I'm Doomed To Hell

So while I was on vacation in Disney, I spotted a guy with a massive smudge of dirt on his forehead and found myself unable to look away for a few moments.

What I quickly realized was that it was Ash Wednesday and that I, yet again, missed the boat on an important religious ritual. BUT, since I was on vacation, I said...F**K-IT! and decided to face that particular music when I got home. Well, after a wonderful steak dinner last Friday night, I remembered that that I had forgotten that it was the Lenten Season and that I needed to make my yearly sacrifice and TRY to observe the archaiac religious rituals I had learned as a child.

I have decided to give up cursing, cussing and the use of profanity until Easter Sunday which is ABSOLUTELY REDONK...but I maysuprise myself and get some brownie points for effort.

As I said, I'm doomed to hell, and in case your wondering, this is what any and all confrontations in my world will be like for the next few weeks.




F*#K, I'm screwed.....

The Happy Voyeur

Let's talk a little bit about the voyeur in all of us, shall we? The word voyeur is defined by Merriam Webster.com as, "one who habitually seeks sexual stimulation by visual means". But I'm not referring to that kind of voyeur today. Sorry pervs.

Today I am referring to the kind of voyeur defined as, "a prying observer who is usually seeking the sordid or the scandalous". I feel quite confident saying that everybody, at one time or another, seeks the "sorid or the scandalous". It's human nature. Like it or not we are all members of a "train wreck mentality" society, so curious we find ourselves unable to look away. Sometimes to our detriment.

And you know you've done it.....

And you know someone who's told you about a situation they saw or overheard....

That's what makes this so funny.



Tom Mabe: Eavesdropping

Happy Thursday, Voyeur Nation.

Thank You Sweet Baby Jesus For The Smokin Hot Dennis Quaid Who Is A Stone Cold Fox

I'm sorry.

I knew at about 9:30 yesterday morning that I had to share this with you.

It was so funny that it actually interrupted my workout. Yup, I had to stop running because I was laughing so hard.

Please, watch.

Hump Day Humor

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever')

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Let's just say this is a public service to the men out there.

Print this list out, fellas and post it where you can see it daily.

Live it, learn it, for it will serve you well, grasshopper.

You can thank me later.