This Is Exactly Why I Don't Discuss Politics In Mixed Company-Again..

My Grandmother, God rest her soul, had many words of wisdom. One of my favorites that she always said was, "never tell ages or wages or discuss politics in mixed company." Boy she wasn't kidding. There is a notorious reason why I will never discuss politics in mixed company and I wrote about it in a four part series on the Daily Dandy HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE. Feel free to check these out at your leisure-it's a doozy of a story. Of course it proves this theory nicely, because sure as sh*t, it happened yet again the other night.

Now it wasn't even close to what had happened before, but you can bet it got, shall we say, awkward? My Guy had arranged a fabulous birthday dinner for his wife (me) at our home with 8 guests. My nephew is an amazing chef and he cooked us a spectacular 4 course meal that was scrumptious! My parents were in attendance, some dear friends of ours and another couple we socialize with quite frequently. Interestingly enough, the latter couple are in the same age demographic as my parents, so the mix of generations couldn't have been more perfect!

Happily enjoying pre-dinner drinks and some fantastic appetizers, the group was getting on swimmingly until someone brought up politics. I will preface this with a disclaimer: Candy's Daily Dandy and it's management do not endorse any political party, organization or politician publicly. Whether or not I personally agree or disagree with what transpired is completely irrelevant to the story. So in the spirit of story telling, I will continue.

Someone decided to bring up the "O" word. I say that because suddenly the happy and smiling faces became blank and sullen. Someone said something disparaging about our President and immediately someone else defended our President. Political banter was exchanged and some not so nice faces were being made in one direction towards the other. Being the hostess, I jumped to action immediately and brought my dear Grandmother's words to everyone's attention. I then went on to tell a witty story about my Irish, swearing, sports loving, gambling Grandmother to which I had everyone's rapt attention.

I'm not sure if it was the spirit of my Grandma, the story about her I told or the fact that they got my message loud and clear-but the conversation ceased and merry was made for the rest of the evening. The two parties that had earlier disagreed even sat next to each other at dinner, laughing and enjoying the night. It actually turned out to be one of my favorite evenings I've had in a long time.

And to Grandma I say, thank you! I know somehow we dodged a bullet on that one.

An Open Letter...

Dear (insert name here),

Madewell,  I love your fashions but your tops don't wash well.

Louis Vuitton, you tempt me. You are the one true entity that can separate me from my hard earned cash.

Love, You are like a drug. One hit and you keep me wanting, searching for more.

Television, we have become old friends, you and I. More so now that I am older. I seek your escape at the end of a long day and you rarely disappoint.

Wisdom, Why do you abandon me when I need you most? Is it then that you carry me? Sometimes I can't tell.

Parenting, Thanks for the gift of them. And for the constant realization that I don't have all the answers. That I am only human.

Technology, Where would we be without you?

Confidence, Don't ever leave me, ok?

Writing, Thank God for you. Where else would I put all that crap that collects inside this head?

Makeup,  I want it all. Every little bottle and compact that sends shivers down my spine. Is makeup hoarding a psychological thing?

Friendship, If I am rich in nothing else, I am wealthy in friendship. I have been blessed by the commerce of friendship. I have been burned by some and with some I have made good choices, but all the while I have learned from you. Thank you for a great human experience.

Spaghetti, I love you.

Marriage, Ya I know, I can't brag here because I have failed once before. But this time I may have gotten it right. Just saying..

Religion, Let's not start that now, ok?

Tom Ford, You are perfect.

Blogspot, Happy are those who can come to a place everyday where everybody knows their name. 

Special Is As Special Does

I had the WORST day yesterday. I mean the worst.

It started out bad and got worse as the day progressed. It wasn't just one thing but a culmination of a lot of things and I was quietly, secretly trying to hold it together. Then, the biggest hit of all came and it was like a tidal wave of bad about the one thing that you can get me with 10 out of 10 times. My kids. And this time it wasn't just one, it was both.

As you know, we have been in celebratory mode around here with Frick graduating and all, and it all culminates this weekend with a big, blow out, $$oiree for her on Saturday. It's the party she never had, but I think she deserves and I made sure to "order it up from the caterer" (this will make sense in a minute) Then the blow came and it left me sick to my stomach.

I'm still in limbo over my feelings, and as I sit here today and wait for the rental company (that there is no turning back on), to come and set up the massive tent, tables, chairs and dance floor, I have to ask myself, "What the hell are you doing?". Then like a little grace from God, just when I had asked for it and needed it, it came to me in my morning paper. It's not really the answer, because there is no answer, but it's a statement. A mission statement to all those parents who are feeling like I am right now.

A local English teacher addressed the students at commencement last weekend and his speech entitled, "You're  Not Special" put it into perspective for me. He said what needed to be said to all of us parents and students and overachievers who think our shit doesn't stink. Boy are we wrong.

Basically it was a much needed bitch slap to all of us who get caught up in the race for perfection.

"You are not special. You are not exceptional.

Contrary to what your u9 soccer trophy suggests, your glowing seventh grade report card, despite every assurance of a certain corpulent purple dinosaur, that nice Mister Rogers and your batty Aunt Sylvia, no matter how often your maternal caped crusader has swooped in to save you... you’re nothing special."

Was my cape really that obvious?

What the heck? It was like this guy was talking directly to me and his words were never truer. He did what needed to be done and he told it like it needs to be told. As a parent in the community, an educator and mentor, he gave it to them straight, just like the real world undoubtedly will. 

"Yes, you’ve been pampered, cosseted, doted upon, helmeted, bubble-wrapped. Yes, capable adults with other things to do have held you, kissed you, fed you, wiped your mouth, wiped your bottom, trained you, taught you, tutored you, coached you, listened to you, counseled you, encouraged you, consoled you and encouraged you again. You’ve been nudged, cajoled, wheedled and implored. You’ve been feted and fawned over and called sweetie pie. Yes, you have. And, certainly, we’ve been to your games, your plays, your recitals, your science fairs. Absolutely, smiles ignite when you walk into a room, and hundreds gasp with delight at your every tweet. Why, maybe you’ve even had your picture in the Townsman! And now you’ve conquered high school... and, indisputably, here we all have gathered for you, the pride and joy of this fine community, the first to emerge from that magnificent new building...

But do not get the idea you’re anything special. Because you’re not."

Guilty as charged and justly so, because we may have taught our over scheduled, over achieving children that it's more about the medal and less about the race. He then goes on to encourage the graduates to pursue a more fulfilling life, one that puts the focus on hard work and achieving. Because Frack's three week trip to Uganda this summer NEEDS to be about the children they are helping and the school they are building, not the resume he is building. The irony is not lost on me. 


“The fulfilling life, the distinctive life, the relevant life, is an achievement, not something that will fall into your lap because you’re a nice person or mommy ordered it from the caterer.”


Amen to that. Because I will certainly remember it this Saturday as I'm cutting the check to the caterer. 

Divine Intervention

So I was at my store the other day and one of my favorite customers and I were having a chat. We were talking about marriage and spouses and such, seeing as I'm heading down that path again in just 5 short weeks. We talked about longevity and commitment and how marriage is work. I was telling her that my mom has been complaining that she is really frustrated with my dad lately, for one reason or another. My customer then relayed this story to me, which I found to be quite amusing, indeed. I then, immediately relayed the story to my mom. True or not, this is one I will remember.

She told me that she had seen an interview with the Rev Billy Graham and that she always calls it to mind when she is feeling less than amorous with her spouse. She said it gives her peace.
The story goes like this:

The Reverend was asked by the interviewer if the Lord had ever spoken to him directly. The Reverend response was, "Only once." He went on to say that he had been arguing with his wife one day and while shaving his face alone in the bathroom, still stewing over the specifics of their argument, the Lord spoke to him and said, "You're no bargain, either."

I couldn't help but think it was genius.

Whether or not the higher power actually intervened and spoke those words of truth to the Reverend is completely irrelevant to the point, which is, so true.

"You're no bargain, either"

Damn, ain't that the truth.
This is not an endorsement of the Reverends teachings, or a religious or political agenda advancement. It's just a simple take on that age-old commitment of marriage.

It sure puts things into perspective doesn't it?

Bits Of Wisdom

It's summer time which means I have left the house at an ungodly hour to get my son to his early tee time.

So I will leave you today with some wisdom spewed forth by celebrities.

"If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?"

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

=0 A

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

This Just In.....

Breaking news!



Finally, the answer to that age old question.




It's ramifications so profound,

It could completely change the way we view basic logic.

The answer, a definitive end to constant speculation.





YES!







This could make history!!

Eagles Don't Fly With Crows

My mom always told us that Eagles don't fly with crows.

The logic is simple; kind of like when you lay down with dirty dogs you get fleas. The power of this statement rings true today more than ever. Eagles who fly with crows for longer than they should, will pay for it for a long time to come.

Because Eagles don't fly with crows.

A crow is, after all, a crow. Slick, black, loud and menacing. Always squawking for attention, and can be a cunning companion. The trickster at the carnival, the candy man in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (remember him?) Intriguing and alluring, but dangerous. The strong believe in their fortitude, never forgetting who they are but they are curious.

Eagles don't fly with crows.

The crow is the master of deviance, preying on the Eagle's principles and hiding inside the Eagle's shield of respect. Waiting in the darkness, creating havoc behind the hope of daylight. The Eagle is the moral compass by which flying creatures gage, the crow can only pretend until the jig is up.

Because Eagles don't fly with crows.

The crow is angry because he has been revealed for who he really is. Not an Eagle, but a crow and he is desperate to make things different, fool a new bunch of Eagles, but they know he will never be anything but a crow. And he is tangled in his webs of deception, the dirt of deceit, caked on his black coat.


Yes, Eagles don't fly with crows.


The Eagle is now free to soar and roam the world with opportunities endless, it's contributions valued by other Eagles, it's young safe and strong. The Eagle is content in the mountians and plains of it's habitat. It flies where it belongs, with the other Eagles.

The crow can only watch from a distance.



Eagles don't fly with crows.

Odds On How Long This Guy Will Be Out Of Work

Some people are just downright brilliant. It's either brilliance or pure chutzpah, but any way you look at it, this guy has it all going for him. His name is Lawson Clarke and he was recently laid off from his job at Arnold Worldwide, a Boston based ad agency in March of this year. Clarke has launched an online resume, http://www.malecopywriter.com/ to showcase his portfolio of digital, TV and print work to potential employers.

In a takeoff of the the famously parodied Burt Reynolds centerfold spread in Cosmo Magazine decades ago, Clarke cleverly places an old-school TV in the perfect spot for viewing his "stuff". The Boston Herald reports 37 year-old Clarke said, "Had I known that taking off my clothes would get this much attention, I would have been nude years ago."
After getting a positive write up in Monday's trade mag, AdvertisingAge, Clarke reports his site received over 140,000 hits as of yesterday with no offers of employment yet, although he has been getting plenty of e-mails. One chairman of a large New York ad agency asked him, "Why are you unemployed? Do you have a personality disorder?"

The thing about this guy's site is that it's really unique and definitely entertaining. Ever the curious one, I checked it out after reading about it in the paper this morning, and found myself spending far more time perusing the site than I had anticipated. I am always in awe of creative ingenuity and talent. Clarke says that he saw the handwriting on the wall when the recession hit and began working on the site before he was laid off. He reports it took two months to grow the cheesy moustache for the photo and that the chest hair is all his.

So I wonder, with all the great press and a resume like that, what odds would Vegas place on how long this guy will be out of work?

A Daily Dandy Public Service Announcement

You know we've all had "one of those days" when everything goes from bad to worse. Yesterday was a prime example of one of those days. While I was driving my daughter to and from and all over God's creation, trying to get the kids to their closely scheduled activities on time, I uncharacteristically began complaining about how much my life sucked. Fear not, my little cherub seemed to say, for she had just the answer for her over-stressed mom.

"You need to go to F My Life.com," she said.

"What did you just say?" I responded, in no mood for sass or games.

"It means F-my life. It's a website where people share their stories about how 'f-ed' up their lives are. Some of them are hilarious and really make you feel so much better about your own life," she explained.

I paused for a moment to ponder the reality of my 14 yr old recommending to me, quite matter-of-factly, a website with one of The Seven Dirty Words represented by it's letter in the title. Of course the blogger in me saw this as a great research opportunity and I listened intently as she extolled the virtues of the airing personal rants with the world. I weighed my options; mother teaching opportunity vs. blog fodder. Guess which won?

Then I visited the site www.fmylife.com.

It's not like I don't waste enough time on the internets and this site was no different.

Some examples I encountered that cracked me up while there included:

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML
#858893 (26) - 04/07/2009 at 7:34pm by ugly

Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML
#864226 (25) - 04/08/2009 at 12:03am by Anonymous

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
#503348 (302) - 03/21/2009 at 12:46am by Anonymous -

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML
#859604 (81) - 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm by Anonymous

Needless to say you need to check this out for yourself and if you are a regular user of FML, let me know if it succeeds in bringing you the satisfaction of laughing at yourself when it's just about all that's left to do. I have to admit to spending more time on the site than I expected, as I could completely relate to having more than a few," f my life moments" myself.

Todays Special: Chinese Fortunes

This is my new favorite thing.

It's a little gold Chinese fortune cookie that opens up and holds your favorite Chinese fortunes for safe keeping. You know, the really good fortunes that you get at the Chinese restaurant and you keep because you truly believe in it's wisdom or it's prophecy of your impending good fortune.
Usually, I keep the good ones in my wallet, but now I have this shiny little number to house all of my pending good fortune. I bought this at a cute little boutique that was having another one of my new favorite things-a 75% off sale! I ended up getting it for a few dollars.

When I got home, I emptied my wallet and purse of the saved fortunes and found that I had been carrying 10 small pieces of paper around for years.

Some of my favorites:

"There will be many surprises; unexpected gains are likely."

"A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given a chance."

"Wise men avoid troubles while fools search for them."

"You will enjoy good health, you will be surrounded by luxury."

"The small steps you take will ultimately bring you great fortune."

"Many a false step is made by standing still."


Now go to your wallet and pull out your fortunes and share their wisdom here. Have any of the fortunes come true?

The Maturity of Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes And Green Beans

I believe the roots of maturity can be linked to the time that you realize that meatloaf is not what you thought it to be. What used to be the worst, most disgusting food on the planet, you suddenly find yourself deciding that instead, it's quite good. Meatloaf night, as a kid, was a fate worse than death, but you somehow managed to hide most of it, undetected, under the mashed potatoes and went straight to dessert. Then somewhere along the way, you and your taste buds graduated to appreciate it for what it is, a wholesome yet tasty comfort food.

The gateway through meatloaf can take you on a crash course of other previously denounced cuisines. All at once you begin exploring food options that at one time were off limits. Fish? Might not be so bad. Spinach? Essential and pure; as well as other veggies-cauliflower, carrots, peas and brussel sprouts. The mature mind becomes hungry for the goodness it has been missing.

Once the floodgates of meatloaf maturity are opened, there's no stopping one from tasting any and all obscure food choices. The palate is now the scholar and the education, inviting and challenging, with more than a few surprises along the way. Pea soup, eggs, mushrooms, oysters, salmon, tomato juice, even tongue. One thinks, "If meatloaf didn't kill me, maybe these aren't so bad. I'm mature now and I'll try it, at least."

My children are just on the cusp. They will eat half of the meatloaf , mashed potatoes and green beans on their plate, yet still ask for dessert. Upon inspection, I find no meatloaf under the potatoes, but they are still young and time is on their side. They will, however, try new foods. Sushi and spinach among the list of things they now like. They are in the infancy stages of this new found maturity. If only psychological maturity were this easy.



I offer you my favorite recipes for Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes and Green Beans:

Meatloaf:

2 lbs. 85% lean ground beef
1 cup oats
2 eggs
1 1/4 cup ketchup
1 small onion, chopped
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground black pepper
1/4 cup milk
1/8 tsp Worcestershire Sauce


Pre-heat oven to 350.
Mix ingredients in a large bowl until all ingredients are incorporated.
Place mixture into a 9x5 loaf pan.

Bake 1 hour 15 minutes


Mashed Potatoes:

Peel and cut into quarters 8-10, white potatoes. (Number of potatoes can vary according to servings)

Boil potato quarters in rapidly boiling water until wedges are soft enough to stick a fork through easily.

Drain potatoes and mash in bowl.
Add 3/4 of a stick of butter-cut into pieces-
salt to taste (about a 1/2 tsp)
1/2 cup milk

Mix with a hand mixer until smooth and creamy.
Serve immediately.


Green Beans:

Steam 4 cups cut up green beans (till tender when pierecd with fork) in microwave or on stovetop-according to stovetop steamer directions and/or microwave directions.

Drain beans and put in serving bowl.
Add 2-3 TBSP butter and mix until melted.
Top off with garlic salt to taste. (about 1/2 teaspoon)

Serve immediately.

The World According To Jerry Maguire

"That's how you become great man. You hang your balls out there"

Long haired hippie in the copy shop...Jerry Maguire

She calls it a memo, he insists it was only it a mission statement.

Either way, it implications are at the crux of the wisdom that is Jerry Maguire.

I first saw this film on the big screen when it came out and remembered that I loved it. Since then I have seen it numerous times, but just last week, I caught the 1996 movie starring Tom Cruise, Renee Zellweger and Cuba Gooding Jr. for the first time in years and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Because this time was different. This time, it was as if I had seen it for the very first time and it's message was not lost on me. I saw it for it's wisdom.

Tom Cruise plays Jerry Maguire, the "love you too" sports agent with a soul, to perfection as he deals with his internal conflict that results in consequential life lessons along his journey.

"Bob Sugar said I don't know what it's like to be a black person?? I'm Mr. black people!"

"I'm finished, I'm fuc*ed. 24 hours ago, man I was hot! Now I'm a cautionary tale. You see this jacket I'm wearing? You like it? Because I don't really need it because I am cloaked in failure! I lost the number one draft pick the night before the draft! Why? Lets recap-I had two slices of bad pizza, went to bed and grew a conscience."

"Matt, tell me you didn't sign because I'm still kind of moved by your,'my word is stronger than oak thing'."

"You don't know what it's like to be me out here for you. It is an up-at-dawn, pride swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about."

A fresh faced unknown in her breakout role, Renee Zellweger stars as Dorothy Boyd his long suffering assistant. A young, widowed, single mother, Dorothy finds herself caught up in the romance of inspiration.

"First class is what's wrong honey. It used to be a better meal. Now it's a better life."

"Look at me Laurel. I am the oldest 26 year old in the world."

"Do you know what other women my age are doing right now? They're out partying in clubs trying to get a man, keep a man. Not me Laurel, I'm trying to raise a man."

And, of course, Cuba Gooding Jr. in his Academy Award winning "show me the money" role as Jerry's only remaining client, Rod Tidwell. Tidwell, an NFL football player whose loyalty to Jerry and the money prove to be the perfect background for his purpose as Jerry's "wildly charismatic" oracle.

"Hell yeah, that's my word. They may have the coin, but they'll never have the Quan. It means love, respect, community and the dollars too. The entire package, the Quan."

"You are hanging on by a very thin thread and I dig that about you." " That's the difference between us. You think we're fighting and I think we're finally talking."

"I feel you dawg, but a real man would not shop-lift the pootie from a single mother."

Throughout this film, bits of wisdom and the realities of life are dolled out to the viewer in generous portions. Jerry is left in his fragile state to sort through the lemons and make cinematic lemonade.

Bob Sugar- Jerry's former mentee and rival sports agent whose ferocious attempts to destroy Jerry's career make him the smug rouge we love to hate.

"I haven't seen you since we were with that stripper in Laguna Beach. Do you remember her name? I do. It was April. That's my job; to remember the names of skanks that you bang on the road. That's what I do. It's not about the money. I do it all for you."

"Are you in or are you out? It's not show friends, it's show business." "I will kill for you. I will maim for you. I will rape and pillage for you."

"This is a nice moment for you. I'm gonnna let you have it."

Avery Bishop- Jerry's insensitive yet beautiful , ex-fiance.

"If you ever want me to be with another woman for you, I would do it. I'm not interested in it. There was a time, yes it felt normal for me, but it was a phase, a college thing, like torn Levis or law school for you."

"You are Jerry MaFU*KINGguire. King of the house calls. Master of the living room."

"Brutal truth, remember. There is a sensitivity thing that some people have. I don't have it. I don't cry at movies. I don't gush over babies. I don't start celebrating Christmas 5 months early and I don't tell the man who just screwed up both our lives, 'oh poor baby'. That's me for better or worse."

Marcy Tidwell-Rod's pregnant, hard-nosed but loving wife.

" If you ask me you haven't gotten emotional enough over this man."

"You'll go back and say what? Please remove your dick from my ass?? I'm sorry, I'm just a little pregnant right now."

"Baby this is you and me. We determine our world. You are a strong, proud, surviving, splendid black man"

Laurel Boyd-Dorothy's divorced, bitter, "disapproving sister"

"Men are just different people when they are hanging on to the bottom wrung."

"Take it easy. Don't cry at the beginning of a date. Just cry at the end, like I do."

To Jerry: "You fu*ck this up and I'll kill you."

Chad-Dorothy's son Ray's jazz loving baby sitter.

"Nanny? I prefer 'childcare technician'."

Jerry: "So you're the Nanny?"

Chad: "Au pair."

"This is Miles Davis and John Coltrane, Stolkholm, 1963. Two masters of freedom playing at a time before their art was corrupted by a zillion cocktail lounge performers who destroyed the legacy of the only American art form. Jazz. No barriers, no boundaries."

And Jerry's mentor, the late, great Dicky Fox whose Aristotle-like wisdom, peppered

throughout the film, serve to surmise the theme of this film.

"The key to this business is personal relationships."

"Unless you love everybody, you can't sell anybody."

"I don't have all the answers. In life, I've failed as much as I've succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life and I wish you my kind of success."

Jerry Maguire learned a hard-fought lesson. You can still achieve success if you remember to believe in yourself, value your integrity and listen to the lessons that love can teach you.

A Linguistic Lesson

Whatever....The power of that word as a response is never lost on me. It can end a heated discussion in an instant. A quick and dismissive, whatever, seems to say it all without really saying it.

Variations on the pronunciation and almost always spoken with an attitude:

What-eva

Whatevs

Whateverrrr

What. Ev. Er.

What. Ever.

When used as a response, it's intention is undeniable; "I'm done here. No need to waste any more of my valuable time or energy."

As the mother of teens, it's a response I heard repeatedly throughout the day. A top ten favorite of theirs and most children of similar age.

ME:"I asked you two hours ago to clean your room and it's still not clean. What possible excuse could you have for not doing it, other than zoning out on your computer? Huh?"

THEM: "Whatever mom.."

OR

ME: "You have had all weekend to start your History project. Why now, at 7:30 on Sunday night, are you panicking and screaming like a lunatic that you need to finish your work?"

THEM: "Mommmmmuh,...What. Ever."

And it works both ways-always quite effective in cutting right to the heart of the matter.

HER: "Mom, you are being ridiculous. Everyone else is going."

ME: "Oh, well. Whatever."

OR

HIM: "I know that I have four other pair of sneakers, but these are the ones I have wanted for so long mom."

ME: (laughing) "Nice try dude. Whatever."

I find myself using it's power more frequently in my everyday conversation. It also could be considered a "green" word, one we can feel good about using. I like to think of it as being more efficient in these eco-conscious times. By using it, my intention is clear, and I pool my personal energy resources, successfully considering my environmental responsibilities. Less words, less oxygen used, better for environment.

It is also a most effective response when arguing in loosing battle. "Whatever" conveys a succinct stoppage to the matter at hand, allowing the user to admit they are wrong without ever really admitting it.

I recommend you give it a shot. Feel it's power, it's eloquence. Get your point across, or not. Whatever....

Don't Eat Yellow Snow

Inspired by this site this morning while retrieving my morning paper, I present you with random bits of wisdom my mom shared with me as a child and other laws to live by.

-Don't eat yellow snow.

This one seems pretty self-explanatory.

-Don't take any wooden nickles.

Huh? Has anyone actually seen a wooden nickle? Is this like Honest Abe's wooden teeth?And probably from around the same era. I suppose this means beware of the con.

-The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Human nature. We always want what we think we can't or don't have. As creatures, humans are never quite satisfied. There's always someone or something we think is much better. It keeps us humble.

-First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me.

I cannot tell you how many times I have pulled this one out of the basement of my mind. Probably because I should be older and wiser to know better.

-The truth shall set you free.

Words I live by. I HATE liars. I repeat this one to my kids constantly. This is important because without truth to your word, you have nothing. I also suck at lying.

-Winners never quit and quitters never win.

That's right mama! You will never be a loser for trying your best! I love that one.

-A little nonsense now and then is relished by the best of men.

Ok, my mom didn't tell me this one. Gene Wilder in, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" did but it doesn't make it's wisdom less true.

-Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

I never quite understood the wordage on this but I suppose it means, "shut up and take it!"

-You can accomplish anything in life if you put your mind to it.

I'm still trying mom. Really, I am.

-Every crisis has both it's dangers and it's opportunities.

This is a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King. I am living proof that this is true. I like to think I have the finish line in site.

-The world steps aside for a man who knows where he is going.

Inspiring, doncha think?

-Curiosity killed the cat.

I'm curious to know why?

-Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

What would life be like without breathtaking moments? The birth of my children comes to mind when I think of those moments.

-No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

I believe Eleanor Roosevelt said that. It really gives credence to the response, "F**k you!"

-It's better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all.

I almost completely agree with this. I'll admit that there was a time, a while back, when I believed this to be complete crap.

-Always choose your words carefully. You may have to eat them.

Been there, done that.

Got any words of wisdom you live by? Do share.