My Birthday Ode To My Mom On My Birthday

She was a young and vibrantly beautiful woman, two years short of her 40th birthday, and ready to pop with her fifth child. Almost as beautiful on the inside as out, she possessed an incredible strength that she still holds today, and she knew that she had to be prepared. It was early December, but the spirit of Christmas was already heavy in the hustle and bustle of the air. She had to be finished with her Christmas shopping because she would never disappoint her 4 other children. The toys were bought, wrapped and safely hidden from sight as she knew the time for baby could be at any moment. She even drove an hour away, enormous belly and all, to secure the coveted ski boots for her oldest. There was no Cyber Monday in those days-it was late in the 60's. Those who knew her best were not surprised. She was extremely capable and the birth of a child, for her, was no deterrent.

Soon she felt the child was ready and off she went to the hospital. It was 8 or 9 am when the baby girl arrived! She didn't remember much because of the anesthesia, but she remembered being ecstatic God had given her another girl. Two girls, she had first, then two sons, and this baby girl was a joy to behold! Back then, the gender of the child you carried was a mystery to be revealed only at the joyous moment. She went in with a few ideas of names. "What would we name her," she thought. And she remembered the lovely nurse who took such good care of her while in the hospital. The nurse was named Candace and she quickly decided it was a most beautiful choice. Baby Candace, was to her, the most wonderful Christmas gift of all. Her husband was born on the following day many years before, and they joked that the baby wanted to make her own entrance into the world. Candace would not wait, they laughed, she had to make it all her own. Oh, how they knew me even back then. 

Some forty something years later and she is still a beautiful and strong woman and still very much prepared for her children's Christmas. 16 grandchildren later, 2 of them from Candace, she still toils with the Christmas shopping for each and every one. The joy of child birth long past her, she has reveled in the wonder of the many births that her children experienced as if they were her own. She still possesses the ability to be the mother she has always been; Loving, caring, nurturing and strong. 

God, she always says gave her the gift of her 5 children; like her 5 fingers, she couldn't live without her fingers. But really we are the fortunate ones. God truly gave us the gift of her. So lucky, are we...

The Stomach Sleeper

My mom always said that I "could fall asleep on a picket fence", and she would be right. Put me in the back seat of a car on a long ride and soon enough I will be out cold. When I board an airplane-no matter how long the ride-I always drift off to dream land shortly after take off. So it was much to my surprise that just as this summer had turned into fall, I found myself awake at some strange hours of the night. I go to bed anywhere between 10:00 and 11:00 PM, usually not waking up until 5 or 6 AM. Lately? I'm awake at 12:30 AM, 2:30 AM and 4:45 AM and so forth. I can always fall back to sleep, but the waking up in the middle of the night is becoming more and more frequent.

I did a bit of research and learned a few valuable things:

• I am a stomach sleeper, which could be part of my problem.Sleeping on your stomach is BAD for several reasons, but the one that really stopped me dead in my tracks is this: Stomach sleeping causes WRINKLES!!! OMG! I tell people all day long how to prevent the forming of new fine lines and wrinkles and I just realized that I am putting my face in jeopardy almost every night! I never really thought about it, but I have been seeing those "pillow marks" or vertical lines on my face and cheeks that just don't fade as quickly as they used to.  I also sleep on my side-another wrinkle producer-and the tell tale signs show more on the side you sleep on. Oh the horror!

• Stomach sleeping is also bad for your back and neck. I am always looking for a neck and shoulder massage, now it totally makes sense. This form of sleeping also puts an enormous strain on you spine and spinal strain can cause numbness and tingling. No wonder I sometimes wake up with "dead arm", like my arm has fallen asleep-but I am wide awake. And forget about what it does to your neck? turning your head to the side on your pillow causes your head and spine to be out of alignment, a recipe for more pain. 

• Here's the kicker- AGE and STRESS can be a large contributor to "middle insomnia". Great-I've got both of those in spades and I wonder why I'm waking periodically through the night? Alcohol consumption and an underlying condition could also be the answer to waking in the middle of the night. Let's hope there is no underlying condition because I'm not giving up a glass of wine at dinner. Or two. 

Bottom line is doctors say that waking in the middle of the night is a normal occurrence but that you should be able to fall back to sleep easily. So far I have been lucky to drift back off to sleep, but I have been more conscious of the position I sleep in. While I am sleeping on my back more frequently, I wonder if this position change may have something to do with the middle of the night waking? Back sleeping is not my sleeping position of choice, but if it means a better night sleep, I will continue to try it.

At most, my face will someday thank me for it, of that I can be sure. 

Thru Rose Colored Glasses

It has come to my attention recently, or should I say every day for the past 6 months, that I cannot see a GARD DARN thing. It's awful, really to loose your eyesight, and I have a new found appreciation for eye sight, eye doctors, glasses, readers and everything having to do with seeing the world in front of me more clearly. I used to brag about my eyesight...

In my younger days I never needed an-eye sight-thing! Today I'm at the mercy of my specs. At first it was kinda fun. Things started to get a bit blurry so I would pick up a pair of "cheaters" in 1.0 strength and fool around with the fun "fashion accessory" aspect of actually wearing glasses. Soon enough, I needed something a bit stronger. 1.25 was my number for a couple of years. But now?? I am a steady 1.75 and now I've taken to wearing my prescription glasses all day. The longer I wear them the more I need them. What's next for me? 

The dreaded old lady glasses lanyard??

Oh the FASHION HORROR! 

The doctor tells me I am farsighted, with is funny because I can far away just fine. I can't read a thing in front of my face. Not a fricken thing. Seriously, my kids try to hide any text messages or postings that they do on their cell phones when they are near me and I have to laugh. I told them that there is no need to fret. There is no way in HELL I can see what they are doing because I CANT SEE!

The one on the right is how I need to see my text messages.

I guess I shouldn't really complain. I don't need my glasses to drive or to watch TV (unless I am on a Jet Blue flight watching a Real Housewives Marathon on Bravo-which I've recently discovered is much clearer with my prescription specs) I can see an Eagle pooping at the top of a tree miles away but damn if I can see the lady bug that landed on my knee clearly. This has also become a social media problem. While leisurely scanning my FB, Instagram or Twitter accounts, I may see something I want to post a comment on. Lo and behold, 75% of my comments made without my glasses contain spelling errors or a typo. This is unacceptable to the journalist inside me, yet it happens more than I would like. I liken it to commenting on social media while under the influence of alcohol.   

I think it may be time for contacts? Really? But I don't need them for far away, so they may not be an option. And forget Lasik surgery. That's for people who can't see my friend the Eagle up in the tree. I feel like I'm running out of options. Am I really going to be a slave to my glasses from here on out? 

If that's the case and I have to wear glasses for the rest of my life, I'm making sure I'm seeing everything through rose colored lenses. 

I'm The Birthday Beeyotch

Here's a toast to you and me; May we never disagree.

But if we do?Screw you! 

Here's to me!

Another year older. Another year wiser? I can only be sure of one thing.

It definitely has been one hell of a ride!!

Witty Wednesday

This is me in a million years......well, maybe not a million.

For Cry Eye

I've been slowly going blind. Seriously, over the past 2 years my eyesight has gotten worse and worse. I can't see anything up close at all, and forget reading a paper or a book. These days, to do any of that, I need my glasses. Of course, the more I use my glasses, the more I need them and I've considered using one of these thingies cuz I'm constantly searching for my glasses:

WTF???
I had a conversation with my brother on Sunday about this, he is 4 years older than I, and he told me it's just going to get worse. Great! I went to the eye doctor and we had a conversation about Lasik, which is not applicable for my needs. Great again! I have a very common, age related vision problem called presbyopia.

Which basically means that my eye lens has become less flexible. Which basically means that I can't read crap. Restaurant menus? Forget it. Good thing my iPhone has a flashlight because I use that all the time if the restaurant is dimly lit.

As time progresses, the condition will only become worse. Now, I don't mind wearing glasses. I think it's actually kind of fun, wearing funky specs to round out a style. What I don't like is the way my eyes feel, blurry and unfocused all the time. It's very unsettling. But what am I to do? Since presbyopia cannot be prevented, I guess I need to speak to my eye doctor about options.

Are there surgical options in my case and what are the risks and benefits? Believe me, this is not a vanity thing. As I said, glasses are fun and a great accessory. This is about my overall well being. Blurry vision is not fun and I don't like the way it makes me feel. Friends of mine have had Lasik and say that it was one of the best things they have ever done. Is there a procedure for Presbyopia that would garner results like lasik?

If so, where do I sign up?

Living in a clear world is much better than a cloudy one.

My Birthday, Love and a Strawberry Shortcake

Another year older. Another year wiser?
Maybe.

Another day, going about my business, just like any other day. Got work to do, no time for play.

I'm older now so I get sick easier. The head cold that has been rooming with my body for the past week is loudly announcing it's presence in my hankie. In front of everybody too.
The weak of the herd. Snuffed out through the herd mentality. Birthday or not, the weak are vulnerable.

sigh*

It didn't feel special. Was it supposed to? And I really didn't care, which bothered me most.

Then the strawberry shortcake happened.
And the mushy card.
And I felt the love.
And I began to feel....special.

And it really was my birthday.
And I let the love in and it felt good. Better than any wrapped up present. I was wrapped in love and I am lucky. I felt like the Alpha again and my strength was regained.
All because of a simple, very special, strawberry shortcake.


And the love of a good man.

Getting Old's A Bi*ch

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.

The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”



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This Is Now

I can't believe it's finally here. This is now.

This is that day, when you give birth to your child and you look at her with hope and joy in your eyes, this is one of the days you think of; someday she will graduate.

This is the day I have looked at from a distance maybe a thousand times but never really saw it until today, never really felt it until today.

This is the day she has been looking forward to forever and I reminded her, with a tear in my eye, to stop and take a moment and breathe it all in.

I can't believe I have a child that is graduating. My child, the one I coddled and took care of and wiped her nose and scratched her back and soothed her fears. Today she graduates from me too, and the woman before me is powerful and bright. She will illuminate the world just by being in it.

Today we celebrate her work ethic and her determination to succeed. It's all culminated in the pomp and circumstance of ceremony. I'm so proud to be her mom, today and everyday. She is a gift.

This is the day.
This is now.

Birthday Girl

Ok, so I'm not that old, but I'm gaining on her...

Funny thing is, as old as I am, I don't feel it. This is kind of a big one too, but I feel good. I got a special birthday swagger going today, and I'm making some birthday wishes.

Some of my birthday wishes I won't speak of, for fear that they won't come true, and some of my birthday wishes have already come true.

Truly blessed I am, and I'm gonna party cuz it's my birthday.

Older Than Dirt II

Dang, the body just isn't moving like it used to.

As much as I hate to admit this, after a fabulous, fun filled day of touring the big city of New York, shopping in Soho and then driving back home to Boston, all in the same day, Little Miss Fabulous isn't feeling so fab after all.

I felt like a Mack truck hit me this morning.

The only consolation is that Frick reported to being entirely exhausted today, so maybe that means I'm only as half as old as I feel. The good news is that New York was a rejuvenating experience. The dirt and grime of the smelly taxi's was like an elixir for the soul no matter how tired that soul is. Frick has declared that she felt like "she was home" at NYU and could "totally see herself here". Oh boy, and I can only watch as this tiny transformation takes place before my eyes. She's shaping her life, and making grown up decisions about the planning of the next four years. Exciting stuff really, but I'm getting the feeling that Frick is not going to meet a college campus that she didn't like. She likes the prospect of becoming an adult.

Which makes me feel old.

And the wedge heels I traipsed around the streets of New York in yesterday are today making me feel ancient. Please don't tell me Easy Spirts are the way to go because I'd rather die a noble death in my heels than give in to bad fashion. But don't stick a fork in me just yet. Old can be sexy and if I'm gonna be old, than I'll have to be the best old lady that I know how to be. Old ladies are biker chic, riight??

Ok, I'm beginning to like this new outlook on old. Leather studs, grommets and my favorite things in the world, skulls! Thigh high boots and Harley's? Hell yeah! Maybe it's not over for me just yet.

Yup, I'm re-thinking this whole Old Lady thing.

Like Sands Through The Hourglass

These are the days of my life...


With my mid-life birthday, FAST approaching, I seem to be aging gracefully, yet begrudgingly. I never thought I would say that, but I think I just did. Begrudgingly, I find a new line on my face or a new sun spot from a terrific Caribbean vacation which is just wrinkle in my time that only serves to gives away my biological age.

Do I feel old?

No, never. I still posses a child-like optimism that I hope I never loose, it being one of my favorite qualities. It is that hope and wonder that gets me through the tougher times, mixed with that sparkle of defiance that makes me who I am. A VERY wise man once told me, "You dance on the knives's edge, Candace. I like that about you." I like you too, and I guess a sexy tango on the edge of a butcher's knife isn't a bad way to go through life. I believe that anything is possible, and you'll never know unless you try. "The determination of a bulldog, she's got," my dad says because I never give up. Why should I? I was taught to reach for the stars because if I don't someone else will.

Yet I somehow find myself more content and happier than I have ever been. Older than dirt, and somewhat at peace with who I have become. Is this the maturity that we all strive for, or am I just too old to give a good rat's ass? My family are just about the only thing that matters to me and I have resigned myself to the fact that at my age, my children have comprised my greatest body of work. My PHD in parenting, so to speak, a Doctorate in child rearing for the world to see. And that's good enough for me, as I'm proud of who they are. I'm not done just yet. There are still a few more years left to teach the lessons I so badly blundered. To be there to pick up the pieces, if the need be. To be the bus driver and point out the sites along the way.

Then, it will be my turn. Right? The question is; will I be too old by then to fulfill my life's expectations?

Who really knows? Wisdom has a funny way of making it's presence known when you least expect it. Can I make my mark on the world after 40 and fulfill my career dreams?

Maybe. Only time will tell.
But so far, it's been a hell of a ride trying.

Dear God

Dear God,

When I grow up I want for my children and my grandchildren to be safe, healthy and happy.



I would like my husband to be my companion, and I would like to live out our golden years in peace.


I would like to be the picture of health, God, if that wouldn't be asking too much, and if I did happen to live to a ripe old age, where I was still feeling good, I wouldn't want to become a burden to my children.



I would be happy to be put in a home with other people my age, close enough so that I could be near my kids.



Dear God, if that did happen, if I needed to go into a home for the elderly, could you arrange it so that I got into THIS home???

Thanks Lord,

I really appreciate it.

Much Love-

Candy

xoxoxox

As Old As The Crust On Your Underwear

Holy Sh*t!

I just realized that I'm old.

Like, this just happened no more than five minutes ago and the realization hit me like a mack truck. Old. Older than dirt. Just plain washed up. One minute I was up; way up, then like Newton says, I came down for the count.

How did this happen? When did this happen? I did not OK this sh*t...somebody pinch me because I'm dreaming.
Let me explain.

Five minutes ago I was in the car with Frick and Frack on the way to school. Frack gets dropped off first, then it's Frick's turn. As Frack is exiting the car, I say to him, "Hey, since the Seniors are gone from the high school, I think you are now officially a freshman." I say this because his sister reminds us, almost daily, that since the seniors are now out of school, she is officially a "junior".
"Not really mom," she says. "He's still in Middle School." Whatever....God forbid she throw him a bone here....

So Frack tells Frick that she's a jerk, and then he slams the door and he's off to school for the day. We proceed on to the high school. As we pull up to the drop off point, Frick triumphantly announces that at this time next year, she will be driving to school. (because at her age EVERYTHING revolves around getting her licence)
"Oh yes," I say, as I matter of factly contemplate the driving rules of the high school. "You will be driving to school because you'll be a junior, and only upperclassmen are allowed to take their cars to school."

Then she drops the big bomb.

"No mom, because this time next year I will officially be a SENIOR"......and she shuts the door and goes on her merry way......

The word SENIOR hangs in the air like the sulfur from a burnt match. I suddenly feel as if I can't catch my breath, and my extremities are instantly numbed and paralyzed. As I sit in my car, unable to move, thoughts begin racing through my mind at a lightening speed and a tsunami of emotion washes over my motionless body.

According to her, she will be a ....don't say it. Don't think it......If I squeeze my eyes shut really tight, do you think it will go away? Will it??

Oh. My. God.

My baby girl will technically be a "Senior" in high school one year from now. When the HELL did that happen? I had to take a deep breath. I didn't say she could grow up. She never asked me if it was OK to technically become a SENIOR next year. And what? I just have to sit by and take this crap? Somebody stop this ride because I want to get off! Right now!

And then it hit me like a driving foul ball at Fenway Park on a warm July evening; I'm old.

It's all over for me. I'm not going to fight it. I'm going to break out the rocking chair and the orthopedic shoes, because my time has come. Do you think Louboutin makes orthopedics with a red sole? Just because I'm old, it doesn't mean I have to change. I can still be stylish. So what if my designer purse will now be filled with rumpled Kleenex and Splenda packets.

And just as I am about to give in to the old that is climbing up my body like a greedy choke vine, my mother comes to my mind.

The woman who taught me everything about who I am.
The woman who has been a shining example of motherhood and style.
The woman who everyone marvels at and wonders how she still looks so great.

And I realize that old is nothing. There is nothing old about my mother. She laughs every day in the face of old and wins.
I realize that I have been blessed with good genes and the chutzpa to flip old the bird.

And my breathing returns to normal.
And I think about Frick as a senior.
And a smile creeps across my face, as I remember the excitement of my senior year.

And as I push the lump in my throat back down into submission, I whisper to myself quietly,

"Bring it on."

Dream A Little Dream For Me

I believe that sometimes the universe is trying to tell you something. It's whether or not you pick up on it, that sets you on the path of that particular destination. Sometimes the cues are subtle and sometimes, not so much.

Today, not so much. The cues were more of the "in your face type" so I couldn't help but pick them up. Funny, long shots have a way of reaching inside of you and grabbing a hold of your safety zone and then they hammer away at you until you tuck them back away, under lock and key.

But I've been here before. This ain't my first time at this particular rodeo I'm older and smarter this time. I call it realistic, really. I was having a conversation about my other passion with a friend of mine, via-email, just yesterday. It got me thinking about the good old days and when the conversation ended, so did the memories. Locked away back in the saftey of my heart.

Until this morning when I opened my email to find a few of my friends had sent me this link.

Subtle? No. Ironic. Yes. And maybe that's just what it is. Irony.

I know I'm too old, but just for today, I'll allow myself to dream about what could be.......

C.P. Casting is seeking a FEMALE, ON-AIR REPORTER from BOSTON with excellent knowledge of the RED SOX -- for a job with NESN to work live and in recorded segments during ALL of the home AND away Red Sox games.

They want a REAL Bostonian who is fun, gutsy, and able to improvise well, on-camera with sports fans at Red Sox games.

This is a large time commitment, working at the home games, AND traveling for many weeks to away games. This is paid work, and all travel expenses will be paid.

Women who have the time, the on-air experience, the improv. skills, the knowledge of the Red Sox, and who grew up here in Boston should reply ASAP!