Friday, May 28, 2010

Is It Wrong That I'm Jealous?

Of course it's wrong!!! Sometimes I don't even recognize myself....

I'm sure you've seen this by now. It's the most insane thing I have ever seen!
Yet, I find myself longingly watching this kid's technique. He's got it down.

It's so disturbing and wrong, yet I can't look away. He reportedly smokes 40 cigarettes a day which amounts to a two pack a day habbit. Sounds pretty expensive, and super bad for this child's health, but his father says, "I don't see the problem".

And I still can't look away.

It's just so rediculous, that I'm mesmerized by the image of this child smoking a cigarette. It's so crazy watching this baby smoke and I know by posting it here, watching it over and over again I am contributing to the glorification of this tragedy.

Yet I can't stop myself. May God bless us both!

Happy Memorial day weekend bloggers! Lay off the butts this weekend, if you can.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Dear God

Dear God,

When I grow up I want for my children and my grandchildren to be safe, healthy and happy.

I would like my husband to be my companion, and I would like to live out our golden years in peace.

I would like to be the picture of health, God, if that wouldn't be asking too much, and if I did happen to live to a ripe old age, where I was still feeling good, I wouldn't want to become a burden to my children.

I would be happy to be put in a home with other people my age, close enough so that I could be near my kids.

Dear God, if that did happen, if I needed to go into a home for the elderly, could you arrange it so that I got into THIS home???

Thanks Lord,
I really appreciate it.
Much Love-

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Gaga Glee Glee

Is this the face of a Lady that does not know who she is? Pop sensation Lady Gaga mortgaged her quick rise to super-stardom on catchy tunes and far out costumes. And it paid off, in triplicate. You can hardly turn your radio on today without hearing a Gaga anthem playing somewhere on the dial.

So how does this icon relate to the cast of Glee? In the world of show choir, "theatricality" can make you or break you. Gaga is the consummate example of theatrical "thinking outside and over the top of the box" and the weekly assignment for the Glee Club when they find out that their nemesis, Vocal Adrenaline, has taken on The Gaga.

Musical highlights:
  • Rachel meets her real mother-Vocal Adrenaline's Director Shelby Corchrane after hearing her sing Barbara Striesand's "Funny Girl". Idina is pitch perfect as Fanny Brice, (and I now see why they had Idina sing the tribute to Barbara at the Kennedy Center Honors last year).
  • "Bad Romance" is performed by the girls of the Glee club, and Kurt, in their outrageous Gaga costumes. This is the best performance of the episode.
  • THANK GOD the guys decide that Gaga is not for them, so they pull out the all the stops with their version of "theatricality"; KISS. They perform, "Shout it out Loud" and rock it!
  • The boys sing "Beth" to Quinn's unborn baby, and Puck decides he would like to at least name the baby before Quinn gives the baby girl up for adoption.
  • Rachel and Shelby (Menzel and Michelle) turn "Poker Face" into a touching duet between mother and daughter. Certainly would not have been my choice for a sweet duet between mother and daughter, but the musical arrangement turns this into a ballad and with these two legendary Broadway veterans, nothing is not amazing once they get their hands on it. Although it was not my favorite musical number of the night, I will admit to goose bumps.

After Kurt and Tina are harrassed for wearing full-on Gaga to school by a couple of jocks, Finn is left to defend himself and the rest of the club from the haters. But not before the emotional pinnacle of the entire season this far.

Burt, Kurts dad, (Mike O'Malley) delivers, what I think may become one of the most important moments in TV history, when he defends his homosexual son. Finn makes a crucial error, using the word "faggy" to frustratingly describe the decor Kurt has chosen for new their shared room. What makes it so important are the words Burt uses to defend his son's lifestyle choices and he then chooses his boy over Finn and his new love, Finn's mom, by telling Finn he cannot stay in his house any longer. He unknowingly gives the world a text book example of tolerance and love.

So is that what Gaga's music is about? Tolerance? Love? Theatricality?

In last night's episode of Glee, although they tackled The Gaga, I don't really think the episode was about the music, as much as it was about people and the choices that they make.

Right or wrong, accepted or criticized, you can't be afraid to go Gaga once in a while. You may just find that the most unlikey person has got your back.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Ultimate History Lesson

My son left yesterday for Washington, DC with his school on the big Washington school trip. They will be gone for an entire week and will be touring all the major sites. Yesterday they went to Philly and saw the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall and today they will tour the White House, the Holocaust Museum and the Air and Space museum. My kid told me excitedly last night that he bought an actual copy of The Declaration of Independence for $5 bucks at the gift shop. I was amazed he spent money on anything that didn't involve a stick and a ball.

Frack was so excited he could hardly contain himself. He loves American history to begin with and he almost squealed with delight as we packed him up and looked over his itinerary. And now he is in the beautiful city where history is everywhere he looks. They will tour all the memorials, Lincoln and Jefferson, the US Capitol, Library of Congress and the Smithsonian, of course. It's funny though, because most of these places are already familiar to him. Though not because of his history books. They are familiar from the movies. Movies like "Night at the Museum" and "National Treasure" have made our DC landmarks regular "celebrities" in the minds of our kids.

Arlington Cemetery, Iwo Jima Memorial and the WWII Memorial visits are scheduled, and I know my son will be fascinated by the stunning symbols of respect and courage at the beautiful, somber places. This year they have added a visit to the infamous Ford's Theatre, where Lincoln met his fate one night. The kids are proud to be the first class to be touring the theatre and I'm sure will have all kinds of macabre questions about where and why our beloved President Lincoln was shot. Kids are good for that.

Their assignment while there is to take pictures and journal all that they do and see while they are there. Upon their return they have one week to produce a scrapbook detailing their Washington journey. It will count for two major grades, one English, one History; so it is a major part of the curriculum.

Nothing could prepare him for this experience about the history of our nation and he knew that when he excitedly left yesterday. I wish I were with him, to see his face as he experiences these treasures, but someday we will return to the city together. For now, he is exactly where he should be, and I wait each night for the phone call explaining the days events.

Sometimes I'm not sure who is more excited; him or I.

Monday, May 24, 2010

You're Hired!

It was down to the final two. Holly and Brett. Brett and Holly.
Who would best the other and take home Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice crown.??

Who was left but one tough mother and a reinvented creative rocker, both vying for a quarter of a million in cash for their named charity. It was a long, hard-fought season with this bunch of celebs and it was not without drama.

  • Cindy Lauper: She was the biggest celeb in the bunch, as her name always translated into easy $$. The women on her team complained about her unorganized and "weird" ways of completing a task, but the truth is, every thing she touched turned to gold. I think she might have gone the distance if she hadn't tried to be "the nice one".
  • The boardroom: Always the best part of the hour and a half episode. This group had the art of "bus-throwing-under" down to an Olympic sport. It was always juicy in there. Sometimes you could see that The Donald, himself, was not sure who to fire, but inevitably someone always showed their true colors and Mr. Trump went right for the jugular.
  • The Trump Children: Never too far from their dad's shadow, something tells me that's exactly where they want to be. Ivanka and Donald Jr. were the eyes and ears for Mr. Trump's celebrities and they did not disappoint. The Donald raised his children well. Both are articulate, charming, tough, corporate and in control...and neither is hard to look at. In a world where over privileged, moneyed celebrity children line the walls of drug rehabs, Trump successfully instilled the family business ethic in his two oldest. You have to give him kudos for that.
  • Comraderie: It was heartwarming to see the likes of disgraced ex-Govenor Rod Blagojevich bonding with former Pro Wrestler Bill Goldberg and MLB super-star Daryl Strawberry. It seemed like the men's team, Rock Solid, formed some lasting relationships with each other.
  • Brett Michaels: Much like Cindy Lauper, Michaels unique creative genius coupled with a "every man" charm worked in his favor and highlighted the reason the Poison front man has staying power in the industry. You couldn't not like this guy. Then, Michaels was hospitalized with a serious, life threatening brain hemorrhage, and the fans of Michaels waited and watched for days as the prognosis could have gone either way. Michaels recovered, despite the odds, and was expected to make a full recovery. Then last week, he suffered a "warning stroke" putting his appearance at the live finale in jeopardy. But Brett Michaels is one tough cookie and against doctors orders he literally put his life at risk to appear in the boardroom one last time.

Congrats to you Brett!! WAY. TO. GO!
Now go home and get some rest and take care of yourself!!

The world can wait for your next move.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Tramp Stamp Trailer Trash

Sometimes on Friday's, I like to visit that crazee web site to the "trailer trash stars", The People of Wal-Mart.
There are always so many reasons to say WHY? Here are a few of my faves:

C'mon, really???

This is wrong on so many levels...where do I start? And I'm NOT going to be the one to tell her.

Just say no to crack...

Somebody didn't get enough attention at home? C'mon, convince me she has no idea what's going on??

Fresh off her recent crowning of "Miss Double Wide Jet Airstream Fashion Risk Taker" award, Amber treats her people to a celebratory meal.

AND.....Naked is the new black...

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Little Fanilow

I was in Paris last fall with two of my bestest friends in the world. We were walking on the streets in the great City of Lights on a gorgeous day, singing. The conversation somehow turned to Barry Manilow. (I think we were singing Copacabana) My girlfriend told me that die hard Manilow fans called themselves "Fanilow's".

I nearly split a gut laughing.

Yesterday she sent this to me and I think I'm in love.
This kid's definitely got a career ahead of him....if he can loose the little sister.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A Gleek's Dream

You've heard your friends say it to you.

You've probably said it to yourself once or twice.

It's that self deprecating phrase that brings us all right back to reality immediately.
"You're a dreamer..."

When Mr. Shue's ex-Glee club nemisis, Bryan Ryan (Neil Patrick Harris), shows up at McKinnley to complete an audit for the school board, he goes right after the Glee club's jugular.
Bitter that his high school Glee club success at McKinnley, which led to a professional singing career on a cruise ship has ended in complete failure, Ryan sets out to destroy the dreams of these McKinnley Gleeks. He asks them to write down their biggest, wildest, showbiz dream on a piece of paper, then walks over to Artie and crumples his paper up and throws it in the trash. A powerful representation of what Ryan believes will happen if they follow their dreams. He decides to cut the Glee club completely from the budget.

Will Artie ever dance?
Will Rachel ever know who her mom is?

Tina decides that she and Artie will perform a dance for the club and Jesse decides it's time to help Rachel find her birth mother. Artie wants to dance, but after he falls to the ground by attempting to walk with hand canes, he blames Tina for pushing him too hard. Jesse and Rachel make up and while looking for clues about her mom while going through her old stuff, Jesse pulls out (of his pocket...I knew he was evil) a cassette that reads, "from mother to daughter". Rachel tells Jesse it's too much for her, that she's not ready to hear it. "What if she sings and she's bad or worse, what if she's better than me?"

Tina gives Artie some research that shows new drug therapies that could help Artie to possibly walk again, and some renewed hope. And our hero, Mr. Shue, decides to save Glee by showing Bryan what he has been missing. Shue sets out to convince Ryan over a few beers that he needs music in his life, and Ryan folds under the pressure and admits to the misery of his life without music. He tells Shue he sneaks around going to shows on the sly and he delivers the line of the night, "I hide Playbills in my basement. They're like porn." The two sing "Piano Man" a tune Ryan sang in Glee club and Shue tells Ryan they are both going to audition for a local production of "Les Miserables" to which Bryan agrees.

And after all that drama, we are FINALLY treated to our first musical number of the night. (don't ever do that again please) At the auditions, the director, a local dry cleaner, tells the guys he's short on time. As their re-kindled rivalry heats up in the theatre setting, the director says to make their audition a duet. They perform the Aerosmith classic "Dream On" and Shue, (Matthew Morrison) sends shivers down my spine. Holy iPod, I loved it!! Especially the screamy, dreamy ending and I find myself distracted by Shue's (Morrison's) pecks. (sorry)

The real emotional pull here, is the dream Artie has to dance. While out with Tina at the mall, Artie reveals to Tina that his doctor has started him on the drug therapies she recommended and they are working!!! Atrie unbelievably gets up from his chair and begins to WALK! Yes, Artie is walking!! (you had to know it was a dream) and better yet, he is dancing! We get a killer dance number and Artie vocal solo in "Saftey Dance". This is the best production number of the night. Not only has Artie (Kevin McHale) got moves, but he's the vocal chops to pull it off effortlessly and the addition of the kid (Gleeks Brittany, Mike, Tina and lots of others) dancers, I predict, make this number a Youtube sensation. More Artie, please. Then it stops-and it is revealed that was indeed, just a dream. A crushing blow for Artie.

In a literal "quickie" we get a Sue Sylvester appearance. A newly rejuvenated Bryan decides to cut the budget for the Cheerios, and has a heated one on one with Sue about education vs sports. LITERALLY, because they are both so sexually turned on by the exchange that they go at it in Sue's secret upstairs room, "just like Letterman"(is this believable? it's possible). Ryan uses the money he shaved off the Cheerios budget and puts it into the Glee club, buying them matching jean jackets and Broadway sheet music. Sue menacingly announces to everyone that Mr. Sue landed the lead in "Les Mis" and Ryan scored a measly ensemble role with one line. This sends Ryan to yank the funds from Glee and tells them he's cutting the program. Shue resigns from "Les Mis" there bye giving the lead to Bryan, which saves the day for the Glee Club.A shameless Ryan accepts and we get the feeling that Bryan Ryan is back where he should be.

Jesse is finally revealed as the spy-that-he-is, because he secretly meets his Vocal Adrenaline coach Shelby Corchran (Idina Menzel). I'm thinking he's been sent there to mess with the New Directions a la Rachel, but we learn that Corchran sent him to lead her to her DAUGHTER, Rachel.(this was also the worst kept secret in Hollywood) Jesse admits that although he was sent to seduce, she says, befriend Rachel, he has real feelings for her. And now I'm pissed, because I now have to see the legitimacy of the Rachel/Jesse union. (and no Finn? At all last night? Yeah, that sucked) It would have been so much easier if he was evil. We learn that Corchran's only regret was giving up Rachel. Jesse follows his orders and sneaks into Rachel's bedroom (where are her two dads?) and plays the cassette of her singing then leaves Rachel alone to listen.

"I Dreamed a Dream" is performed by Corchran and Rachel. This was truly a Broadway purists dream. I couldn't help but think; here is Lea Michelle (Rachel) singing a duet with arguably one of Broadway's most legendary voices, ever, Idina Menzel (Corchran) and she, Michelle, is Blowing. Her. Away. I could hardly believe it myself. I never would have believed that Idina's vocal could be reduced to "ordinary" by another voice if I had not heard it for myself. As powerful as that song and it's implications for the story line was, I was left in awe of Lea Michelle's "once in a generation" voice.

After Artie's heartfelt talk with Ms. Pilsbury about experimental therapies, he realizes that he may never dance and bows out of the performance with Tina, but agrees to sing lead vocal. In a bittersweet rendition of "Dream a Little Dream", we get another Artie solo that leaves us wanting more for him.

Dreamers...we all have our dreams. I say, if you give up your dreams you die.
Never give up and Dream ON.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Snoop Jingle Jing

I had to call the vet yesterday about an ailment my pug Jingles has and was told the doctor would call me back. When he did call back, he kept referring to my dog with my full last name, like "This is Dr. Jones calling about Jingles Smith." He'd continue on and then throw it out there again, "Jingles Smith can be seen at our Wayland office....we can fill any prescription for Jingles Smith"

It cracked me up. I realize that they do that in order to link owner to dog, but it got me to thinking what life would be like if dogs ruled the world. Or if Jingles ruled my world.
  • Food would be served all day long. Like a cruise ship, buffets of food would be strategically placed throughout the house like various decks on a ship, and the humans would be the servers. Of course.

  • Dogs could defecate and relieve themselves wherever and whenever they wanted. Just not where they sleep, if they could help it, and the humans would clean it up without saying a word.

  • Dogs would sit at the dinner table, AND the sofa AND the bed AND sleep under the covers...and humans could too, if they didn't get in the dogs way. Humans are great for keeping dogs warm.
  • Dogs would be driven around until they had enough. Cars would be for a dog's "head hanging out the window" enjoyment and not much else. Also, to be driven to awesome dog parks where they could sniff every tree, bush, blade of grass and other dog's orifice to their hearts content.

  • Dogs would talk and humans would not. "Shut that G*d dammed human up!

  • Paris Hilton's face would be on a LOST poster.
  • Cats would not exist. What a waste of life.

  • Electric fences would be for the humans and dogs would have secret x-ray vision to be able to see exactly where the electric fence is. "Haahaaa, sucker! You ain't getting me again!"

  • There would be no racisim. Dogs come from too many different breeds and colors for any supremacy to exist.

  • Humans would have no authority. In my house they don't anyway, but in general...

  • In the dog world there would be a caste system. Doggie Rednecks would exist. Meet doggie Daryl and his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl.

  • Pugs would rule the world.......or a galaxy far, far away. "Buddy, I am your father..."

Monday, May 17, 2010

A Cheap Laugh

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving.

They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Is, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? "

"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree.





Ees... a ham bush...."

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Bouncing Back

I just may have recovered from the calamitous events of yesterday...because I just heard this tune during my workout and it's my new favorite song .

If you've got 3 minutes, let me see you BOUNCE. Yeeah. Go Jo Bros.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Running On Empty


  • Get the kids to school on time.........My gas light comes on.
  • Pick up the dry cleaning, and other errands......I still have a few miles to go, no time to stop now.
  • Stop at my store to take care of a few things..........That took longer than I anticipated because it's always something....I gotta grab the kids right away now. No time to stop.
  • Take kids to the doctor.....Oh yeah, I was supposed to stop for gas. Oh well, I'll do that later.
  • Pick up pizza......It's less than a mile to the pizza place, I'll be alright...


"Kids, this is what happens when you run out of gas........." So, I'm chalking it up to a valuable teaching moment.

Here's hoping your weekeend is better than the start of mine....

Thursday, May 13, 2010

As Old As The Crust On Your Underwear

Holy Sh*t!

I just realized that I'm old.

Like, this just happened no more than five minutes ago and the realization hit me like a mack truck. Old. Older than dirt. Just plain washed up. One minute I was up; way up, then like Newton says, I came down for the count.

How did this happen? When did this happen? I did not OK this sh*t...somebody pinch me because I'm dreaming.
Let me explain.

Five minutes ago I was in the car with Frick and Frack on the way to school. Frack gets dropped off first, then it's Frick's turn. As Frack is exiting the car, I say to him, "Hey, since the Seniors are gone from the high school, I think you are now officially a freshman." I say this because his sister reminds us, almost daily, that since the seniors are now out of school, she is officially a "junior".
"Not really mom," she says. "He's still in Middle School." Whatever....God forbid she throw him a bone here....

So Frack tells Frick that she's a jerk, and then he slams the door and he's off to school for the day. We proceed on to the high school. As we pull up to the drop off point, Frick triumphantly announces that at this time next year, she will be driving to school. (because at her age EVERYTHING revolves around getting her licence)
"Oh yes," I say, as I matter of factly contemplate the driving rules of the high school. "You will be driving to school because you'll be a junior, and only upperclassmen are allowed to take their cars to school."

Then she drops the big bomb.

"No mom, because this time next year I will officially be a SENIOR"......and she shuts the door and goes on her merry way......

The word SENIOR hangs in the air like the sulfur from a burnt match. I suddenly feel as if I can't catch my breath, and my extremities are instantly numbed and paralyzed. As I sit in my car, unable to move, thoughts begin racing through my mind at a lightening speed and a tsunami of emotion washes over my motionless body.

According to her, she will be a ....don't say it. Don't think it......If I squeeze my eyes shut really tight, do you think it will go away? Will it??

Oh. My. God.

My baby girl will technically be a "Senior" in high school one year from now. When the HELL did that happen? I had to take a deep breath. I didn't say she could grow up. She never asked me if it was OK to technically become a SENIOR next year. And what? I just have to sit by and take this crap? Somebody stop this ride because I want to get off! Right now!

And then it hit me like a driving foul ball at Fenway Park on a warm July evening; I'm old.

It's all over for me. I'm not going to fight it. I'm going to break out the rocking chair and the orthopedic shoes, because my time has come. Do you think Louboutin makes orthopedics with a red sole? Just because I'm old, it doesn't mean I have to change. I can still be stylish. So what if my designer purse will now be filled with rumpled Kleenex and Splenda packets.

And just as I am about to give in to the old that is climbing up my body like a greedy choke vine, my mother comes to my mind.

The woman who taught me everything about who I am.
The woman who has been a shining example of motherhood and style.
The woman who everyone marvels at and wonders how she still looks so great.

And I realize that old is nothing. There is nothing old about my mother. She laughs every day in the face of old and wins.
I realize that I have been blessed with good genes and the chutzpa to flip old the bird.

And my breathing returns to normal.
And I think about Frick as a senior.
And a smile creeps across my face, as I remember the excitement of my senior year.

And as I push the lump in my throat back down into submission, I whisper to myself quietly,

"Bring it on."

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I Am Glee, Therefore I Am

For starters, I don't see how this gorgeous man/boy could loose his "juice" by shaving off anything, but in last night's episode, Puck looses his social status when he is forced to shave off his signature Mohawk because his mother spies a mole on his head. This sets off a chain of events that show us what the Glee clubbers stand to gain when they loose something about themselves they value.

Puck looses his King Intimidator status, and sets out to re-gain his popularity by hooking up with McKinley High "it girl" of the moment, Mercedes. "Hey black girl, whose name I can't remember right now." Mercedes, who cannot believe Puck's proposal of a quick hook-up, delivers the blow to Puck by letting him know it would never work out, "You're top 40 and I'm rythm and blues."

Rachel looses her cherished voice and is diagnosed by a doctor with laryngitis, who then suggest a tonsillectomy. A fate worse than death, according to head Drama Queen Rachel. She also rats out her fellow Glee Clubbers for not pulling their weight in rehearsal by letting her carry the vocal load. Finn admits to Shue that he hasn't been singing because he is tired of the Rachel and Jesse show and Shue has been assigning all the male lead vocals to Jesse anyway. Shue explains that in order to be a show choir they must all be voices in unison, and he hands out the weekly assignment to find a solo song that demonstrates who they really are. Last night's episode was packed with many good musical numbers, it's going to be an expensive itunes week for me.

Finn rocks the house with the Rick Springfield classic, "Jesse's Girl" and I think it is the best of the night.(and not just because I'm Team Finn) Not only does it demonstrate that Rachel's relationship with Jesse is consuming his thoughts right now, it successfully showcases Finn's rock chops, which get better and better, and sets the stage for the romantic tension building between Rachel and Finn. Then Puck pulls a black rabbit out of his hat, so to speak, inspired by Rat Pack legend Sammy Davis Jr., and lays down a smooth version of "The Lady is a Tramp".

The Lady, in this case is Mercedes. She buys it, hook, line, and sinker and rounds out the song with her vocals. Mission accomplished. Mercedes buys into Puck. McKinley's new power couple leaves Quinn in the surprising position of wanting to protect Mercedes. Mercedes admits she is aware that Puck is using her, but that she is enjoying the ride for now. Quinn tells Mercedes that it is Santana she needs to beware of. "The Boy is Mine" is executed to perfection between Mercedes and Santana. Who knew that Santana (Naya Rivera) had those chops? This is what I love about this show. Mercedes later decides to loose her Cheerio status and delivers her uniform to a shocked Sue Sylvester, when she realizes that Cheerios is not who she really is and she then decides to loose Puck too.

Kurt decides to loose his gay to try to win back his father's attention, complete with a truckers cap, flannel shirt and a vest, and sings a surprisingly good, butch version of Mellencamp's "Pink Houses". Everyone is left a bit confused, except for Brittany who is turned on by Kurt's new hetero-status and offers herself up, "Let me know if you want to tap this." Kurt uses Brittany to get his father's attention away from Finn when he invites her over for a make-out session, so his dad can see he's just one of the guys. His dad isn't really buying this new Kurt, but he tells him he's good "either way". Kurt is then crushed when his dad chooses Finn over the new Kurt, and it sends him into a show-tune singing, scarf wearing, Broadway tizzy,who belts out "Rose's Turn" which is altered to be "Kurt's Turn" on McKinley's stage. Kurt's dad is in the audience and tells Kurt he cancelled with Finn because he realizes that he needs to spend some time with Kurt.

Rachel, depressed over loosing her voice, all that she is, confides tearily to Finn (since Jesse is away with his Vocal Adrenaline friends and isn't really talking to her anyway because of the "Run, Joey Run" debacle) that without her ability to sing for an audience, she is nothing. Finn takes her to meet a friend of his, a former football star who was recently left paralyzed in a football accident, and she sees how ridiculous she has been behaving. A humbled Rachel returns to his house alone, complete with her healed voice, to offer up singing lessons to this guy who wishes he had the nerve to try out for his Glee club when he had the chance. They sing the musical finale, U2's "One", as it segways into a full Glee Club stage version of the song and finishes sweetly with the boy and Rachel holding hands and a single tear streaming down her cheek.

So who are we really if we loose what we think makes us who we are? Hopefully, the message here is we find out we are so much more than we thought.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Ummm...What Do You Think?

I can't figure this one out....the more I look at it the more perplexed I become.

Is that a guy or a girl?

It's a guy, but wait? It's a girl?
Matching neutral wedges with khaki shorts and blue top with coordinating trucker's cap. I'm confused... What's your guess? (click to make bigger) Put your answer in the comments and let's see if we can figger this one out.


I'm usually right on with this stuff, but here????? I'm at a loss.

One thing's for sure, he/she got the whole self-tan thing down! And let me tell you, it's not an exact science. I give this application two thumbs, WAY UP! You go girl.....

Monday, May 10, 2010

Coffe Talk

Tiny niblets to discuss amongst yourselves:

  • The Big Picture: My Guy and my kids gave me the best Mother's Day gift ever. I guess, while on the trip to the mall on Saturday, they had this photo shoot set up in the middle of the mall. You could have professional pics taken and framed, right there while you waited. The best part? Frick and Frack looked like they really LIKED each other. It made me cry. AND, they were totally dressed as themselves. No fancy hassle and it looked like they were having a ball. I treasure the pictures. Best. Gift. Ever.

  • BUSTING at the seams: This is a good thing because this time, it's not my waistline. It's The Candy Bar. Things are at a frenzied pace right now, (which is why I haven't been around much. Sorry) and My Guy and My Dad, (who both did not want me to do this in the first place) are pushing me to expand. I just bought into two new cosmetic lines, which are so exciting and are flying off the shelves, and there just so happens to be a vacant store front right next store. I have been working hard building my clientelle and it seems I may have tapped into a need. I dunno though, I'm not even through a year yet, but I just completed my biggest week ever. Say a little prayer for me....

  • Four score and forty years ago: It was Mother's day in 1970 and the Boston Bruins were just on the doorstep of a four game sweep of the St. Louis Blues. In game four of a series tied at 3-3 game in the Boston Gahhhden, a 29 year old rookie photographer took a picture of the goal heard round the world, or, a bronze statue called "The Goal" will be unveiled on Causeway Street at the entrance of the Garden. Bobby Orr will be on hand for the unveiling and the statue will join Boston Sports greats Ted Williams and Red Auerabach as bronze legends in the city. Possibly a great omen for this year????

  • You're all a bunch of Mutha's: To all my blogger friends, I wish to you and your very own mothers the most love and joy a family can bestow upon their family Matriarch.

It's not an easy job, but most of the time we love doing it.

Friday, May 7, 2010

My Brother And Iron Man

Remember I told you a while back that everybody tells me I look like Mariah Carey? Well my moms must have some super power genes, because another one of her spawn has a celebrity look alike. The man underneath Robert Downey Jr. is my brother. Almost every time I watch a Robert Downey Jr. movie, I feel like I'm looking at my brother on the big screen. Seriously, they have the same mannerisms and everything.

In honor of today being the opening of Iron Man 2, I thought I'd do a Top Ten List on Why My Brother Is Better Than Iron Man.

10. Everybody knows that Iron Man and My Brother both enjoy a few drinks every now and then. Iron Man let drinking almost ruin his life. My Brother, on the other hand, has perfected a good drunk, turning it into a fine art, there by enhancing his social status.

9. Iron Man went to MIT and was always fascinated with building and controlling machines. He built complicated weaponry for his country. My brother went to State College and can recall any New England Patriot statistic from any year or any Boston Red Sox stat. The man is a walking sports encyclopedia and is in the wrong profession. He should be saving the world from boring play by play commentators. Fox Sports has no idea what they are missing.

He also raised me on home grown sports.

8. Does Iron Man have a 6 handicap?? I don't think so.

7. Funny dosen't begin to cover it.

Iron Man can go and save the world, defeat villians like Nitro and Scarlet Witch, but My Brother kills everybody with his comedy. When he is in attendance at a social event, buckle your seat belt because he almost always puts on a great stand-up show. Many of us have been known to go home with a headache and sore cheeks from laughing too much. No lie.

6. Iron Man is the head of Stark Industries, a company he inherited from his deceased father. Stark is a genius; however, he is also a playboy. Iron Man is the figurehead for his company while his father’s old partner takes care of day-to-day operations. My Brother is partners with our older brother in a super successful company that bears their name. While our older brother handles day-to day operations, My Brother handles his "real" job out on the 18 holes of his country club, day-to day.

5. Did I mention that My Brother has a 6 handicap?

4. Iron Man had no siblings, but I'm sure that Tony Stark treated his colleagues, friends and relatives with respect. My Brother treated me with the uttmost respect when we were little. Especially when he told me that we were going to play a game together. He always let me be the super star. I remember one game where he told me that I was "OJ Simpson, The Juice" and the object was to try to run past the defensive line (him). After the punishing hits I absorbed, he wiped away my tears ever so gently with, "Don't tell mom, ok?"

3. Without his suit, Iron Man has no special powers. When he puts on a suit of armor his superpowers give him the super strength to fight villians. My Brother puts on a suit and it gives him super chick magnet powers. He needs super powers to fight them off. Even without a suit, women, children, dogs, cats; they all love him. It's a curse.

2. Tony Stark decided to announce to the world, at a press conference that he is Iron Man. My Brother needs no press conference, media or anything else to announce to his two children that he is a super hero.

And the Number One reason why My Brother is better than Iron Man?

1. Because I said so.
Anyone who can party like Robert Downey Jr., look like Iron Man, Sherlock Holmes, Charlie Chaplin and a movie star while doing it, is an Iron Man in his own right.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

To Market, To Market, Jiggidy Jig

Sometimes it's not easy being the mom.

I'm referring to the three wonderful and much-loved, people that comprise my immediate family and their eating habits.

Let's just say they have distinct and different tastes. This makes them and food shopping a huge pain in the ass. Which makes cooking the food I shop for a huge pain in the ass, also. Take for example, the logistics of the local supermarkets near my house. To the left is a shiny, clean, full of Whole Foods Supermarket. To the right is my tiny, local, well appointed but supremely expensive supermarket. Both of about equal distance from my home. Now, one would think that in today's day and age, savvy moms like me would buy organic, fresh and healthy food choices for their families and live happily ever after. Right?

Not in my house. I have to remind my daughter that Chips Ahoy is not a member of the four basic food groups. And my son that powdered doughnuts are for occasional treats, not a staple in a growing boy's diet. My Guy? He's worse than both of them because he thinks that Pop Tarts and a banana is the Breakfast of Champions. And I give up.

So then I think, I will lead by example. I will leave fresh fruits on the counter for my children to graze at when they arrive home from school. Wholesome nuts and occasional dried fruits accompany the fresh fruits.....along with green mold that builds up from not being eaten. Fresh veggies and poultry and or fish that I cook for dinner is becoming increasingly expensive when they ALL turn their noses up at it. Herein lies my problem.

I need to shop at the Whole Foods for my diet. I need the fresh produce, the healthy choices and now the sugar free options the super market provides. But I can't get Froot Loops at Whole Foods....I know what you're thinking. "You can get Organic Frootie O's at Whole Foods. They won't even know the difference."

Really, well I didn't go to school just to eat lunch. I tried that. Epic Fail.
Seriously, I've tried just about everything to get them to eat healthier and to no avail. What I find so hilarious is now, my daughter has decided she is going vegetarian. All of a sudden she will only eat veggies and pasta. Of course, Nutella on fruit and waffles and toast are fine, as well as her beloved Chips Ahoy. Oh yeah and Cheeseburgers have been deemed suitable for her vegetarian diet. I have to give her credit though, she will eat my veggies and she LOVES fish, but I wonder where the "I don't like milk, mom." is coming from.

AND she's the easy one...The other two? For the love of all that is green on God's earth, give me strength, because if it is not USDA Prime with potatoes and some gravy, they're not eating it. Which means I'm heading to two super markets a week and making, sometimes, two meals a night. I can't always eat what they eat and she's definitely not eating what they eat so I might as well hire a fricken chef because I'm EXHAUSTED!!

Am I nuts?

I'm going back to basics. I'm rolling all Old School on them and telling them that they will eat what I put in front of them and they will like it, or they won't eat at all. Let's see how that goes over. I can just imagine the revolt.

In the mean time, I will continue my almost daily trek through BOTH supermarkets. And like the song says.....sometimes it's nice to go where everybody knows your name.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Black GLISTing

In last night's episode of Glee, Sweet Polly Purebread meets Simon Bar Sinister. Sort of.

Kurt finds/steals a secret video of Sue Sylvester busting a hilarious dance move to Olivia Newton John's hit "Let's get Physical". The kids decide that payback's a bitch and Finn posts it on You Tube. The result makes Sue the laughing stock of McKinley High. Molly Shannon guest stars as a drug addicted, whore teacher who makes it her job to torture Sue in the teacher's lounge. These two make great hate between them and the laughs keep coming with lines like, "Don't start with me Castle or I swear I will kick you square in the taco." Sue takes retribution in Principal Figgins office with Mr. Shue, as she produces a "Glist" that has been circulated throughout the school ranking The Glee Club members "hotness" quotient. Figgins tells Shue to put an end to this "Glist" and find out who the culprit is or he will put an end to the Glee Club. (not like we haven't heard THAT one before)

Shue assigns the kids a rehab assignment. Take a song with a bad rap and rehab it. He hands out sheet music and the kids groan over his song choice of "suck". But hello, Mr. Shue got game people, and he successfully brings sexy back to the Vanilla Ice classic, "Ice Ice Baby". Suck never looked so good and once again the Glee choreographers showcase why this show is the hottest thing on TV.

Meanwhile the Glist is causing a stir. At the top of the Glist are the kids one would expect, Finn, Puck, Quinn... and at the bottom, with a negative ranking, sits Rachel. According to Tina, Mercedes, Artie, Kurt and Brittany,(fast becoming the best comic relief) who either didn't make the list or scored too low on the list, a bad rap is where it's at and they set out to que up thier badass quotient. They decide to cause a commotion in the library, Glee style. "U can't touch this" was by far my favorite of the night, showcasing Artie's (Kevin McHale) golden pipes and some badass dance moves. Props to the kids, this one is going on my ipod as we speak.

Sue's quest to bring down Shue continues as she sets out to counsel Emma, Shue's love interest with the worst intentions possible. She drops the bomb about how she bribed Shue's super to let her put baby monitors under his living room sofa and under his bed, and tells Emma that Shue has been playing tonsil hockey with the director of Vocal Adrenaline and sleeping with April the grifter. She convinces Emma to stop being Will's doormat and coaches her on her revenge strategy. Emma is devastated and delivers up her angst in a loud, embarassing speech declaring, "you are a slut!" loudly, in the teacher's lounge in front of all of his colleagues. Shue later apologizes to Emma with flowers, but she does not accept his apology.

Poor suffering Rachel and her quest to be popular, brings about a "musically promiscuous" side to Rachel and she sets out to cast her assignment, enlisting hunky Puck as her male lead. She asks for the help of Artie and the AV club, with Artie uttering a classic line, "you had me at sex tape. How can I help?" and records the song, "Run, Johnny, run". She, unbeknownst to any of them, casts Puck, Finn and Jesse as her male lead in an "artistic interpretation" of her song. It pisses all of the guys off and results in Jesse breaking up with Rachel, but not before telling her she broke his heart. I'm not quite sure he's not sincere here. But see ya-I'm sure he will run into the loving arms of Vocal Adrenaline, and some serious deception is poised to take place in the future.

Of course, Sue comes out of this smelling like a rose, because after some touching scenes, visiting with her disabled sister in a nursing home, she gets a call from big Olivia herself, asking her to help re-shoot the Physical video. I have to give Glee credit. While it may have been too soon after the legendary Vogue video, to cast Sue in another full length music video, I thought the Physical video was brilliant. Sue's voice being distorted and the full on shots of the beefy man-cakes, all sort of made the fabulous Ms. Newton John's appearance obsolete. But, Olivia added authenticity.(and she looks great)

Now that Emma hates Shue and he feels horrible about it, Shue has some sort of ethereal revelation when he sees Quinn in the hallway(at first I thought they were going to hook up) and realizes that she was the author of the Glist. He gets her to admit to it, but also protects her from Figgins when he inquires about the Glist.

The show ends with a engaging rendition of, "Total Eclipse of the Heart" with Rachel and her three paramours; Puck, Finn and Jesse, singing, and I wonder, is there any song this girl can't cover? Seriously, this version is better than the original and gives me goose bumps. I know Leah Michelle is poised to become the next big voice ala Barbara, Mariah and Celine. I love to be blown away, and that's exactly what happens here.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Courting Disaster

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure. Luckily, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him.

He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."
The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts.

Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."

Joke courtesy of The Joke Yard

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Humbling Of Weston

A huge water main break happened right here in my home town on Saturday, causing more than 2 million people in Massachusetts to be left without clean tap water. The break caused a water crisis unseen in the states history. An immediate order for residents to boil tap water rapidly for at least one minute before using the water for cooking and drinking was issued for the 30 local communities that were effected. On Saturday, while at work, I received a pre-recorded call from the town stating that there had been a water break, but that Weston's water supply had not been compromised. Then, two hours later, I received another pre-recorded call ordering Weston residents to boil our tap water, as it had now been deemed unsafe.

The confusion really set in when in just a few hours later, the phone rang again with the news that Weston's water supply was safe and there was no need to boil water. A scrawling message was broadcast on the local TV stations, all night, listing the affected town's water supplies, and Weston was not one of them. Turns out, it happened here, but it did not affect us. Local TV news aired the mayhem across the state, as people swarmed supermarkets with panic, depleting their supplies of any and all bottled water. Restaurants were forced to either shut down, or limit their service and coffee shops were all but put out of business for a day or two.

It makes one think about how much we take for granted. How lucky we are that we can turn the faucet on in our marbled bathrooms and not think much about the safety of the water that streams through it. About how when something like this happens, we can travel in our gassed up autos, to our food filled grocery stores and buy ample supplies of bottled water with the money in our wallets. About the fact that we have the electricity/gas to allow us to boil the water deemed unsafe and that we can afford to be inconvenienced for a few days.

There are so many others in the world who cannot say the same.
I, for one, am humbled, and although I have not been affected, this crisis makes me think about those who live without safe water on a daily basis.

And I wonder why such a disparity exists between people in the world. As I turn on my faucet and brush my teeth this morning, I will think about why I am part of the hundreds of millions who can.