Thursday, December 31, 2009

Goodbye 2009!

Goodbye to:

-the first decade of the New Millennium
-the historic first year of America's first black president
-Berine Madoff (and good riddance)
-the bad economy
-the recession?
-Swine Flu. At least until this spring.
-Captian Sullinburger slipping into a Wal Mart without being recognized
-Tiger Woods untouchable image
-Jon and Kate and their brood of 8
-a World Championship-less New York Yankees team. Damn!
-Papelbon's historic CHOKE at the plate (and good riddance)
-the Indianapolis Colts' undefeated season.....BWAHAHAHAHA!
-Candy's unemployment
-Candy's divorced/un-married status
-Skinny jeans
-Charlie Gibson at the helm of ABC World News Tonite
-the year WITHOUT a Boston sports team championship (and good riddance)
-Flannel shirts big comeback
-Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon's relationship :(
-Lady GaGa slipping into a Wal Mart without being recognized
-Obama's honeymoon
-The Jo Bros??
-Heff's Bar and Grill :(
-Cora and Scope's unmarried status

Happy 2010 Bloggers!!!!

Let's say HELLO to a new decade full of promise and opportunity!


Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Penny For A Gumball Mickey!

All this Christmas hoopla got me to thinking about my favorite Christmas gifts received through the years. And the ones that have NOT been my favorite.

Stuff I LOVED:

Mini kitchen-complete with dishes and plastic food in the refrigerator. (It was the liberal, early seventies)

A Snoopy doll-Snoopy was da man! I also had a small, anatomically correct, Woodstock, Snoopy's loyal bird sidekick, doll.

My Ipod-I admit, it was this year and no, I never had one before. (AND mine is wayyy cool cuz it's hot pink and I can watch video and take video and it has a radio. whoo hoo!)

Atari Tennis-One year we got, as a family, a REAL Atari tennis game, like the ones in the arcades. This was in the seventies, when recreational electronics were unheard of. The thing was as big as a house and we had it in our basement. We were the house to be at in the neighborhood. It gave us instant street cred.

Show N Tell Record Player/slide show-I fricken LOVED this thing. I spent MANY a rainy afternoon on my bedroom floor watching Disney's Aristocats and Winnie the Pooh and listening to their stories. I tell my kids all the time, this was the DVD of my day. So many good times.

Stuff I didn't love:

Socks and underwear- I know mom thought this was practical, but seriously mom? The funny thing is I do it to my kids now.
The multi-gift box-this was stuff mom just didn't want to wrap up. I told you dad was the wrapper in the house. This box usually contained stuff like books, mittens, hats, bras and nightgowns.

Plastic face dolls-and I want to be very specific here, I never liked plastic faced dolls. Betsy Wetsy and Valerie with her pony tail that elongates, just didn't do it for me. They were like how I feel about knock off designer bags. I just can't do it. I was a Barbie purist. I really liked stuffed animals, rag dolls and Barbie. That was it. Probably because Barbie was all about the mini, and you know I love all things miniature, and the fact that I had sisters who were decades older than me and I inherited all their Barbies and Barbie accessories. I still kick myself every time I go to a Barbie exhibition and see tons of the stuff I had from my sister's Barbies that I GAVE away.

It's those memories of Christmas Past that I would hope Marley's Ghost will bring to me if ever the fates decide I need a reminder of what's good and innocent about life.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Fun Is Fabulous

I LOVE this idea!!

Check out

Monday, December 28, 2009

What the...?

I'm not sure whether to be really happy or really pissed off about the Colts loosing yesterday and putting an end to their chance at a perfect NFL regular season.

It's no secret that Peyton and I are NOT friends. We who worship The Tommy, can't help but be a Peyton hater. It's almost like the Yanks and the Sox. I said almost. So you'd think today that I'd be all smiley over their loss to the lowly Jets yesterday, right?


I'm not quite sure how to feel over what I believe is one of the biggest bonehead moves of the season. The Colts lost the game on purpose. What the...?
This is not the way it is supposed to be and Peyton and I most certainly agree here. 16-0 DOES matter to Manning, the Colts, his legacy, team history, and the fans. I say it again, (and I can't believe I'm actually saying this) WHAT THE...?

The undefeated Colts team most certainly had a first round bye, so the theory that the starters were being rested is complete bullshit. The brilliant plan was the brain-child of Indianapolis coach Jim Caldwell and president Bill Polian who are now the two most hated men on the Indianapolis planet. They robbed their team of their shot at history with a perfect season, for a strategum that may never work, and now the Jets will probably make it into the playoffs.They robbed us of saying Peyton got spanked by the Jets, legit, with the Pats perfect season still untainted and they robbed their team of making history.

On the contrary, NFL FanHouse is reporting that history was made at that game on Sunday, "To correct one thing, history actually was made Sunday. The Colts became the first 14-1 team to be booed off its home field."

Thursday, December 24, 2009

See Buddy: A Christmas Tail

*This is a re-post from last Christmas Eve. ..I couldn't help myself. Who isn't a sucker for a cute doggy tale??*










Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A Great Debate

Word is that studio execs are all in a flutter over what Robert Downey Jr. said to Dave about Holmes and Watson's "relationship".

You tell me, because I'm not seeing it. And by that, I mean all the panic.
I am DEFINITELY going to see the movie.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Today's Special: Tom Foolerey

Today is the day that I give you my absolute lock on the gift to give Her that she will be sure to love. The gift that will have her girlfriends all-a-flutter, over how romantic and sexy the gift is, and the gift that every woman wants, because it's how every man wants his woman to smell. The scent of a woman is a powerful thing, indeed.

The signature scent in designer extraordinaire Tom Ford's Fine Fragrance collection, Black Orchid. The mix of fine top notes of Black Truffle, Ylang, Black Currant and Fresh Bergamont, balanced with a delicate combination of Patchouli, Vertiver, Vanilla and Sandalwood at the base give this sensuous fragrance a lasting impression to everyone who wears it.

The alluring power of Black Orchid left My Guy, who hardly ever comments on a fragrance I am wearing, to actually stop me on our way out one evening and inquire what fragrance I was wearing. "Woah, I really like that," he said. Which left me feeling sexy and fabulous all evening long. Mission accomplished.

The perfume retails for $138.00 for the larger 3.4 oz spray and $92.00 for the 1.7 oz spray and can be found at most fine department stores like Nieman Marcus, Bergdorf's and Saks Fifth Avenue or on line. If Black Orchid is not for you, Tom Ford has created over 16 sensuous and tempting fragraces to please every nasal pallette. Look to his Private Blend Collection for the perfect scent for you.

This is no Tom Foolery. Black Orchid or any of Tom Ford's luxurious, unique scents are the perfect gift for that special woman. You can thank me later.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Wrappers Delight

When I was little, my dad, not my mom was the wrapper extraordinaire in our house. When it came to gorgeous wrapped gift boxes, my dad was king. My mom was the shopper, and like MC Hammer himself, you couldn't touch her when it came to shopping (then and now), but when it came to present the present, mom had no game.

Mom had five kids and she had to do all the shopping for said five kids, so I guess I'll give her a pass on the Martha Stewart package presentation. I can vividly remember sitting on the floor with my dad, roll of wrapping paper on the floor in front of us, and getting a meticulous tutorial on the proper cutting and folding of a piece of wrapping paper for a Christmas gift. Corners were the most important and dad made sure that the gift wrap was cut perfectly so that corners looked neat and tight.

Then there was the tape. No vertical strips sloppily criss crossing the precious package. No, strategically placed vertical strips sealed dad's packages and he preferred the invisible scotch tape to the frosted. I often wonder if dad would have had a field day with double sided tape if he had it. But that's where it ended for him. Dad was more than content with the bows from a bag, a "to and from" card and he'd call it a day. I took the next step to a whole new level on my own.

Throughout the year, when I see gift ribbon on the cheap, I buy it by the roll. A complete sucker for color and sparkle, I have tons of rolls of amazing ribbon. Some is wired, some is fabric, but all is fabulous and I even have my own "gift wrap room". I have a small walk-in-closet in my basement that has shelves on either side of the walls. Inside, on those shelves, I house all my gift wrap supplies. I have boxes, tissue, gift bags, tons of gift wrap, bows, ribbon, gift shred (for boxes or gift bags) and right now is when I utilize 80% of what's in that room.

I love to give almost more than receive, and nothing makes me happier than putting together a beautifully wrapped gift. As a matter of fact, I took the day off today so that I can go work my magic in my little Santa's workshop down in my basement.
And I know my dad will be with me. Even though he's been gone for almost 20 years, he's never really too far from me.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Poor Patty

Company Christmas Party

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 12, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... Feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November13, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 16, 2008
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November16, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?! ?

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: November 17, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: November 17, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

More Than Once Is Once Too Much

Last week a customer came into my store and was telling me all about how her Christmas tree fell over, ornaments and all, and how she had to clean it all up and how all her favorite ornaments were broken in the fall.

"Oh no", I tell her. "I can completely sympathise," I say. "That happened to me once."


I then tell her, "You really have to tie the tree up every year because, you know, the falling over thing can happen at any time."
I continue, "Yeah, and isn't it a shame when you loose special ornaments that you have had forever? It's heart breaking."

Then I say, "I learned my lesson. I bought this hevy duty tree stand. The thing is iron clad and takes good care of my Christmas trees....."

Of course karma loves it when I put my foot in my mouth.

Late Saturday night,(the Saturday night after the conversation with the customer in my store) my daughter and I are having a grand old time putting up that Christmas tree in the picture above. We were laughing, listening to Christmas music, and ooohing and ahhhing over all our favorite ornaments. Just when we are about to wrap it all up and put the finishing touches on the tree........

Do I even need to tell you??

I know you know exactly what happened.


Some of them were thirty years old. One I had just brought them home from bits on my living room floor.

You can't see it in the picture but NOW there is floral wire tied to the tree to both windows on either side.

As I said, more than once is once too much.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

"You Smell Like Beef And Cheese. You Don't Smell Like Santa"

I'm sure everyone, in the archives of their holiday pictures, has a Santa shot somewhat like this one. A shot with Santa that just ain't right. And just like a canary in a coal mine, its the little kiddies who are able to detect a foul Santa's immediately. While creepy Santa's may be abound, there are still some poor schmucks who actually enjoy doing the Santa thing despite the bad rap.

This holiday season at you can revel in all the glory of Santa's gone bad.

"What you talkin' about Willis"

Ummm, Santa? That just aint right.

Do all shopping mall Santa's get background checks? One would hope, yet we still continue to put our children on the laps of strangers for that time honored tradition of a picture with the big guy in the red suit. Good times.

Today's Boston Herald reports that a retired mechanic, who's been donning the red suit for 35 years, is not a big fan of, "I think it serves no purpose other than to sully the reputation of all Santa's," he says."Just because a kid is crying does not mean he is a bad Santa." "A good Santa invests in a top-of-the-line suit, with much care to the beard and wig, but it also takes someone with very good acting abilities and desires to be Santa, which comes from the heart." Something tells me you have to have a lot of "heart" to withstand this all day.

Good or bad Santa is our go-to-guy at Christmas time. Most of us roll old school when it comes to Santa, so cut the new guy some slack. Maybe he's just trying to make somebody happy.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Today's Special: The Mighty Fall Hard "Fuher Shure"

This is becoming the biggest sport in the world.

Vegas is now taking odds "Fuher Shure".

Monday, December 14, 2009

Yankee Swap Strategy

So tonite I am hosting the company Christmas party at my house for the employees of the boutique that my boutique is housed within. These are a group of ladies I see and work with every day. We are having a nice dinner, prepared by Wendy, the woman who owns the other boutique, and I am taking care of the hosting duties, libations and hors dourves. We will also be having a cookie swap, but the highlight of the evening will be the Yankee Swap.

The Yankee Gift Swap or the White Elephant Gift Exchange dates back as early as 1828. Wiki says: "popular theory suggests that Ezra Cornell brought the term into popular lexicon through his numerous and frequent social gatherings, dating back to as early as 1828." The participants bring a gift, we have chosen a $25.00 cap on gifts, to be put into a pile. Each person chooses a number from a hat to determine picking order. Number one has the best number because not only does one get to pick first, but the way that I play, one gets to pick last and end the game.

Wiki describes the rules as:

The participant with #1 unwraps any gift from the pile and then shows it to everyone. Each successive participant, in the order determined from the drawing, or in clockwise or counterclockwise order, can either 1) "steal" an already opened gift (if there's one they really like) or 2) be adventurous and go for a wrapped gift from the pile. If the participant chooses to steal, the person whose gift is stolen now repeats his turn and either 1) steals another person's gift (he cannot immediately steal back the gift that was just stolen from him) or 2) unwraps a new gift.

The whole point of Yankee Swap is to entertain, but sometimes people get so wrapped up in the rivalry of the game, it becomes more of a spectacle and you learn a lot about some people when gifts and swapping are involved. I'm going to make sure there is plenty of wine and that the good times will continue to roll all evening long. I'll take notes and post the results tomorrow if they are blog worthy-which would be a bonus gift for me!! And in true Candy fashion, I'm going to rev the girls up and try to get the rivalry going.

I can't wait to get the game started to see who's going to fight over the Chia Pet and the Clapper. Oh the joy of holiday cheer....

Friday, December 11, 2009

My Friend Dick

Always one to use courtesy and kindness when dealing with others, Dick often wondered why people called him "dickhead" behind his back.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

No, Ho, Ho!

Today, I'm feeling like I just want to opt out and say, "No thanks. Not this year."

I realize that may sound terrible to most of you, but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and over worked this year. I hate to admit this, but there's a lot of NO in my ho, ho, ho right now. I enjoy the spirit of the holiday season as much as the next guy, and nothing is more important to me than spending quality time with my family, but with all the added work of my new store, I'm looking at the holidays as a ticking time bomb that I have to out run.

It's a double edged sword because I hope to benefit greatly from the people who feel the need to drop tons of cash on the impulse and necessary items I have chosen carefully to display in my shop, but focusing on that leaves me no time to put together the drive or the thought needed to shop for my own family. And my family is used to a well planned and thought out holiday. I have always provided that for them because I had the time and it gave me pleasure. This year, that pleasure has been replaced with angst and fear that I'm not going to be able to pull it off.

So why do we do this to ourselves??? The holidays are supposed to be about love and family. Helping out your fellow man and celebrating the good fortune of living life to it's fullest. It's the time of giving, which fills my heart with joy far more than receiving. Yet I can't find any joy in the rush to shop till I drop. In fact, I just want to drop the next person who tells me they are all done with their holiday shopping and all wrapped too.

This year there is so much to be thankful for and so many blessings in my life, I'm feeling like I need to make that my focus. Keep my eyes on the prize and have faith that everything will work itself out, right?
Like the Grinch so eloquently put it, "Maybe Christmas, he thought, dosen't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps means a little bit more."

Maybe Dr. Seuss was onto something. Perhaps, but if I were voting today, I'd vote on Skipping Christmas.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Lets Have A Little Fun Today

I think Ellen Degeneres has the greatest job in the world.

Lately, I have been exercising on the treadmill in the mornings around the same time that The Ellen Degeneres Show is on and I'm hooked. Not only is she hilarious, but the woman gets to dance EVERY DAY.

Ellen hobnobs daily with various celebs, dances with the people in her audience, plays "game show" style games and gives away fabulous prizes. She has this thing called, "Ellen's Twit Crew" where her "crew" travels around to different locations announced via twitter to meet viewers and give away corporate sponsored prizes daily. Last week I watched her give away a brand new, pimped out, GMC Envoy to a young single mom from Brooklyn, NY, who walks her boys to school every day and then herself to work because she can't afford the subway. Ellen even threw in a year long subway card for the entire family.

She opens her show with her special brand of Ellen charm in the monologue. She's so cute and I got a huge girl crush on this funny lady. Sorry Ellen, I don't swing that way but if I did, I'd have your poster hanging on my bedroom wall. She's really a joy to watch. No wonder the theme song's refrain for the show is, "Lets have a little fun today."

By far, my most favorite part of The Ellen Degeneres Show is her daily dance. She gives me a little bounce in my workout and makes you dance right along with her. And I couldn't think of a better way to start the day off.

To think, she gets PAID money to do this every day. Lucky lady.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Worst LIE Of His Career

I feel the need to weigh in on this whole Tiger Woods debacle on this forum, considering a few factors:
1. I once was a wronged, cheated on spouse. (repeat: I WAS-past, not present)
2. My son is a young boy who at one time idolized what used to be "Tiger Woods".
c. Because I have a blog and I can.

I think that Josh Duhamel is probably the happiest guy in the world right now. I speak of Fergie's (Black Eyed Peas) actor husband, because until Tiger's UNBELIEVABLE story of multiple, cross-continental, global, adulterous trysts that broke last week, Josh was the dirty dog of the tabloid world. The media was collectively looking at Josh with a "how could you?" scowl, for his "transgressions" with a stripper in some hotel room.

Josh should send Tiger a huge fruit basket for the holiday's, because, sadly, Tiger's torrid story makes Josh look like a choir boy.

This morning, after woman number 10 has emerged as his alleged mistress, Tiger finds himself with the worst lie on the golf course of life. And that's what this is really about, isn't it? LIES. And I know a lot about lies, considering I lived one for many years. I think that, maybe, the difference between my EX and Tiger is about seven zeros. What I mean by that is that my EX's torrid sex stories weren't worth six zeros, or even two zeros to TMZ. I have a feeling that if they were worthy of some zeros, my story would have played out much like Tiger's. I may even venture a guess to say I know a small bit about how Elin is feeling.

I feel pretty confident guessing that she F-ING hates the sight of her husband right now and she most definitely (sorry anti-violence folks) has either hit her husband with her hands or some other object, or has fantasized about it. Today's 24 hour Tiger media drama is reporting that Elin has moved out of their home. Yeah, I'm sure she has been pushing for that since the minute she learned about everything. I'm sorry she had to withstand this with his sorry-ass face for as long as she has.

Do I believe every $$ grubbing tramp who says she slept with Tiger over the last few years?
Do you?
I do believe he f-ed up ROYALLY and that he has been banging whatever he wanted for as long as he wanted, but all of these women??? I'm seeing money talking here, more than truth, for the most part.

The problem is the almost, "addiction and deviance" that is revealed by 1. the numerous sexual partners and 2. the deviance in which Tiger continued these sexual affairs. Herein lies the problem, with LIES being the operative word.

LIES destroy lives.

Cheap, tawdry ho's who sleep with other women's husbands are not the problem. The problem is Tiger's addiction to the deviance and the lies he has strung together to support his secret life. I was Elin, and even without the zeros, the house of cards falls just as hard. Because of the lies, I can never really look back and say, "Well, we had some good years" because I don't believe that. I don't believe anything was EVER true, because it was all based on LIES. And if I were betting on Elin, I would say it was even money odds, she is feeling somewhat similar and that this marriage will not survive.

I can't even imagine being Elin today and having a 24-7 media frenzy, detailing every sick and hurtful detail of my one time, beloved husband's, deviant, sexual trysts for the world to consume. AND yes, it's possible she HAD NO IDEA. Deviant, psychopathic liars are so good at keeping you in the dark.

I can tell you this. This is not going to be a victorious, come from behind victory for Tiger Woods. The athlete who at one time was a beacon of mental toughness, will now endure the scrutiny of disgrace in his life off the course. He is a fool that has chosen the wrong path and has destroyed his legacy and his life.

There is no magical club in his golf bag that can get him out of this LIE.

Monday, December 7, 2009

A Most Engaging Vacation

Hey all!!
It's so nice to be back home. Aruba was, of course, amazing!!! The weather was hot and perfect and the casino's blackjack tables were hot as well!! The locals were most hospitable, and the island seemed happy to be hosting us for the week.

We spent a lot of time enjoying the beautiful sunsets on the beach, relaxing, reading and just taking in the quiet time spent together. I'd have to say, it was one of the best trips to Aruba we have ever taken.

I have lots of amazing pictures!

I took some of the crystal clear blue ocean water we spent out days floating in.

I took some of the lazy palm trees blowing in the Aruba sun.

I took some of the blue and green lizards that enjoy sharing the resort areas with the tourists.

I took some of the beautiful sandy beaches and the breath taking, vivid pink sunsets we watched almost every evening.

Come to think of it, one special evening, while walking barefoot on the soft, sandy beach, on our way to capture the last moments of the beautiful sunset.....

My Guy kneeled down on one knee....

and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him......

Of course, I said yes.....

Friday, November 27, 2009

Daily Announcements

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with your loved ones! I, for one, am glad it is over because it means that my vacation is almost here!!! YEAH!!

I'm going to the wonderful island of Aruba with My Guy, at the crack of butt on Monday morning November 30th, for my birthday, (which is Wed, Dec. 2nd), and will not return to the bloggersphere until Monday Dec 7th.

Take care of each other while I'm gone and don't fight. Mkay?

I also wanted to tell you that this Saturday is my 25th High School Reunion, the one that you people told me to go to, so hopefully I will have some funny-ass stories to share with you when I get back.

AND..Monday night is one of the best football match-ups of the year. New England vs. New Orleans, and let's just say a good ass whoopin' by the Pats would be the best birthday present I could ever ask for. (the hotel in Aruba had better have ESPN or I'm not going)

So have a great week bloggers and since today is Black Friday, get out there and SHOP!!
And remember to shop local!!

Ciao and Peace to all.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

How Pumpkin Pie Is Made

My sister sent me this and it just about made me fall off my chair in hysterics!

They say the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie is your teeth, although after seeing how it is REALLY made, I think I'll pass on the pumpkin pie, thanks.

I found this next funny little ditty on Funny Thanksgiving Jokes, and thought I would share with you the absolute best way to cook a turkey.

How To Cook A Turkey:

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turk the bastey
Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer
Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 14: Turk the carvey
Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out

From Candy's Daily Dandy to you and yours, my best wishes for a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving holiday!

I am so thankful for wonderful blogger friends like you!
See you on Friday!!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Queen For A Day

Congratulations to RecoveringActor the 2009 CDD Comment Content Comedy Hall Of Fame Champion!!!

Grabbing the title in an all out LANDSLIDE, RecoveringActor is Queen of the Comment! (*loud cheers from the crowd*)

But before RecoveringActor takes her prize banner above to display proudly on her sidebar, (with a link to my site) and makes her acceptance speech in dramatic style in the comment section of this post, we have some business to tend to.

Lest we not forget about our runners up, who fought valiantly till the end, and endured, as Cora so eloquently put it, "an ass-whuppin", we present our runners up.

1st runner up: Beckeye -In an "always the bridesmaid..." finish, Beckeye comes up with her second 1st runner up tie in as many years in the competition. Of course, if Ms. RecoveringActor cannot perform her duties as champion for any reason, Beckeye will take over and resume the crown and championship.

2nd runner up: TIE between Scope and Son of a Thomas- although Scope really got the prize here with his comment; the lovely Cora. No one can really compete with that.

3rd runner up: Gwen- Always a threat in any comment comedy competition, Gwen illustrates daily that commenting for comedy is a true art form.

4th runner up: Three way TIE between Words, Words, Words, Doc and Words again!!- Hey, this is much better than last year when I believe Mr. Words recieved no votes for his nomination. (also, I'm still giggling over your comment on Cora's deadly flatulence post)

5th runner up: Three way TIE between Scope, Beckeye and Scope- somewhere in here is a joke about a three-way, even though it's really with two, and Scope is squared, or something like that.

6th runner up: Three way TIE with ~E, Moooooog35, and Pammy Girl-again with the three-way. I'm not judging because what you people choose to do in the privacy of your own homes is really none of my business.

A hearty big Congrats to RecoveringActor and to all the nominees!!!

Thank you to all who played and voted in the 2nd Annual Candy's Daily Dandy Comment Content Hall Of Fame, and now I turn the podium over to you, RecoveringActor.

You are The Queen Of The Comment 2009!!!!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Let's Get This Party Started

Before we commence with the merriment of today's contest, I want to send a shout out to all you bloggers out there who participated in this most prestigious of blogger awards and say thank you. The Candy's Daily Dandy Comment Content Comedy Hall Of Fame award is an important one because it is a contest that is done completely by the blogging community, for the blogging community. Together we choose the winners based on the nominated comments "LOL-ability".

This process takes a bit of time, so I might suggest you read the entries and vote during some down time in your day. Or read, consider, then come back later and vote. You won't be sorry, because these bloggers are falt out hilarious, and who couldn't use a GREAT laugh today?

I recieved 12 equally hilarious posts and comments for nomination to the Hall of Fame. That being said, my job, to whittle them down to only 10, was NOT easy. Then, you factor in that what may strike some as comical may not be as funny to another, and you begin to see my conundrum. It is also the beauty of this democratic process.

So, taking into consideration the fact that there is so much good stuff here, I decided to post them all for consideration on the ballot. (can you blame me?)

The guide lines for the election are as follows:
  • The nominations are numbered so that you can correspond your vote with your favorite numbered comment nominee on the ballot.

  • The blogger who nominated the other is named first, then the URL linking you to the post with the nominee's comment and then the actual comment nominated. *a word of caution: I got so lost in all the other hilarious comments on the posts that I had to keep going back and checking to see who was nominated. Better to stay the course, for the integrity of your vote-then go back and re-read later.

  • Voting ends at 3am EST tonight. You may vote for as many nominees as you like-and let's employ the honor system here-but you may only vote for a nominee ONCE.

  • The voting is open to ALL bloggers. You need not have nominated someone in order to cast a vote.

  • The winner will be revealed Tuesday morning.

Without further adieu, I present to you the NOMINEES: (in no specific order)

1. Cora nominated Scope:

Scope said:"Dear Santa;

Could you add "Nanny Cam" to my wish list, if you know what I mean?

Dude, you so owe me a solid after last year's "Mr. Microphone" incident.


On a side note: this tidbit of hilarity may be the starter of the greatest blogger love story ever! As the future Mrs. Scope said in her own words:
"(And this is the IMPORTANT one as this is the comment which kicked off our relationship. In fact if he hadn't said that, we might never have even met. We call it "THE comment" 'cuz it is hands down the most powerful comment ever uttered in all of Blog World!!!! :-))"

2. Candy nominated Gwen:

Gwen said: "A year or so ago I ran into Aunt Flo's ex-husband, Uncle IUD, and I haven't seen her since. Uncle IUD is a little "stuck-up" but as long as he keeps her far away from me, we're cool."

3. Scott Oglesby nominated Pammy Girl:

Pammy Girl said: “Maybe you should get a ridiculous haircut, marry Jon Gosslin, have a litter of kids, exploit them on national television, abuse your dogs, and then become Jewish. You’d be tabloid fodder!”

4. Cora nominated Words, Words, Words:

Words said: "After reviewing all the comments on this post, I have decided to legally change my name to Lava Lamp."

5. ON THE SAME POST AS ABOVE Cora nominated Scope:"

Scope said: '... FYI - When I turn on my lava lamp, it take forever to heat up, but when it does, there's just a massive spew that erupts forth. Then it takes like, anothe 45 minutes before it gets going again."

6. Scope nominated Moooooog 35:

Moooooog 35 said: "Worst. Email address. Ever.

7. Candy nominated Beckeye:


8. Cora nominated Words, Words, Words:

Words said: "I'm glad you got your revenge, but as usual it's the innocent bystanders that are always war's true victims."

9. Beckeye nominated Doc:

Doc said: "I'd be glad to read you a bedtime story. Go put on your footie pajamas and I'll read, "How Good Little Girls Go Wrong And Get Knocked Up By Celebrities". I'm not sure it will put you to sleep but the pictures are very graphic! Doc"

10. Joanie nominated Recovering Actor:

Recovering Actor said: "I haven't gotten over it yet... still scarred for life.And for the record, that pattern doesn't look good on ANYONE. I also had a giant bow on my butt. I forgot how awkward I looked at the age 11... What a weird wedding. It was the only time I've ever been in a wedding party. And I hope i don't have to snap anyone's crotch the next time I'm in a wedding party..."

11. Gwen nominated Son Of A Thomas:

Son Of A Thomas said: "Sources close to SOAT say the conversation between Clinton and Kim Jong went like this:

"Bill: "So what do you say?"

Kim: "I no see rut you mean."

Bill: "Like I said, whip it out and slap it on the table. The bigger one gets the girls. It's like rock paper sissors man."

Kim: (Lowers eyes) Just take the girls."

12. Cora nominated Scope:

Scope said:

"Eating Cora?


Lying on the sofa with pants undone?

People, I think she is trying to kill me."

13. Cora nominated Beckeye:

Beckeye said: "You are like the Tara Reid of the blogging world."

14. Scope nominated ~E:

~E said: " Now if you should perhaps host a contest till the end of the month where for every (decently covered) boob/bra shot you get you'll donate like a dollar to cancer research, I might be inclined to join."

(which Scope did and raised $50.00 for Breast Cancer Research)

So there you have it!! Vote now and Vote often and good luck to all the nominees!! Voting will end at 3am tonight, so make sure you vote!!

Friday, November 20, 2009

This Is It

Ahh, the comment.

It's the fuel to the blogger fire, and the love that keeps our blogger hearts pumping. We write and we wait, needing that tiny confirmation that someone is out there reading our words. The comment is, in short, the crack in our proverbial crack pipe. And once you get one comment hit, you're hooked.

As bloggers:

We need the comment.
We covet the comment.
We have to have the comment.

And when the comment makes you laugh so hard, you nearly choke on your saliva, you know you've just hit blogger nirvana. That's what all this hub bub is about. Giving back to your fellow bloggers, and showing some BIG BLOGGER LOVE.

Welcome to the 2nd Annual Candy's Daily Dandy Comment Content Hall Of Fame.

The Comment Content Comedy Hall of Fame works like this:

1. Post a comment in the comment section of this blog post with only the name of your blogger Hall of Fame nominee and the link to your site where his/her comment is posted. You may nominate more than one blogger for consideration, but their comments had better be knee slapping hilarious!

2. I will retrieve the comments and, depending on the response I get, whittle down the nominees and post the top ten on Monday. The post will be up all weekend; the deadline is 12am Sunday, Nov 22. That should give you plenty of time to come up with the good ones and get the word out. And spread the word people, there is so much talent that needs appreciation out there. Let's show our blogging community we appreciate what they do!

3. If all goes smoothly, on Monday, after I post the top 10 for consideration, I will post a ballot on the Daily Dandy's sidebar and we will ALL choose the winner by voting, with the final results to be announced on Tuesday. So Nominate now and nominate often!!!

I will go first and give you an example from my list of legendary comments:

There are so many to choose from, and since I can only post ten, (and it's MY contest), I feel I have to nominate two, because I just couldn't choose between these gems.

1. I wrote a post titled "Moe, Larry, and Dr. Phil, The Stooges Of The News". I talked about the ridiculous over saturated news programs, specifically Larry King Live, and the controversy surrounding the Kanye West/Taylor Swift debacle. I also expressed my disdain for "psychological expert" Dr. Phil showing up on Larry's show, to give us his take on the "Kanye Gate."

Becks blew me, and (everyone else) away with this comment.....


2. I wrote a post entitled "Dear Old Aunt Flo". I wrote of my "monthly visitor" as my dear old Aunt, that always seemed to visit on NOT the most timely of occasions.

Gwen one of my blogger favorites said...

"A year or so ago I ran into Aunt Flo's ex-husband, Uncle IUD, and I haven't seen her since. Uncle IUD is a little "stuck-up" but as long as he keeps her far away from me, we're cool."

See how FUNNY!!!! And it's really easy too!

So there you have it, the first two nominations for The Daily Dandy's Comment Content Hall Of Fame.
So let's have a good old laugh this weekend and nominate, nominate, nomintate!!!

Then come back on Monday and we will all vote, vote, vote!!
Show your civic blogger pride.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Comment Crack

It's back, by popular demand!

The time has finally come to crown a new King of the Comment in the 2nd Annual Candy's Daily Dandy Comment Content Hall of Fame. (loud crowd applause)

Scour the archives, because this is your chance to show your favorite commenter some big love. For those of you who weren't around last year, we crowned the King of Comments to be the legendary, McGone, who has since "McGone'd" from the bloggersphere. Still the King in our hearts and forever in theComment Hall of Fame, McGone occasionally makes his prescence be known with his usual razor wit comment, and I wax a little nostalgic whenever I see his comments. Ahh, those were the good old days.

BUT, as is the case here at The Daily Dandy, nothing here is without a flair for the dramatic. It was a hotly fought race with the talent abound, right down to the finish. Those two blogger dark horses, Beckeye and Dr. Zibbs, would not be denied!!! The victory separated the three of them by a mere vote or two, with Becks and Zibsy SHARING 1st runner up duties.
"I thought for sure Zibbs would come up lame," Beckeye said in her post-contest interview. "But that sly Yak held on and kept us laughing."

And with so much new talent out there in the sphere, this could be any one's crown for the taking.

So here's how it works:

Tomorrow I'll post the starting post with the rules and regs-the contest itself-and leave it up all weekend for you all to scour your archives and make your nominations.

On Monday WE will all vote-the King Of the Comments is a democratic process-and on Tuesday the winner will be crowned.
Heck, I might even offer the winner a prize this year

Read here if you want a look at how this works from last year. There are some big blogger names!

So if you're planning on playing, it's game on baby!! And even if you're not playing, you can still read the nominations, laugh your butt off and vote for the winner.

Start spreading the word.....

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hump Day Humor


(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever')

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Let's just say this is a public service to the men out there.
Print this list out, fellas and post it where you can see it daily.
Live it, learn it, for it will serve you well, grasshopper.

You can thank me later.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The New Order Of Business

Becoming a retailer in this challenging economy was certainly an interesting move on my part and one that I do not regret. I know that things have changed for the consumer drastically in the past few years and with that, the climate of shopping has changed too, forcing myself and other retailers to re-think how we market to the customer. There seems to be a new order of business out there and the name of the "game" is savings....

It used to be true that this was the time for retailers to "make their year", gouge the prices if the need be, and reap the benefits of a healthy holiday buying season. Such is no longer the case, as major retailers, little guys like me, and everyone in between have had to offer, unheard of at this time, discounts to get consumers into their retail establishments. Open up your mail box or your email box and you will see what I mean. There were no less than 15 offers of 20% or more off at major retailers like JCrew, Bloomingdales, Saks, Barneys New York, etc in my email box from the time I got dressed to go to work and the time I got to work, (no more than an hour) leaving me to wonder, how do I compete?

The facts are what they are and it's a fact that discounts bring in the shoppers. Which means I must offer the customer great customer service AND a substantial discount. Will this effect my bottom line? Yes, but it won't kill me and it certainly won't hurt to build that ever important customer relationship. Gone are the days of excessive shopping, as they are a thing of the past. Even the shoppers who CAN afford to binge, simply are not. They too, appreciate a discounted price for goods. Another sure sign that the climate has changed; Nieman Marcus offered 25% off everything in the COSMETICS department last week-this is unprecedented. It has always been a rule that any discount coupon from a major retailer did NOT apply to cosmetics. It was right there in the fine print, and any savvy shopper knew it. Hence the new order of the retail business.

While forecasts for retail over all show spending to be up, I wonder how up if the majority of goods were sold at a discounted price point. Take moment to think about the discounted offers you have received in the past week and post them in the comments section. I'm guessing there are more than you can even remember. Let me know if it motivated you to go to the store, buy more, or think about checking out that store because you hadn't been there in a while. Then let me know if you intend to be on a spending spree this holiday season.

Your fellow little guy would appreciate it.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Sunday Dinner

Whatever happened to Sunday dinner?

When I was a kid, we knew better than to stray too far from home on a Sunday afternoon, as Sunday dinner was served promptly at 2 or 3 pm. And we were expected to be there, no excuses. Sunday, for that matter, was family day and we could never really be too far from the sanctity of Sunday dinner.

What ever happened to Sunday dinner?

Maybe this is what's wrong with society today. Maybe a more than a few Sunday dinners could have prevented more than a few crimes. Maybe the power of a family sit down and disappointing mom was at one time much more powerful than the lure of the streets. Maybe that's naive.

What ever happened to Sunday dinner?

When did soccer games and hockey games become more important than family time? How did our seventh day of rest become the day that "works" for everyone to be at that tournament? When did a 6:30 am on Sunday morning game become the norm? Who has time to plan and cook Sunday dinner when Timmy has an all day lacrosse jamboree and Sally has 2 soccer games, one for town and one for her All-Star League in the western part of the state? The kids are lucky they get to experience the sanctity of their homework, never mind Sunday dinner.

What ever happened to Sunday dinner?

Where everyone can really talk about the things that are important to them and be part of something, no matter how young or old. It's nice to know that no matter where you are, you know that you can count on that Sunday dinner being family time. Because it's important to you, and it's important to them, and it's important to all of us. Your family.

What ever happened to Sunday dinner?

I can't say that I really know, but I do care enough to try to make Sunday dinner a priority in my own home. I do care enough to reach out to my extended family and find out "who's in on Sunday dinner"? My friends are also my family, and welcome at my table as much as my blood. I know that whatever is being served is a blessing, as much as the people who share it with me and that I can count on them, for anything.

And I know that I will make time for them every Sunday.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Lazy Boys

Hard day at the office, honey?

Happy Weekend Bloggers!!!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Need A Smile?

Some of these were so funny they even made me smile.

Really? No tobacco in Ontario??

Brilliant advertising I tell ya.

I had to think about this one for a while....I'm a little slow on the up take.

Because isn't that what every woman is thinking while riding a crowded bus?

As an ex-smoker, I concur...

Bwahahahaha!! The bi*ch got everything!!

This is by far my favorite.

It's like they crawled into my brain and pulled out my thoughts.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Falling Down

I fell down yesterday, but I got up.

I fell down hard yesterday; again, but I have to get up.

The strength to get up is innate and it protects me.

I pray it will see me through, for I have been walking on unsure footing for a while.

My trail has ended and I choose me.

I walk it alone and I will try not to stumble.

I have gotten up before and I will get up again. I have faith in me.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Ebay 101

My boy, Frack is a "bee in his bonnet" kind of guy. Which means that when he gets something in his head, there's no getting it out. Most days it annoys the shit out of me, because he will nag and pout and finagle and manipulate to try to get what he is after until he either gets it, or exhausts himself and everyone else in the process.

Sunday was no exception. Frack decides (after about 2000 youtube views) that he wants this "thing" called a handboard. A Teck Deck Handboard to be more specific, and for those of you NOT in the know when it comes to 13 year-old boys, read: ridiculous toy.

It's a skateboard for your HAND. Yes, for your hand, and my boy is now all properly obsessed and has to have one.

Last week Frack asks me to take him to Toys R Us to purchase one, to which I explain that I cannot, because I am at work. He then goes to My Guy and gets the same response. He then calls his Grandfather, who enthusiastically agrees to take him, thrilled at the prospect of spending some quality time with the boy. But what they find out is not at all thrilling. Long story short, Teck Deck Handboards are no longer being made or for sale in the US.

This only makes Frack's "bonnet bee" a huge hornet.

Being the spawn of my loins, Frack does not take no for an answer. He hits the internets which inevitably leads him to Ebay. His first search produces LOTS of handboards for sale, by collectors at redonk prices. When the handboards were available, they sold for about $10 to $20 bucks, retail. $79.99 was the cheapest he found on ebay, and Frack saw no issue with this, as it seemed to him he had solved his problem. But I, not going to school to major in lunch, had a life lesson ready and waiting for my boy.

"Not a chance, pal."

I gotta give it to him. He was pissed, but he sat on it all weekend. Frack being Frack, he forged ahead and did his due diligence. When he came to me on Sunday night, with a $20.00 bill in one hand and his computer in the other, open to an ebay auction he had found for a handboard going for $5 bucks, what could I say? Since had shown some moxie, some responsibility, and some patience, I decided to let him go with this.

We placed the next highest bid at $5.50 and plotted our course of action. $15.00 would be his max bid, saving the remaining $5.00 for shipping costs. Frack then waited. He enthusiastically monitored the situation on his own, continuously refreshing the auction page, placing a winning bid every now and again. He even got into a mini-bidding war with some guy, "a_**" but staying within his budget, and winning the auction in the end for $10.50.

In the end, I think Frack learned a few valuable life lesson in his crash course with Ebay 101.
  • $20 bucks in the hand does not make anything a certainty.

  • In life, we try to live within the boundaries we set.

  • Patience really is a virtue.

  • Due diligence is key to any decision making process.

AND...that he has just about the coolest mom on the planet.

Today, anyway.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Boob Jenner, er um, I mean, Bruce Jenner

I had planned on writing different post this morning, but I've got my tail feathers in a cluster over last night's "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"/The Wedding, 2 hour special, which I just so happened to catch on TV, and I'm ready for a good rant.

I want to begin my rant by acknowledging the fact that that this Kardashian/Jenner family are the largest assembly of despicable, selfish, self centered, mean spirited people I have ever seen on TV. This, of course, is the sole reason they are a ratings bonanza for Ryan Seacrest Productions. Not usually a fan of the show, I will admit to catching their antics on occasion and have even posted here about my disdain for this TV debacle, in the beginnings of my blogger career. And, like a good hypocrite should, I find myself watching this train wreck every now and again. I also can't get away from the recent tabloid fodder that is the Klohe Kardashian/Lamar Odom wedding that took place super speedy last month. Which was, interestingly, paid and filmed, by and for, the Kardashian's reality TV show.

But the wedding crap is not what I'm upset about.

I'm pissed about Bruce Jenner and why he has allowed THIS to happen to him. I'm talking about how this one time American Hero is treated by this gaggle of vile women who are his so-called family. Truth be told, Bruce Jenner jumped shark when he became the recipient of the worst plastic surgery job ever, but I can't say Bruce's Olympic glory was lost on my inner sports fan. His 1976 gold medal decathlon victory solidified his status as an American sports icon forever.

But a gold medal does not make him a rocket scientist.

I'm saying that Brucey needs to be responsible for letting these hags walk all over him and make him look like the complete boob that he is. I got a little insight to Bruce Jenner last night and he gained, almost but not really, my admiration, and most certainly, my pity.

I'm not sure if it's a gag for the TV cameras, or the way things have always been, but Bruce, it seems, is always odd man out. They are constantly scheming behind his back and doing those outrageous things that they do, only to get foiled in the end by Bruce. Kinda, because they make it clear that they really don't care what Bruce thinks. It's as if he is their moral compass, but these ladies would rather be lost in the world of immorality.

Last night was "the wedding" show. Probably a ratings scheme, the wedding had to be planned in 10 days and the entire family was in on the planning except Bruce....As a matter of fact, Klohe didn't even want to tell Bruce, until she got her ring. Which happened to be two days before the wedding. Meanwhile Captain Oblivious, and his bad hair, is walking around the house while his wife and children are plotting, I mean, planning a huge wedding he knows nothing about. Then, while watching TV with his step-son Robert, he hears ON THE NEWS, that Klohe is engaged to Lamar Odom, a guy he has yet to meet. Bruce is, understandably upset.

There is not one ounce of respect shown to Bruce by this family. Klohe hardly introduces Lamar to Bruce at a dinner before the wedding rehearsal, and she lets him know how she really feels about him when she chooses her brother Rob instead of him to walk her down the aisle. Of course, the drama is played out during the rehearsal dinner, when Bruce stands to speak, uninvited, before everyone. He begins by talking about Klohe's dad, Robert, and what does he do? He cries. So does everyone else (except Klohe). But, one can tell he speaks from the heart, and here's where Bruce does the most honorable thing. After years of being walked on by these little bitches, he tells them that he promised their dad he would take care of his girls, and he ask Lamar to promise to take care of Klohe. Unbelievable.

I have to say, the dude must really love his wife and kids despite the way they treat him, because the Kardashians are not worthy of the love and devotion of Bruce. After the rehearsal dinner, a few hours before the scheduled wedding, Klohe finally asks Bruce to walk her down the aisle. He, of course, accepts because why would he want to ruin his sucker streak now? And we are supposed to be touched by this. I can't help thinking that it was planned for Bruce to walk her down the aisle all along. In fact, I'm thinking the whole Bruce in the dark thing has to be a ratings ploy. No self-respecting man would endure the treatment Bruce gets from his family for nothing. There has to be some zeros attached to his portrayal in this show.

The upside of all of this is that thanks to "Keeping up with the Kardashians" an entire new generation of people know him by name again.
The down side is they know him as Boob Jenner.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Freaky Friday Captions...Again.

Oh those crazees at good old Wal Mart are at it again...

Only in the land of the free and the brave are we privy to a free show like this in the middle of the afternoon. If what they say is true and that the super market is a great place to find a mate, then sister is going for the full court press here. No wonder she has a gaggle of followers behind her. They get any closer and they may just get a wink from behind ;0

It just leaves one to wonder and sctatch the head,........What the???

"Sammi Jo wondered whether it was just her or was there a slight draft in the market?"

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Sex And The Sandwich

Kate, Kate, scribes all over the country are lauding you as an oracle, a savant, a sage, for your recent comments about men in a magazine interview.
Despite all your impending wisdom I still have to ask, "ARod?" (I can't chastise him today-as he just captured his first "brass ring". Congrats, ass)

"I love boys," Hudson says in the new British Elle. "But I believe they're really simple."
Kate believes that all boys want are sex and a sandwich. Then she offers this gem, "I sometimes feel like when you're talking to boys, they just hear certain keywords," Hudson continued. "But if you had a bubble above their head, they'd be thinking about game scores, masturbation and food." And there it is...the girl's a fricken genius.

Sex and a sandwich. How could we not have seen it before? Is it not true that after a good meal, a great game on TV and a roll in the hay, life couldn't get any better for Joe? Would Jim be trolling the strip clubs on Saturday night if Sandy had a turkey in the oven wearing nothing but a sexy apron over garters and 5 inch stilettos at home??? Is keeping things hot in the bedroom and hot on the stove really the key to keeping your man? Could it really be that simple? One would wonder, although the logic here is compelling to say the least.

And if men are that simple, what about keeping your woman? What would be in the bubble above our heads, boys? The fact of the matter is that you would have no idea because this week's spread on the Giants game and the pastrami on marble rye in your lunch bag keeps you from venturing an educated guess; so says Kate the Oracle.

Is she right? While I love the precision and skill with witch Ms. Hudson lays it all out there, letting the world know, quite casually that she has men all figured out, I have to refer to her recent track record when it comes to men.

I mean really, ARod????

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

THIS IS what IT is

He wasn't the punchline of jokes, that he had become.
He wasn't creepy and freaky, wearing masks and funny costumes.
He was not at all frail and demure; he was awe inspiring.
And most of all, he was not gone; he was ever so present.
He was the Michael Jackson I remembered I had loved so much; the performer.

Regardless of what you may think about Michael Jackson and the choices he made, this documentary, chronicling the final rehearsals for his sold out London tour, leave the remaining piece of the crazy puzzle that has been his life. And in true to concert form, we were shown what would have been his final show. Nothing more.

That is what made this movie so great. I didn't need more. I saw exactly what I wanted, which was all Michael, all the time. Dancing, singing and doing his thing the way only Michael could. I forgot about the monkey, and I forgot about the Elephant man, and for a brief moment I remembered the magic. He was scary skinny, and his face was at times grotesquely absurd, but in those moments he was the pop music giant he used to be; in control and commanding with his undeniable talent.

And if This Is It, then it's ok by me. I felt like I experienced his final vision last night and it was as if I went to his concert with my friends. It was pure Michael without the gossip and the drama and it was music to my ears. We toe tapped, bee bopped, jammed and sung along with him, right there in the theatre; and so did everyone else who was there. You couldn't help it. The music was in you. Just before his tragic death, he was seen as somewhat of a joke, a freak and an enigma. There were those who wondered if this final tour was a desparate move by a desparate man on the brink of financial ruin. He even took the tour overseas; unsure if his homeland would pay one more time to see the King Of Pop. Sad, that it took his death for us to remember we used to love him. Really love him, his music, and the way he made us feel.

Kudos to Kenny Ortega for making it simple.
There wasn't much that needed to be done.
Michael stood all on his own.

And if you loved him for his song, then you will simply love This Is It.