Trainwreck

I've been a bit of a trainwreck lately.

In the best possible way, of course. But my blogging time has been directly affected. The more The Candy Bar's numbers go up, the less time I have to blog. These are good problems to have because when all is said and done, I gotta devote my time to the thing that pays the bills. All week I had plans to blog, yet I never seemed to find any time. Like this week I had plans to blog about:

• "Don't Discount the Discount"-I went shopping with my high school girl friends on Monday afternoon. We went to a Nordstrom Rack and while there I found at least 6 things that I liked that were cheap. Normally I don't buy cheap items, but these were fashionable and fit well. The price made me think twice? Really? Expensive items don't make me think twice but the cheap ones did? Were they not good quality? Would they last? I bought them anyway and I'm glad I did. I have received lots of compliments on my discounted clothing and heck, if they don't last, it's not like I paid a bundle for them.

•  "Stop and Smell the Success"-As I stated earlier, I'm getting busier and busier at the store. This is great, and it's about time but I have to remember I am not superwoman. Some days I forget to eat both breakfast AND lunch. Not good when come quitting time I'm so stressed out and I have a headache that I can't even enjoy my down time. I gotta take a moment. I've got to breathe, and let someone else do it. I don't have to always be the one doing. I already am the one worrying about it so I might as well let someone else do it.  

• "Trainwreck"-After an especially stressful day, which resulted in a headache, I took two Advil, ate dinner and watched the movie "Trainwreck". It was just what the doctor ordered. It was a dumb-ass movie, but I loved it! Amy Schumer is hilarious. Who knew LeBron James was funny and a surprise cameo from John Cena made it worthwhile. The sex scene with Cena was worth the two hours alone! He was hysterical! The laugh was a great release and much needed.

Yeah...It seems like I woke up and it was Friday already. Where did the week go?

For now, I'm ok, great in fact. But I've got to remember that this train I'm on will NOT be a wreck.

Father's Day Friday!

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions. 

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun? 

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that. 

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY. 

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son? 

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks. 

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall. 

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend. 

1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal. 

http://www.ahajokes.com/par025.html

Happy Weekend bloggers! And a very happy Father's Day to you and yours from Candy's Daily Dandy!

It's A Really Good Friday

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"? 

The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey and are thankful..." "Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to the other place!" replies St. Peter. 

He turns to the second blonde, and asks her the same question: "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." 

St Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head on the on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she's wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place. She is not welcome in Heaven. 

He then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "Do YOU know what Easter is"? The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St Peter smiled broadly with delight. The third blonde continued... "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter." 

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/easterjokes/threeblondesjoke.html

Happy Easter Bloggers! Here's to spring!

Friday Funny

A Woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

RE: INSTALLING HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewelry Applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another valuable program, Romance 9.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SPORTS 4.1

What can I do?

Reply:-

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to download
Tears 6.2. Then it will automatically run the applications Jewelry 3.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 3.5 or Beer 6.1.

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0.... Otherwise new virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be downloaded into your system.

So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 Program. These are unsupported applications and will Crash Husband 1.0.

We recommend: Cooking 5.0 and Cute Looks 7.7

Good Luck Madam.

Happy Friday bloggers! And try to remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. 

Marketing Strategies

Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.

By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards.  The man replied, "I'm sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" 

"But why?" asked Mike.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.

http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/valentine/valentine_jokes.htm

2 Weeks Till C-Day

Hey Bloggers! It's just about 2 weeks and counting till the day that Santa lets us all know if we have been naughty or nice! Judging by these photos, there's going to be a lot of coal passed around, Just sayin...

Not sure if this dude is serious or not, but in a very small way the suit is kinda bad ass..scratch that-it's just bad!

The funny thing here is that Dad find absolutely nothing wrong with this picture. I can just hear him, in response to his daughters horrror, "What?"

The modern Addams family. Hey, they like to spread the Xmas cheer too! 

Oh my...What the? Uhhh, I guess I will reserve judgement here. I'm all for flying your freak flag. Right? 

But this?This is just too creepy for words. Well there are two words that come to mind: "Jazz Hands!"

After the previous two, this somehow seems normal....

Nice! Bad Granny here is workin it! You go girl!!! I love it when people poke fun in the face of Christmas.

And speaking of poking fun in the face of Christmas...This one needs no explanation.


Happy Friday Bloggers! And I hope you have a very jolly weekend!

Happy Halloweenie!

Happy Friday bloggers! Today is not just Friday, it's HALLOWEEN!! We were discussing last night how Halloween is a really huge deal if you are between the ages of 5-12. It's probably the second most anticipated day of the year for a kid.

Proof that some of us never really grow up, here are some hilarious examples of halloween creativity at it's finest!

Couple o' boobs, these two. The one on the right is kinda pretty? No?

This is great! But the toilet dude? He's going to get a serious quad workout tonite. And the other guy?
He's going to catch a serious cold tonite?

Stop it....that is the cutest/funniest thing I have ever seen..

Gross...just gross, but the further I look at it the more I think its genius. Yeah, gross, but genius.

Bwahahahahah! Really? Bwahahahaha!

I gotta give the guy props for creativity. I love it! It may not work so well with the ladies though. It's like he's putting the cart before the horse. You know what I mean?

Now this guy? He's got it all figured out. If he finds any takers he's gonna have a good time tonite. 

AND THE BEST FOR LAST:

I'm sorry, but I LOLed so hard when I saw this. This is so wrong on so many levels but you gotta love it when someone laughs right in the face of life. Imagine the two of them looking at this photo 20 years from now! I just think this is hilariously wrong, but hilarious nonetheless. 

Happy Halloween bloggers! Have a safe and happy evening and take a moment to appreciate this all Hallows Eve, a unique American tradition. 

Friday Funny Flashback

*This is a re-post from The Daily Dandy, April 2010


Roger left for work on Friday morning. Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet.

Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, Martha stopped the nagging and said to Roger, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?'

Roger replied grimly, 'That would be fine with me.'

Monday went by and he didn't see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

By the Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so that Roger, he could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Have a great weekend bloggers and try think before you speak.

Dumb Blonde Friday

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. 

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. 

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''


Happy Friday bloggers. Have a great weekend and please don't let the kids play with anything dangerous. 

TGIF

It's Friday Bloggers! And that means it's almost the end of a long week for me! Today I thought I would regale you with some fun Friday funnies...

Amen to that brother!

What's the first one again? Oh, yeah, that one...

Adorable...

Did I mention I work weekends?

Did they actually have a kid named Friday? Those crazy Adams..

Off the "cute" charts!

Mmmm hmmmm...Latesha be looking fly!

Bad Decision Juice is always a good decision!

And this one had nothing to do with Friday but I loved it anyway!!

Happy Friday Bloggers! Try and be the ultimate opportunist this weekend!

Friday Foolishness

A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where he tells him that he will score for sure. The loser enters the bar, sees his prey, and begins to barrage her with pick up lines that he acquired from his friend. 

The young lady continues to ignore him but finally gives in. She says " OK, I’ll spend the night with you, but I’ve got to let you know up front that I’m on my menstrual cycle. The loser looks at her and says " That’s OK. I’ll follow you on my Moped. 



Happy Friday bloggers! Be nice to the losers...someday they might be your boss.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/bornloserjokes.html

Booty Boogie Bonanza

Hey Blogggers! It's Friday and  Friday's are the day I sometimes like to visit our dear, old friends at Wally World. While I haven't visited them in a while, it never ceases to amaze me what I find when I log on to the peopleofwalmart site. Today's edition seems to have a theme, and Bootylicious would be the sound track!

So away we go!

Oh, Papa! I can't find fault here! I have to give the dude credit. He's got killer legs and a nice svelte figure. I also give him props on his outfit. Dare I say it? The guy has perky boobs too. Add in the fab zebra print purse and this guy just could be the envy of all the silver haired dolls in WalMart.

There is so much going on here, I don't know where to begin. So when you have back fat rolls, is it ok to showcase them in this fashion? And did I say fashion? I am truly mistaken because the 80's called and they want their look back! That is one hell of a display of ripped and torn, shards of clothing. Oh hell girl, no.

While some of you may enjoy this, I say, REALLY? OK the girl has what seems to be a nice ass, and on the beach its totally appropriate. But waltzing into Walmart on a sunny afternoon? I hope the blood pressure machines are working in there.

I have no words....except, working girl?

So our friend here looks to be wearing the newly crafted, plastic "say no to crack" cover. Cover being the operative word, cuz this is doing no covering of crack. Seriously? What the hell is that? I don't get it.

Somebody forgot to feed the cat....

And finally! The Redneck version of the "Whale Tail". Cheap and just distinctive enough to get Uncle Earl to notice!

Happy Friday bloggers! And try to keep it in your pants this weekend.

Friday Funny

The Happiest Place On Friday

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she replied "It had to be at least 8 characters long."

Happy weekend Bloggers!!

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/agoraphobia-discussions/lounge/887043-tgif-jokes-and-quotes

Wacky Wally Weirdos

Hey Bloggers! It's Friday and sometimes that means I travel to another dimension.....to check out what those Wally World crazee's have been up to. It never ceases to amaze me...

Around this time of year you know this guy is playing the Santa card for all it's worth! Hotties taking selfies and giving him kisses, you know the Santa thing is working out for him.

Oh hell no.... Girlfriend here ain't no jolly little Santa's helper! Doesn't she have a full length mirror at home? I'll give her credit for trying though...at least she's covered up. But those brown leggings aren't doing her any favors.

The crime here? It's not the striped tank with the chartreuse Grinch shorts. It's not the saggy boobs with the questionably unsupportive bra. No, the crime here are those shoes!!! I think those might be slippers with the sole crocheted to the bottoms??

Holy...I'm not really sure what this is, but you can be damn sure Mattel and myself are not putting anything like that under the Christmas tree this year.

I'm giving this guy props...I LOVE Snoopy!

A Snowman for every Redneck! Yup, right next to the santa in the RV. Oh the joys of Christmas.

Creepy...just really creepy. And why he gotta be driving the electronic scooter too?

But we finish on a high note! This little cutie restores my faith in WalMart humanity.


Have a great weekend Bloggers! And good luck with your holiday shopping..