Friday Funny

A Woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

RE: INSTALLING HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewelry Applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another valuable program, Romance 9.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SPORTS 4.1

What can I do?

Reply:-

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to download
Tears 6.2. Then it will automatically run the applications Jewelry 3.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 3.5 or Beer 6.1.

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0.... Otherwise new virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be downloaded into your system.

So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 Program. These are unsupported applications and will Crash Husband 1.0.

We recommend: Cooking 5.0 and Cute Looks 7.7

Good Luck Madam.

Happy Friday bloggers! And try to remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. 

Cuz H's are EW!

I define myself in many ways; mother, wife, entrepreneur, and friend to name a few. But there is a part of me that lives on inside the woman that is all which I have described.

That part of me is still a 12 year old girl.

That's why I think this is so funny, brilliant, endearing and SPOT ON accurate!
It also makes me an even bigger Jimmy Fallon fan...like if that's even possible..like really.

This is the latest from the EW! franchise and I fricken love it.

Funny Cup O' Joe

A blonde goes to her doctor and says that every time she drinks a coffee her eye hurts. 

The doctor prepared her a hot, fresh cup of coffee to see what really happens. She took a sip of the coffee and screamed, "Ouch, that hurts!" The doctor said, "I know your problem." 

The blonde asked, "Is it bad, doctor?" The doctor replied, "No, you just need to take your spoon out of your cup before you drink your coffee."

A Little Nonsense Now And Then Is Relished By The Best Of Men..

Got some bad news yesterday and I feel like laughter would be the best medicine today...

True Love?

Politically Incorrect Auto Correct

This has been all over the Internet and I thought it was way too funny not to share. Happy Monday!

Kitty Krazy

Hey Bloggers! 

It's Friday and you know that means its time for some fun! These kitt-ay's come to me via the Interwebs, where there are millions of furry faces with funny captions all over. There are crazy kitty's for just about any idea or occasion you can imagine, which tells me we's got too much time on our hands..

Again, not a cat person, but some of these made me LOL!

Have a great weekend bloggers! And try to have more than a few LOL moments..

Who's The Dumb Blonde Now?

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway.

He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa."

She says no again, and tries to fall asleep.

The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?" At that number, the blonde agrees.

The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500.

"Got it," she replies.

He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5.

Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?"

The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends. No one knows the answer. So he gives her $500.00. Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?"

She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane.

Getting Old's A Bi*ch

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.

The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”



http://www.ajokeaday.com/Clasificacion.asp?ID=25#ixzz2DQbHmem2

Knee Deep In It

Myra Rhodes, a little old lady living in Great Baddow, Essex, answered a knock on the door one Friday, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning, Ma'am,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' said Myra brusquely. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money,' and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty,' he commanded. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

'Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'

Myra stepped back and said with a smile, 'Well let me get you a spoon, young man because they cut off my electricity this morning.'

Little Larry

Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ...

For Colby

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday.

He says, “So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?”

She says, “Bernie, I want a divorce.”

He says, “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”


birthdayjokes.com

Where Is Jimmy Bastard When You Need Him?

*read in a Scotish accent*

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?


Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Freaky Friday

You'll go mad for these deals.

So it's Friday bloggers, and that means it's time to get your freak on!

I'm thinking of going to see," The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I hated the book, and just couldn't get through it but everybody says that you need to force your way through the first few chapters. Duh? Why would I want to read a book that I have to force my way through the first few chapters? So, I think I'll go see the movie first and then decide whether or not I want to force my way through the first few chapters and complete the book.

And speaking of freaky, this kind of freak is the funniest freak I have seen in a while. The audio here could be considered NSFW, so be forewarned.

Enjoy and make sure you get your freak on this weekend bloggers!

You're Killing Me

So this is precisely why I am in love with Hollywood.

Leave it to them to give me a LOL moment in the middle of all this.

How You Doin'?