Friday, July 29, 2011

My Tommy

Football is back and so is My Tommy.

Mr. Handsome has cut his hair and shed those ridiculously long locks, and in doing so he has shed my temporary moniker of, "The Tommy". My Tommy is back. It's not a perfect hair cut, and it's still a little stringy and long, but it's a big improvement.

Speaking of back, so is football and the Patriots made a few surprising moves yesterday that should be interesting.Pats acquired Former Pro Bowl Defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ochocinco from the Bengals. Interesting because neither of these acquisitions are the type of player one would think would fit into the Bill Belichick way, or the Patriot way for that matter. Both known for their brass and large personalities, Haynesworth could be more trouble than he's worth and Ochocinco could fill the slight void left by Randy Moss' departure.

Bottom line, football is back, My Tommy cut his hair and pre-season starts in two weeks. If you're a football fan, life is good.

Kick back and relax and Enjoy your weekend bloggers!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Bag Lady

I have a serious affinity for expensive handbags. Always have, even as a little girl, and probably always will. Hello, my name is Candy and I am a bag addict.

It all started innocently enough.

A customer walked into the store carrying the bag above. It's called the Birkin and a company named Hermes makes it. That bag above is the Holy Grail of handbags. Books have been written about, wars have been battled over it and there used to be a years long waiting list for it, if you had the Benjamin's to lay down. No one said a word about the bag to the woman, but we all noticed it. After the woman left, we started talking about the Birkin. With a price tag of $10,000.00 to $150,000.00, it is a RIDICULOUSLY expensive status symbol.

We began Googling the bag to find the price and all these sites came up offering the Birkin at discount. $250.00 for a Birkin and three days to ship? Surely these bags couldn't be authentic. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck, you know. But they all looked so beautiful and the desire to own one overtook me.

I called Hermes in New York to get a price and was told by an employee, "We cannot discuss the Birkin AT ALL over the phone, but you can come to the store and we will be more than happy to help you." When I asked the employee to repeat what he said, he said that Hermes prohibits talking about the Birkin anywhere other than in the store. My reply, "Have I asked you about something illegal?" My call to the Boston store produced the same response.

Holy contraband. It was then that I got lost in my iPad, pouring over websites with delectable pictures of Birkins in every size and color. But interestingly enough, the official Hermes web site does not have the Birkin on it at all. I checked eBay, and the forty million other sites, which are all bootleg knockoffs and began thinking I could break my rule about fakes, if the fake was of quality. But how could I really know, and why was I so intoxicated by obtaining even a cheap imitation?

I had to put the iPad down and walk away after an hour of researching return policies on these web sites and reasoning that $250.00 or $350.00 wouldn't be a lot to risk for the hope that I could possibly own a good fake. Even if in reality I knew that this probably wouldn't be the case. And here I am today, still thinking about it; even writing about it, but the urge to buy has released itself from me.

I think I'll go visit one soon at the Hermes store in Boston, but I'm afraid it will just feed into my addiction even more. Look what happened to me when I was in it's presence for 5 minutes.

My name is Candy and I am a bag addict.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I went to bed last night with a slight headache and left my TV on, something I never do. I awoke about 4:30 am to some sad sack ABC News round table that had a bunch of good looking people talking news. Or so I assume they were talking news, because it was then that I heard that Jesse James and Kat Von D had recently ended their engagement and their relationship.

I'm sorry, but I this is somewhat vindicating for all us Sandra Bullock fans. The guy's a quadruple LOSER and somewhere Sandra Bullock has to be smiling to herself, just a little bit. Kat Von D is the one I really feel sorry for. It looks like she got duped by one of the most hated men on the planet. Reports are saying that their relationship could not endure the long distance between them. Are you kidding me? She is in LA and he is in Austin. You mean to tell me that all that money between them couldn't get them close enough together on the weekends?

So why end things just because they couldn't be together every day? If that is the truth, then wouldn't you do something about it? Breaking up seems so illogical. My suspicion tells me that someone else is involved. The easy and most obvious indication for the break up would be that he cheated with some tattooed, white supremacist, swastika-ed model, but reports have already surfaced that she is currently back with Nikki Sixx, her former boyfriend.

Maybe Jesse got exactly what what was coming to him and maybe not, but judging from one of this season's LA Ink episodes, Kat was inking a childhood picture of Jesse onto her torso. I'm thinking that's not a move a woman would make that was cheating, and now she's stuck with her new ink. Good thing she's in the business. I'm sure it's already been turned into something else.

Another one bites the dust, and I couldn't be happier. I like Kat much better without that loser.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Buy Me Some Peanuts And An $80 Hot Dog

No kidding. This is what an $80 hot dog looks like.

The Brockton Rox, a Massachusetts based Can-Am league baseball team, broke the Guinness Book World Record on Saturday when they unveiled and sold this $80 dollar hot dog at their ball park. Holy heartburn.

The "K-O Dog", named for the Rox mascot, is a foot long, half pound of beef, smothered in truffle oil, rolled in prochini mushroom dust, sprinkled with white truffle shavings, then topped with creme fraiche, caviar and roe. I bet that $6.00 dog at Fenway isn't looking too ridiculous now, is it?

The promotion is the brain child of Rox executive chef Ben Glanz and the Brockton Rox are attempting to put their team on the map with the record breaking offering. The previous record for the most expensive hot dog was held by Serendipity 3 in New York that sold a hot dog at $69.00.

The team, which may now be known for selling the most expensive hot dog in the world, has another claim to fame. Their minor league players, a group of virtual unknowns, are managed by one of baseball's most infamous. Former Red Sox first baseman, Bill Buckner, who will forever be known as "the ball through he legs guy", is the Rox manager.

Let's hope they have better luck selling the pricey dog and winning games than Buckner had in 1986.

Monday, July 25, 2011

RIP Amy Winehouse

How shocking.

Not really. Super talented, supremely troubled Amy lost her battle with her inner demons. To say that this was a tragedy waiting to happen is an understatement, but it got me to thinking about what it must be like to be addicted to a substance that can destroy you. Or substances that put your psyche in another dimension.

Addiction? I know a thing or two about it. I was addicted to nicotine for more than a long time and happy to have won that battle somewhat. But addicted to a mind altering substance is something I can't relate to. Or can I?

In Amy's case, it goes way beyond how it makes you feel because it's more about the physical dependency. I get that. But how bad must it be when chemicals are not pumping through the veins of an addict? Hey, like getting buzzed on a Friday night just as much as the next guy, and I am lucky that something in my brain tells me it's time to stop. Physically I can't continue. My body rejects whatever it is that is causing me discomfort and it immediately rejects it. But what does the addict have that tells them to keep going? Why does their body need it and how do they stop it?

I don't really know why this one really hit me and made me think about addiction, but it did. Another life, taken much too early and another great voice silenced by addiction.

How shocking.
Not really...

Friday, July 22, 2011

Maybe Blondes Aren't So Dumb

Three guys go into a strip club and sit down at the bar; a brunette guy, a bald guy and a blonde guy.
A young, sexy stripper steps on top of the bar and begins dancing for them.

The brunette guy, feeling like a big shot, takes out a $20 bill, licks the back of it, and sticks it to the stripper's ass.

The bald guy, not wanting to be outdone, takes out a $50 bill , licks the back of it, and sticks it to the stripper's ass.

The blonde guy, feeling obligated to participate, pulled out his ATM card, swiped it between the cheeks of the stripper's ass and took both the $20 and the $50 dollar bill.

Happy Weekend bloggers!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

This Here Is Some Bullsh*t

I flippin mad right now.

So I'm blogging away on my husband's brandy new laptop this morning. I move my cursor down to the right hand icon corner to check the network status and this window pops up that tells me I need to run a virus scan. Remembering that my husband once told me that when that stuff pops up, always run the scans because that's why you have that shit on your computer. You know, the virus protection.

I click to run the scan and minimize the window so I can continue on about my business. I'm blogging about the stupid shit I always blog about; the shit I watch on TV and this ANNOYING window keeps popping up telling me that the scan has detected 25 threats and I must run the software now or risk infecting the computer. Ok, so I click run the fricken thing and leave me alone cuz I'm busy, and this new window pops up telling me to add my credit card and for $69.99 I can get protection.

Now mama didn't raise no fool, so I immediately click out of this shit and click the "continue on without protection NOT RECOMMENDED" and now I can't get the pop up to stop trying to get my credit card number. I'm usually patient soul, but I'm seeing that I can't save the work on blogger and now I can open a new window in anything. No MSN, no Internet Explorer no nuthing but this F-ING window that keeps popping up, trying to get my credit card number or my computer is gonna blow up.

I then tried to log on and off the computer about 10 times but I still couldn't shake that F-ING pop up warning. After About 40 minutes of this back and forth window bullshit I'm thinking I really screwed something up so I better just give my credit card number so I can get on with my life. Just before I do this, I decide to call my husband and ask him what kind of spyware he has and why it has expired when this is a new computer. Thank God I did this because he told me about the scam that it is.

Bottom line...WTF WAS THAT? Now my hubby has to fix this mess, which he can, but it's going to take some work. And I already wasted 2 hours on this crap today.

Am I an idiot? Don't answer that. Now I'm blogging on my iPad and wondering why this shit never happens on Apple products. No wonder their stock was looking good yesterday. My next laptop will probably be a Mac.

Tomorrow I'm telling a joke that my mother told at dinner last night that literally almost made me choke on my dinner.
I think I can handle that on the iPad.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

That Dastardly Cellulite

I'm talking smack today about cellulite because quite frankly, it sucks. That photo above is of the lovely Eva Longoria, and yes ladies, even Eva has cellulite. And with the summer upon us, we want to get our groove on and show some sexy skin, but that dastardly cellulite always foils the plan. It seems to me there is an epidemic of dimply, lumpy thighs and butts out there and no matter how you eat or how you exercise, the cellulite creeps up on you and gets a hold of your body.

So what the hell is this stuff and how do we deal with it? The first thing to know is that we all have it, even super fit and slim celebs. The degrees are varying and believe it or not, it's not always about fat. It's true that cellulite is fat deposits that cause dimpling on the skin, especially evident in the hips and buttocks area, but it has more to do with the cellular structure of the skin. According to, " It is the structure of the overlying skin and of the underlying connective tissue that determines whether a given area has a smooth or rippled appearance."

Well, isn't that just great? It's a genetic thing.

Ok, so I'll admit that when I google celebrity cellulite all these pics come up with celebs like this, and this, it makes me feel better knowing that these women have cellulite too. I would have showed them here, but you really need to see a BIG picture to get the full effect of the cellulite. Yes, celebrities are human too.

Some days I feel like I work so hard and eat right and yet, I still can't seem to rid my body of cellulite and other days I decide I'm gonna eat that pizza and embrace my dimples and I just say screw it! It is what it is but one thing's for sure, we all have it somewhere. So in the sinking lifeboat that is cellulite, even Kim Kardashian and Pamela Anderson are right there, going down with us.

So remember that the next time you look at someone and think they are perfect. Somewhere, photo shopped out or hidden by some good lighting, is that dastardly cellulite. Of that we can be certain.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Monday, July 18, 2011

Matthew McConaughy Is Still Hot

So last night I watched The Lincoln Lawyer with good old boy Matthew McConaughy, and I gotta say, I really liked it. I would recommend it on a simple, exciting, not too violent level because it was a good story that kept you guessing. But for me , the biggest surprise was Matthew McConaughy.

Matthew has become somewhat of a caricature of himself in recent years. If you read the rag magazines like I do, Matthew has been the poster boy of douchebaggery. He, of the jogging on the beach shirtless, living in a trailer on the beach, impregnating a hot Brazilian model, twice, and his cheezey "I'm all that" attitude left me completely uninterested. I even balked at the movie of choice last night saying, "I'm really not a Matthew McConaughey fan."

After the movie I realized that Matthew McConaughy just my have been the reason I liked the movie so much. He worked that douchebaggery into cinematic magic. He's also smokin' hot which didn't hurt, but he didn't use his bare chest to gain my interest. He played a hard living, cocky, criminal defense lawyer to perfection and he won me over. Now I'm thinking he's not such a douche after all.

The casting on this movie was great too. Marissa Tomei and William H. Macy both cast well in supporting roles and Ryan Phillippie plays a convincing villain. The movie opened to little fan fare, but I think it may have new life with On Demand and positive word of mouth. I give it a Daily Dandy two thumbs up, and I give Matthew kudos for getting me to take a second look.

That Texas good old boy still has some magic left in his Stetson.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

No Glee For Me

Glee creator Ryan Murphy has announced that the shows stars, Lea Michelle, Corey Monteith and Chris Colfer will not be returning to Glee after next season. In a shocking announcement, Murphy explained that his decision is to keep the script realistic, and that means that Rachel (Michelle), Finn (Monteith) and Colfer (Kurt) will graduate at the end of season three which debuts this September.

But for Losers Like Me everywhere, who live for Glee, this news is devastating.

Murphy, credited with creating the phenomenon that is Glee, said, "We made that decision and I involved Chris and Lea and they thought that was a good idea. They both trust the writing and trust me and felt it would be great to have an open and closed experience for them to go out while they were on top." And if I'm any one of those actors, I'm thinking it's a good idea to put your agent into panic mode.

As for this season, Murphy has said that it will all make sense as the season unfolds and sets up the exit of the beloved characters. Murphy said he is not as concerned with goodbye's as he is with hello's. "I think that just like with the original cast, I think finding those young unknown people and giving them an opportunity to break into the business and become stars is a really fun and exciting thing and is the spirit of the series."

It would seem that the other cast members are safe for now. Mathew Morrison and Jane Lynch will continue in their roles as Will Schuester and Sue Sylvester as the shows anchors, and both Chord Overstreet and Darren Criss have been added as regulars. Also, the winner of the reality series, "The Glee Project" will be featured in a multi-episode story arch, who Murphy calls, "amazing". Murphy has also said this will give the show a chance to hear from other cast members who you don't hear too much about like Tina, Mike and Mercedes.

My prediction? Something tells me that for Lea Michelle, this is only the beginning. Murphy seems to be starting a campaign to bring "Funny Girl" back to Broadway for the girl he says has a "once in a generation voice". Could they know something that we don't?

For me, this announcement does not fill me with Glee. As a fan, I will watch and put my trust in the creators of the unlikely hit to knock me over as they did when the show debuted in 2009.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

How Bad Does It Have To Get?

You're never gonna believe this one.

This woman, Catherine Kieu Becker, chopped off her husband's pecker.

Really. She did. Then, she threw it in the garbage disposal and turned it on. Evidently, she poisoned her husband's dinner with some sort of hallucinogen that would make him drowsy. Police reports allege that she then tied him to the bed and chopped off his penis, put it in the kitchen garbage disposal and turned it on. She told police, "he deserved it".

Now I gotta ask you, how bad do things have to get for someone to do this? The couple were reportedly going through a divorce. I know a thing or two about divorce and when I was going through it, the last thing I wanted to do was see his face much less make him dinner. Would I have liked to cut off his penis? Maybe, but the thought of getting rid of him for good made much more sense to me.

You can read about it here and wonder just like I did, what this woman was thinking. The only one she's screwed is herself. According to the Associated Press she has been charged with "aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse." One of these charges carries a life sentence.

Was it really worth it? No one knows for sure what goes on behind closed doors but to give in to hate and anger like that only destroys both lives.

It may or may not be that simple, but I say just get out and save yourself.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

It's Not What You Think, Honey

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Monday, July 11, 2011

A Tall Tale Of Courage And Hope

I happened across the Diane Sawyer interview with Jaycee Dugard last night and found myself unable to move from the TV for two hours. I had heard about Jaycee's horrid 18 year experience, being held captive at the hands of a madman, on the news and had caught bits and pieces of her story. But really I had no idea.

What I found was a not what I had expected. At all.

I found a beautiful and caring young woman who had decided to share her story so that it may help others. And the most courageous person I had ever seen.

With not an ounce of anger or harsh language, Jaycee took us back to when she was an innocent 11 year old that was taken captive by a disgusting and dangerous pedophile. Handcuffed and kept in a storage unit in the backyard of his home for most of her first year, Jaycee talks, almost childlike, about the man who robbed her of her life. She explains that for most of the first year she did not see the sun, or feel it's warmth on her skin, and that she grew to anticipate his short daily visits to her prison because she was "so lonely", as she explains.

Raped by him repeatedly, she says the hope of survival is what kept her going, while he went on elaborate drug "runs" in her presence, forced her to have sex with him and listen to his incoherent ramblings about God. She was fed sporadically, with fast food and scraps and handcuffed for almost all of that first year. She met his wife, as horrid and disgusting as he, and she explains that in all of her 11 year old little girl body, she wanted this woman to like her and accept her.

At the age of 14, Jaycee gave birth to a baby girl, then a few years later, another, to which she was overjoyed because she would no longer be alone. She had someone that was "all hers" as she says. She managed to write small journals on scrap pieces of paper and keep them hidden from her captors and that she always held out hope. Hope that she would one day see her mother again.

A mother who never gave up trying to find her. Never. A mother who never gave up the hope that her daughter was still alive and always spoke about when Jaycee would come home. A mother who held all that anger that one would think Jaycee would have, but does not. A mother who will continue to let that anger, now that she has her precious daughter is home, fuel the fight for a justice system that failed her daughter and her miserably.

All that is in the past now and Jaycee, holding her mom's hand tells the cameras that her captors can no longer steal anything from her.

She is home now and they are the imprisoned ones.

For what one can only hope will be much longer and harder than the 18 years they stole from Jaycee.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Freaky Friday

Hey bloggers! It's a Friday freak fest over here at The Dandy and who better to showcase than our favorite freaks!

Today's freaks are extra freaky, if you ask me.

Now, I have to ask you think she knows her shorts are falling down? Cmon..I think this look screams, "look at meeee!!!"

I gotta give him style points here. Grey and pink are a perfect color pairing. The boy's got a fabulous flair for fashion.

Speaking of fashion flair, this boy is in danger of loosing those pants...are you kidding me? I wanna know how the hell he walks around like that.

OOOhhh baby, nothing like getting it on in full view of the Walmart public. Oh yeah, and his manly physique surely will make her envy of the neighborhood.

And is it me or is there something in the air? People seem to be getting a little somethin' somethin' everywhere. Hey, free lovin never hurt no one....

Unless of course the kiddies are looking, then they probably want to know why he's got his hands down her pants...

Sister has her cheeky issues, for sure, but my problem here is not her jiggly cheeks, but her HORRID shoes. The girl needs to buy a fashion magazine on her way out.

And I always save the best for last...

Look very closely, but don't stare too long it may hurt your eyes permanently. Is sister wearing pants? Stretch pants? Is she naked? I can't tell.

The world may never know the answer to that one.

Have a great weekend bloggers!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Justice Is Not A Four Letter Word

As I watch these events playing out in the media I know one thing for sure:

In the court of public opinion, Casey Anthony has been tried, convicted and sentenced to death.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The Laundry Chronicles

So I was over at my friend Scope's place today and he was talking about laundry.

It got me to thinking about how I do laundry and I realized that I love doing laundry.

I know that sounds strange, but I do. It's like a challenge to me, because you know it somehow never seems to stop. Got nothing to do? Put in a load of laundry. Have a spare moment? Fold a load of laundry. It's weird, I know and get this...My favorite time to do laundry is on vacation. Nothing makes me happier than taking home a suitcase full of clean clothes.

I learned how to do laundry from the best; my sister who is a neat freak extraordinaire. She taught me how to fold and stack laundry and clothing like nobody's business. I could live my whole life without an iron and never know I needed one. It's all about the drying method and the folding and the storage. The Gap got nothing on us. We could fold them right under the table.

This, of course, comes in handy when I am packing for a trip. There is nothing I can't somehow fit into a suitcase. (the scale is my only packing enemy)

I have a whole category of things that don't go in the dryer. Jeans, t-shirts, sweaters, sweatshirts, must be lovingly, "hand ironed" while wet and left out flat to air dry. Anything that I really like a lot, never goes into the dryer. I even have wooden rods, built into the wall that are convenient drying racks. They make for easy access to flat drying items.

But I don't do my own laundry at home. Oh, I'll throw an occasional load into the wash here and there, but I really don't miss it. I'm lucky enough to have someone who does it for me and I am grateful for that. This could be the main reason I love laundry.

I am far enough removed from it to admire it from a far.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

"Message Received"

The holiday weekend was great and things went along smoothly, until something happened that sent chills down my spine and really sent Frick for a loop. As much as I hate to say it, I am grateful for the teaching moment we got from it.

A young girl from the next town over, a senior who had just graduated, went missing on Sunday night. Frick knew this girl, not well, but had acted in a production of "Annie" two years ago with this lovely young lady. Her father reported her missing late Sunday night when she didn't return home her job at a local mall. Her body was found yesterday in a marsh in the small town she lived in. Police aren't saying much except that it is being treated as a homicide investigation and that they have one person of interest.

Frick has been mesmerized with the events that have been playing out on Facebook and the conspiracy theories that have been circulating, and I can't say that I blame her. This one hit a little too close to home for either of our likings. I saw in my child the realization that if it could happen here, it could happen to anyone.

I had to tell her. I had to say it and as sorry I am for that family who lost a beautiful child, I am grateful to be able to use this to teach my daughter about the dangers that exist in this vast and inviting world.

  • I told her that all those times she told me I was being ridiculously strict with her, this is why.

  • I told her that this is why I won't let her go out of the house without me knowing exactly where she is going and for how long she will be there.

  • I told her that this is why her step father wants her to text him when she gets to places and parties and why her curfew's must be adhered to with utmost of punctuality.

And Frack looked my straight in the eye and for once didn't roll her teenage eyes at me, and said, "Message received mom."

Those were probably the two greatest and most honest words I have heard in a long time.