Reinventing The Wheel

Lately I've been busy...

Like strange busy. While quarantining at home I thought I'd have all this time to do all the things I like to do, like read, blog, do laundry, etc. But I find that I don't have time because lately, I've been doing a lot of reinventing. Social distancing policies have forced me to reinvent how I do my business in the midst of a pandemic, but it's not just work. I find that I'm reinventing different things every day.

Text and FaceTime with my friends and loved ones are the new normal in touching base and letting people know you care thereby reinventing my social interaction. While It's easy to change from your day pajamas to your night pajamas, I choose not to, so I'm reinventing my daily look. I also haven't been loving the lunch that I used pack from home and more often than not and eat on the fly, so I've been reinventing cuisine around here daily. I've become the Rachel Ray in my house and the family dinners have been epic! I forgot how much I like to cook and that I'm good at it because I used to eat out almost Every. Single. Night. The refrigerator is jam-packed like never before, and I keep watch on the food and leftovers so that nothing goes to waste, ready to pounce when something has passed it prime. A TOTAL reinvention, since I used to be never home to notice.

Supermarket, pharmacy lists and filling on-line orders at my store have become spread sheet worthy tasks as necessities are rationed and carefully planned. Trips are shortened and far more productive and deliberate. When completed, I always to then return safely home and wash my hands thoroughly. No detours.

But this one's the shocker.
I've even reinvented my TV habits.
I have hardly watched Netflix, (except for Season 3 of Ozark-loved it!) or Bravo. CNN is my constant companion and its becoming the soundtrack to my quarantine days. Everything lately is a complete reinvention from whom I used to be.

And it's OK. Because although we've been forced to look at life differently in this historic moment in time, it's given me the opportunity to be more thoughtful, more aware and more careful about my choices. It's always been me-but the me who was on the fast track and probably a bit more quick and carefree doesn’t have the same options. It's not that I have really changed who I am, It's more like I've reinvented what and how I navigate through everyday life.

I'm still me. I’m still the same person I was before the pandemic. I just need to pivot and adapt to this strange thing that has hit us all, hard. So I count my blessings and forge ahead. I really don't need to reinvent the wheel.

Trainwreck

I've been a bit of a trainwreck lately.

In the best possible way, of course. But my blogging time has been directly affected. The more The Candy Bar's numbers go up, the less time I have to blog. These are good problems to have because when all is said and done, I gotta devote my time to the thing that pays the bills. All week I had plans to blog, yet I never seemed to find any time. Like this week I had plans to blog about:

• "Don't Discount the Discount"-I went shopping with my high school girl friends on Monday afternoon. We went to a Nordstrom Rack and while there I found at least 6 things that I liked that were cheap. Normally I don't buy cheap items, but these were fashionable and fit well. The price made me think twice? Really? Expensive items don't make me think twice but the cheap ones did? Were they not good quality? Would they last? I bought them anyway and I'm glad I did. I have received lots of compliments on my discounted clothing and heck, if they don't last, it's not like I paid a bundle for them.

•  "Stop and Smell the Success"-As I stated earlier, I'm getting busier and busier at the store. This is great, and it's about time but I have to remember I am not superwoman. Some days I forget to eat both breakfast AND lunch. Not good when come quitting time I'm so stressed out and I have a headache that I can't even enjoy my down time. I gotta take a moment. I've got to breathe, and let someone else do it. I don't have to always be the one doing. I already am the one worrying about it so I might as well let someone else do it.  

• "Trainwreck"-After an especially stressful day, which resulted in a headache, I took two Advil, ate dinner and watched the movie "Trainwreck". It was just what the doctor ordered. It was a dumb-ass movie, but I loved it! Amy Schumer is hilarious. Who knew LeBron James was funny and a surprise cameo from John Cena made it worthwhile. The sex scene with Cena was worth the two hours alone! He was hysterical! The laugh was a great release and much needed.

Yeah...It seems like I woke up and it was Friday already. Where did the week go?

For now, I'm ok, great in fact. But I've got to remember that this train I'm on will NOT be a wreck.

On Borrowed Time

Daylight saving time and, whoo hoo, if Fall Back isn't my favorite time of the year! I remember it best back in high school when it gave me an extra hour with my friends at that certain upperclassmen party! As I got older, had children and worked harder than ever that extra hour was a welcome gift. Yes, yesterday morning was a pure delight when I realized that I had an extra hour of sleep, rest or relax-whatever I wanted or needed to do-because time is precious, especially these days.

What could I do with my extra hour on a Sunday? More time to make my football picks. More time to do laundry, cook, clean, sleep or spend with my family. I felt like I hit the time lottery and my psyche had a slight  positive respite, if only for an extra hour. As happy as the extra hour makes me, there are those who do not delight in the borrowed time as I do.

Originally, the DST was method adopted to "save energy" during World War I and World War II, but recent studies actually show that this is not the case. It shows that it may decrease lighting use but may increase heating and AC use. It would seem that there are benefits and dangers to both moving the clocks ahead and back, and there are lobbying groups both pro and con for DST.

For me? I am just taking it one day at time and enjoying stealing an extra hour for myself. Talk to me in the spring when I have to give that hour back. For now I'm moving ahead living on the borrowed time.

Funny Cup O' Joe

A blonde goes to her doctor and says that every time she drinks a coffee her eye hurts. 

The doctor prepared her a hot, fresh cup of coffee to see what really happens. She took a sip of the coffee and screamed, "Ouch, that hurts!" The doctor said, "I know your problem." 

The blonde asked, "Is it bad, doctor?" The doctor replied, "No, you just need to take your spoon out of your cup before you drink your coffee."

Assume The Wet Nail Position

 I am a huge fan of the pedicure. Nothing is more pleasing than pretty, well polished hands that are just painted...and dry. Is there nothing worse than waiting for your wet nails to dry? The 15-20 minutes in between wet and dry nails is complete hell for me. Having just got back from a successful trip to the nail shop, I wondered if I was the only one who feels this way?

 Sure enough, the Internet was full of ladies claiming the same "20 minute wait from hell" that I was. These are the things we can all agree on:

• The second your nails are complete, as in freshly painted, undoubtedly you will have to go to the bathroom. The realization that you will not be able to complete this necessary and mundane task until at least 30 minutes after your nails are dry...MAKES YOU HAVE TO GO EVEN MORE!
• Your just quiet cell phone suddenly blows up with texts and calls from your friends and loved ones. You sit there completely paralyzed with helplessness-lest you ruin that $18.00 service you just paid for. In that case, the extreme is in order..IT CAN WAIT!
• After what seems is a reasonable amount of time, you give yourself the "tap test". This is lightly tapping one nail on top of the other. If it's sticky, you are not done. If it's not sticky, you are generally good to go. Armed with a new found confidence that your nails are dry, you reach into your bag for that all important cell phone or car key only to smudge your nails...NEVER TRUST THE TAP TEST!
• If you have successfully retrieved your cell phone so that you can Instagram or Facebook a picture of your freshly painted, gorgeous manicure to share with friends, holding your cell phone for the nail selfie will undoubtedly cause a nick or smudge...NO NAIL SELFIES FOR AT LEAST 30 MINUTES AFTER.
• "Fast Dry Nail Coats" and "Fast Dry Sprays" will work only slightly....DON'T FALL FOR IT.

There are so many methods out there to speed up the process, but do they really work? It would seem that while you are speeding up the nail dry process, you are indeed waiting...amiright?

These look like a genius little tool:

Nail Polish Protectors?

They are supposed to protect those freshly painted nails so that you can get out and into your car, put on your coat or talk on the phone while protecting your new manicure. Not sure if they work or how I feel about them, but it's nice to know they are out there. 

Bottom line: there is no fool proof way to secure a "quick dry"  manicure. Aside from the Gel manicure, that cures on your nails after exposure to UV light, which takes a lot more time and is a lot more $$, there is no magic, quick dry cure. Plan for the time to complete the task. Relax and enjoy the break form your crazy life. Plain and simple. After all, aren't most manicures a "spa" service? 

I say enjoy the spa time. 

Ballsy Elephant

What do you do with an elephant with that has 3 balls?


Walk him and pitch to the giraffe.

True Love?

Friday Funny

Not to brag or anything...
But I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

Happy Weekend bloggers! Celebrate any victory no matter how small.

Blondie P.I.

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions: 

Officer: What's 2 + 2? 
Blonde: Ummm... 4! 
Officer: What's the square root of 100? 
Blonde: Ummm... 10! 
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? 
Blonde: Ummm... I dunno. 
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. 

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. 
The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"



http://www.jokesoftheday.net/

Overheard at Fenway Paahk Last Night.....

Sorry for the f-bomb. 

Mean Old Mrs. Reeves...A Re-Post

I wrote this one back in 2011, but it still stands true today.

I had this third grade teacher who was just plain old mean. I'll never forget the bitch because I think my eight year old self might have taught her a lesson.

She was the kind of teacher that yelled...a lot. We were petrified of her and if she was nice to you, you strove to keep things that way. Nobody wanted to be on Mrs. Reeves' bad side. She was teaching us our multiplication times tables and she would shout out randomly, "Candy, what is 5 times 6?" She gave you all of two seconds and if you didn't know the answer in a mili-second she would ask someone else. I swear, I still can't call those multiplication times tables to mind quickly because I was traumatized by her back then.

Well, the end of school came and it was the second to last day of school. We had field day, when all the classes competed against each other for ribbons in stuff like the egg toss and tug of war. I think it rained on our field day, because it was in the school gym. We were in a single line, passing by the library for our treat, a big m&m cookie, when I tripped over my untied shoe lace and skinned my knee.

Mrs. Reeves, being the bitch that she was, yelled at me and sent me to the nurse for a band-aid and told me in an exasperated manner that she would get my cookie and put it on my desk. Off I went to the nurse who gave me some TLC and a band-aid and I was sent on my way. When I returned to the classroom, everyone was laughing and sharing in a celebration with punch and cookies. There was no cookie on my desk. So I went up to Mrs. Reeves and quietly asked her if she had gotten me a cookie.

For whatever reason this set her off, and she hailed a barrage of screaming at me that literally caused wind burn on my face. I was mortified, embarrassed and pissed off at this injustice. And I was fed up with her. She told me to go sit at my desk and as I walked over to my chair, instead of sitting, I slammed the chair as hard as I could into the desk and I took off!!

Eight years old and I was free!!! Free of that rotten bitch Mrs. Reeves and free out the door of the school. I was going home. I wasn't going to take her abuse for one more second. I think I might have been laughing as I ran up the street towards home, but I felt good knowing that I had taken a stand against mean old Mrs. Reeves.

I kept going, triumphant in my quest to get home, until I saw our school Principal's car pull up beside me. Now if you think Mrs. Reeves was a bitch, then Ms. Hadelski was Osama Bin Laden and I knew I was screwed. Panicked, I began to run faster but she caught up to me, except she wasn't mean at all. In fact, she was nice. She told me that we needed to talk and that she would love to give me a ride back to school.

So I went with her, all the while, talking. She was calm and clear and not at all threatening. But I was ready for her and old Reeves, fists clenched. When we got back to school, I sat in her office while, get this, Hadelski got me a cookie and some punch. She never called my mom and I got into no trouble. She told me I didn't have to go back into my classroom if I didn't want to and I didn't want to.

When school was over, I went home on the school bus and awaited my punishment because by now I figured my mom had been called. But she never said a word. How could this be? My mom never brought it up and neither did I. I went reluctantly back to school, the last day and Reeves was waiting for me when I got there like a predator waiting for her prey. She took me out into the corridor and began yelling at me about how dangerous my behavior was, blah, blah blah. She asked me if I had told my mother about what happened, and I was silent. I think I was paralyzed with fear because I couldn't speak, but what that bitch did next was unforgivable.

She grabbed me by the arm, hard, and began demanding that I answer her. All I could feel was pain in my arm from where she was squeezing me, and instinctively I kicked her as hard as I could in the shin, multiple times, until she released my arm. At this time other teachers in other classrooms came out to see what the commotion was in the hallway and there we were, standing with heaving breath and red faces looking at each other.

Reeves went back into the classroom and so did I. She never came near me again, and the rest of the day went peacefully. I was kind of a celebrity with the boys and I enjoyed a pleasant last day of school. I thought for sure I would be in trouble when I got home, but my mom never said a word about it. They never told her.

Looking back, I think I know why. Reeves was an abusive teacher and she had been a problem throughout the year, and not just with me. I think I was the only one to stand up to her, me in all my eight year old bravado. I never saw Mrs. Reeves again, but I will never forget her.

I'm sure some where in the depths of her mind she will never forget me either. I took a stand against her abuse and she messed with the wrong kid.

Of that, I am certain.

Working Girl

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

 The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!" 

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/shortdirtyjokes.html

A HILARIOUS Peace Offering

I'm so sorry...

Really I am.

Saying that I have been just so crazy busy at work, getting up at the crack of dawn and getting to the store, setting up and preparing for all three events this week, then realizing way too late that I forgot about YOU, is just no excuse. Except that one pays the bills....

So as a peace offering, today I offer you this: one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time.
I watched the entire thing and it was well worth it.

SO take a moment to watch what someone else does with their very own 15 minutes of fame.

And then forgive me, OK? Are we friends again?

Tray-Say

So I totally suck today.
I'm crazy at work and  I've got like no time today, so I thought I'd share with you something that has become somewhat ingrained in my mind and my vocabulary.

My kids showed me this and I swear, I watched it once and started quoting "Tray-Say" regularly. Now my friends have caught on and even my employees know about Tracy.

I'm not sure why this stuck with me but it did. You'd think I was more mature than this?
I guess not. Like Tracy says, "What err.."

Holding On For Dear Life

Girlfriend got a tight grip goin for safety.

Just Because It's Almost St Paddy's Day

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, 'Ma' am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them.'

The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!' She asks the doctor, 'Well, what's the girl's name?' Denise.'

'Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?'

'Denephew.'

http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/jokes/jokes_moon.htm

Bunch Of Blondies

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


http://www.ahajokes.com/blo055.html

Someone Needs A "Little" Anger Management?

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend" I know this "little person" with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I'm sending him over." 

The little person arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.

"A female horth," the little person replies. So the owner shows him one.

" Nith looking horth, can I see thea her mouth?" So the owner picks up the little person and shows him the horses mouth.

" Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the little person and shows the eyes.

" Ok, what about the earsth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the little person one more time and shows the ears.

" OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat," said the little person. With that, the owner picked up the little person and shoved his head up the horse's twat, then pulled him out.Shaking his head, the little person says, 

"Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!"




http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/16aw28/this_is_why_midgets_with_lisps_dont_buy_horses/

Have A Kick Ass Holiday Weekend

Hey Bloggers! 

Have a great holiday weekend and while you are out there shopping, try to find your Santa style! But you'd better behave.

Cuz you know he's watching and he's a checkin' that list more than twice.

Peace!

A Holiday Cautionary Tale

I would like to share an experience with you all about drinking and driving this holiday season. 

As you might well know, some of us have been known to have had rare brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some shots.  Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit
I did something I've never done before.  I took a bus home.

Sure enough, I passed a DUI checkpoint, but because it was a bus, they just waved it through.  I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it!