Dear Diary,I'm getting married this year and I refuse to be fat. Period. No FAT. No WAY.
I got engaged in early December, ate my way through the holidays and then got serious Jan 1, 2010. I began a workout regimen, worked my butt off almost every day, and followed a strict Weight Watchers plan and waited for results.
Nothing happened.
I was disheartened when by mid February, I had only lost 3 pounds because I was working my butt off, but not literally. I saw my doctor around the same time and found that I was loosing something alright. I was loosing my hydration levels and by doing so I was slowing down my metabolism even more. Also, since I quit smoking, she told me that my metabolism may take a year to balance out, since I no longer have the nicotine to speed it up. So basically I was f*cked!
I thought I was going to go buy a pack and light up right then and there. Why not? It may even help me loose, I thought. But a funny thing happened. I didn't. And I didn't give up. I kept on working out and I kept on "tweaking" my diet. And one day last week I jumped on the scale and I had lost 8 pounds.
8 pounds.
It's almost like winning the lottery; almost but not quite. I finally got the motivation I needed and I hope to turn this 8 pounds into 20 more. Today I feel like I can do it. I've never been fat, but I've never been as "squishy" as I felt when I started this. I'm beginning to see a firmer, more solid me, and I like what I see. Will it always be a battle, Diary? Will I have to be my own Patton in my personal Battle of the Bulge? Bring it on. I will fight this thing to the finish.
And here's where it gets tricky. Does it ever finish? Do I ever get to relax and eat bonbons? Do I really want to? If I play my cards right I may be able to find the balance between bonbon days and healthy days. And I can never give up. Because the second I do, I am doomed to "squishy" forever. Solid is where it's at. It's a better me. It's a healthier me and it's a happier me. It's also a bevy of fabulous clothes to wear on the honeymoon and some La Perla, just for fun. Yeah, I know I can, so I forge on, diary.
More later. Thanks for listening.
xoxo
Candy
