIZED THAT CHRISTMAS WAS ABOUT MORE THAN JUST BROWNIES AND BONES.
BUDDY WAS SO HAPPY THAT HE DECLARED...I MEAN BARKED, "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT"!!!!!!
HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOURS FROM CANDY'S DAILY DANDY!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
You tell me, because I'm not seeing it. And by that, I mean all the panic.
I am DEFINITELY going to see the movie.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The signature scent in designer extraordinaire Tom Ford's Fine Fragrance collection, Black Orchid. The mix of fine top notes of Black Truffle, Ylang, Black Currant and Fresh Bergamont, balanced with a delicate combination of Patchouli, Vertiver, Vanilla and Sandalwood at the base give this sensuous fragrance a lasting impression to everyone who wears it.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 12, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... Feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November13, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 16, 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November16, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?! ?
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: November 17, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: November 17, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Last week a customer came into my store and was telling me all about how her Christmas tree fell over, ornaments and all, and how she had to clean it all up and how all her favorite ornaments were broken in the fall.
"Oh no", I tell her. "I can completely sympathise," I say. "That happened to me once."
I then tell her, "You really have to tie the tree up every year because, you know, the falling over thing can happen at any time."
I continue, "Yeah, and isn't it a shame when you loose special ornaments that you have had forever? It's heart breaking."
Then I say, "I learned my lesson. I bought this hevy duty tree stand. The thing is iron clad and takes good care of my Christmas trees....."
Of course karma loves it when I put my foot in my mouth.
Late Saturday night,(the Saturday night after the conversation with the customer in my store) my daughter and I are having a grand old time putting up that Christmas tree in the picture above. We were laughing, listening to Christmas music, and ooohing and ahhhing over all our favorite ornaments. Just when we are about to wrap it all up and put the finishing touches on the tree........
Do I even need to tell you??
I know you know exactly what happened.
Some of them were thirty years old. One I had just brought them home from Aruba....in bits on my living room floor.
You can't see it in the picture but NOW there is floral wire tied to the tree to both windows on either side.
As I said, more than once is once too much.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I'm sure everyone, in the archives of their holiday pictures, has a Santa shot somewhat like this one. A shot with Santa that just ain't right. And just like a canary in a coal mine, its the little kiddies who are able to detect a foul Santa's immediately. While creepy Santa's may be abound, there are still some poor schmucks who actually enjoy doing the Santa thing despite the bad rap.
This holiday season at Sketchysantas.com you can revel in all the glory of Santa's gone bad.
"What you talkin' about Willis"
Ummm, Santa? That just aint right.
Do all shopping mall Santa's get background checks? One would hope, yet we still continue to put our children on the laps of strangers for that time honored tradition of a picture with the big guy in the red suit. Good times.
Today's Boston Herald reports that a retired mechanic, who's been donning the red suit for 35 years, is not a big fan of sketchysantas.com, "I think it serves no purpose other than to sully the reputation of all Santa's," he says."Just because a kid is crying does not mean he is a bad Santa." "A good Santa invests in a top-of-the-line suit, with much care to the beard and wig, but it also takes someone with very good acting abilities and desires to be Santa, which comes from the heart." Something tells me you have to have a lot of "heart" to withstand this all day.
Good or bad Santa is our go-to-guy at Christmas time. Most of us roll old school when it comes to Santa, so cut the new guy some slack. Maybe he's just trying to make somebody happy.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I realize that may sound terrible to most of you, but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and over worked this year. I hate to admit this, but there's a lot of NO in my ho, ho, ho right now. I enjoy the spirit of the holiday season as much as the next guy, and nothing is more important to me than spending quality time with my family, but with all the added work of my new store, I'm looking at the holidays as a ticking time bomb that I have to out run.
It's a double edged sword because I hope to benefit greatly from the people who feel the need to drop tons of cash on the impulse and necessary items I have chosen carefully to display in my shop, but focusing on that leaves me no time to put together the drive or the thought needed to shop for my own family. And my family is used to a well planned and thought out holiday. I have always provided that for them because I had the time and it gave me pleasure. This year, that pleasure has been replaced with angst and fear that I'm not going to be able to pull it off.
So why do we do this to ourselves??? The holidays are supposed to be about love and family. Helping out your fellow man and celebrating the good fortune of living life to it's fullest. It's the time of giving, which fills my heart with joy far more than receiving. Yet I can't find any joy in the rush to shop till I drop. In fact, I just want to drop the next person who tells me they are all done with their holiday shopping and all wrapped too.
This year there is so much to be thankful for and so many blessings in my life, I'm feeling like I need to make that my focus. Keep my eyes on the prize and have faith that everything will work itself out, right?
Like the Grinch so eloquently put it, "Maybe Christmas, he thought, dosen't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps means a little bit more."
Maybe Dr. Seuss was onto something. Perhaps, but if I were voting today, I'd vote on Skipping Christmas.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I think Ellen Degeneres has the greatest job in the world.
Lately, I have been exercising on the treadmill in the mornings around the same time that The Ellen Degeneres Show is on and I'm hooked. Not only is she hilarious, but the woman gets to dance EVERY DAY.
Ellen hobnobs daily with various celebs, dances with the people in her audience, plays "game show" style games and gives away fabulous prizes. She has this thing called, "Ellen's Twit Crew" where her "crew" travels around to different locations announced via twitter to meet viewers and give away corporate sponsored prizes daily. Last week I watched her give away a brand new, pimped out, GMC Envoy to a young single mom from Brooklyn, NY, who walks her boys to school every day and then herself to work because she can't afford the subway. Ellen even threw in a year long subway card for the entire family.
She opens her show with her special brand of Ellen charm in the monologue. She's so cute and I got a huge girl crush on this funny lady. Sorry Ellen, I don't swing that way but if I did, I'd have your poster hanging on my bedroom wall. She's really a joy to watch. No wonder the theme song's refrain for the show is, "Lets have a little fun today."
By far, my most favorite part of The Ellen Degeneres Show is her daily dance. She gives me a little bounce in my workout and makes you dance right along with her. And I couldn't think of a better way to start the day off.
To think, she gets PAID money to do this every day. Lucky lady.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
They say the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie is your teeth, although after seeing how it is REALLY made, I think I'll pass on the pumpkin pie, thanks.
I found this next funny little ditty on Funny Thanksgiving Jokes, and thought I would share with you the absolute best way to cook a turkey.
How To Cook A Turkey:
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turk the bastey
Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer
Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 14: Turk the carvey
Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out
From Candy's Daily Dandy to you and yours, my best wishes for a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving holiday!
I am so thankful for wonderful blogger friends like you!
See you on Friday!!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Grabbing the title in an all out LANDSLIDE, RecoveringActor is Queen of the Comment! (*loud cheers from the crowd*)
But before RecoveringActor takes her prize banner above to display proudly on her sidebar, (with a link to my site) and makes her acceptance speech in dramatic style in the comment section of this post, we have some business to tend to.
Lest we not forget about our runners up, who fought valiantly till the end, and endured, as Cora so eloquently put it, "an ass-whuppin", we present our runners up.
1st runner up: Beckeye -In an "always the bridesmaid..." finish, Beckeye comes up with her second 1st runner up tie in as many years in the competition. Of course, if Ms. RecoveringActor cannot perform her duties as champion for any reason, Beckeye will take over and resume the crown and championship.
2nd runner up: TIE between Scope and Son of a Thomas- although Scope really got the prize here with his comment; the lovely Cora. No one can really compete with that.
3rd runner up: Gwen- Always a threat in any comment comedy competition, Gwen illustrates daily that commenting for comedy is a true art form.
4th runner up: Three way TIE between Words, Words, Words, Doc and Words again!!- Hey, this is much better than last year when I believe Mr. Words recieved no votes for his nomination. (also, I'm still giggling over your comment on Cora's deadly flatulence post)
5th runner up: Three way TIE between Scope, Beckeye and Scope- somewhere in here is a joke about a three-way, even though it's really with two, and Scope is squared, or something like that.
6th runner up: Three way TIE with ~E, Moooooog35, and Pammy Girl-again with the three-way. I'm not judging because what you people choose to do in the privacy of your own homes is really none of my business.
A hearty big Congrats to RecoveringActor and to all the nominees!!!
Thank you to all who played and voted in the 2nd Annual Candy's Daily Dandy Comment Content Hall Of Fame, and now I turn the podium over to you, RecoveringActor.
You are The Queen Of The Comment 2009!!!!
Monday, November 23, 2009
- The nominations are numbered so that you can correspond your vote with your favorite numbered comment nominee on the ballot.
- The blogger who nominated the other is named first, then the URL linking you to the post with the nominee's comment and then the actual comment nominated. *a word of caution: I got so lost in all the other hilarious comments on the posts that I had to keep going back and checking to see who was nominated. Better to stay the course, for the integrity of your vote-then go back and re-read later.
- Voting ends at 3am EST tonight. You may vote for as many nominees as you like-and let's employ the honor system here-but you may only vote for a nominee ONCE.
- The voting is open to ALL bloggers. You need not have nominated someone in order to cast a vote.
- The winner will be revealed Tuesday morning.
Without further adieu, I present to you the NOMINEES: (in no specific order)
1. Cora nominated Scope:
Scope said:"Dear Santa;
Could you add "Nanny Cam" to my wish list, if you know what I mean?
Dude, you so owe me a solid after last year's "Mr. Microphone" incident.
On a side note: this tidbit of hilarity may be the starter of the greatest blogger love story ever! As the future Mrs. Scope said in her own words:
"(And this is the IMPORTANT one as this is the comment which kicked off our relationship. In fact if he hadn't said that, we might never have even met. We call it "THE comment" 'cuz it is hands down the most powerful comment ever uttered in all of Blog World!!!! :-))"
2. Candy nominated Gwen:
Gwen said: "A year or so ago I ran into Aunt Flo's ex-husband, Uncle IUD, and I haven't seen her since. Uncle IUD is a little "stuck-up" but as long as he keeps her far away from me, we're cool."
3. Scott Oglesby nominated Pammy Girl:
Pammy Girl said: “Maybe you should get a ridiculous haircut, marry Jon Gosslin, have a litter of kids, exploit them on national television, abuse your dogs, and then become Jewish. You’d be tabloid fodder!”
4. Cora nominated Words, Words, Words:
Words said: "After reviewing all the comments on this post, I have decided to legally change my name to Lava Lamp."
5. ON THE SAME POST AS ABOVE Cora nominated Scope:
Scope said: '... FYI - When I turn on my lava lamp, it take forever to heat up, but when it does, there's just a massive spew that erupts forth. Then it takes like, anothe 45 minutes before it gets going again."
6. Scope nominated Moooooog 35:
Moooooog 35 said: "Worst. Email address. Ever.
7. Candy nominated Beckeye:
Beckeye said: "I wish Kanye had come out and said:YO DR. PHIL, I DIG YOUR MUSTACHE AND I'MMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT JOYCE BROTHERS IS ONE OF THE GREATEST TV PSYCHOLOGISTS OF ALL TIME!!!!"
8. Cora nominated Words, Words, Words:
Words said: "I'm glad you got your revenge, but as usual it's the innocent bystanders that are always war's true victims."
9. Beckeye nominated Doc:
Doc said: "I'd be glad to read you a bedtime story. Go put on your footie pajamas and I'll read, "How Good Little Girls Go Wrong And Get Knocked Up By Celebrities". I'm not sure it will put you to sleep but the pictures are very graphic! Doc"
10. Joanie nominated Recovering Actor:
Recovering Actor said: "I haven't gotten over it yet... still scarred for life.And for the record, that pattern doesn't look good on ANYONE. I also had a giant bow on my butt. I forgot how awkward I looked at the age 11... What a weird wedding. It was the only time I've ever been in a wedding party. And I hope i don't have to snap anyone's crotch the next time I'm in a wedding party..."
11. Gwen nominated Son Of A Thomas:
Son Of A Thomas said: "Sources close to SOAT say the conversation between Clinton and Kim Jong went like this:
"Bill: "So what do you say?"
Kim: "I no see rut you mean."
Bill: "Like I said, whip it out and slap it on the table. The bigger one gets the girls. It's like rock paper sissors man."
Kim: (Lowers eyes) Just take the girls."
12. Cora nominated Scope:
Lying on the sofa with pants undone?
People, I think she is trying to kill me."
13. Cora nominated Beckeye:
Beckeye said: "You are like the Tara Reid of the blogging world."
14. Scope nominated ~E:
~E said: " Now if you should perhaps host a contest till the end of the month where for every (decently covered) boob/bra shot you get you'll donate like a dollar to cancer research, I might be inclined to join."
(which Scope did and raised $50.00 for Breast Cancer Research)
So there you have it!! Vote now and Vote often and good luck to all the nominees!! Voting will end at 3am tonight, so make sure you vote!!
Friday, November 20, 2009
1. Post a comment in the comment section of this blog post with only the name of your blogger Hall of Fame nominee and the link to your site where his/her comment is posted. You may nominate more than one blogger for consideration, but their comments had better be knee slapping hilarious!
2. I will retrieve the comments and, depending on the response I get, whittle down the nominees and post the top ten on Monday. The post will be up all weekend; the deadline is 12am Sunday, Nov 22. That should give you plenty of time to come up with the good ones and get the word out. And spread the word people, there is so much talent that needs appreciation out there. Let's show our blogging community we appreciate what they do!
3. If all goes smoothly, on Monday, after I post the top 10 for consideration, I will post a ballot on the Daily Dandy's sidebar and we will ALL choose the winner by voting, with the final results to be announced on Tuesday. So Nominate now and nominate often!!!
I will go first and give you an example from my list of legendary comments:
"A year or so ago I ran into Aunt Flo's ex-husband, Uncle IUD, and I haven't seen her since. Uncle IUD is a little "stuck-up" but as long as he keeps her far away from me, we're cool."
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The time has finally come to crown a new King of the Comment in the 2nd Annual Candy's Daily Dandy Comment Content Hall of Fame. (loud crowd applause)
Scour the archives, because this is your chance to show your favorite commenter some big love. For those of you who weren't around last year, we crowned the King of Comments to be the legendary, McGone, who has since "McGone'd" from the bloggersphere. Still the King in our hearts and forever in theComment Hall of Fame, McGone occasionally makes his prescence be known with his usual razor wit comment, and I wax a little nostalgic whenever I see his comments. Ahh, those were the good old days.
BUT, as is the case here at The Daily Dandy, nothing here is without a flair for the dramatic. It was a hotly fought race with the talent abound, right down to the finish. Those two blogger dark horses, Beckeye and Dr. Zibbs, would not be denied!!! The victory separated the three of them by a mere vote or two, with Becks and Zibsy SHARING 1st runner up duties.
"I thought for sure Zibbs would come up lame," Beckeye said in her post-contest interview. "But that sly Yak held on and kept us laughing."
And with so much new talent out there in the sphere, this could be any one's crown for the taking.
So here's how it works:
Tomorrow I'll post the starting post with the rules and regs-the contest itself-and leave it up all weekend for you all to scour your archives and make your nominations.
On Monday WE will all vote-the King Of the Comments is a democratic process-and on Tuesday the winner will be crowned.
Heck, I might even offer the winner a prize this year
Read here if you want a look at how this works from last year. There are some big blogger names!
So if you're planning on playing, it's game on baby!! And even if you're not playing, you can still read the nominations, laugh your butt off and vote for the winner.
Start spreading the word.....
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever')
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
It used to be true that this was the time for retailers to "make their year", gouge the prices if the need be, and reap the benefits of a healthy holiday buying season. Such is no longer the case, as major retailers, little guys like me, and everyone in between have had to offer, unheard of at this time, discounts to get consumers into their retail establishments. Open up your mail box or your email box and you will see what I mean. There were no less than 15 offers of 20% or more off at major retailers like JCrew, Bloomingdales, Saks, Barneys New York, etc in my email box from the time I got dressed to go to work and the time I got to work, (no more than an hour) leaving me to wonder, how do I compete?
The facts are what they are and it's a fact that discounts bring in the shoppers. Which means I must offer the customer great customer service AND a substantial discount. Will this effect my bottom line? Yes, but it won't kill me and it certainly won't hurt to build that ever important customer relationship. Gone are the days of excessive shopping, as they are a thing of the past. Even the shoppers who CAN afford to binge, simply are not. They too, appreciate a discounted price for goods. Another sure sign that the climate has changed; Nieman Marcus offered 25% off everything in the COSMETICS department last week-this is unprecedented. It has always been a rule that any discount coupon from a major retailer did NOT apply to cosmetics. It was right there in the fine print, and any savvy shopper knew it. Hence the new order of the retail business.
While forecasts for retail over all show spending to be up, I wonder how up if the majority of goods were sold at a discounted price point. Take moment to think about the discounted offers you have received in the past week and post them in the comments section. I'm guessing there are more than you can even remember. Let me know if it motivated you to go to the store, buy more, or think about checking out that store because you hadn't been there in a while. Then let me know if you intend to be on a spending spree this holiday season.
Your fellow little guy would appreciate it.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Really? No tobacco in Ontario??
I had to think about this one for a while....I'm a little slow on the up take.
Because isn't that what every woman is thinking while riding a crowded bus?
As an ex-smoker, I concur...
Bwahahahaha!! The bi*ch got everything!!
This is by far my favorite.
It's like they crawled into my brain and pulled out my thoughts.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I fell down hard yesterday; again, but I have to get up.
The strength to get up is innate and it protects me.
I pray it will see me through, for I have been walking on unsure footing for a while.
My trail has ended and I choose me.
I walk it alone and I will try not to stumble.
I have gotten up before and I will get up again. I have faith in me.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
- $20 bucks in the hand does not make anything a certainty.
- In life, we try to live within the boundaries we set.
- Patience really is a virtue.
- Due diligence is key to any decision making process.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Only in the land of the free and the brave are we privy to a free show like this in the middle of the afternoon. If what they say is true and that the super market is a great place to find a mate, then sister is going for the full court press here. No wonder she has a gaggle of followers behind her. They get any closer and they may just get a wink from behind ;0
It just leaves one to wonder and sctatch the head,........What the???
"Sammi Jo wondered whether it was just her or was there a slight draft in the market?"
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Despite all your impending wisdom I still have to ask, "ARod?" (I can't chastise him today-as he just captured his first "brass ring". Congrats, ass)
"I love boys," Hudson says in the new British Elle. "But I believe they're really simple."
Kate believes that all boys want are sex and a sandwich. Then she offers this gem, "I sometimes feel like when you're talking to boys, they just hear certain keywords," Hudson continued. "But if you had a bubble above their head, they'd be thinking about game scores, masturbation and food." And there it is...the girl's a fricken genius.
Sex and a sandwich. How could we not have seen it before? Is it not true that after a good meal, a great game on TV and a roll in the hay, life couldn't get any better for Joe? Would Jim be trolling the strip clubs on Saturday night if Sandy had a turkey in the oven wearing nothing but a sexy apron over garters and 5 inch stilettos at home??? Is keeping things hot in the bedroom and hot on the stove really the key to keeping your man? Could it really be that simple? One would wonder, although the logic here is compelling to say the least.
And if men are that simple, what about keeping your woman? What would be in the bubble above our heads, boys? The fact of the matter is that you would have no idea because this week's spread on the Giants game and the pastrami on marble rye in your lunch bag keeps you from venturing an educated guess; so says Kate the Oracle.
Is she right? While I love the precision and skill with witch Ms. Hudson lays it all out there, letting the world know, quite casually that she has men all figured out, I have to refer to her recent track record when it comes to men.
I mean really, ARod????
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
He wasn't the punchline of jokes, that he had become.
He wasn't creepy and freaky, wearing masks and funny costumes.
He was not at all frail and demure; he was awe inspiring.
And most of all, he was not gone; he was ever so present.
He was the Michael Jackson I remembered I had loved so much; the performer.
Regardless of what you may think about Michael Jackson and the choices he made, this documentary, chronicling the final rehearsals for his sold out London tour, leave the remaining piece of the crazy puzzle that has been his life. And in true to concert form, we were shown what would have been his final show. Nothing more.
That is what made this movie so great. I didn't need more. I saw exactly what I wanted, which was all Michael, all the time. Dancing, singing and doing his thing the way only Michael could. I forgot about the monkey, and I forgot about the Elephant man, and for a brief moment I remembered the magic. He was scary skinny, and his face was at times grotesquely absurd, but in those moments he was the pop music giant he used to be; in control and commanding with his undeniable talent.
And if This Is It, then it's ok by me. I felt like I experienced his final vision last night and it was as if I went to his concert with my friends. It was pure Michael without the gossip and the drama and it was music to my ears. We toe tapped, bee bopped, jammed and sung along with him, right there in the theatre; and so did everyone else who was there. You couldn't help it. The music was in you. Just before his tragic death, he was seen as somewhat of a joke, a freak and an enigma. There were those who wondered if this final tour was a desparate move by a desparate man on the brink of financial ruin. He even took the tour overseas; unsure if his homeland would pay one more time to see the King Of Pop. Sad, that it took his death for us to remember we used to love him. Really love him, his music, and the way he made us feel.
Kudos to Kenny Ortega for making it simple.
There wasn't much that needed to be done.
Michael stood all on his own.
And if you loved him for his song, then you will simply love This Is It.