Exerpts From A Conversation With Myself

SCENE: It's a clear, bright and gorgeous Wednesday morning and a group of my high school girlfriends have decided to meet at the beach for the day....which almost never happens.

ME: Ok Self, it's a beautiful day! Nothing better to do than play hooky and hanging with your best girlfriends at the beach all day. I am definitely going to meet them! 

SELF: Seriously Candace? You have a JOB. It's not like you have a million things to do. Sure, you just go take off for the day and let everything handle itself. Real responsible....

ME: Oh c'mon, don't be such a wet rag! I have everything covered. The store is completely staffed and there is nothing that can't wait till tomorrow. Its summer, and days like this don't come along often. Lighten up!

SELF: Ok, well you just take off for a day of fun and I will worry about everything else. No really, go have a day to yourself and don't you fret. Everybody else will do your work for you. Yup, you can just be a lady of leisure today. Go for it.

ME:  Isn't that what I pay them to do? Don't I deserve to enjoy a day to myself? 

SELF: If that's what you want to tell yourself. 

ME: You are ruining this for me. You know, if I could I would dump your ass like a hot potato. Im going to do what I want to do so just mind your own business. 

SELF: Isn't that what I'm doing? 

Guess who won this argument bloggers? 

The Loss Of My Good Friend $Bill

I went to the beach yesterday. We had a great time. I took my daughter, (my son is away at camp) and we met my cousin and her children at Nantasket Beach in Hull, MA. It was an awesome beach day. The sun was shining, the temps were in the 80's and all was well. My cousin expertly packed a cooler full of good stuff; sandwich meats, bread, fresh fruit, Doritos, Fritos, soda, water, juice bags and other assorted snacks. We had lunch and spent the afternoon fighting the rising tide. You would think that we had everything we needed for a perfect day right at our finger tips. Almost everything.

Across the street from the beach parking lot there is a board walk with lots of ice cream stands, gift shops and clam shacks. So what's a trip to Nantasket beach without an ice cream cone to complete the day? And I always say,"When in Rome...". We decided the time for ice cream had come, so I wrapped a towel around my waist, put on my flip-flops and went up to the car to grab some money. I took a $20 dollar bill from my wallet, and since I was wearing a bathing suit, flip flops and towel, I folded the $20 and put it into the bra of my bathing suit for safe keeping.

Yes I did. This is something I have done a thousand times before.

I stooped at the bath house to go to the bathroom, washed my hands and as I was staring into the mirror, I noticed the money just barely peeking out of the top of my bathing suit, securely. I came out, met the group and off we went to get the summer treat. We walked a mere 1/4 of a mile to the ice cream stand and when I got there I reached down for the $20 dollar bill and it was GONE!!!!!!
I know it wasn't lost in the top of my bathing suit because there was no hiding anywhere in that suit, so I un-wrapped my towel to see if it had somehow fallen in between, but there was no such luck. It was then that I realized that it must have fallen out somewhere between the bath house and the ice cream shack and that with all the people walking around I could be more than sure that someone had picked it up in the few minutes since I made the walk over.

Now I know what you're thinking, no big deal, right? Yeah, there were a few moments of the "no big deal" thinking going through my head, but those were quickly replaced with feelings of complete loss. I was pissed. I was more pissed at myself for being so irresponsible. What a dumb-ass!! Granted, I had more money in the car, and that on the walk back to the car the lost money was no where to be found, but I couldn't help feel bad about it. What would I tell my daughter? What kind of example am I as a mother??? Most of all I missed my friend, Mr. $20 dollar bill.

We got the ice cream, but somehow it wasn't as good as should have been and I couldn't get my mind off my good friend $Bill. I though about $Bill while I swam with the kids in the big waves and rode the surf, laughing. I thought about $Bill as we watched an awesome Tall Ship (they were in Boston over the weekend) sail by on the horizon. I thought about $Bill as we sunbathed and my cousin and I told funny stories to our kids about our childhood. I thought about $Bill as I watched an old man in dirty, tattered clothing retrieving bottles and cans from the trash bin and I suddenly realized that $Bill was probably in a better place.

I decided that I didn't need to beat myself up over my irresponsibility any longer. Maybe $Bill became someone else's good friend. It's possible $Bill helped someone through a tough time or provided them with an essential they needed. Maybe $Bill fed a hungry child or made someone happy. I can live with that. I wont think about the other possibilities. I'll just think about my good friend $Bill doing Gods work, helping someone in need. It's the best way to deal with the loss of such a good friend.

Beachin' it

I went to Nantasket beach in Hull yesterday with all the good intentions of a relaxing summer outing. And it was..My friend Lisa, her daughter Alex and myself piled the beach chairs into the back of her loaner Volvo station wagon and off we went. The ride was pleasant, going thru historic Hingham and its mix of new and old sprawling architecture with perfectly manicured landscapes containing summer's color blooms abound. It was a bright and happy feeling. I hadn't been to Nantasket since I was a kid and the anticipation of what I would find once there was intriguing. Once we reached the seaside town of Hull, we immediately felt the presence of the beach. Its not something that I could smell or see, it was more of a feeling that I had made it. This was it. We turned the corner onto Nantasket Ave., the boardwalk of sorts on the beach shore and immediately parked at the first parking lot, lured by the cheap $3.00 parking fee. Parking spaces were abundant and we pulled into a space near a small bath house and the ramp to the beach. Lisa and I spent the pleasant car ride discussing one of our favorite topics, food. By the time we reached the beach it was not summer beach squatting were interested in. No, we had begun the beach foreplay with discussions of food and now we were ravenous. Alex went directly to the beach equip with only her towel and her ipod and no interest in food, while Lisa and I set out on our hunt for lunch. Nantasket beach, the one of my childhood, used to be sprawling mecca of action with a big amusement park, (Paragon Park) penny arcades, ice cream shops and clam shacks aligning the coast line to bring in the tourists. What I saw yesterday was a bit eye opening. With Paragon Park long gone to make way for what was at one time brand new beach side housing, I saw most buildings in disrepair and abandoned shops boarded up almost as if in shame. There were two or three trendy restaurants that looked oddly out of place among the chipped paint and boarded up shops that just didn't make it along the boardwalk. There were a few arcades open, ice cream shops, convienience stores and a pizza joint all with walk up service. We immediately headed for the sign reading PIZZA. The glass case holding scrumptious large pizza pies to view proved to be too much to resist so Lisa and I ordered a slice of pepperoni each and complained to each other about the three to four minute wait for the slice to be re-heated. Once we piled on the accoutrement's for the enormous slice, we crossed the street and sat on the closest picnic table on the boardwalk-lest we would have to wait a second longer to eat- in full view of the ocean. The summer sun was warm and relaxing and we enjoyed our pizza and the local sights. Then, in plain view for all to see, a older man, probably in his early 70's in pretty good shape, god bless him, wearing super short, tight candy apple red running shorts and not much else, rolled down dangerously low to reveal his tan line and quite prominently the crack of his BUTT. Lisa commented it was enough to make you loose your appetite, although judging by the empty paper plates in front of us it held no effect on ours. Once we made it to the beach, chairs and beach bags in hand, we were ready to sit and enjoy the rest of the day. The relaxing breeze and the hush of the waves provided the perfect backdrop for the book I was reading. Occasionally I would glance up to observe the children crying and playing, the seagulls, the brightly colored beach toys on the hard matted down sand and the people who had all come to enjoy a day at the beach. The tide was out and the blue water calm only for the white crest of a few waves coming into the shore. I was content and although I was disappointed at the changes that had occurred around the beach, sitting on the the sand looking out at the water was what the trip was all about. There is a soul renewing that takes place when you sit on a beach, humbled by the splendor of the ocean. All life's problems and earlier observations become insignificant and the lure of the water takes over, a baptism of sorts. It is renewal in the simplest of forms. Chicken soup for all the souls and I left my beach odyssey full of hope and a renewed spirt. I had experienced a wonder of the world that day and been part of it just by sitting on my beach chair. It was so simple. Most of the good things in life are.