What? Wait? Again?

Am I the only one who is shocked by the latest Tiger Woods news that his break up with Lindsay Vonn was due to the fact that he cheated with a "faceless, nameless, woman"?

I think I am.

I had to Google the news yesterday because I hadn't heard about it on the gossip pages of a trash magazine. That's surprising, don't you think? On the contrary, I actually believed the official statement put out by Lindsay's people that the breakup was due to the fact that they both "lead incredibly hectic lives that force us to spend a majority of our lives apart". It made sense to me. What a fool I am. Or maybe what a fool Lindsay is, but I was sure this time was going to be different. He knew the world would be watching, and they were. apparently he was seen with the woman and decided to "come clean" (no pun intended) to Lindsay about it.

A Tiger never changes his spots...does he?

A good life lesson for all of us.

I Have An Announcement To Make

"I had sex with both Jesse James and Tiger Woods and I have the racy texts to prove it."

Weston, MA, March 26 2010-Candy of Candy's Daily Dandy reveals proof of her 3 year, steamy, sexual relationships with both Jesse James and Tiger Woods and releases this statement to the press through her attorney.

Why not? Hey, everybody else seems to be doing it. Why shouldn't I jump on the bandwagon and see what I can gain from it? That should at least score me a phone call from Gloria Allred, which should be good because I've always wondered how that woman sleeps at night.

What's wrong with our society today is not the invention of the Internet so much as our dependence on portable electronic devices. They deliver instant access to our social networking world and for some, it's like main lining with your dark side. They are killing us slowly. Our children are occupied by text when we are trying to connect with them. Facebook and IM and ichat are pinging and blooping in the background while the kids are doing their homework and the emotive notification tone of a text message disrupts a productive stream of consciousness.

Have you ever stopped for a moment to listen for your ring tone because you swear you just heard it, only to find it was in your imagination? OR been on your cell phone having a conversation while furiously looking around for your CELL PHONE? Sometimes I'm panicked, searching for my phone only to find that is already in my hand. I'm that dependent on the stupid thing. And it is why people like the aforementioned adulterers were able to continue their lurid behavior on the sly. In the world of electronic sex, naughty, hot exchanges are key to fuel the adultery fire. We'll call it safe sex because no body fluids need be exchanged and it can easily be deleted. The secret is safe. Unless you're a celebrity these days.

I'm not interested in looking at My Guy's cell phone because honestly, I don't want to know. And I shouldn't have to, in a perfect world. But we all know that this isn't a perfect world. There are other ways to pick up on the cheating cues, unless you are married to a psycho-pathic deviant liar. Like I was. Like Elin is and Sandra. How did we not know? They were really good at keeping their deviant, torrid, text sex a secret because it wouldn't be as much fun otherwise. Deviance is like a drug and the sex is the haze of the high. An addict will do whatever it takes to keep the high going and the text message is the needle that delivers the drug instantly. And there's no paper trail. Instant gratification in your front pocket.

And lately, skanky deviants and bimbos are lining up for a handout. Or a photo spread, or some notoriety and a book deal and the skanky deviant celebrity is looking for a fix. But the real villain here is the text message and the cell phone just may be the new sex toy.

Today's Special: The Mighty Fall Hard "Fuher Shure"

This is becoming the biggest sport in the world.

Vegas is now taking odds "Fuher Shure".

The Worst LIE Of His Career

I feel the need to weigh in on this whole Tiger Woods debacle on this forum, considering a few factors:

1. I once was a wronged, cheated on spouse. (repeat: I WAS-past, not present)

2. My son is a young boy who at one time idolized what used to be "Tiger Woods".

c. Because I have a blog and I can.

I think that Josh Duhamel is probably the happiest guy in the world right now. I speak of Fergie's (Black Eyed Peas) actor husband, because until Tiger's UNBELIEVABLE story of multiple, cross-continental, global, adulterous trysts that broke last week, Josh was the dirty dog of the tabloid world. The media was collectively looking at Josh with a "how could you?" scowl, for his "transgressions" with a stripper in some hotel room.

Josh should send Tiger a huge fruit basket for the holiday's, because, sadly, Tiger's torrid story makes Josh look like a choir boy.

This morning, after woman number 10 has emerged as his alleged mistress, Tiger finds himself with the worst lie on the golf course of life. And that's what this is really about, isn't it? LIES. And I know a lot about lies, considering I lived one for many years. I think that, maybe, the difference between my EX and Tiger is about seven zeros. What I mean by that is that my EX's torrid sex stories weren't worth six zeros, or even two zeros to TMZ. I have a feeling that if they were worthy of some zeros, my story would have played out much like Tiger's. I may even venture a guess to say I know a small bit about how Elin is feeling.

I feel pretty confident guessing that she F-ING hates the sight of her husband right now and she most definitely (sorry anti-violence folks) has either hit her husband with her hands or some other object, or has fantasized about it. Today's 24 hour Tiger media drama is reporting that Elin has moved out of their home. Yeah, I'm sure she has been pushing for that since the minute she learned about everything. I'm sorry she had to withstand this with his sorry-ass face for as long as she has.

Do I believe every $$ grubbing tramp who says she slept with Tiger over the last few years?

Do you?

I do believe he f-ed up ROYALLY and that he has been banging whatever he wanted for as long as he wanted, but all of these women??? I'm seeing money talking here, more than truth, for the most part.

The problem is the almost, "addiction and deviance" that is revealed by 1. the numerous sexual partners and 2. the deviance in which Tiger continued these sexual affairs. Herein lies the problem, with LIES being the operative word.

LIES destroy lives.

Cheap, tawdry ho's who sleep with other women's husbands are not the problem. The problem is Tiger's addiction to the deviance and the lies he has strung together to support his secret life. I was Elin, and even without the zeros, the house of cards falls just as hard. Because of the lies, I can never really look back and say, "Well, we had some good years" because I don't believe that. I don't believe anything was EVER true, because it was all based on LIES. And if I were betting on Elin, I would say it was even money odds, she is feeling somewhat similar and that this marriage will not survive.

I can't even imagine being Elin today and having a 24-7 media frenzy, detailing every sick and hurtful detail of my one time, beloved husband's, deviant, sexual trysts for the world to consume. AND yes, it's possible she HAD NO IDEA. Deviant, psychopathic liars are so good at keeping you in the dark.

I can tell you this. This is not going to be a victorious, come from behind victory for Tiger Woods. The athlete who at one time was a beacon of mental toughness, will now endure the scrutiny of disgrace in his life off the course. He is a fool that has chosen the wrong path and has destroyed his legacy and his life.

There is no magical club in his golf bag that can get him out of this LIE.

FartGate

Every now and again someone will tell a story that reduces me to the giggling 12 year-old little girl of my childhood. The recipe is pretty simple; it's got to contain the word "fart" and it immediately makes guffaw uncontrollably. It was like that this morning when I read about "FartGate" in my morning paper.

Apparently, at the 18th hole at the Buick Open Golf tournament this weekend, SOMEBODY farted loud enough for the CBS broadcast to pick up the offending sound bite. If that wasn't bad enough for the CBS brass, Tiger and his caddy Steve Williams immediately began laughing like a couple of seventh graders which made the situation all the worse.

TMZ.com is reporting that CBS is claiming that the offending rip did NOT come from the King of the Links, Tiger Woods himself, but from some other offender. Some speculate it was a "fart app" from an iphone. Whatever or whomever it was this was no doubt,"the blast heard round the world" or the "big bang theory" times twenty.

The blog site bodoglife.com claims "tiger woods fart" to be the hottest search on the internet and why not? People love to hear that the untouchable golf/sports icon, Woods may be human after all. Bodoglife.com also claims, that after some research, something stinks in this Tiger FartGate.

From bodoglife.com
"Apparently, Tiger has farted at other golf tournaments. The Inquisitor did some digging and found that Woods had let one rip before. They report, "Strangely this isn’t the first time Woods has sealed an event with a fart, having also farted when he won the Arnold Palmer invitational in March."

You can check out the video here, if you're interested, but you'd better do it quick because the PGA is claiming copywright to it and videos of FartGate have been disappearing all over the internets.

What can I say? I guess I will always be 12 years-old at heart. I hope I never change. Life would be too boring otherwise.