Friday, July 29, 2011
Football is back and so is My Tommy.
Mr. Handsome has cut his hair and shed those ridiculously long locks, and in doing so he has shed my temporary moniker of, "The Tommy". My Tommy is back. It's not a perfect hair cut, and it's still a little stringy and long, but it's a big improvement.
Speaking of back, so is football and the Patriots made a few surprising moves yesterday that should be interesting.Pats acquired Former Pro Bowl Defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ochocinco from the Bengals. Interesting because neither of these acquisitions are the type of player one would think would fit into the Bill Belichick way, or the Patriot way for that matter. Both known for their brass and large personalities, Haynesworth could be more trouble than he's worth and Ochocinco could fill the slight void left by Randy Moss' departure.
Bottom line, football is back, My Tommy cut his hair and pre-season starts in two weeks. If you're a football fan, life is good.
Kick back and relax and Enjoy your weekend bloggers!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
It all started innocently enough.
A customer walked into the store carrying the bag above. It's called the Birkin and a company named Hermes makes it. That bag above is the Holy Grail of handbags. Books have been written about, wars have been battled over it and there used to be a years long waiting list for it, if you had the Benjamin's to lay down. No one said a word about the bag to the woman, but we all noticed it. After the woman left, we started talking about the Birkin. With a price tag of $10,000.00 to $150,000.00, it is a RIDICULOUSLY expensive status symbol.
We began Googling the bag to find the price and all these sites came up offering the Birkin at discount. $250.00 for a Birkin and three days to ship? Surely these bags couldn't be authentic. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck, you know. But they all looked so beautiful and the desire to own one overtook me.
I called Hermes in New York to get a price and was told by an employee, "We cannot discuss the Birkin AT ALL over the phone, but you can come to the store and we will be more than happy to help you." When I asked the employee to repeat what he said, he said that Hermes prohibits talking about the Birkin anywhere other than in the store. My reply, "Have I asked you about something illegal?" My call to the Boston store produced the same response.
Holy contraband. It was then that I got lost in my iPad, pouring over websites with delectable pictures of Birkins in every size and color. But interestingly enough, the official Hermes web site does not have the Birkin on it at all. I checked eBay, and the forty million other sites, which are all bootleg knockoffs and began thinking I could break my rule about fakes, if the fake was of quality. But how could I really know, and why was I so intoxicated by obtaining even a cheap imitation?
I had to put the iPad down and walk away after an hour of researching return policies on these web sites and reasoning that $250.00 or $350.00 wouldn't be a lot to risk for the hope that I could possibly own a good fake. Even if in reality I knew that this probably wouldn't be the case. And here I am today, still thinking about it; even writing about it, but the urge to buy has released itself from me.
I think I'll go visit one soon at the Hermes store in Boston, but I'm afraid it will just feed into my addiction even more. Look what happened to me when I was in it's presence for 5 minutes.
My name is Candy and I am a bag addict.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
I went to bed last night with a slight headache and left my TV on, something I never do. I awoke about 4:30 am to some sad sack ABC News round table that had a bunch of good looking people talking news. Or so I assume they were talking news, because it was then that I heard that Jesse James and Kat Von D had recently ended their engagement and their relationship.
I'm sorry, but I this is somewhat vindicating for all us Sandra Bullock fans. The guy's a quadruple LOSER and somewhere Sandra Bullock has to be smiling to herself, just a little bit. Kat Von D is the one I really feel sorry for. It looks like she got duped by one of the most hated men on the planet. Reports are saying that their relationship could not endure the long distance between them. Are you kidding me? She is in LA and he is in Austin. You mean to tell me that all that money between them couldn't get them close enough together on the weekends?
So why end things just because they couldn't be together every day? If that is the truth, then wouldn't you do something about it? Breaking up seems so illogical. My suspicion tells me that someone else is involved. The easy and most obvious indication for the break up would be that he cheated with some tattooed, white supremacist, swastika-ed model, but reports have already surfaced that she is currently back with Nikki Sixx, her former boyfriend.
Maybe Jesse got exactly what what was coming to him and maybe not, but judging from one of this season's LA Ink episodes, Kat was inking a childhood picture of Jesse onto her torso. I'm thinking that's not a move a woman would make that was cheating, and now she's stuck with her new ink. Good thing she's in the business. I'm sure it's already been turned into something else.
Another one bites the dust, and I couldn't be happier. I like Kat much better without that loser.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The Brockton Rox, a Massachusetts based Can-Am league baseball team, broke the Guinness Book World Record on Saturday when they unveiled and sold this $80 dollar hot dog at their ball park. Holy heartburn.
The "K-O Dog", named for the Rox mascot, is a foot long, half pound of beef, smothered in truffle oil, rolled in prochini mushroom dust, sprinkled with white truffle shavings, then topped with creme fraiche, caviar and roe. I bet that $6.00 dog at Fenway isn't looking too ridiculous now, is it?
The promotion is the brain child of Rox executive chef Ben Glanz and the Brockton Rox are attempting to put their team on the map with the record breaking offering. The previous record for the most expensive hot dog was held by Serendipity 3 in New York that sold a hot dog at $69.00.
The team, which may now be known for selling the most expensive hot dog in the world, has another claim to fame. Their minor league players, a group of virtual unknowns, are managed by one of baseball's most infamous. Former Red Sox first baseman, Bill Buckner, who will forever be known as "the ball through he legs guy", is the Rox manager.
Let's hope they have better luck selling the pricey dog and winning games than Buckner had in 1986.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Not really. Super talented, supremely troubled Amy lost her battle with her inner demons. To say that this was a tragedy waiting to happen is an understatement, but it got me to thinking about what it must be like to be addicted to a substance that can destroy you. Or substances that put your psyche in another dimension.
Addiction? I know a thing or two about it. I was addicted to nicotine for more than a long time and happy to have won that battle somewhat. But addicted to a mind altering substance is something I can't relate to. Or can I?
In Amy's case, it goes way beyond how it makes you feel because it's more about the physical dependency. I get that. But how bad must it be when chemicals are not pumping through the veins of an addict? Hey, like getting buzzed on a Friday night just as much as the next guy, and I am lucky that something in my brain tells me it's time to stop. Physically I can't continue. My body rejects whatever it is that is causing me discomfort and it immediately rejects it. But what does the addict have that tells them to keep going? Why does their body need it and how do they stop it?
I don't really know why this one really hit me and made me think about addiction, but it did. Another life, taken much too early and another great voice silenced by addiction.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Three guys go into a strip club and sit down at the bar; a brunette guy, a bald guy and a blonde guy.
A young, sexy stripper steps on top of the bar and begins dancing for them.
The brunette guy, feeling like a big shot, takes out a $20 bill, licks the back of it, and sticks it to the stripper's ass.
The bald guy, not wanting to be outdone, takes out a $50 bill , licks the back of it, and sticks it to the stripper's ass.
The blonde guy, feeling obligated to participate, pulled out his ATM card, swiped it between the cheeks of the stripper's ass and took both the $20 and the $50 dollar bill.
Happy Weekend bloggers!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
I flippin mad right now.
So I'm blogging away on my husband's brandy new laptop this morning. I move my cursor down to the right hand icon corner to check the network status and this window pops up that tells me I need to run a virus scan. Remembering that my husband once told me that when that stuff pops up, always run the scans because that's why you have that shit on your computer. You know, the virus protection.
I click to run the scan and minimize the window so I can continue on about my business. I'm blogging about the stupid shit I always blog about; the shit I watch on TV and this ANNOYING window keeps popping up telling me that the scan has detected 25 threats and I must run the software now or risk infecting the computer. Ok, so I click run the fricken thing and leave me alone cuz I'm busy, and this new window pops up telling me to add my credit card and for $69.99 I can get protection.
Now mama didn't raise no fool, so I immediately click out of this shit and click the "continue on without protection NOT RECOMMENDED" and now I can't get the pop up to stop trying to get my credit card number. I'm usually patient soul, but I'm seeing that I can't save the work on blogger and now I can open a new window in anything. No MSN, no Internet Explorer no nuthing but this F-ING window that keeps popping up, trying to get my credit card number or my computer is gonna blow up.
I then tried to log on and off the computer about 10 times but I still couldn't shake that F-ING pop up warning. After About 40 minutes of this back and forth window bullshit I'm thinking I really screwed something up so I better just give my credit card number so I can get on with my life. Just before I do this, I decide to call my husband and ask him what kind of spyware he has and why it has expired when this is a new computer. Thank God I did this because he told me about the scam that it is.
Bottom line...WTF WAS THAT? Now my hubby has to fix this mess, which he can, but it's going to take some work. And I already wasted 2 hours on this crap today.
Am I an idiot? Don't answer that. Now I'm blogging on my iPad and wondering why this shit never happens on Apple products. No wonder their stock was looking good yesterday. My next laptop will probably be a Mac.
Tomorrow I'm telling a joke that my mother told at dinner last night that literally almost made me choke on my dinner.
I think I can handle that on the iPad.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
This woman, Catherine Kieu Becker, chopped off her husband's pecker.
Really. She did. Then, she threw it in the garbage disposal and turned it on. Evidently, she poisoned her husband's dinner with some sort of hallucinogen that would make him drowsy. Police reports allege that she then tied him to the bed and chopped off his penis, put it in the kitchen garbage disposal and turned it on. She told police, "he deserved it".
Now I gotta ask you, how bad do things have to get for someone to do this? The couple were reportedly going through a divorce. I know a thing or two about divorce and when I was going through it, the last thing I wanted to do was see his face much less make him dinner. Would I have liked to cut off his penis? Maybe, but the thought of getting rid of him for good made much more sense to me.
You can read about it here and wonder just like I did, what this woman was thinking. The only one she's screwed is herself. According to the Associated Press she has been charged with "aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse." One of these charges carries a life sentence.
Was it really worth it? No one knows for sure what goes on behind closed doors but to give in to hate and anger like that only destroys both lives.
It may or may not be that simple, but I say just get out and save yourself.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Monday, July 11, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Today's freaks are extra freaky, if you ask me.
Now, I have to ask you...do you think she knows her shorts are falling down? Cmon..I think this look screams, "look at meeee!!!"
OOOhhh baby, nothing like getting it on in full view of the Walmart public. Oh yeah, and his manly physique surely will make her envy of the neighborhood.
And is it me or is there something in the air? People seem to be getting a little somethin' somethin' everywhere. Hey, free lovin never hurt no one....
Unless of course the kiddies are looking, then they probably want to know why he's got his hands down her pants...
Sister has her cheeky issues, for sure, but my problem here is not her jiggly cheeks, but her HORRID shoes. The girl needs to buy a fashion magazine on her way out.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
As I watch these events playing out in the media I know one thing for sure:
In the court of public opinion, Casey Anthony has been tried, convicted and sentenced to death.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
A young girl from the next town over, a senior who had just graduated, went missing on Sunday night. Frick knew this girl, not well, but had acted in a production of "Annie" two years ago with this lovely young lady. Her father reported her missing late Sunday night when she didn't return home her job at a local mall. Her body was found yesterday in a marsh in the small town she lived in. Police aren't saying much except that it is being treated as a homicide investigation and that they have one person of interest.
Frick has been mesmerized with the events that have been playing out on Facebook and the conspiracy theories that have been circulating, and I can't say that I blame her. This one hit a little too close to home for either of our likings. I saw in my child the realization that if it could happen here, it could happen to anyone.
I had to tell her. I had to say it and as sorry I am for that family who lost a beautiful child, I am grateful to be able to use this to teach my daughter about the dangers that exist in this vast and inviting world.
- I told her that all those times she told me I was being ridiculously strict with her, this is why.
- I told her that this is why I won't let her go out of the house without me knowing exactly where she is going and for how long she will be there.
- I told her that this is why her step father wants her to text him when she gets to places and parties and why her curfew's must be adhered to with utmost of punctuality.
And Frack looked my straight in the eye and for once didn't roll her teenage eyes at me, and said, "Message received mom."
Those were probably the two greatest and most honest words I have heard in a long time.