Father's Day Friday!

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions. 

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun? 

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that. 

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY. 

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son? 

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks. 

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall. 

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend. 

1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal. 

http://www.ahajokes.com/par025.html

Happy Weekend bloggers! And a very happy Father's Day to you and yours from Candy's Daily Dandy!

Friday Funny

A Woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

RE: INSTALLING HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewelry Applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another valuable program, Romance 9.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SPORTS 4.1

What can I do?

Reply:-

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to download
Tears 6.2. Then it will automatically run the applications Jewelry 3.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 3.5 or Beer 6.1.

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0.... Otherwise new virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be downloaded into your system.

So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 Program. These are unsupported applications and will Crash Husband 1.0.

We recommend: Cooking 5.0 and Cute Looks 7.7

Good Luck Madam.

Happy Friday bloggers! And try to remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. 

#TheDress...

Evidently the dress is black and blue-but I saw gold and white. I guess that means my emotions are in check? Such a fuss....

But I don't want to talk about that dress. I wanna talk about this one:

Get this...

This dress that Lupita Nyong'o wore to the Oscars last Sunday was reportedly made completely with pearls; 6000 white Akoya pearls-estimating its worth at $150,000.00-was STOLEN right out of her hotel room!  Nyong'o reportedly told police that the dress was stolen out of her room at The London West Hollywood sometime Wednesday between 8am and 9 pm, while she was out. 

Holy Hollwood caper, bloggers! Have a great weekend and please try to lock up your valuables! 

UPDATE: The dress has been found! According to TMZ.com the thief who stole the dress returned it to the hotel after he learned that the dress-made of pearls-were fake! He contacted TMZ to inform them of "Hollywood's fake bullsh*t".

Marketing Strategies

Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.

By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards.  The man replied, "I'm sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" 

"But why?" asked Mike.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.

http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/valentine/valentine_jokes.htm

2 Weeks Till C-Day

Hey Bloggers! It's just about 2 weeks and counting till the day that Santa lets us all know if we have been naughty or nice! Judging by these photos, there's going to be a lot of coal passed around, Just sayin...

Not sure if this dude is serious or not, but in a very small way the suit is kinda bad ass..scratch that-it's just bad!

The funny thing here is that Dad find absolutely nothing wrong with this picture. I can just hear him, in response to his daughters horrror, "What?"

The modern Addams family. Hey, they like to spread the Xmas cheer too! 

Oh my...What the? Uhhh, I guess I will reserve judgement here. I'm all for flying your freak flag. Right? 

But this?This is just too creepy for words. Well there are two words that come to mind: "Jazz Hands!"

After the previous two, this somehow seems normal....

Nice! Bad Granny here is workin it! You go girl!!! I love it when people poke fun in the face of Christmas.

And speaking of poking fun in the face of Christmas...This one needs no explanation.


Happy Friday Bloggers! And I hope you have a very jolly weekend!

Friday Funny Flashback

*This is a re-post from The Daily Dandy, April 2010


Roger left for work on Friday morning. Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet.

Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, Martha stopped the nagging and said to Roger, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?'

Roger replied grimly, 'That would be fine with me.'

Monday went by and he didn't see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

By the Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so that Roger, he could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Have a great weekend bloggers and try think before you speak.

Dumb Blonde Friday

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. 

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. 

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''


Happy Friday bloggers. Have a great weekend and please don't let the kids play with anything dangerous. 

I Was Just Thinking...Lessons Learned This Week

• Monday's still suck. After all these years you'd think they would get better but nope,  they still suck. Friday's are the reward for getting through the Monday and all the other days but Sunday is my most favorite...I just wish the prospect of Monday didn't ruin the last part of Sunday. 

• People can only make you feel inferior if you let them...thank you Eleanor Roosevelt.

• Just because you are family, it doesn't give you the right to judge. A smear campaign is just not the way to go. Adults can be far more immature than adolescents. They play dirtier pool too!

• Is passive/aggressive the best way to approach terrorism?

• Never lie..especially when it comes to business/money. The truth always comes out. 

• A gossip website can literally shape/expose the moral fiber of professional sports. TMZ.com , in 2014 alone, has exposed 2 game changing professional sports scandals in which the moral fortitude of both the NBA and the NFL has been called into question. The topics of Racism and Domestic Violence were brought to our attention as a result and the country entered into a discussion about why we just won't stand for any of it.  That's incredible power. 

• And this last bit are two tweets that were funny regarding the discussion of the Ray Rice debacle.Both were published in the Inside Track in the Boston Herald in the past two days. Make no mistake, Domestic violence is no laughing matter, Let these serve as more of a commentary on the power of TMZ.com.

"Ray Rice's punishment should fit his crime. I say we lock him in the elevator with Solange Knowles and give him a taste of his own medicine."-Bette Midler, @BetteMidler

"I'm going to assume that every elevator I get on now is just a big photo booth."-Bart Hubbuch, @HubbuchNYC

Happy Friday bloggers...and please do behave this weekend. Someone might be watching. 

TGIF

It's Friday Bloggers! And that means it's almost the end of a long week for me! Today I thought I would regale you with some fun Friday funnies...

Amen to that brother!

What's the first one again? Oh, yeah, that one...

Adorable...

Did I mention I work weekends?

Did they actually have a kid named Friday? Those crazy Adams..

Off the "cute" charts!

Mmmm hmmmm...Latesha be looking fly!

Bad Decision Juice is always a good decision!

And this one had nothing to do with Friday but I loved it anyway!!

Happy Friday Bloggers! Try and be the ultimate opportunist this weekend!

Thank God It's Friday

When I was a kid, back in the seventies, I remember watching the movie "Thank God it's Friday". The movie was about a Friday night in the hot new disco in town, "The Zoo". I loved this silly movie because it gave me a peek into the glamorous disco scene that was huge at that time. The cast of crazy characters spun together somehow seemed just the right amount of fun.

The late, great Donna Summer played a young disco diva who wanted her chance to sing in the spotlight at the club, but kept being dismissed time and time again by DJ Bobby Speed. Until the end...when she stole the spotlight and sang her Academy Award winning song, "Last Dance". Good times...

I think I'm going to find a copy of this gem at some point this weekend and go back in time to The Zoo!

Thank God it's Friday Bloggers! Go out and get your "Last Dance" on.

Friday Funny

My husband and I were sitting at a table at my 20th anniversary school reuinion, and I kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink, as he sat alone at a table. My husband asked: "Do you know him?"

"Yes," I sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God." said my husband. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for that long?"

Happy weekend Bloggers! Make sure you stop and celebrate the moment!

It's A Good Friday

'

Hey bloggers! This is the end of a crazy, busy week and the start of the Easter holiday weekend.

I searched the interwebs for the best Easter humor I could muster up and I found some great ones! Consider this my little bag of Easter jelly beans to you!!!!

Happy weekend peeps! Have an EGGScelent holiday........

Friday Foolishness

A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where he tells him that he will score for sure. The loser enters the bar, sees his prey, and begins to barrage her with pick up lines that he acquired from his friend. 

The young lady continues to ignore him but finally gives in. She says " OK, I’ll spend the night with you, but I’ve got to let you know up front that I’m on my menstrual cycle. The loser looks at her and says " That’s OK. I’ll follow you on my Moped. 



Happy Friday bloggers! Be nice to the losers...someday they might be your boss.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/bornloserjokes.html

Booty Boogie Bonanza

Hey Blogggers! It's Friday and  Friday's are the day I sometimes like to visit our dear, old friends at Wally World. While I haven't visited them in a while, it never ceases to amaze me what I find when I log on to the peopleofwalmart site. Today's edition seems to have a theme, and Bootylicious would be the sound track!

So away we go!

Oh, Papa! I can't find fault here! I have to give the dude credit. He's got killer legs and a nice svelte figure. I also give him props on his outfit. Dare I say it? The guy has perky boobs too. Add in the fab zebra print purse and this guy just could be the envy of all the silver haired dolls in WalMart.

There is so much going on here, I don't know where to begin. So when you have back fat rolls, is it ok to showcase them in this fashion? And did I say fashion? I am truly mistaken because the 80's called and they want their look back! That is one hell of a display of ripped and torn, shards of clothing. Oh hell girl, no.

While some of you may enjoy this, I say, REALLY? OK the girl has what seems to be a nice ass, and on the beach its totally appropriate. But waltzing into Walmart on a sunny afternoon? I hope the blood pressure machines are working in there.

I have no words....except, working girl?

So our friend here looks to be wearing the newly crafted, plastic "say no to crack" cover. Cover being the operative word, cuz this is doing no covering of crack. Seriously? What the hell is that? I don't get it.

Somebody forgot to feed the cat....

And finally! The Redneck version of the "Whale Tail". Cheap and just distinctive enough to get Uncle Earl to notice!

Happy Friday bloggers! And try to keep it in your pants this weekend.

Friday Funny

The Happiest Place On Friday

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she replied "It had to be at least 8 characters long."

Happy weekend Bloggers!!

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/agoraphobia-discussions/lounge/887043-tgif-jokes-and-quotes