Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Sex On A Stick

Oooh baby, baby.

"It's a Britney Spears sex riot!" Sue Sylvester shouts as she pulls the fire alarm on McKinnley High's Glee club performance for the high school assembly.

And it was.

Rachel in a half shirt, braids and school girl skirt singing, "Hit Me Baby One More Time." Brittany in her sex slave costume, gyrating all over the screen, (the girl is an amazing dancer) with a massive python draped over her shoulders, and the Glee club and Mr. Shuester performing a super sexed up version of, "Toxic" in the school gym, causing the aforementioned sex riot. And Jacob the Jew?? Creepy at best.

Not only did Sue Sylvester catch the Jewish Afro King stroking the salami, naked, in the library while watching a video of Rachel, but after he spies Rachel in the belly bearing, school girl look, he offers to kill his parents and then give Finn his house for Rachel. This episode was supposed to be about self awareness and expression, but it somehow turned out to be more about sex and fantasy. Is this Brittney Spear's legacy?

John Stamos is introduced as Emma's boyfriend-dentist and while working on their teeth, he inadvertently takes the kids on a nitrous oxide induced fantasy world that apparently is dominated by Brittney Spears. Cool, together and drop dead handsome, Carl (Stamos) has Shue worried about loosing Emma. And Shue turns into a complete turn off. EWWW, Shue. I thought he was so much cooler than that. I actually threw up a little in my mouth when he and Emma were sitting in his ridiculous, new bright yellow corvette he bought while singing, "Sailing"...

Artie and Finn both get what they want, which is back on the football team and Quinn does not get what she wants, which is back with Finn. Surprisingly, she formed an alliance with Rachel only to trick him to see if he would bite. I find it hard to believe that the once "untouchable" Quinn would put herself in that position, but it was somewhat endearing.

Hot, steamy, sexy Glee last night was not one of my favorite episodes, but it somehow managed to answer some major plot questions as well as turn up the heat in the room. Can't you just see Britney Spears? At home, viewing the tribute episode with her family, a bucket of fried chicken at her feet (she is country, after all), drum stick in hand, wiping her oily, free hand on the front of her shirt, "See mama, look I told you, I'm so sexy!!!"

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner

I have a confession to make.

Last week, I told you that I kill a lot of my down time at night watching the idiot box. I have my set schedules and my favorite shows and if that wasn't bad enough, I pretty much never deviate from the norm because I DVR what I missed and watch those shows in the breaks in my rigid TV schedule. Well, last night I found myself on my elliptical machine at 8pm which is highly unusual for me. I try to cram that in the AM so I can make time for couch time, but yesterday was busy. So I decided to watch the #1 show on television, or so it has been said, "Dancing with the Stars", while drowning out the sound with my beloved ipod and my Glee play list.

A former dancer myself, (it was my minor in undergrad) I figured watching the celebs ballroom dance would be fun if I didn't have to listen to the crap they talk about. ABC's Dancing with the Stars has been on for quite some time now. I don't know how many seasons, 9 or 10, but I have NEVER watched an episode. EVER. I have seen a routine here and there, but My Guy is almost always with me on the Killing Time Couch, and I think he'd rather have all of his teeth extracted than watch Dancing with the Stars. I always thought the show was redonk, because I know about what goes on, (ie: who wins, who's banging who, etc) due to my devotion to the weekly rag magazines. I figured that was good enough for me.

I was wrong.

And I'm pissed at myself because NOW I'm hooked. I'm such a sucker for glamour. The one who impressed me the most was Jennifer Grey. Granted, she has an advantage because she studied the art of ballroom dancing for her role in the iconic movie,"Dirty Dancing", but that was hundreds of years and a few noses ago. A full fledged adult, no longer a "Baby", Jennifer looks nothing like the character we rooted for in the movie. It's like she's someone else. Her career killing nose job shot her into obscurity years ago, and now she's back for a stint on "Dancing". I had to now pull out my ear buds and shut off my Gl-iPod, to watch this woman shake it like she once did.

I was so impressed to find out that during a routine check up for the ABC show, it was discovered that Jennifer had spinal cancer. Four surgeries later and a lot of rehab, she was cleared to perform in the cast with restrictions. She cannot do lifts or tricks. Now in complete remission from the deadly disease, she credits "Dancing" with saving her life. Ironic that cancer was what killed her former "Dirty Dancing" co-star, Patrick Swayze. We know Jennifer has one heck of a guardian angel on her shoulder.

Jennifer is paired with last year's champ, Derek Hough, and I couldn't tell you what kind of a dancer he is because, again, I never watched the show before last night. BUT I can tell you that this lady, Jennifer Grey, is HAWT!! Holy smokes, she can move and groove and has got curves and bumps in all the right places. And she's got rhythm. The lady's got it all and she's sexy as hell! I couldn't help but smile as I watched her command the dance floor. And I couldn't take my eyes off her. Who was she dancing with again? Whatever, the point is, this lady is worth a looksie.

If you are a fan of dance. If you are a fan of the show. If you are a fan of Dirty Dancing. And if you are a fan of hot, sexy women, watch as Jennifer Grey captivates you with her own brand of sexy magic like she did so many years ago. I promise she won't disappoint and I predict this lady catapults her career in Hollywood 10-fold if she wins this thing. Just like Patrick said in the movie, "nobody puts Baby in a corner."

Oh yeah, and the other people on the show were good too.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Marry The Geeks

So if the old saying is true, "Be nice to the geeks in high school because one day they will probably be your boss," would it be WRONG to tell my daughter, "Honey, you can date the jocks while you're still young, but you want to marry the geeks."

Heck, geeks are chic! They even have their own fleet of pimped out, black and white "Geek Squad" Volkswagen's and are the savvy, technological superheroes who make house calls! The super geeks even make serious bank, like the dude who pioneered Facebook. With the dawn of the movie which tells the story of the mega-social networking-vehicle that changed the world, "The Social Network", which opens this Friday, Geek Chic, is certainly in the main stream.

Mark Zuckerberg, the whiz kid at the helm of Facebook, co-founded the billion dollar conglomerate from his Harvard dorm room on February 4, 2004. According to wiki":

"The idea for Facebook came from his days at Phillips Exeter Academy, which, like most colleges and prep schools, had a long-standing tradition of publishing an annual student directory with headshot photos of students, faculty and staff known as the "Facebook".

There are those who would disagree. Many of those, claim that Zuckerberg stole the idea for Facebook from them. Many who filed law suits and received multi-million dollar settlements. But the one thing they all agree on is the irony that Zuckerberg, who was known to be more than socially handicapped, created the vehicle that revolutionized the way people interact with one another, and the world. And it has made him a ridiculously wealthy man at the young age of 26.

Geek's tend to stick together too. Like the guy who co-created Napster, Sean Parker. Napster is arguably one of the reasons that record companies are no longer rolling in the dough, which arguably signaled a new era of how we buy and share music. After the Fed's shut down Napster, Parker went on to become VP of Facebook. See how geek attracts geek? Which leads me to the point of my post here, which is; geek is chic. I tell my daughter all the time: date the football players but marry the crew guys.

Seriously, and even though she looks like a mini-movie star and acts and sings like one too, she's got the brains and the grades to be a geek with the best of them. I tell her to embrace her inner geek. Who knows? She just could end up piloting her own media empire, all by her geeky, little self.

Friday, September 24, 2010

I'm Going To Take A Nap

What is the difference between girls/women aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story! At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???

Oh Lordy! Is there hope for us???

Have a great weekend Bloggers!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Pastrami On Rye

So I spent the entire day in the Empire State yesterday on a buying trip for the store, but this is not a post about New York City. No, no. This is a post about food. Glorious food. Lean Pastrami on pumpernickel bread to be exact, and I had it last night and then I dreamt about it. Good food tends to do that to you.

Myself and a couple of my colleagues drove into NYC for the day and on the way home we stopped at the famous Rein's Deli in Vernon Connecticut. Now just about everyone that does the Boston to New York drive frequently, knows Rein's because not only is it an authentic New York style deli, but it's at the half way mark between the two locales and a great place to stop for a quick bite. As you may have read here before, I gave up eating sugar a while back and in doing so I effectively gave up all kinds of breads, bad carbs, etc. But, twice a week I can splurge a meal and have whatever I want and yesterday was my splurge meal.

I had a lean pastrami Rachel on pumpernickel bread, which for you layman, is a pastrami sandwich with Swiss cheese AND coleslaw on it. I like to douse it with, GET THIS, spicy mustard AND Russian dressing. Oh my, I'm getting happy just writing about it, and if you think that the sandwich I ate last night was not good enough to warrant an entire blog post, think again. I forgot how much I missed eating sandwiches. My culinary dream began with a bowl of kosher dill pickles to prepare the pallete, then some Jewish mother's penicillin, Matzoh ball soup. My sandwich which was then presented to me slightly warm, grilled on either side of the bread. I like the first cut of pastrami, which is diet lean, no fat. This a debatable point, fat or no fat, depending on your taste buds, and I devoured the creation in it's entirety with a bit of an effort. I could not let any of it go to waste.

Pastrami sandwiches are not the norm here in the home of the Patriots and the Red Sox, as the New York deli's seem to have the copyright on the cuisine in this part of the country, so imagine my delight when sinking my teeth into that delectable sammi. It's messy to be sure, but so worth it and Rein's will gladly bring you extra napkins, if the need be. It's so delightful that we left the city at 6pm, after a long day of working with tummies grumbling, and waited until 9:30pm to have our agreed dinner at Rein's, knowing it would not disappoint.

No wonder I had dreams about it all night. Not only do I not eat like that anymore, I don't ever eat that late. But it was so worth it, and I'd do it again in a New York second. It's just that my gastrointestinal system would disagrees with me today.

Was that TMI?

Sorry, my bad.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

AssBraham LinColon

How gLorious that Glee has finally arrived, and boy it's good to be back at McKinley High! The best show on television is back!!!

The glee clubbers, fresh off a summer break find themselves back at school and the target of Jew fro-Jacob's anti-glee club media blitz. In a hilarious video montage, he entitled "Gay News" Jacob berates, belittles and drags through the mud the good names of the Glee clubbers at McKinley. And nobody wants to join a club with a bad rep. Hell bent on beating Vocal Adrenaline, the New Directions know they need to recruit some new members to reach it's goal. Shue comes up with the idea of a "big song; song of the year" sung for the entire student body, so that everyone can see how cool and fresh the glee club really is and attract some new blood to audition.

The cast then throws down a seamless rendition of mega-hit, Jay-Z's "Empire State", choreographed in the school court yard. The ensemble piece showcases the endless talents of all cast members and makes us remember why Glee is a superstar in it's own right. But it doesn't work and only serves to bring students to deface the New Directions sign up sheet with names like "Buttface McBallnuts" and the aforementioned "AssBraham LinColon". Classic stuff.

A new football Coach is introduced to Sue and Shue by Principal Figgins. Ken has suffered a nervous break down and has been replaced by a woman interestingly named, Beaste. And yes, it's pronounced Beast. She starts talking to Figgins about budget cuts and the ridiculousness of a cheerleading squad with a bigger budget than the team they cheer for and she makes an enemy out of Sue. Not smart. What's surprising is that Beast brings Sue and Shue together as allies, and they agree that three is a crowd in their budget play ground. Sue gets in Beast's face and does mean things like sending her 25 pizza's unannounced and playing bully in the teachers lounge. She hopes it will send her packing and it almost does, after Will plays along and ostracizes Beast in the teachers lounge. It also costs Finn his position on the football team.

Finn and Rachel are still a couple but Artie and Tina have broken up because Tina and Mike are now an item after hooking up at Asian camp over the summer. Artie is heartbroken, and wants to join the football team to try and win Tina back so when Finn wheels Artie in to Coach Beast to tell her he wants to audition, Beast freaks out! After being embarrassed by Shue and Sue in the teacher's lounge, Beast tells Shue that she had heard about Sue and expected as much, but that people told her that Shue was decent and that they were wrong. You could almost feel the tension in Shue's struggle as he carries out Sue's plan. Beast goes back to the locker room and cries and soon after Finn wheels Artie in. Beast thinks this is all a ploy to make her look bad an she kicks them both out for good.

Rachel continues her self-absorbed journey through life as she encounters a new Fillipina exchange student in the girls room and invites her to come and "worship her while she sings" and audition for glee club. She gets the surprise of her life when newcomer, Sunshine, (teen pop star Charise), starts singing Lady Gaga's "Telephone" and Rachel is compeled to join in a feisty duet with the girl. Sunshine is amazing and Rachel is threatened but she's not the only one challenged.

Finn hears a new kid singing in the shower after football and invites him to try out for glee. Sam Evans comes and rocks "Billionaire" as the boy cast joins in. This was the song of the night. I dare say it was better than the original and I'm calling this my gLipod pick of the week. But there was so much good music this week, I'll just have to download it all!! Sam agrees to audition for glee club. He fails to show after he sees Beast kick Finn off the team and he then becomes McKinnley's quarterback.

Quinn wants back in on the Cheerios and Sue cuts her down without any chance, as well as Finn when he tries to audition for Cheerios. Funny audition for Finn, a la Will Ferrell "Old School" and the scene with Becky, the Cheerio with Down Syndrome is wonderful. But Sue's merciless tirade, filled with more cold, fake boob references than I could jot down, to Santana, after learning about her summer boob job, give Quinn the in she needed. Quick as a flash Quin is back in a Cheerios uniform and head Cheerio, much to Santana's dismay. The two have a bitter cat fight in the hallway and Shue breaks it up just in time.

Shue finds out that Rachel sent Sunshine to a crack house to audition and Rachel cops an "I did it for the team" attitude, never admitting that the truth is, she does not want to share the spotlight. Shue tells Rachel she has to make it right, and Rachel tells Sunshine to come to the auditorium to audition. Sunshine performs a powerful performance of "Listen", from "Dreamgirls" and she blows them away. I suddenly remember seeing this Charise singer on the Oprah show a few years back and she is super young and crazee talented. She is in the club.

Shue gets summoned to Figgins office where-and this is CRAZY-Sue and Brittney are lying about Coach Beast inappropriately touching Brittney. Shue immediately reminds Brittney the seriousness of an allegation like that and the repercussions of a charge like that on one's life and Brittney caves like the little school girl that she is. She utters that she made the whole thing up and then she utters something else completely inappropriate about "wanting to touch Beast's breasts herself". Sue is furious and I decide that this was a low blow, even for Sue.

But Sue always has the last word. She makes a call to Vocal Adrenaline's new director, Cheyenne Jackson from 30 Rock. They steal Sunshine for the cheap price of a condo for Sunshine and her mom and green cards. Sunshine says she might have stayed, but Rachel was mean to her by sending her to a crack house. Rachel swears she did it for everyone else, but Finn gets her to admit she did it because she does not want to share the spotlight. Rachel then sings the classic, "What I did for Love" to close out the episode.

I want more. I love this cast. I loved this episode. I love Glee.
Next week: The Britney Spears episode.....I can hardly wait.

Killing Time

The older I get the more I feel like I'm just here, killing time. Somedays, I look at the clock and it's already half past the day and I feel like I got nothing accomplished. But then again, what was it that I really set out to do? Good question.

Anyway, when the dinner table has been cleared and the dishes have been done, I know what it is I set out to do and that's watch a little TV and get lost in a fictional reality. It's really one of my life's simpler pleasures. And this week is a doozy! Premier week! All of my favorite shows are back and better than ever.
Let's take a look at my weekly viewing schedule:

MONDAY: 8pm, House on Fox. I have watched this show since it's inception. I love that curmudgeon Dr House. He's so intriguing.
Last night I watched the new Fox show, Lonestar at 9pm on Fox. I really liked it! It's about a young, handsome con-man living a double life. His problem is his greedy, dangerous father, played by David Keith.He's the guy who starred in "An Officer and a Gentleman" as Sid Worley, Richard Gere's best buddy who killed himself. Good stuff. This show could be big.
10pm, CSI:Miami on NBC
10pm,Weeds on Showtime. I never quite make it to 10pm so I DVR this one and watch it on Tuesday's before Glee.

TUESDAY: 8pm, Glee on Fox. DO I really need to say how much I LOVE this show??? Tune in on Wednesday for The Daily Dandy's Full Glee recap. Huge fan.

8pm, NCIS on CBS. Nothing can keep me from Glee on Tuesday nights, so I usually wait until Wednesday to watch NCIS on On-Demand.
WEDNESDAY: Nothing on Wednesday has really caught my attention, so here's where I catch up on the Kardashians, or watch whatever else I haven't seen on the DVR yet.

THURSDAY: 9pm, CSI on CBS. This used to be the best show on television, but it's played out and old. Ever loyal, I continue to watch because I love the characters and I am now invested in their plight, however old it may seem. BUT, CSI still has some magic left in it's top hat. Every once in a while it blows me away with an episode. That's why I still watch it.

FRIDAY AND SATURDAY: It's either date night or Dateline NBC night. Sometimes those true crime stories keep me awake at night, and sometimes the kids watch it with us and usually its a good lesson to teach them about the sickos in this world. Or we'll watch a movie.

You'd think I could find a better way to kill some time, right? Like read a classic book or a magazine like the New Yorker, right? Or knit my family some scarves, hats and mittens for the winter. Last time I checked, the only magazine that comes to my house that gets read immediately is the US Weekly.
Yup, the older I get the more I feel like I am just here, killing time.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Step Away From The Credit Card And Nobody Gets Hurt...

I have issues and I can't seem to stop.

It's not impulsive. I need all these things.

I need help because I'm spiraling out of control.

Not really, because what I really need are those really cute dark Diesel skinny jeans I bought with my new thigh-high chocolate brown suede Michael Kors boots and a white Vince t-shirt. I'll pair that with my new crocodile skin shoulder bag and the sexy, beige, short leather jacket from Vince that I bought to go with everything.


Listen, Fall is a buying season and I am just doing my part to help out our economy. So what I happen to find myself with the weekend off and I spent the entire two days shopping like it was a test and I was the class over achiever. Shame on My Guy for leaving me alone with the mall. Fall is a transition season, and most people find themselves in need of some fashion essentials to get them through to the winter. Six pairs of shoes this weekend. And YES, I needed them all.

My problem is that I have to have it all. It's not about needing them, it's about WANTING them. Yes, I'm getting that, and that, and that, and yes, of course, that. Oh yeah, and throw that in too! Why not. Since I lost some weight, it all looks good. Such a curse, I know, but I can't choose. It's a good thing Frick was busy all weekend or she would have been right there next to me and on my dime. My partner in crime and yes, the apple does not fall far from the tree. But how can I say no when it all looks soo cuuuuute on her???

I am very decisive too. Not one to waver, I either want it or not. And when I want it I don't turn back. I have to have it, and I'll figure out the logistics of the purchase later.

You know, I work all week and it's a good thing too, because I could not be let loose on a daily basis. Not me. Wrong girl. I am a sucker for beautiful things. Come to think of it, I work in a boutique that sells beautiful things. All. Day. Long. And I do pretty well at that boutique. On a daily basis.

Well, maybe not everyday.

Most days.

A lot of days.

I got issues.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Boy Bashing

So here I am in my bliss full, still-on-my-honeymoon phase of just-married life and someone sends me this:

To all those men who say, 'Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?" Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Hee hee! Tough talk. I received that little blurb in my email the other day and I thought I would share it with you. I call this practice, "boy bashing" and to be blunt, every once in a while we all need to engage in a little "boy bashing". It puts perspective on that age old HE vs. SHE debate. And there's power in numbers. Even I had to sort of chuckle when I read these. It more than makes me lean toward my fellow sister's team.

1. Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you.

2 Men are like Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like Blenders You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like .. Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12! . Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Sorry fellas, you know how much I love you all, but us girls know that on those game nights downstairs in your buddy's "man-cave", or on your golf "man-cations", or even on boys poker nights, you boys come up with some doosies that bash us girls.

It's all in good fun. Right ladies?

So like they say, "If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen." Which you guys do so well anyway....

Thursday, September 16, 2010

They're Just Boobs Boys

My good friend Jim brought this story to my attention yesterday. I had already read all about it and had it on my radar when Jim inquired about my perspective on the issue.

If you aren't aware of the story here's the condensed version which reads like every other female sports reporter/locker room harassment scandal story in the past 20 years.

Mexican TV network, TV Azteca reporter Ines Sainz was covering Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez in the Jets locker room over the weekend when some of the players began making inappropriate comments about her. So much so, that it prompted another reporter to walk over to her and apologize for the way she was being treated and still another reporter to report their behavior to the league. Prior to the locker room experience, the players had even been cat-calling out to her and threw footballs in her direction while on the practice field.

Why? Because Ines is smokin' hot and it's a fact that she uses her smokin' hotness to promote her career.

Yeah. So. What.

Does that mean she's asking for it? That she deserves it? Such questions lie at the center of this debate.

Does she act professionally when on the job? All accounts say yes. Ines has been reporting for TV Azteca for 9 years. She, herself stated that although embarrassed by the Jets actions, she didn't take it "to heart" and continued on with the job at hand. She, herself stated that she did NOT report the incident to the NFL, and that she never felt threatened. Sainz said today she did not hear exactly what was being said in the locker room. "I pretended not to notice," she told "Good Morning America." "I was focused on my job."

Sounds to me like she's been here before and sounds to me like she carried on just as she has in the past. Professionally. The problem for some is that Ines is waaaay to gorgeous and dressed waaay too "provocatively" for sports reporting. Who says? There can be no arguing that Ines is a sexy, gorgeous woman who dresses her part, promoting that sexy-ness. That's her "schtick", as they say. Her tight jeans, (which if you google image Ines Sainz, more than 15 pictures of her ass in tight jeans come up) are kind of like Harry Caray's glasses although Ines' jeans don't seem medically necessary. Minor point. The point here is that no matter what she looks like and no matter how she's dressed, she does not deserve to be treated with sexual harassment in the work place or any place else for that matter. And herein lies the "thin line which is hard to cross" in this debate. Ines claims "it's my style. all my life", and that she is not trying to provoke anything.

Here's what I think for whatever it's worth.

I don't think women reporters should be in the locker rooms. I don't think they belong there.

I know because I've been there and if the athletes act unprofessionally and with disrespect towards female reporters, it makes for a terrible working environment. Forget what being the subject of that can do to one's psyche. Sophomoric behavior will continue to take place if reporters continue to do business in the locker room, and female reporters will always be part of the press whether dressed provocatively or not.

Now, I'm not saying restrict females from the locker rooms. Not at all. I'm saying restrict all press from the locker rooms. There is no need for them to be in there anyway, and conduct business outside the locker room in a press room. This will in no way put an end to those who will continue to cat call and whistle when she is working, but it will put all reporters on even ground which means they will all be dressed and ready for the Q&A.

And don't blame Ines Sainz. "Sainz said she chooses clothing that she considers attractive. "All [women] like to be attractive," she said. "In Mexico, I'm very well known for my image and my work."

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Picture Day

Yeah, today is school picture day.
And the morning run went a little something like this:

MOM: (at the bottom of the stairs) "Frick! C'mon it's time to go! Get it together and get down here!!!"
FRICK: "Mom!!!! I'm trying to straighten my hair. I'll be there in a second."

Then I tell Frack to step away from the TV and go brush his hair and teeth, and please do NOT get anything on the front of his button down shirt, the one I had to practically arm wrestle him to get him to wear.

FRACK: "WHY do I have to wear a button down mom? Can't I just wear a golf shirt?"
MOM: "No, you can't just wear a golf shirt like you do every day. I'd like you to look somewhat nice for school pictures."
FRACK: (mumbling) "I don't see the point. Why can't I look like I always do?"

Back to the bottom of the stairs:

MOM:"Frick, that's it! It's time to go NOW! Get down here this instant!"
FRICK: "Mom, I'm trying to put together my outfit for pictures. Give me another minute."
MOM: "You had all night last night to put together the 'ultimate' outfit. Time's up. NOW!"

She comes down looking like something out of teen Vogue, and then a fight ensues over the bathroom and who is going to brush their teeth first, or who looked at who strange or some other crap like who was breathing on who.

Great way to start my day.
AND, to top it all off, this whole process cost me $150 bucks for the pictures.
Why did I even get out of bed this morning?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Trudging On...

Bullets from my sick life:
  • Feeling about 40% better today, which puts me in the 60% shitty category.
  • I left work yesterday at 1:30, picked up Frick at school who was sick too, and spent the rest of the afternoon curled up on the couch with some Sudafed, watching a Hoarders marathon on A&E.
  • Why do they need to see your drivers licence when you buy Sudafed? Either we have been healthy for the past few years, or the world has gone crazy. The pharmacist told me that Sudafed was a key component in Crystal Meth? Wow.
  • Hoarders is an unbelievable show. It was bad enough that I was sick myself, but after watching that disaster, I felt even worse. Yet I continued to watch it. And watch it, and watch it, and watch it.
  • Now I think I'm a shoe hoarder. I may need a "shoe-tervention".
  • I have not worked out in like 5 days...who am I? I think that's making me sick too. Whens it ok to return to light exercise after being down? Today? Will I just re-lapse?
  • I read this morning that Kate Gosselein went to Cabo San Lucas with her body guard for a vacation. (Copy cat). Isn't that guy married? I wonder what his wife thinks about all this. Is it just me?
  • I'm dying to see that new Michael Douglas movie with Shia Lebouf. LOVE Michael Douglas. God Speed in his cancer recovery.
  • On to work now, but really, I just want to stay in bed. Wash your hands a lot today bloggers, and take plenty of Vitamin c.

Monday, September 13, 2010

I Just Want To Curl Up In My Bed And Die

I did something today I NEVER do.

I got my kids off to school, then I went back to bed.

I NEVER do that. EVER. But today is different. Today, I have a terrible cold and as I said, I just want to curl up in my bed and die. But I can't because I'm at work.

Home remedies? Bring it people.
I wanna take a nap.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Friday's Freak-Fest

Hey Bloggers! It's Friday at the Daily Dandy and you know I love nothing more than wrapping up a week with those cra-zee's from Walmart.

Listen, I am all for letting your "freak flag fly" if that's what floats your boat, but these beauties are more in the "what the hell were you thinking when you got dressed this morning" category.

"You know, I wear this just to run around town and do errands...."

If you're freaky and you can't help it, hey, we'll give you a free pass. But I can issue no free pass here. Access denied! Is that Leather and Lace or just plain Linda Lovelace? I can't quite be sure. I also can't quite be sure if even Heff would hit that....

Ok, now c'mon. It's one thing if you look like that, but another if you FLAUNT it. I want to know, is this about men that have, pardon the expression, "fattie fetishes"? And is Walmart where one would go to find such men?

I'll even give her the fact that she might even want to feel sexy sometimes and put on a little black halter. Heck we all do, but in the privacy of your own home or at least neighborhood, sister. Please.

And my most favorite Freak this Friday and interestingly enough, this was entitled "Candy Dandy". I will go on record here with a FIRM denial that this lady has NO affiliation with Candy's Daily Dandy:

Oh boy, where do I get started here??

Are you shi**ing me? Oh, Ummm, oooh.... WHY? That shit is preventable, really, and could cause serious retinal damage. Like-don't stare at it for too long-type of retinal damage. Oh boy!!

While I don't agree with what these lovelies are wearing, I will honor the fact that they live in the land of the free and it is their American born right to be freaky if they so choose.

God bless America and Walmart.

I love my mother for teaching me the difference between right and wrong.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Tweeting For Attention

So the devine Ms. Moore aka Mrs. Ashton Kutcher has done it again. Yup, she's baring her bod for all the world to see and this time she has done it from the privacy of her own bathroom. She posted this picture using her husband's favorite pastime, Twitter sometime last week with the caption, "Maybe this looks more like summer".

Whoop dee doo.

Really? Ok, I'll give her that she's a smokin' hot celeb with more time and money on her hands than most people. Couple that with the fact that she is a 47 year-old woman and YES, Demi, you look good. Correct that, you look great and damn if you don't know it. And bravo to you for posting the pic for all your followers to see....Which is exactly the point now isn't it?

Does this bathing suit scream, "look at me?"

You can totally tell she was feeling the, "look at me" vibe too. The evidence; the sunglasses. Yeah, I walk around the house wearing my sunglasses and bikini all the time too. My point? She's a celebrity. Was she feeling like she needed some attention? Vogue and Harper's Bazaar weren't calling for an interview? Her agent couldn't find any good scripts? Ashton's too busy developing new shows with MTV to notice his wife has a smoking physique? What?

"Look at meee!!!

And we are all looking. I read about it in the paper this morning, then I go and validate it by BLOGGING about it. I am part of the problem, it's true. Then there's the copycats who are far worse than me.

That's C-Lister, Lisa Rhinna, posting her copycat photo days later, extolling the virtues of 47 year old Demi and how she was inspired by Demi and how she the role model for smoking hot 47 year olds or some shit like that.

This is a BLATANT case of "look at meeee!" and Rhinna is just jumping on the, I-need-some-attention-too, bandwagon. Puh-leese. Let's not forget that these women have had thousands of dollars of plastic surgery to look smoking hot. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, not at all. I'm just saying don't try and fool us into thinking they are doing this for the cause. The cause being average forty-somethings everywhere. The average forty-something everywhere has to work their ass off to come even close to looking like that.

You don't see them tweeting bikini pics that scream, "look at mmmmeeee".

Or maybe they do. The difference is they just don't get the press for it.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady

Ok, so enough already about me. I promise I won't bore you with the details about my fabulous wedding anymore. Really, I wont.....after today?

You want to hear about the honeymoon???
Yeah, I thought so.

Sure, I'll give you some of the deets on the honeymoon, but not the ones you're looking for. Hehehehe....Some things are better left unsaid. (Alright, down boys...)

Anyway, Cabo was HEAVEN and rather than tell you I'll show you.

This is the SPECTACULAR Las Ventanas Resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I have to tell you, it was the nicest resort I have ever been to. (and I've been to a lot of nice resorts) Believe it or not the pics do not do the minimalistic beauty of this place justice.

This is the view from our outdoor terrace. I took a nap on that couch one afternoon. What you can't see is to the left of this picture, just on the other side of the sofa, the "just small and cozy enough for 2", jacuzzi.

This is the view of the resort from our roof top terrace, one of two terraces that we had with our suite. SICK huh? When we got to our suite, they had Harry Connick Jr crooning on the stereo system, serenading us. Later that evening they served us a private, candle light dinner on the roof top deck.

Sorry for the blurry shot. As beautiful as this dinner upon our arrival was, it was pitch black up there, so they gave us mini flash lights so we could read the menus.

This is the bed in our suite and after we enjoyed our dinner up above, we came down to see it looking like this:

They had aromatherapy candles burning and had drawn us a bath with rose petals.

You getting this?

There was not one request the staff did not cater to and it was always "a pleasure" as they tell you. We had our own butler, who was waiting for us every day to take us to whatever scheduled activity we had, or to bring us whatever we needed. This was heaven to me considering I am the butler to everyone else at home.

We played golf twice and I played quite well, considering I did not play at all this summer. Especially after 9 holes, when I did a complimentary shot of tequila! These people love their tequila and I can see why. Smooth stuff.

Anyway, Las Ventanas is the playground to the stars. Who did we meet there??

That' Ryan Seacrest and his beautiful girlfriend Julianne Hough. They were there for the Labor Day weekend and were quite friendly. I have to give him credit, they were all over the resort, at the restaurants for dinner, breakfast and lunch. They were at the bars, they were at the pool and he didn't really pull a power "celebrity" play. We even had a nice chat with them both in the gift shop. He's really cute and so is she.

The only time I saw him play the celeb card was during this shot. They were eating lunch at the sea grill by the water and wouldn't you know the paparazzi pulled up on a boat to snap pics. Here they are moving them to the back of another restaurant so they could get away from the blood sucking paparazzi.

While sitting at the pool I also met, Bob Harper the trainer from The Biggest Loser. I didn't know it at the time and I still don't know him because I don't watch the show, but I LOVED him and his partner. We had the nicest conversation. Now in hindsight, I can only imagine what he must have thought of me, in my BIKINI...oh, the horror.
Anyway, the honeymoon was unforgettable, the wedding spectacular and today, life is good. Which is really all one can ask for.

But the real bonus for us was the children. They literally stole the show.

They gave the toast which was written by them one night just before the wedding (it was the most time they ever spent together NOT fighting) which brought. the. house. down. They were articulate, dramatic, funny, and serious. They both told My Guy he was officially their father, which brought a tear to his eye, and everyone else's. Then Frick sang, "Today was a Fairytale" by Taylor Swift with the band and everyone was on their feet.

The speech and the song was the proudest 15 minutes of my life.

So if I ever question whether or not my kids were happy with my decision to marry My Guy, all I have to do is look to this picture for the answer.

That day truly was a Fairytale.