What? Wait? Again?

Am I the only one who is shocked by the latest Tiger Woods news that his break up with Lindsay Vonn was due to the fact that he cheated with a "faceless, nameless, woman"?

I think I am.

I had to Google the news yesterday because I hadn't heard about it on the gossip pages of a trash magazine. That's surprising, don't you think? On the contrary, I actually believed the official statement put out by Lindsay's people that the breakup was due to the fact that they both "lead incredibly hectic lives that force us to spend a majority of our lives apart". It made sense to me. What a fool I am. Or maybe what a fool Lindsay is, but I was sure this time was going to be different. He knew the world would be watching, and they were. apparently he was seen with the woman and decided to "come clean" (no pun intended) to Lindsay about it.

A Tiger never changes his spots...does he?

A good life lesson for all of us.

American Movie Idol

Scott Eastwood

So I'm watching TV the other day and a trailer comes on for the new movie, "The Longest Ride". And I stop dead in my tracks for a second. All of a sudden I'm mesmerized by the male lead in this movie. Like I really had to stop and look at this guy. I thought, 'who is THAT?' because I couldn't believe how handsome this kid was. The movie, aimed at the younger than I generation, looks to be another hopeful contender to be the modern day "The Notebook", but my curiosity got the best of me. I Googled the movie and quickly found out that this handsome kid, whom I have never seen before in any tabloid or on TMZ.com, is none other than Scott Eastwood. Yes, that same Eastwood of the Clint Eastwood fame because he is his son.

I then text the authority on the subject, Frick, my daughter.

MOM: OK so Scott Eastwood "the longest ride"? Seriously? The dude is like Tom Brady handsome and I never thought anyone could ever come close

FRICK: HES SOOOOO HANDOME

FRICK: LIKE WOW

FRICK: LIKE HES SO BEAUTIFUL

MOM: Umm yaaa

MOM: WOW

MOM: It was a Zac Effron moment.

FRICK: I feel YA

FRICK: I feel the same way. Three of the most handsome men ever.

The Zac Effron thing is a reference to a time not so very long ago when Frick was a little girl watching "High School Musical" in her bedroom. I came in to her room to discuss something important with her and while I was speaking I glanced over at the TV and completely lost my train of thought. I went silent and I said, "Who is that? He's so handsome."

Silly me-I get distracted by beauty.

And a beauty he is. Just like his father, Clint Eastwood, who was at one time an American movie idol and  not just a two time Oscar winning director. In fact, back in the day Dirty Harry was positively swoon worthy and a major Hollywood sex symbol.

The legendary Clint Eastwood

Yes, good genes run in the family because it would seem that this kid has what it takes to take it to super movie idol status....and I'm an old lady and he stopped me mid blink.

Friday Funny

A Woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

RE: INSTALLING HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewelry Applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another valuable program, Romance 9.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SPORTS 4.1

What can I do?

Reply:-

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to download
Tears 6.2. Then it will automatically run the applications Jewelry 3.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 3.5 or Beer 6.1.

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0.... Otherwise new virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be downloaded into your system.

So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 Program. These are unsupported applications and will Crash Husband 1.0.

We recommend: Cooking 5.0 and Cute Looks 7.7

Good Luck Madam.

Happy Friday bloggers! And try to remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. 

Fat Bottomed Girls

Is there any truth to the saying in the song, "Fat bottomed girls you make the rocking world go round."? Being somewhat of a "fat bottomed girl" myself, I wondered.

I'm sitting on the beach with a bunch of people this weekend, and the conversation casually turns to the shape and size of all people. The topic was about someone that knew someone in high school, that happened to be a "fat bottomed girl". It was told that this certain "fat bottomed girl" got all the guys.
Really?
We questioned this collectively. Yes. It was affirmed. This girl happened to get both handsome and not so handsome guys with relative ease.

OK, we said. "Was that because she was easy?" We couldn't help but wonder. The answer may surprise you. It was told that she was not easy in the way that one may think, but easy in that she was available. Then the fellas all chimed in.

"I'm not sure that's true," one said. "I've never been into fat girls."

"Oh yeah," one said. "In my twenties? After hitting back a few?" another said. "They all look like supermodels."

Another said, "I'm pleading the fifth here." And we all knew what that meant.

And one actually said. "Yeah, that could be true."

While there are much more important and pressing topics to be discussed on the pages of The Daily Dandy, I decided to poll it out to my boys.

OK fellas... to all the boys that comment here.Is it true? Is it a rite of passage? Does the "Rocking World Go Round"? Tell us what you think.

My Guy's Making Time

My Guy and I set off on Friday for a fun filled weekend in NYC with Frick. She was performing her "final exam" project Saturday night (which was amazing). I was excited to spend a great Mother's Day weekend in the city with my favorite daughter. All week My Guy and I talked about the time of departure on Friday. We were set to leave around 11AM, so around 10:15AM that morning My Guy started stressing about "making good time" and beating the afternoon traffic.

It's a funny thing. Why is it that men worry about "making good time?"

The ride, door to door from my MA home to NYC is usually about 4 or 4.5 hours. In the 2 years that Frick has been in college in the city, My Guy found this easy, non-traffic-ed way that usually takes about 3 hours. Amazing right? But one can never predict the traffic, road patterns and obstructions. Here's my take: What does it matter what time we get there? We didn't have an appointment. We wouldn't be seeing Frick until about 4PM that day and leaving at 11 gave us more than enough time to make it with some to spare. Yet My Guy poured furiously over his GPS trying to calculate his route and predict what we would find along the way.

"It's all about making good time," I teased My Guy. "It's about proper road management," he replied. The ride took us about 4 and a half hours total, with a 20-30 min stop for lunch. And yes...we hit traffic. Lots of it in some areas, but not enough to make for a major delay, so I'm not sure that would qualify in My Guy's top ten "making good time" rides. I say who cares? It's adorable and strange at the same time but I'm left to wonder is this a man vs woman thing?

"Making good time" for a guy is like scoring bragging rights. It's a male equivalent to "sticking it to the man" and somewhat like a mobile version of a free lunch. Why is that boys? If I had to venture to guess, I would say women worry more about what to pack for the trip than getting there in record time. Guys? It would seem to be all about getting there quick and navigating a Houdini route that will ensure less time traveled. Don't get me wrong, I like getting to my final destination in record time, but my stress is much more about whether or not I need the black Louboutin strappy pumps or whether I really need the two different face bronzers that I cannot seem to part with. If we were traveling under a time constraint of some sort, I could justify the stress and the strategy, but we weren't.

What do you got to say for your yourself fellas? Be honest.

Where Is Waldo?

So it took me a minute, but "Where is Waldo?" in these pics?

Especially since the Pap's usually splash pics of the women violators all over the press. Proof that wardrobe malfunctions are a unisex phenomenon. 

No wonder Don Draper is such a Mad Man...

This can't be good for the old sperm count.
 Last time I heard his fiance, Jennifer Aniston's clock was ticking.

This one of Becks is blatant....so sue me.

Time For An Oil Change

All the fellas and ladies out there, listen up! There's a new trend taking the beauty industry by storm and it's somewhat confusing, considering most of us were taught to steer clear of it in it's pure form. Welcome to the new era in beauty/grooming products!

PURE OIL..

Jack Black has brought us a wonderful, pure oil that's unisex and has multiple use. MP 10 Nourishing Oil is made up of 10 natural oils:

1. Argan Oil
2. Organic Moringa Seed Oil
3. Organic Marula Seed Oil
4. Watermelon Seed Oil
5. Plum Seed Oil
6. Organic Baobab Seed Oil
7. Olive Fruit Oil
8. Grape Seed Oil
9. Jojoba Oil
10. Rice Bran Oil

These natural oils form a most perfect way to deliver rich, pure moisture to the skin without clogging pores and infuse powerful antioxidants to fight the aging process. But here's the best part: there are so many uses for this oil, you will be amazed!!

• Guys-use it as a pre shave oil: It prepares the skin like no other and allows for the closest shave while protecting the delicate skin on your face. 
• Ladies-use it for the same. Your legs will never feel smoother or softer after shaving with this.
• Use it on your HAIR...As a conditioning treatment use a small amount on wet hair at the ends. Use it on dry hair, in small amounts to take frizzies and fly away's and as a beard conditioner. If you have no hair, even better! It's a great conditioner/moisturizer for men with a baldpate.
• Use it as a facial moisturizer: Now, for those of us who were taught that oil is bad for you skin listen up: this product is non comedogenic and rich with antioxidants. You are doing your skin a favor by using this. Mix it in with your daily facial moisturizer for an extra boost.
• Use all over your body: This is arms and legs season, and nothing is better for glowing skin than nourishing oils. It's also great for dry skin on your heels, elbows and cuticles straight up, and even better when added to your body lotion or cream. 

We are obsessed!! And you will be too. At $32.00, with everyday use, the bottle should take you right through the summer. 

Come by The Candy Bar and check it out! We will even give you a sample to take home and try. I know you will love it!

I Was Just Thinking..

It would seem to me that as a society, we are all obsessed with the concept of an upgrade. Onto bigger and better things, so out with the old and in with the new. But is the new always the better option?

• Technology says yes. Newer phones with the latest technology that are quicker, clearer and thinner than their older counterparts who just can't compete create a societal frenzy. If the lines of people camped outside the Apple store in all kinds of weather don't speak volumes about our voracity for upgraded technology, I don't know what does.  It's a techie's wet dream of being the first to own the newest in the industry. 
• Jewelry. They say that diamonds are a girl's best friend, so who doesn't want a bigger, brighter version of our very good friend? On second thought, maybe not everyone needs bigger, but if offered the opportunity to own a more valuable gem or stone, you'd be hard pressed to find someone to say "no thanks".

The question still begs..Is it always better? Is an upgrade a better grade of life? 

• Weary traveler's say yes. A first class seat airline seat is bigger, softer, roomier and comes with a better meal with a more attentive waitress than it's coach counterpart. Does that mean that there's also an upgrade of people in first class?
• Academic papers that are "upgraded" may be the only exception to the question at hand. An upgrade on any academic work is always a good thing.

But when it comes to the people in our lives, the concept of an "upgrade" is fuzzy at best. Can one really "upgrade" the old ball and chain? Can you actually replace a person with a newer version of the same person? I guess you'd have to ask Hugh Hefner. It would seem that he has perfected the art of "upgrading" his women. It's a funny dinner party joke with your friends, to kid about "upgrading" your spouse, but in truth I would guess that most people would rather not. In fact, I think most people who tend to poke fun at the concept of replacing one person with another "newer" version know exactly what it means. 

It means they know for certain that for them, there is no better grade. 

Bunch Of Blondies

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


http://www.ahajokes.com/blo055.html

Mars Vs. Venus

If it's true that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then we must really be living on two separate planets. I'm referring to business specifically, but it's also an age old question for the age old battle of the sexes. The answer, it seems is simple; men and women are different. Truth is, it's not really that simple.

Men and women approach business from different perspectives. Both genders can achieve great success, and both genders have unique strengths that can attribute to that success. Because we approach things differently, who's to say there is a template for what equates to success and what does not. Women tend to be more emotional because society encourages a more nurturing woman's role in all aspects of life. So in the workplace or in a position of power is there room for emotion?   Mental toughness is a strength, yet emotion is seen as a weakness? One could argue that it would depend upon the business and the individual, but for some, emotion is what drives their success.

In sales, emotion is paramount to hook your audience. The goal is get them excited about your brand and hopefully emotionally invested in it so that they will come back to you, time and time again. Without emotion, consumers couldn't be brand loyal and vendors couldn't motivate them to trust that brand and spend their money. Picking up on client's emotional cues or hints of unhappiness and responding to them help to keep them happy and build relationships based on trust and respect.

On the other hand, when making business decisions, emotion sometimes can cause frustration and removing the emotion from the situation is best advised for making sound decisions. A "never let them see you sweat", kind of thing, and both genders sweat emotionally in business from time to time. Barking back at a co-worker or spouting off a nasty group email, which seems satisfying in the moment, in retrospect is never a good idea.

We are different, men and women, and as such we handle all kinds of situations from different mindset.

Case in point: Take a look at Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in a room full of men watching the US take out Osama Bin Laden.

A picture is indeed, worth a thousand words.

I Was Just Thinking.....

You know, this sh*t goes both ways fellas...

Can't Live With 'Em, Can't Kill 'Em

So, my sister sent me this and it made me chuckle... It's title was:

"Men Who Lack Female Supervision"

Of course, I started to think; what would the world be like if there were no women to make sure things go smoothly? These photos serve to show what boys will do if left to their own devices.

In this case, you might say that beauty is most definitely in the eye of the beholder. "Honey, my parents are coming to dinner on Sunday."


Who knew Santa stalked and killed Rudolf and Vixen and the boys? He just removes them from the wall every year.

I cannot tell a lie. I love the ingenuity here, Plus, it's very green. Recycle, reuse, redo.

I have no words for this one.....

Ummmm, I think there is an easier way.

Hilarious, but I can't help but wonder if after a few brews how many of them got used.

I must say, it gets the job done. "I think I'll pass on dessert."

Redneck waterskiing.

Redneck relaxation. "Hey Paw, the neighbors been complainin' again."

Boy Bashing

So here I am in my bliss full, still-on-my-honeymoon phase of just-married life and someone sends me this:

To all those men who say, 'Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Hee hee! Tough talk. I received that little blurb in my email the other day and I thought I would share it with you. I call this practice, "boy bashing" and to be blunt, every once in a while we all need to engage in a little "boy bashing". It puts perspective on that age old HE vs. SHE debate. And there's power in numbers. Even I had to sort of chuckle when I read these. It more than makes me lean toward my fellow sister's team.

1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.

2 Men are like Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like .. Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12! . Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Sorry fellas, you know how much I love you all, but us girls know that on those game nights downstairs in your buddy's "man-cave", or on your golf "man-cations", or even on boys poker nights, you boys come up with some doosies that bash us girls.

It's all in good fun. Right ladies?

So like they say, "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen." Which you guys do so well anyway....

Alpha Male

So my brother and I are driving home from Frack's lacrosse game on Sunday; his son and my son in the back seat. We're having our usual back and forth, funny banter when we have a slight disagreement about some random fact. After a couple of simple, "no that's not right's." my brother says, "Calm down alpha male, You're doing way too much talking." And it hits me.

Am I the alpha male? My response to him, "whatever.." because I'm sure I was right about the random fact anyway. You know how one of you siblings or a family member says something to you or about you and it makes you think? Especially one that has the birth order edge over you. So I thought about it.

I have been a little on edge lately. Shit, I got a lot going on right now, but so does everyone. My Guy told me I seemed a little on edge lately, too. So why does this make me the alpha male? The alpha male is dominant. Am I dominant? (insert dominatrix joke here)

• I think all mothers have a somewhat dominant role within the home. Like the female lion, it is my job to feed my family and nurture them.
• I am a small business owner and employer and as such I assume a dominant role in my career. I have to take on a confident role in building my brand and creating a demand for my product or I will not survive.
• I work hard and I play hard, which is why I get mad hard. I live for the passion. Sometimes I'm like the Celtics Big Baby Davis; drooling, but I don't care.
• I have a short fuse,but I think I am learning, through owning my own business, to apply critical thinking to a problem instead of emotion. The results are always better.
• I have a lot going on at the moment and I'm trying to be all things to all people. If the dominant skills are helping to keep me on track, then so be it.

You know the more I think about it, the more I think my brother could be absolutely right! I could possibly be the alpha male...Moody, bossy, and in charge. Here I am juggling more than a few plates in the air and getting no appreciation from him. Thanks, man.

So in my best Alpha Male voice, I should have ended the entire discussion simply and told my brother to, " shut up and bring me my paper."

The Worst LIE Of His Career

I feel the need to weigh in on this whole Tiger Woods debacle on this forum, considering a few factors:

1. I once was a wronged, cheated on spouse. (repeat: I WAS-past, not present)

2. My son is a young boy who at one time idolized what used to be "Tiger Woods".

c. Because I have a blog and I can.

I think that Josh Duhamel is probably the happiest guy in the world right now. I speak of Fergie's (Black Eyed Peas) actor husband, because until Tiger's UNBELIEVABLE story of multiple, cross-continental, global, adulterous trysts that broke last week, Josh was the dirty dog of the tabloid world. The media was collectively looking at Josh with a "how could you?" scowl, for his "transgressions" with a stripper in some hotel room.

Josh should send Tiger a huge fruit basket for the holiday's, because, sadly, Tiger's torrid story makes Josh look like a choir boy.

This morning, after woman number 10 has emerged as his alleged mistress, Tiger finds himself with the worst lie on the golf course of life. And that's what this is really about, isn't it? LIES. And I know a lot about lies, considering I lived one for many years. I think that, maybe, the difference between my EX and Tiger is about seven zeros. What I mean by that is that my EX's torrid sex stories weren't worth six zeros, or even two zeros to TMZ. I have a feeling that if they were worthy of some zeros, my story would have played out much like Tiger's. I may even venture a guess to say I know a small bit about how Elin is feeling.

I feel pretty confident guessing that she F-ING hates the sight of her husband right now and she most definitely (sorry anti-violence folks) has either hit her husband with her hands or some other object, or has fantasized about it. Today's 24 hour Tiger media drama is reporting that Elin has moved out of their home. Yeah, I'm sure she has been pushing for that since the minute she learned about everything. I'm sorry she had to withstand this with his sorry-ass face for as long as she has.

Do I believe every $$ grubbing tramp who says she slept with Tiger over the last few years?

Do you?

I do believe he f-ed up ROYALLY and that he has been banging whatever he wanted for as long as he wanted, but all of these women??? I'm seeing money talking here, more than truth, for the most part.

The problem is the almost, "addiction and deviance" that is revealed by 1. the numerous sexual partners and 2. the deviance in which Tiger continued these sexual affairs. Herein lies the problem, with LIES being the operative word.

LIES destroy lives.

Cheap, tawdry ho's who sleep with other women's husbands are not the problem. The problem is Tiger's addiction to the deviance and the lies he has strung together to support his secret life. I was Elin, and even without the zeros, the house of cards falls just as hard. Because of the lies, I can never really look back and say, "Well, we had some good years" because I don't believe that. I don't believe anything was EVER true, because it was all based on LIES. And if I were betting on Elin, I would say it was even money odds, she is feeling somewhat similar and that this marriage will not survive.

I can't even imagine being Elin today and having a 24-7 media frenzy, detailing every sick and hurtful detail of my one time, beloved husband's, deviant, sexual trysts for the world to consume. AND yes, it's possible she HAD NO IDEA. Deviant, psychopathic liars are so good at keeping you in the dark.

I can tell you this. This is not going to be a victorious, come from behind victory for Tiger Woods. The athlete who at one time was a beacon of mental toughness, will now endure the scrutiny of disgrace in his life off the course. He is a fool that has chosen the wrong path and has destroyed his legacy and his life.

There is no magical club in his golf bag that can get him out of this LIE.

Lazy Boys

Hard day at the office, honey?

Happy Weekend Bloggers!!!

A Love Story

Sorry bloggers, I'm "phoning it in" today as I have to take the kiddos for their yearly check ups, get them to school, then get myself to the store all before 10 am. My sister sent this to me and I had to crack up....It also made me think. What's good for the doe is good for the buck. I'm not one to get caught staring into the headlights...



My sweet husband invited me to go hunting with him this year.
I couldn't believe it... the first time ever!I never thought he'd be willing to share his 'guy time' with me and being the thoughtful man that he is, he even gave me an opening day present. He calls it 'The First Timers Lucky Hat'. I'm so fortunate to be married to him. I have attached a picture of me in my lucky hat below....