Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hump Day Humor


(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever')

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Let's just say this is a public service to the men out there.
Print this list out, fellas and post it where you can see it daily.
Live it, learn it, for it will serve you well, grasshopper.

You can thank me later.


The Dental Maven said...

You NAILED it Girl! Sending to printer right now...

Scott Oglesby said...

You speak well and true, great master. One of the funniest posts I’ve read in a while, and 100% true. I can only add two…

“We have to talk” You are in deadly serious trouble.

“Let’s go to Vegas this weekend” She wants to get you drunk and marry you while you are blacked out….

SkylersDad said...

I just love this!

Joanie M said...

You sure did nail it!

I also learned getting VERY quiet first, then saying fine, especially over the phone, will completely unnerve them.

I did this with my ex right after he EMAILED ME that our marriage was over for sure. I was screaming at him on the phone. then got very very quiet. I said "Fine. Goodbye, Greg" and hung up. Then I refused to answer the phone again. He called my therapist because he thought I was going to kill myself. LMAO!!! Kill myself! Over him! OH, I felt MUCH better after that.

BeckEye said...

See, I guess this is another way in which I'm not a "typical" woman. When I mean "fuck you," I say "fuck you." Loudly and often.

TROLL Y2K said...

Women have a distorted sense-of-time because men tell them 5 minutes of sex was an hour.

They're bad at spatial relationships because men tell them that This:


is 8 inches.

Cora said...

Ohhhhh, you are soooooo right, Candy. "Don't worry about it, I got it" can be a lethal war-cry depending on what tone I combine it with.

Then again, sometimes I really mean it.

It's the tone that you need to watch for. Pay attention, people.

Slyde said...

lol! thats awesome!

Jimmy Bastard said...

Never before have I read so much truth in a single post!

Heff said...

You left out # 10 - the most popular : F. You.

Wait, am I alone here ?!?!?

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

lol..can I steal it??? I need to share it with a few of my male friends...GREAT!!

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

the sigh.

my signature move.



lord lord lord. . .good stuff!!

the walking man said...

I have heard all of these and can testify to their accuracy. I have also learned over time to simply *shrug* and wait.

Joker_SATX said...


And in grand form I listen to none of it...maybe that's why I am constantly locked up and in a straight jacket!