You Go Girlfriend!!

A self proclaimed "Bravo-phile", it has been well documented here that my TV almost exclusively broadcasts the Bravo network when I find myself in front of it. So it should be no surprise that while on my recent 15 day-unauthorized vacation, that suddenly I had some rare personal time on my hands. Thank God for my iPad, because actually sharing the family room TV with my family can get very tricky. Since I needed to catch up on what all my favorite Housewives were doing, I downloaded the GENIUS Bravo ap and discovered my entire guilty-pleasure-viewing world at my finger tips!

It was within that world that I decided to start watching Bravo's first scripted series "Girlfriends Guide to Divorce". The show is promoted constantly during the Real Housewives franchise and stars Girlfriend Lisa Edelstein as Abby McCarthy, an acclaimed self-help author and family guru who lives in LA. Edelstein is a brilliant choice considering I loved her as the long suffering girlfriend of curmudgeonly doctor House of the 2004 long-running TV series bearing the same name. "Girlfriends" was one of my best binge watches to date. Season 1 is comprised of 13 interesting episodes.

Now before you say anything negative, let me clarify a few things:

• I am EXACTLY the demo Bravo wants; over 40, educated, self employed career woman who is divorced with two children. Safe to say the show speaks to me.
• Abby McCarthy (Lisa Edelstein) and I are nearly the same age and living somewhat the same life-not really-but I am sympathetic to her character and the parallels are numerous. 
• Add marriage, divorce, sex, money, fashion, family and powerful women and I'm in.
• The series first premiered on my birthday. Need I say more?

To those who say that Bravo and it's reality TV franchises are partly responsible for the "dumbing down of America", I say here is a smart and sexy, scripted show that just may teach us a thing or two. 

It's powerful. It's funny and compelling while being heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. And if you've ever been through a rough patch in your life or have a girlfriend who has, it manages to mirror your own personal story only with better fashions and better scripts. It's also one of the best season finale episodes I've watched in a long time. You don't have to be a girlfriend to watch it either, I think the story lines are compelling enough for anyone watching to find a relatable angle. 

Bravo, Bravo! Thanks for giving us finally Girlfriends we can depend on. 

Five Hundred Twenty-five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes

"Five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes,

Five hundred twenty-five thousand Moments so dear.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?"

If you're Kim Kardashian you don't measure it in love, you measure it in money. It only lasted 72 days. 72 days was too long for Kimmy to be out of the spotlight so she created another bombshell to drop on the world. No biggie,. cuz life goes on in the Kardashian clan like nothing ever happened. Onto the next big thing.

"In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights

In cups of coffee

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes

How do you measure

A year in the life?"

A loaf of bread lasts longer in my freezer than their marriage lasted. I have mold in my refrigerator older than 72 days, (not really, but you get my point) and it takes far more than 10 weeks/72 days to shoot an entire season of "Keeping up with the Kardashians". That, being the same "brand" they fought so diligently to protect. Now the experts are predicting that the public will feel "duped" by the sham that was their "over the top", lavish $10 million dollar wedding.

Sources have reported that between the wedding, the ring, and the deal with People Magazine and Us Weekly for the photos, Kimmy pocketed over $18 million for the entire scam. A mere $250,000.00 per day of their doomed union. Not a bad gig.

How about love? How about love?

How about love?

Measure in love Seasons of love.

Kim's not letting a minor divorce keep her down. She is already back to business hosting parties in NYC, going to Australia to launch her new handbag line then landing in Atlanta for her first major acting gig in Tyler Perry's appropriately titled move, "The Marriage Councelor". For Kim Kardashian every season is a season of loving herself.

And who said she is unlucky in love?

Too Bad The Tux Was Rented

So have you seen this?

Kevin Cotter, a man whose high school sweetheart and wife of 12 years left him in July of 2009, turned his devastation and despair into success. A box salesman from Tuscon Arizona, Cotter, had been with his wife for more than half of his life and had two children with her when she walked out leaving her life and her wedding dress behind in a keepsake box in the closet. She told him to do "whatever he wanted" with the wedding dress and that's exactly what he did.

Cotter and his brother Colin started brainstorming about ways to use the wedding dress. They decided it would make a great grill cover, yoga mat, scarecrow, complete with a Darth Vader helmet and punching bag. Cotter then stared taking pictures and posting them and the wedding dress chronicles on myexwifesweddingdress.com. Instantly a Internet star was born.

People could relate to his pain and by using comedy, this type of therapeutic fun struck a chord with his fans. His ex wife wasn't exactly pleased, but for Cotter his brother reports that while they were taking pictures for the blog he began to see "his first real laugh" since the divorce.

Cotter turned his blog into a book deal and says that the book, "101 Uses for My Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress", is about so much more than using a wedding dress to strain cooked pasta. Along with the hilarious commentary on his ex's dress, he poignantly writes about dealing with devastation of life alone and reflects on divorce, children, life and moving on.

Cotter has moved on. He married a woman he met on match.com in his backyard. “She said earlier in our relationship that if it worked out and one day we were to be married, it would have to be a beach wedding and she would wear a thong bikini,” Cotter said. “She said she would not risk leaving me with any amount of material for a sequel." She didn't though, in the end she wore a dress, and one that I'm sure is under lock and key away from Cotter.

Too bad my ex wore a rented tux. I think it could have made a New York Times best seller.

How Bad Does It Have To Get?

You're never gonna believe this one.

This woman, Catherine Kieu Becker, chopped off her husband's pecker.

Really. She did. Then, she threw it in the garbage disposal and turned it on. Evidently, she poisoned her husband's dinner with some sort of hallucinogen that would make him drowsy. Police reports allege that she then tied him to the bed and chopped off his penis, put it in the kitchen garbage disposal and turned it on. She told police, "he deserved it".

Now I gotta ask you, how bad do things have to get for someone to do this? The couple were reportedly going through a divorce. I know a thing or two about divorce and when I was going through it, the last thing I wanted to do was see his face much less make him dinner. Would I have liked to cut off his penis? Maybe, but the thought of getting rid of him for good made much more sense to me.

You can read about it here and wonder just like I did, what this woman was thinking. The only one she's screwed is herself. According to the Associated Press she has been charged with "aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse." One of these charges carries a life sentence.

Was it really worth it? No one knows for sure what goes on behind closed doors but to give in to hate and anger like that only destroys both lives.

It may or may not be that simple, but I say just get out and save yourself.

Separate Lives

After 25 years of marriage, former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver announce their separation. It seems sad, really that this couple, who seemingly had it all, are ending their union. But it's not at all shocking. What would be shocking is if President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama announced their separation while in office, but this announcement is worth noting.

Marriage seems to be a detriment these days, and I wonder why most people can't or won't put up and shut up like our founding fathers did. What does this say about our society today? Are we not built for commitment? I come from a broken marriage, but it was not of my choosing. I thank the good Lord above for getting me out when he did, but I may not have chosen to end it if I was left to my own decision. THEN. Knowing what I know now, I would have ran for the hills, but in my ignorance, a modern girl like me had an old fashioned take on marriage.

Now I've gone and done it again and I'm so happy I did, pledging this time to honor and love and go where ever it is my marriage takes me. Am I crazy? I think not. I'm just hopeful and happy. Today. But what happens when that happiness fades and life throws some curve balls at me? Do we just get out? Is this how it works? It was reported that Marie Osmond just remarried her first husband, again. So what are the odds of them making it this time around? Did they just realize they made a rush decision to divorce the first time, or was there something worth saving there?

Jesse James is probably the most hated man in America for cheating on every body's sweetheart, Sandra Bullock. There's no way these two could have stayed together after the news of his illicit affairs during their marriage hit the press. But that's what society says. What did they say to each other in those final days? In some way I think when a man cheats, he knows that there is no turning back after the crime has been committed. I believe it is a cowards way to end a marriage because the act speaks the words the coward is unable to say.

Just like Brad and Jen. Brad knew he had crossed the line, and try as honorably as he might, everybody knew the line had been crossed. He had no choice, he had to get out. But what happens when there is just nothing left in the marriage tank void of infidelities? They separate. They live alone and trudge through life without the other. Maybe they turn to someone else. Maybe not. Maybe they work it out. Maybe they don't. Life offers no assurances, but I somehow hope that marriage has not become disposable.

Here's an old fashioned girl who believes in commitment, throwing her hat into the ring.

I hope Arnold and Maria work it out.

You're Fired

I'm feeling a little empowered today, because much like The Donald, I fired everybody.

I fired my lawyer, I fired my ex-ASS-husband and I fired this whole Divorce/custody/support cluster-fu*k (I didn't say it) my life has become lately. I have been free of that cancer/man for over 5 years, yet I still find myself in court paying money to get HIM to pay money. At this point I'm completely upside down and still fighting for principle. Guess what?

I'm done and you're fired.

Hey, deadbeats are people too, right? There was a time, long ago, that he was trying to get me to pay him money. You heard me right, me pay him, but the judge kinda laughed at that one. Ridiculous litigation sometimes brings about those kind of responses in judges. And looking back, that's exactly what I have been doing all this time. Participating in ridiculous litigation.

You're either an active, interested, participating co-parent or you're not. I realize that no matter how much money I spend on trying to make sure he holds up his end of the bargian, a deadbeat's still a deadbeat and history shows that is a fact that is not going to change. So for my children's sake, I fired him and I fired everyone else who was bloodsucking off me in the name of so-called justice.

Yesterday I went in pro se (sans attorney) and it was like taking candy from a baby. I have sat in a probate courtroom duing the last five years and seen hundreds of women go before the judge pro se. I've seen them come in dressed down, dressed up and win and loose for whatever reason and I decided I no longer wanted to participate in this game any longer because it only hurts the children. As long as I am on this earth, my children will be my priority and that's all that really matters. I can't legally bully their father into making them a priority...anymore. I don't need a laywer because the laws are what they are, and I'm not asking for anything more than nothing.

Yesterday was proof of that. I need no law degree to stand before a judge and let him hang himself.

Done.

Fired.

I'll be fine and so will they and that's all that really matters. Because I will make sure.

"If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?"

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

=0 A

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.