Monday, September 15, 2014

Trending Topics

We here at The Daily Dandy are nothing if not trendy. So today we offer you a minuscule sampling of the topics that we are all talking about:

  • #1 Trending Topic on Facebook: "Orange Is The New Black" show writer Lauren Morelli divorces her husband after two years of marriage and reveals that she is dating Samira Wiley, who plays Poussey, a lesbian inmate on the hit show. WOW, this is one hell of a story. Morelli says she realized her first day on the set that indeed, she may be gay and living a life somewhat parallel with the show's lead character, Piper. Months into a new marriage to a man, Morelli finds through the show's story lines that everything she thought to be true about herself now may be wrong. She has since worked through her feelings and came out publicly as gay. 

  • #1 Trending Topic on Twitter: "Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez Get Cozy In Las Vegas." This is most unbelievable to me. Of all the things that are going on around the world, Twitter followers want to talk about Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez. Really? The Twitterverse seems far more concerned about the fact that Justin and Selena are back together and that Selena was photographed wearing a bikini.  I'm embarrassed for us all. 

  • #1 Trending Topic On Google: "Miss America" The story here is that for the third year in a row New York has been crowned the Miss America winner. 23 year-old Kira Kazantsev's platform was Domestic Violence (how timely) and her talent portion was a rendition of Pharell's "Happy" accompanied by a plastic red Solo cup. Looks like pageants are big business in this part of the world. 

  • #1 Trending Topic On "NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell criticized on airplane banners, TV broadcasts." It wasn't any given Sunday for Roger Goodell yesterday. His leadership was questioned by pre-game commentators and banners flew on airplanes over 3 stadiums bearing the message #Goodellmustgo. Goodell will most likey go-due to his dishonest bungling of the Ray Rice debacle. While I don't believe everyone has all the answers on how to handle a messy situation right away, I think lying about how you handled it is worse. 
And some quick hits (most requested) according to Google Trends for the month of August:

Actors: Robin Williams (#2 Arianna Grande)
Authors: William Shakespeare (#2 Martin Luther King, Jr)
Cocktails: Martini (#2 Bloody Mary)
Colleges: Pennsylvania State University (#2 University of Southern California) 
Dog Breed: Bulldog (#2 Pit bull)
Foods: Pizza (#2 Chicken)
Government Bodies: US Senate (#2 FBI)
Movies: Guardians of the Galaxy (#2 Frozen)
Musical artists: Niki Manaj (#2 Beyonce)
Politicians: Barack Obama (#2 John F. Kennedy)
Songs: Happy Birthday to You (#2 Shake it Off)
Sports Teams: Dallas Cowboys (#2 Manchester United FC)
TV Shows: Keeping Up With the Kardashians (#2 Dr. Who)
US Senators: Rick Perry (#2 Arnold Schwarzenegger)

Friday, September 12, 2014

I Was Just Thinking...Lessons Learned This Week

  • Monday's still suck. After all these years you'd think they would get better but nope,  they still suck. Friday's are the reward for getting through the Monday and all the other days but Sunday is my most favorite...I just wish the prospect of Monday didn't ruin the last part of Sunday. 

  • People can only make you feel inferior if you let them...thank you Eleanor Roosevelt.

  • Just because you are family, it doesn't give you the right to judge. A smear campaign is just not the way to go. Adults can be far more immature than adolescents. They play dirtier pool too!

  • Is passive/aggressive the best way to approach terrorism?

  • Never lie..especially when it comes to business/money. The truth always comes out. 

  • A gossip website can literally shape/expose the moral fiber of professional sports. , in 2014 alone, has exposed 2 game changing professional sports scandals in which the moral fortitude of both the NBA and the NFL has been called into question. The topics of Racism and Domestic Violence were brought to our attention as a result and the country entered into a discussion about why we just won't stand for any of it.  That's incredible power. 

  • And this last bit are two tweets that were funny regarding the discussion of the Ray Rice debacle.Both were published in the Inside Track in the Boston Herald in the past two days. Make no mistake, Domestic violence is no laughing matter, Let these serve as more of a commentary on the power of
"Ray Rice's punishment should fit his crime. I say we lock him in the elevator with Solange Knowles and give him a taste of his own medicine."-Bette Midler, @BetteMidler

"I'm going to assume that every elevator I get on now is just a big photo booth."-Bart Hubbuch, @HubbuchNYC

Happy Friday bloggers...and please do behave this weekend. Someone might be watching. 

Thursday, September 11, 2014

My Cup Runneth Over

Sorry fellas, but this is a rant about BRAS, and damn if I'm not in the middle of a mid-life bra crisis. I'd like to start by saying that I've learned a thing or two in the years that I have been wearing a bra about the sizing of a woman's bra. The first and most important thing being:

  • The bra size you were in your twenties is not-I repeat-NOT the size you are in your forties. 
Now this is a very tricky statement, because your bra size, or your boob size changes throughout the course of your life so many times that it's way too numerous to keep track of. So to accommodate, we buy new bras in new sizes. We know that breast size fluctuates due to:

  • Pregnancy
  • Hormonal changes-which occur monthly
  • Weight fluctuations
  • Human body growth
These are a given, and in my lifetime I have experienced all of these more than once. Hence the 6,000 different sizes of bras that reside in my lingerie drawer. I have lace bras, sports bras, under wire bras, strapless bras, colored bras, seamless bras, padded bras, push up bras and so on. But at the moment I have NO bras-not one- that fit well. When did this happen to me? I noticed mid-summer that the bras that I own were either old, too small or too big, but none were just right. So what did I do? I went to my local dept store and bought some new bras. Judging by my old bras I determined that I needed a larger cup size and a larger back size. Seems logical enough right? 

Wrong...I bought 4 new bras in the new size. Of the 4 bras, one of them is passing for a some what comfortable fit, although my cup runneth over..I then went to TJ Maxx figuring I could buy some cheaper bras in all sizes that I thought might fit me and return the ones I didn't need. This was the WORST idea ever, because now I am so confused as to what size I am that seriously considering burning all my bras this weekend.

Frustrated as hell by this I took to the World Wide Web and punched into the Google Search bar, "proper bra sizing". I found a formula that looks something like this:

  1. For Band Size: Using a tape measure and wearing a bra without padding measure low on your back at your bras band level lifting it higher as it comes around your body. 
  2. For Bust Size: Measure around the fullest part of your chest (at nipple level)
  3. Subtract your Band Size (step 1) from your bust size (step 2)
If the difference is:

    0, your cup size is AA
    1, your cup size is A
    2, your cup size is B
    3, your cup size is C
    4, your cup size is D
    5, your cup size is DD, etc.
I hope this is accurate because it's getting very expensive, and very uncomfortable. 

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Funny Cup O' Joe

A blonde goes to her doctor and says that every time she drinks a coffee her eye hurts. 

The doctor prepared her a hot, fresh cup of coffee to see what really happens. She took a sip of the coffee and screamed, "Ouch, that hurts!" The doctor said, "I know your problem." 

The blonde asked, "Is it bad, doctor?" The doctor replied, "No, you just need to take your spoon out of your cup before you drink your coffee."

Monday, September 8, 2014

The Silence of Solitude: A Short Story

She reveled in the glory of having absolutely nothing to do after a long day of working on her feet. She could hardly believe it-nothing-she had no responsibilities, no kids, no husband, just the dogs and herself to worry about for the night. The only decision facing her was to decide what to do with this rare nothingness. It was completely new to her.

The dogs greeted her with their usual vigor. She sat down on the stair and allowed them to worship her like she was their queen. Doggie slobber and white hair were her reward for returning home and never felt so good, as they attached themselves firmly to her black work clothes. The house remained untouched, not a dish in the sink, and a pristine counter top void of it's usual smeared finger tips and crumbs from a hasty snack. "I could get used to this," she thought.

The TV clicker beckoned her from the comfort of the sofa and ottoman, like they knew that they were her companion for the night and they were ready for her. She fed the dogs, poured herself a glass of white wine and kicked off her shoes along with the stressful day she had hours before completed. Hunger tapped her on the shoulder and she remembered-she had hardly ate all day-the result of the pace of her schedule. But she hadn't thought about it until now. "What to eat?" she pondered. It then occurred to her that she was the only one who cared about the menu.

A quick scan of the pantry revealed something she hadn't consumed in YEARS...

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

After a brief, "can I really eat that?" moment, she began to prepare the at one-time favorite feast. She was practically giddy with excitement, as she prepared the dish. She flicked on the TV, excellent company while she cooked along with her dogs at her feet, she completed what tasted like the most perfect macaroni and cheese ever! After dinner she retired to the family room and crumbled into her plush sofa. The dogs were only too happy to accompany her, they had no judgments on her TV show of choice.

She got lost in her favorites, thanking God for On Demand TV and catching up on missed episodes. She wasn't sure if it was the wine, the food or the physical exhaustion but her eye lids felt like accordion shades being let down with a string. She brushed her teeth then retired to her bed, lights out in complete silence except for the hum of her ceiling fan ready to drift off....when she listened to the silence.

The quiet kept sleep at bay and she began to think about her family.

Sure it was nice to have a few hours to herself, but is this what life would be like without them? Suddenly she felt lonely and in her silence she decided that the life she has with them in it is the true reward after a long, stressful day. She never again would complain about it. She knew how to block out the sounds of the day and to find peace amid the madness.

And that is the only solitude she decided she needed.

Friday, September 5, 2014

"Can We Talk?"

I'm devastated by yesterday's news of Joan Rivers passing.

She was one of a kind, an icon, a pioneer in the industry. She will be mourned and missed by all who loved and knew her. And I was one of them. Joan went before she possibly should have, the result of a routine throat surgery she probably didn't need. Tragic. I was fortunate enough to see her in person last November and I'm glad I did. She was spectacular! Pure Joan, uncensored and politically incorrect but nonetheless hilarious and heartwarming. I am a huge fan and today I'm sad she has left us.

The piece below debuted here on August 21, 2012. I was already Joan Rivers fan but gained a new found love/appreciation for the woman that was Joan Rivers when I watched the 2010 documentary on Joan, "Piece of Work".

The Joan Ranger's salute you. RIP Joan.

She Hates Everybody

I'm a Joan Ranger.

I love Joan Rivers. Yes, I know, she's crass, mean, insulting and mostly inappropriate, but she's hilarious and she always leaves me laughing.

She is currently starring in two shows; one reality show on WE TV called "Joan and Melissa" and "Fashion Police" on E.

On "Fashion Police", she is incredibly funny yet politically incorrect in her impeccably timed Joan Rivers way. She commands the floor with her panel of fashion "experts", but make no mistake, Joan is the show. It's well worth the watch.

I became a fan a couple of years ago when I came across the documentary "Joan Rivers. Piece of Work." It released in Jan 2010 and was filmed during one year of Joan Rivers life when she was 75 years old. It followed her through her crazy, schedule of appearances and performances.

This lady works. I gained an incredible appreciation for her work ethic. She was non-stop. Joan makes no bones about the fact that she has to work to support her opulent lifestyle, yet she admits to needing the work to boost her self esteem.

Notorious for her abuse of plastic surgery, Joan admits quite openly to being very insecure. She does it all too. At the time of filming, Joan was still working every day, attending several personal appearances, doing comedy shows and regularly traveling across country. A schedule that would have made even a younger person, question why. Yet Joan seemed to revel in it, and she hardly complained.

This lady is no dumb blonde, either. Fresh off her "Celebrity Apprentice" win in 2009, "Piece of Work" showed Rivers the business woman for the shrewd artisan she is. Her jewelry line is one of QVC's most successful sellers to date and that is just one of the many projects that Joan is attached to.

I hope to God that when I am her age, I have half the stamina that she has. And that's not something you can buy from a plastic surgeon. You gotta have hutzpah! Forbes has estimated Rivers net worth at $290 million, and that's a hell of a lot of hutzpah.

Say what you will about her.
She's probably already heard it and incorporated it into her act and made it ten times funnier. 

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Say It Ain't So

Around these parts Wes Welker is still beloved.

I'd be hard pressed to find a Patriots fan who didn't wince when they see Wes Welker suited up in his Denver Broncos uniform. Top that off with the fact that he catches the passes of My Tommy's nemesis-Payton Manning and the pits in our collective stomach's are verging on an ulcer. Mr Welker deservedly remains beloved in New England because he was ours and we loved him for it.

That's exactly why we are left scratching out heads from this latest Wes Welker development.

In case you missed it: Wes Welker has been suspended for 4 games for violating the league's policy on performance enhancing drugs. Evidently it was reported that Welker tested positive for ecstasy laced with amphetamine that he reportedly took during his trip to the Kentucky Derby. Drugs? At the Kentucky Derby? Wes Welker? Really?? I'm not so sure.

In an email to the Denver Post Welker wrote:
"I'm as shocked as everyone at todays news," Welker said in an e-mail to The Denver Post. "I want to make one thing abundantly clear: I would NEVER knowingly take a substance to gain a competitive advantage in any way. Anyone who has ever played a down with me, lifted a weight with me, even eaten a meal with me, knows that I focus purely on what I put in my body and on the hard work I put in year round to perform at the highest levels year-in and year-out"

And I believe him, but how does this happen?

Reportedly Welker is furious over reports that he took a Molly when attending the Kentucky Derby this past May.  He is said to be wondering if someone put a Molly into his drink.

“I wouldn't have any idea where to get a Molly or what a Molly is,” Welker said. “That's a joke. I don't do marijuana, I don't do drugs. I don't do any drugs.”

History in New England has shown that Welker has never had any previous problems with drugs, but I think someone slipping him a Mickey or a Molly is pretty suspect. We are all human. Welker is no exception and humans make mistakes. Somewhere between all this speculation and the official statements to the press remains the truth.

And to be quite honest if he did take the's none of my business. The NFL feels quite the opposite.