Nick That Name

Nick nack paddy whack, I love to nick a name.

I have this thing, at times it can be annoying, where I give everyone a nick name. It's an issue. It's a personal play on words and I do it all the time. Doesn't matter who you are, I will twist up and change up your given birth name to suit me. Can't quite figure out why I do it. It just happens.

Take my dogs for example. Buddy, Jingle and Amos. Three fine dog names who need no elaboration or explanation for most people. Me? Heck no, I gotta twist and turn. All three have "Asian" names. Don't ask me why, for I cannot explain.

Buddy is Mee Soo.

Amos is Mouser

Jingle is Miss Ming.

Then, I always take it a few steps further. Mee Soo just turned into Soo, which then turned into Soonie, which then turned into Soonie Bird which now stands at Bird.

Miss Ming turned into Miss which turned into Miss-a-Ming which turned into Mingy which some how resulted in Ga-ning which now stands at Ga. Weird right? Go figure.

Mouser tuned into A-mouse which turned into Mouse-man which turned into Mouse-sir which now stands at Sir.

These could all change when the mood strikes me. Then there's my babies. Given both strong and beautiful names, I had to go and mix things up and destroy the sanctity of their birth names.

We'll start with Frick. Without telling you her given name, I some how worked that name into Crinkle which ended up being Crink. It stuck. The ENTIRE family calls her Crink which I then variated into Mink, Minken or Miss Minky.

Then Frack, named after his dad, he was given a nick name at birth, so as to differentiate between the two. I turned that into "the (insert name here)-er" which turned into the (insert name here)- mo laker, which turned into laker, then twisted and now stands at just Mo. I call him Mo or Mo Mo regularly.

My Guy? He's just honey, but recently that has evolved into Hunny Bunny which changed to Bunny then Honey B and now stands at Honey Bear.

Bizarre. I know. I never said I was normal. I think it runs in the blood. The kids call me Momma, which somehow became Nummner which now stands at Num.

In this house you never know what you will be called, but you can bet it will stick whether you like it or not.

See Buddy In Love

See Buddy.

Buddy is in love. Awww, ain't love grand.

But, Buddy has a confession to make. Lately, Buddy has been feeling a bit smothered.

But what's a dog in love to do? When it's quiet and he's alone, sometimes he just feels like shouting, "You're not the boss of me."

Poor Buddy. He knows the deal. Truth be told, she IS the boss of him. Buddy is a sucker for a nice set of legs and a cute face.

Then there's him.

He's always sniffing around Buddy's girl, trying to mount her and mark his territory. When it comes to her, Buddy pretty much has no choice but to tolerate the other man.

But don't feel bad for Buddy.

Buddy is very wise.

Because he knows, when a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Good boy Buddy! Good ole' sly dog.

For The Discriminating Bird

SUBURB OF BOSTON: HOUSE FOR SALE/RENT:

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Set in a serene wooded area, the house boasts one of the best views in the quiet suburb. Voted one of BirdLife Magzine's Top Ten Most Desirable Locations, if residents don't mind a nosy, over zealous White Boxer, Pug and Jack Russell, or a few black squirrels to contend with occasionally.

Utilities, food, free parking and wireless internet included. Just a short jump to the lush branches of the many trees above.

Occupancy availiable immediately and squatters are encouraged and welcome.

Desparately Searching The Dog Whisperer

My dogs suck.

There, I said it. I love them very much and really wouldn't want to live without any of them, but sometimes I feel like they rule my life. I have 3 dogs too many, and they most certainly subscribe to a "pack" mentality because they gang up on me regularly.

They know that I am a sucker for a cute face and they work that fact to their advantage.

Lets take a look at the three of them individually, and by order of age.

Amos-Amos is the black and white Jack Russell Terrier. Amos was a stray that My Guy got at a local dog shelter seven years ago who was severely abused. We aren't quite sure of the exact age of Amos, but the vet has "guess-timated" his age around 12 or 13 years old. He had been adopted by families twice, both times he was brought back for biting and nasty behaviors. He also had severe hip problems, from being abused, and was on the block to be put to sleep. When My Guy saw Amos, he was told that Amos was un-adoptable and to take him out of consideration. Of course, after playing with him for a bit and then taking him for a walk, he pleaded with the powers that be at the shelter to adopt Amos, exclaiming that this was the only dog for him.

He went through a vigorous adoption process and was cleared to adopt Amos on the condition that he would give Amos the proper surgery for his hips and because My Guy was a single man at the time and could devote his full attention to Amos's needs. Needless to say Amos is a different dog today than he was seven years ago. He came to live with us; myself, my two children and my two dogs, 3 years ago. Amos adjusted to family life and the rest of the dog pack beautifully. So much for the opinion of the "powers that be" at the shelter. He is a very intelligent dog and very intuitive and is the best cuddler in the world.

Amos is the true alpha of the pack. Boss Hog of all the other dogs (and sometimes me) for sure, and a mama's boy. As I type this, he is "allowing" me to share my desk chair with him. He has 80% of the chair, allowing my ass the remaining 20%.

Jingle-Jingle is the fawn pug and the only female dog in the pack. Miss Ming, as she is affectionately known, is 6 years old and is the sweetest, little pain in the ass dog ever. She snorts, farts, snores and sheds. Jingle has to be on top of me if I am sitting on the couch watching TV, god forbid any of the other dogs get closer to me than she does and she is a little spitfire. She takes no crap from any of the other dogs and will let them know if she has reached her limit with them in no uncertain terms. She is an excellent watch dog, but will bark at the slightest thing and loud and often. This, of course, sets off a chain reaction of the other two, which leads to a cacophony of endless dog barking. She is also the trash queen, as she sees any unattended trash barrel as a new world which needs exploring. Of the three, I have to say that Jingle is the most disobedient, yet the lowest maintenance dog.

Buddy-Buddy is a 5 year old boxer and the star of The Daily Dandy Post's entitled, "See Buddy". Buddy is a love, but he is my problem child. Spastic, mischievous and supremely energetic, Buddy gets into trouble, A LOT. But with a face like that he regularly gets away with it and he knows it. Garden hoses, potted plants, basketballs, newspapers; anything out side is free game to Buddy. If for some reason the garage doors were left open, Buddy will drag out hockey bags, golf balls, tools, trash, shovels and anything else that strikes his fancy. He lifts his leg wherever and whenever he sees fit, and this includes inside the house, and he is a slobber-er. Yup, long drool threads that hang from his jowls, threatening any outfit I,or anyone in the house is wearing. Buddy is sweet and plays stupid, but he is much smarter than he thinks we think he is.

My dogs have their own staff. I'm not kidding here, Buddy and Jingle go to Doggy Day care on Mondays and Buddy occasionally works with the trainer there. Amos used to go to work daily with My Guy, but because he's now a family dog, he's "semi-retired" opting to stay home with the pack more often than not. They also have my cleaning girl, who stays with them when we travel and tends to them daily.

None of this seems to be promoting changed behavior. The dogs will listen to My Guy first, he is the true alpha, but when it comes to me, it's like they got my number. They'll behave for a little while and then they'll just do what they want anyway.

Someone please get me The Dog Whisperer stat! As I type this they are barking incessantly at a woman walking a dog down the street-inside the house! AHHHH!

Cesar Millan, TV's self proclaimed dog psychologist says:

"I rehabilitate dogs. I train people." - Cesar Millan

I need a people trainer ASAP.

See Buddy: A Christmas Tail

SEE BUDDY

BUDDY IS A FOOD-LOVING WHITE BOXER WHO ALSO LOVES CHRISTMAS.

BUDDY IS GETTING READY FOR SANTA TO COME BUT THERE IS A SMALL PROBLEM.

BUDDY HAS BEEN NAUGHTY.... OH, WHAT'S A DOG TO DO?



YOU SEE, BUDDY ATE ALL THE CHRISTMAS BROWNIES AND NOW THERE ARE NO MORE TO LEAVE OUT FOR SANTA WHEN HE COMES TONIGHT.

BUDDY TOLD HIS PACK HE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD GET COAL IN HIS STOCKING FROM SANTA. THEY PRETTY MUCH AGREED THAT HE WAS SCREWED BUT GOOD, AND BUDDY THANKED THEM FOR THEIR MORAL SUPPORT.

THEN BUDDY DECIDED TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE AND HAVE A HEART TO HEART WITH THE MAN IN RED. THEY TALKED FOR A WHILE AND BUDDY WAS ELATED WHEN SANTA TOLD HIM THAT ALL OF GODS CREATURES, BOTH GOOD AND BAD, ON CHRISTMAS MUST REMEMBER TO KEEP PEACE AND SHOW GOOD WILL TOWARDS EACH OTHER. SANTA SAID THAT WAS MOST IMPORTANT.

BUDDY FELT MUCH BETTER AND HE REALIZED THAT CHRISTMAS WAS ABOUT MORE THAN JUST BROWNIES AND BONES.

BUDDY WAS SO HAPPY THAT HE DECLARED, I MEAN BARKED, "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT"!!!!!!

HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOURS FROM CANDY'S DAILY DANDY!

See Buddy

See BUDDY.

BUDDY is an energetic, sweet, over zealous, white boxer.

See BUDDY'S school bus.

BUDDY goes to school on Monday's so he can socialize in a large group with other over zealous dogs. Let's just say that yesterday was NOT a good day at school for BUDDY.

See BUDDY'S mug shot.

BUDDY is in the clink facing a possible 10-20 on multiple charges of statutory rape and aggravated sexual assault on more than a few of his female school mates.

Bad BUDDY, bad dog!