Oooops....

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. 
The pharmacist tells him that the condoms come in packs of three, nine, or 12, and asks which ones the young man wants.
 "Well," he says, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack!" 

The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he may give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/family-jokes/2

First Impressions That Last A Lifetime

So my friend sent me this and I thought I'd share with you.

Her First Date
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.

There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. ! ! They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car,yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment... 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

Oh and how did the first date turn out?

He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady....

How many times a week is considered normal? Average? Above average? Just plain pathetic? Down right nasty.? Let's just put it out there to focus group. In order to really answer this age old question, one needs to consider the circumstances. Categorically speaking, lets break it down to two:

There's the coupled group: marrieds, cohabitants, seriously committed's, together forever's and exclusives.

Then there's the singles category: singles, friends with benefits', the promiscuous...'s, serial daters, the sexual adventurers and, of course, sluts and ho's. (both male and female)

Both important and viable categories, but their answers will differ greatly. And may surprise you.

According to Yvonne K. Fulbright, author, sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc, "90 percent of American men and 94 percent of women are having sex up to five times per week." NO WAY, really???? Does this mean that if you are not a part of this statistic and you are hovering in that lonely 6-10 percent, that you are somehow ABNORMAL?

Dr. Fulbright noted: "(Note: it’s the "up to" part of that survey that makes for the high percentages. Plus, sexually active people may be likelier to participate in this kind of survey)". Makes perfect sense. If your extremely active, then you have no problem shouting it out from the roof tops.

But here is where my "categories" theory takes a hit. It may not be as simple as breaking it down into groups. I found that there are many determining factors that may affect your frequency per week numbers. One of the most common determining factors for measuring the "normality of frequency" found in my research was AGE. Young hormonal boys, newly marrieds or couples that have just gotten together tend to have a much more active sex life than a couple that has been together for a while and people over forty. On the flip side of that, people in their forties are having less sex than people in their twenties, but more sex than people older than them.

We also must take into account the stage of life you are in. Research would suggest that young people, free of major responsibilities; IE; kids, mortgage, career, simply have more time for sex and possibly more opportunity. Whereas just marrieds, starting a family and beginning their careers, and over forties most certainly have the opportunity, but may be too tired to perform all the time. Older, and more established couple's whose kids are grown also have ample opportunity but less desire.

Safe to say there is no"normal" other than what is normal for you and your partner. But, if you want to look at the averages scientifically collected that are out there, the average of frequency that I saw consistently is between 1-3 times per week. According to the Kinsey Institute, the largest group of couples having sex is 69 times per year which averages out to 1.3 times a week.

So really, no need to worry about keeping up with the Joneses.

I'd like to leave you with this cute little tidbit I found on Yahoo answers.com :

Resolved Question:
How many times a week is it normal to have sex?
I have been with my girlfriend for around 6 months, we have sex around 3 or 4 times a week. How many times is normal?

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
Depends on the age group:

15 - 20 year old = Tri daily (three times a day)

20 - 30 year old = Tri weekly (three times a week)

30 - 40 years old = Tri monthly (three times a month)

40 - 65 year old = "Try oysters"

65 - 80 year old = "Try to Remember"

Status-Quo???

So I was talking to my BF today and we we discussing her teenage daughter. Her daughter is a junior in high school and she has begun "dating" this senior guy recently. I say "dating" because we are not quite sure what their status is and were wondering what today's definitions of "teen" dating entail. Read on-

Her daughter, (I will call her A) and the senior guy, (I will call him D) have seen each other every day for the past three weeks. D picks up A every night after dinner and homework and they "hang out" until around 10pm. Sometimes they hang with a group of friends, sometimes they hang at A's house and sometimes they hang at D's house and have even had dinner with D's mom and dad. A and D do socialize at school occasionally, they talk briefly when passing each other in the hallway and in the cafeteria and on two occasions they have left campus to go out to lunch. They are also burning up the text lines, keeping in constant communication.

My BF asked her daughter if D was her boyfriend to which A laughingly replied , "Nooo." When my BF pressed her to define the relationship A stated, "We're just friends." Hmm. Friends who kiss? Yes, my BF can confirm that she has observed them in close proximity akin to snuggling while they were watching TV and smears of lip gloss on both faces after a night together.

But here's where it gets sketchy-A knows of another girl (a senior) who likes D and said girl has warned A to keep away from him. D is not into this girl-so he says- but the girl hangs out with D and his senior friends daily. Since A and D have begun seeing each other A has been included in social gatherings where the girl has been present. The problem is that A and D seem to be promoting their status as "friends" while any romance between them is strictly on the down-low.

My BF has had discussions with A about this and A has finally admitted that she just doesn't understand why they are in status-limbo. A has also said that for now she doesn't really care and is having fun.

OK-so I give A credit for not caring about whether or not D is her boyfriend right now but the key here is the right now part. Soon enough things will progress and as they get more intense, how does one warn against possible heartbreak or worse, ie; doing something because she thinks she has to and then getting dumped? Maybe someday soon D will proclaim to the entire student body that A is his girlfriend-maybe not. Does it really matter? But in the big picture it looks a bit like D is having his cake and eating it too-carefully. It's like he is leaving his options open, possibly until he thinks something better comes along. D has a reputation amongst his peers as a good kid, not a player by any means, a solid guy. A is a beautiful, popular and very vivacious girl. They would seem the perfect match. Why keep a possible romance a secret?

Is it the junior-senior thing? Is D doing the guy thing and keeping his options open? Is this really about D "bagging the big prize" and moving on. I hope not. As it stands right now A is absolutely enamoured with the attention she is getting from D. Can you blame her? But my BF is worried she will fall in too deep with guy who possibly does not want it known that she is his girl. I agree with her.

Does this make us out of touch? I may need to catch up on a few Gossip Girl episodes to find some answers.