Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Lil Poopy Got Some Gangsta Swagga

Meet Lil Poopy. A nine year old from Brockton, MA, his Lil story is all over the morning papers.

Seems this nine year old rapping prodigy created quite a stir on youtube a few months back, singing about being a "coke boy". Seems Lil Poopy raps about being a "cocaine cowboy", Gucci, Louis Vuitton and other nine year-old staples like guns and "hoes".

Lil Poopy was discovered by rapper French Montana, and claims to be his mentor. Poopy is one of his Coke Boyz posse, and is on his  label, Cocaine City Records.  So was he the one who taught him to slap the buxom bottoms of women and flash large wads of cash with his bling bling? Cuz whoever did that is in big trouble today.

Brockton Police put their "pimp hand" down when they flagged the family to the MA Department of Children and Families with a child abuse claim. Lil Poopy's dad, Luie Rivera of Brockton is under investigation for neglect and abuse. And get this, the guy thinks that "there aint nuthin wrong with what he's doin". Daddy told the Boston Herald last night. "Hip-hop is like the WWE- it's all fake," Rivera said. "Back in the beginning what you were rapping about you were really doing. Now it's all an act."

An act that turns out is a dangerous play date. As the Boston Herald's Margery Eagan brilliantly points out this morning, "Lil Poopy calls himself a "cocaine coyboy". How long until he asks to sample the product?"
Indeed. It's inevitable.

Good thing Johnny Law is on the case. At least there's a slight chance they may save this kid.

I doubt it, though. The money and the fame and the drugs are all too real.......in this fake act.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Talking Sh*t

Editorial Discalimer
I want to begin today's blog post with the disclaimer. Today's post is literally
about fecal matter. If you are of the faint of heart please leave now and except my sincerest apologies. Please come back tomorrow when I'm talking about something frivolous like celebrities, nose jobs or boobs. Thank you.

Can we talk? Or the question is can we talk sh*t? 

I got to tell someone because I'm about to blow. I've got to confess that my dog has a shi*ty problem Or a shi*ting problem. Whatever you want to call it driving my family and I bonkers.

My dog is old. Probably about 13 to 14 years, we are not quite sure because he was a pound dog. About six months ago he started pooping on the kitchen floor, upstairs in the hallway and several other places in my house at night. We would let him out 1030 or 11 o'clock at night to make sure he was doing what he needed to do before bed. Sure enough, the next morning there was a package lovingly left somewhere in the house. It's gotten to the point that there are gates cordoning off almost all of the house that the dog is allowed to be in.

Now I know you're saying to yourself, "Haven't you taken him to the vet?" Of course we took him to the vet. We have changed his diet at least six or  seven times in the last six months, yet every night the dog manages to find his spot. The vet has diagnosed him with "hyper diarrhea". I like call it night shi*ting. You've heard of night eating? I think he has night shit*ing. For the last month he has been on probiotics and an anti-diarrheal medication. He takes half an antidiarrheal pill and a pill probiotic with his dinner.

I guess I can be frank here. Since medication, I can report that his fecal specimens have been firmer and better shaped, therefore much easier to clean the package off of the kitchen floor. Thank God for the bulk pack of Clorox antibacterial sanitary wipes at Costco. I might have a nervous breakdown without such a tool to clean up this daily occurrence. And I'm going through them about as quick as anything the dog eats and then goes through him. 

And its not getting any better. We are about to see the vet again for possibly the 5th time since this started and I'm beside myself with the prospect of getting up in the morning to face what awaits me. And here's the thing, this is not about me, it's about him and his health. The vet says his weight is fine and he does not seem to be suffering any ill effects from the chronic pooping. That is good, but WE are suffering from the amount of work and unsanitary aspect of this entire shi*ty situation.

I guess what it all comes down to is love. 

Love is a funny thing, because it makes you do things you would normally never do. Cleaning up dog poop daily is not the way I foresaw my dog living out his golden years, but if this is what I've got then this is what I've got. Like it or not, I love that dog more than I love his problem. So I trudge on, like a trooper hoarding Clorox wipes and supermarket bags to dispose of the problem and hope for the best. Tough sh*it, right?

Maybe it's psychological? But I draw the line at a doggie shrink because if this continues, I'm the only one who's going to need a shrink. 

Friday, February 15, 2013

Up Up And Away

Happy Friday Bloggers!

I'm off for my yearly vacation to sunny Florida, and I have to tell you I'm not feeling 100% about leaving The Candy Bar, but I'm confident that my staff will handle things beautifully in my absence. Right? Yes, right.

So I will be gone from today, Friday, February 15th, 2013 and returning to the bloggersphere on Monday, February 25th. 

Have a great week bloggers, and take care of each other while I'm gone. Try to take a moment to stop and relax. I know I'm going to try my best. Right?

Yes, right.
I will try.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Who's The Dumb Blonde Now?

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway.

He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa."

She says no again, and tries to fall asleep.
The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?" At that number, the blonde agrees.

The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500.
"Got it," she replies.

He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5.
Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?"

The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends. No one knows the answer. So he gives her $500.00. Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?"

She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Emily Post 101: A Survey

Is emailing a thank you note acceptable etiquette? The answer may surprise you.

The experts say handwritten thank you's are still tops, but there are exceptions to the rule. According to Emily Post, a handwritten note is preferred for gifts, but if the gift comes from a close friend or relative an email note is acceptable. The other exception is a thank you for a job interview. In that case an email thank you is highly encouraged and can aid your chances for the position.

I would venture to guess that in this wired age of technology, easy and instant email communication with another individual is not only acceptable, but eco-friendly. What would all the "greenies" say to Emily Post?

I will admit that I love a quick note in my inbox, expressing gratitude and well wishes, but I also understand the impact of a note taken from pen to paper. The handwritten note has become a lost art form. I read once that Princess Diana was a stickler for thank you notes. She always hand wrote her thank you's and always within 24 hours of the gesture. Blue bloods steeped in tradition, but it drives home the point about the importance of saying thank you.

Tell me what you think.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Snow Job

We survived!

The Blizzard of 2013 was not a bust like I thought it was going to be. It was exactly the power packed punch that the media meteorological gods predicted that dumped over 2.5 feet of snow around here. 

The thing is, this ain't our first time at the "historic" storm rodeo.  We are hearty New Englanders  and when it was all over we came out to inspect the impact. Suburban inlanders, like me, handled the snow fall quite well, considering we never lost power in this part of the state. We rode out the storm in the lots of  food, TV, movies and warm comfort of our homes. WE were lucky. 

Our coastal counterparts were not so lucky. Out of power since Friday, flooding and severe winds caused expensive damage to most coastal areas. There were tragedies. Like the dangers of carbon monoxide that tragically took three lives, including that of a 14 year old boy. Just tragic.

So today, we go back to business as usual, but it's nothing usual at all. The freezing rain that is falling right now reminds us of the dangers of two feet of snow topped off with freezing rain that turns to ice. Especially on our roof tops. As I said, we are used to this and I have to say the state handled this storm beautifully. The Friday afternoon driving ban made things much easier for travel when it was lifted by 4PM Saturday and the media and the Commonwealth kept us updated as the storm progressed. 

As for me? It's off to work now. See that snow bank above? 

I gotta go shovel it. 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

On The Road....Again

So Frack got his drivers license on Sat.


My baby is all growed up now.


Yup,  he thinks hes gone to heaven too. He has a car, (it's the family car, but Frick totally thinks its hers and she reminds him of this all the time) and I hardly see him any more.  The boy is mobile! The first thing he did when he came home was go directly to Dunkin Donuts. 


With an enormous smile on his face. He said It was the best chocolate frosted donut he ever had. I bet it was.

This time we were very cautious about the driving test. Everybody around here pays the driving school to take their kids to the test in the driving school car. But with Frick, I said nooo. I said, "I want to be there with her like my dad was with me." We were rolling old school and we had to borrow a friends car, (in MA a drivers license road test must be in a car with an emergency hand break in between the two front seats) which was a huge error in hind sight. Frick ended up in a strange car, a nervous wreck and failed her first test. We weren't taking any chances with Frack this time. We gladly paid the fee to the driving school.

Anyway, I guess my days of sleeping soundly on a weekends are over and any time they predict snow, like on this Friday, I get a pit in my stomach. The truth is, I'm really proud of my boy. He's growing up so fast and he's becoming a man quicker than I can keep up. He's even taken to dinner conversation about the increasing gas prices.  He likes to complain but Frack has a job but just about the only thing he likes to spend his money on is food.

Welcome to semi-adulthood dude. 

Time marches on and my kids continue to grow and change and in the best way possible. 

It's just a little quicker than I'd like, is all. 

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Oh HELL No...

This can't be good.

Seriously, is that Leo DeCaprio wearing a HEADBAND? Like a chick? No wonder he's still singleWhat the hell is going on in this world? There is no way that that is OK, and it will never be.

Nick Jonas? I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Seriously, this is just never sexy. Not even on the Gods. You wouldn't catch Zeus dead wearing a girlly headband. A laurel of some kind of greens, but never a headband. He's Zeus for Christ's sake.

And Becks? Dude, for that shot alone, we may have to revoke your "sexiest man alive" card. Geesh. That's a defilement of that gorgeous creature and worthy of a penalty kick to the nuts. Sorry Becks. Not SEXY.

But the biggest tragedy of all....

The cruelest of cruel jokes...

The horror that keeps me awake some nights is this......

Dare I say it?

Oh Tommy., Tell me it isn't so.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Ray's Last Day

The Super Bowl?

Yeah, it lived up to it as much as I hate to admit it. It was a very reluctant Super Bowl for me and it delivered. The highlights:

  • It was a great game. If really good football is being played, it really doesn't matter which side you are on. Of course, everyone always chooses a side they align with to win, but in the grand scheme of things if it aint your team, who really cares? The first half was a complete show of Baltimore dominance. And just when everybody was thinking that this game could be all over, the Gods from up above let their presence be known. And if the Ravens didn't win, there are a lot of people who would be calling foul right now.
  • Beyonce. Wow...just wow. She delivered the sexiest, hottest slamming Super Bowl show in recent history. Mesmerized is an understatement, and the Destiny's Child reunion was a nice surprise. Wow, for me,(who's not really a huge Beyonce fan) I'm a huge Beyonce fan. She crushed it and put all those Obama Inagural fraud rumors to rest. Bey is the real deal and her strut and swagger only make me Girl crush harder for her. Hairography anyone?
  • Great catches. Flacco and his receivers were all about the connection. And Jacoby Jones? At Times it would seem that they were making catches from the heavens. 
Like my good friend Moog from the 40 year old Virgin would say:

"Its's not about winning football and Cincinnati Bow ties, It's about love and connection..."

Looks like Flacco and his team were deeply in love with each other and just at the right time. Because now the  whole sports world is gonna fall in love with them too. 

Friday, February 1, 2013

Ode To My Birthday Boy

The Golden Years are here at last!

I cannot see.
I cannot pee.
I cannot chew.
I cannot screw.

My memory shrinks.
My hearing stinks.
No sense of smell.
I look like hell.
Yeah, the Golden Years have come at last,
and the Golden Years can kiss my a*s!

Happy Birthday to My Guy!
And don't worry baby, I'm right there all Golden next to you...