21!

Do you remember your 21st birthday?
I tried to remember mine, but I got nothing. I know I didn't have a big bash, because I was a senior in college and it was during school, but I vaguely remember celebrating at the school pub. Which is precisely why I don't remember much of it! I do remember being excited that I was finally of the legal drinking age and that I was the very last of my friends to turn 21, so drinking was the plan. That's what your 21st birthday is mainly about, isn't it?

Well my baby girl Frick turned 21 last week-which makes her not a baby anymore. She's all grown up and legal now! And we did have a big party for her....

Her birthday was last Thursday, August 13th, so she had decided that she wanted to paint the town of Boston red with her new LEGAL ID. My nephew is a club promoter in Boston, so he hooked us up in the city's most happening Thursday night spot with VIP treatment and bottle service with 12 of her closest friends. The plan was to start out at our house with a BBQ with friends and family then we would all grab a bus (that we rented) and go into the club.

The week before the party I spoke to my nephew and told him to expect us in Boston around 9 or 9:30. He nearly fell over laughing, "Auntie, the club doesn't open till 10:00," he said. My Guy and I were dumbfounded. 10:00 on a Thursday night is past our bedtime, so needless to say we were second guessing the entire night. But it wasn't about us, so we let it roll. Then our friends started to drop like flies.

"I've got a big meeting in the morning, so we will come to your house but we are going to pass on the club, " one friend said.
"That's kind of late for us, so if you don't mind we will see you at your house and then go home from there, " another told us.

Did I mention that we were feeling the same way? After a chat with Frick, she reluctantly agreed to go to the club with 12 of her closest friends sans her parents. After the BBQ, cake and a bit of merry making and  pre-gaming, the van/bus came to collect Frick, Frack and her friends and off they went! Funny thing was, once the kids left, those same friends who decided to opt out of the club ended up continuing the party at our house till about 1AM!! The kids were sending us pics and videos from inside the club and a few of my older nephews showed up at the club to celebrate with Frick! Which can be both a blessing and a problem when you weigh about 95 lbs like Frick does...

Poor Frick. I'm not sure she ever consumed that much alcohol in such a short time, but just as I was brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed I started getting text messages from her friends.
"We gotta get her home-she's not feeling good"
"She may need a dry cleaner for her outfit."

Oh boy, I thought, we've all been there but it's not fun once you get there. And I felt a bit guilty, like I sent her out to the lions...

Frick arrived home safely and without any major incident, but I think her dress and her dignity have seen better days. The silver lining in all of this? Frick continued to tell me what a wonderful brother she has! She explained that Frack totally took control of her predicament and took such good care of her. All in all I think that is the best present any one could ever ask for.

Destination Vacation

Destination on the Magical Mystery Tour Part 3???

Key West, Florida!! It was an amazing weekend with lots and lots of sun, fun and the usual debauchery that comes along with being part of the Toxic Trio. A quick recap?
Thursday night, we arrived around 7PM after a day of flying and immediately had dinner in the hotel restaurant which is situated on the beach at the southernmost point of the state! Key West just happens to be 90 miles from Cuba, and is indeed the farthest south you can get in the USA. The Southernmost is also the name of our hotel! The thing about Key West is that even though you are in Florida, you really don't feel like you are in Florida. Key West has this awesome island feel that makes you believe that you are somewhere in the Caribbean.

The pool bar just to the left in that photo was our next destination on Thursday night, and we closed out the evening in perfect Trio fashion: cocktails, friends, photos and fun! Friday was a spectacular day, weather wise, it was in the high 80's and we spent the day at the pool relaxing and making merry. The sun was strong and hot and we got plenty of sun kissed color on our bodies. We had arranged a sunset booze cruise, so we told the Trio to be ready by 5:45.

After some Pirate photo ops-complete with earrings and eye patches, we boarded the boat. The band on board was the first indication of the next two hours of fun and safe to say that the Trio ladies hijacked the boat and held court on the dance floor! We held a limbo contest and even dressed other people up as pirates with our props. Some people even thought that we worked for the cruise company! The scenery was perfection and the sunset didn't disappoint! We left the boat and retired to dinner on world famous Duvall Street. (remember the clue:Robert Duvall?) So many bars, restaurants to choose from, we chose outdoor dining and engaged in people watching for the rest of the evening.

Saturday was another gorgeous beach day and the guys managed to find a new obsession: Wallhooky!
Who would have thought the men could find so much fun with a hook, a brass ring and a piece of string? We then rented an electric car that seated six, perfect for the Trio and we were off to explore the island.

First stop was lunch at El Siboney Cuban restaurant for the locals favorite and then off to the Hemingway House. Earnest Hemingway was a very famous Key West resident whose home has been turned into a museum of sorts, and we toured the old home complete with the many cats that reside there. FUN FACT: the many cats that roam the property freely are direct descendants of Earnest Hemingway's first cat, Snowball, that was given to him by a Massachusetts fisherman decades ago. Hemingway was a complete dog-we found out-as he was married 4 time in his life, seemingly to women his wives had introduced him to. We had a wonderful dinner at Louie's Backyard, which is smack dab on the beach. The fine dining was some of the best food we experienced on the island and the atmosphere was incredible!

Sunday funday was another great beach day! The Trio spent the day playing Wallhooky with the world famous champion, Barcode-who was touring the coast trying to promote the sport. It was Sunday Funday for sure because the Trio got very tipsy spending quality time at the pool bar with Barcode and the boys and almost missed our dinner. We made it of course, and because it was our last night we just HAD to experience some Duvall Street night life and we chose, of course, Sloppy Joes, as our final destination for Key West night life.

Sloppy Joe's is a historic bar in Key West and its most famous patron was Earnest Hemingway himself!
The drinks and the music were flowing freely by the time we got there and I'm not quite sure we ever left the dance floor! The band was awesome, the patrons were just as crazy as one would have thought they would be in Key West and we danced until the wee hours in the morning.

Monday reluctantly came and the Trio boarded the plane to head back home, but not without heavy hearts.
We were just grateful that no one came home from vacation on probation..

Happy Friday!

Hey Bloggers! Happy Friday!!

Its going to be a beautiful weekend here in the North East. Great weather for a big, banging, celebration of a graduation and job well done. I think we've all earned it and I'm excited for a great day of enjoying my family and friends. I can hardly believe that the man that stands before me today is the boy I raised. He's a good man and I'm proud of him.

And we are going to celebrate!
Get your weekend on Bloggers and celebrate too! After all, summer officially begins tomorrow!

Sad Or Smokin'? You Decide.

So in trolling the interwebs I come across this video that has me totally perplexed. I'm not sure if this is sad or smokin' hot.  

Check out this old dude in the middle of a hot happening Vegas pool party bash.

My first thought was "you gotta be kidding me". My second thought, "Dude is workin' it though."

Is this sad? Or Smokin'? You decide.

It was a whirlwind, but that's exactly how I like it.

• Frick's party was a great time. The kids, the family, the neighbors, even the dogs enjoyed themselves. Buddy was caught more than once stealing someone's plate of food off their table.The weather was great, we had a huge Texas style BBQ and lots of Fred Flintstones, carnivore, meat eating took place. It was a great way to cap off Frick's high school career.

• The Celtics LOST. That sucked big time and was not a great way to cap off the party, but life goes on. I still love those boys! They have a hell of a lot of heart and soul and managed to give us playoff excitement almost every year. The difference I see? You gotta make baskets. Plain and simple and if you are not making clutch baskets in the clutch, you go home early. Go Green.

• I spent the entire day yesterday cleaning my house from top to bottom. I'm afraid to admit this, but I kinda liked it. As much as I dreaded starting the process, once I got going I realized that, Hey, I'm good at this. I went crazy too. I vacuumed, moped, wiped down, broke down tables and boxes. I filled trash bags and tried my best to recycle responsibly and when it was over, it was nice to enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done. But don't get me wrong here: Next time I'm hiring a cleaning crew. Don't judge.

• Fire is good. I love our fire pit. We are beginning to make loads of great memories made out there and I love the fact that Frick and Frack and their friends are coming along to join in. I have learned some new things about my kids and their friends out there, just "conversating".(I made that word up) My parents even sat down with us Saturday night and we had an all out, four alarm, fun, family fire pit. My dad was so comfortable, he even took his shoes off. Good times.

• Change is a coming. I can almost taste it and I'm wondering if it's appetizing or not. Stay tuned.

Cookie Monster

No wonder Cookie Monster is one of the most beloved Sesame Street characters of all time, because nothing reduces mature adults into little children more than a plate full of cookies. We had our annual Christmas party yesterday and we decided to participate in a cookie swap. Have you ever done this?

Everybody makes two dozen cookies; the recipe of their choice, and brings them to the party. The cookies get laid out on a table and the guests each get to make a platter full of two or three of each kind of cookie. We had 11 people and about 15 different varieties of cookies to make a generous platter of cookies from. The hostess bought us special Christmas platters to house the cookies and take home as a party favor. It was a blast, and all of the cookies were fantastic. We even ended up swapping a few recipes by the end of the party.

The best part of the cookie swap is that now everyone has all these different, colorful and fantastic cookies, we get to share them with our families! When I got home, the quiet household came to life and more than a few cookies were consumed before dinner. We had gingerbread men, candy canes with colorful frosting and Christmas trees. There were smores bars and wedding cakes and peanut butter cookies with Hershey's kisses. One woman made colorful bags full of a wonderful mix she called "White Trash", which was Check mix with melted white chocolate and another made homemade English Toffee.

I got a recipe for these little treats:

Pretzel Squares
Rollo Candy
Pecans

Put the Rollo candy on top of the pretzel square, then the pecan on top of that.
Place in an oven heated to 325 degrees.
Watch as the candy melts, just enough to adhere to the pretzel and the pecan to the candy, a few minutes.
Remove from oven and let harden.
Enjoy!

The tough part is now staying away from the cookie platter, especially when a cookie would make a nice breakfast on the go and great lunch follow up. Too bad there's not a fool proof way to remove all the fat and calories these colorful creations are chock full of.

Now that would be one heck of a Christmas present, right?

Maybe I'm Not As Old As I Think

Sometimes I think age really is a state of mind. Most days, I like to think of myself as a young woman, and there are other days when I feel really old. None more so than after a night of partying and drinking.

My nephew got married this weekend and it was a family affair; a real cause for celebration and we ripped it up hard. I had a grand old time and drank champagne all night and sure enough I was feeling it the next morning. I spent the afternoon on the sofa eating hangover food, napping and watching football. I almost hated myself for being so fricken useless and almost resigned myself to the fact that I just don't bounce back like I used to.

Then I talked to some of the other, YOUNGER, members of my family and they all reported that they were wrecked for the day yesterday too. I'm not sure I hit it quite as hard as they did, but I kept up and you could say that we were part of the group of the few left standing. Heck, I wasn't that bad. I figured it was Sunday and if there was a day to take it easy this was the day. Yeah, I could have got up and ran some errands and cooked and cleaned yesterday, but I really didn't have to and I decided to give myself permission to chill and recover.

It was then that I realized that maybe I'm not as old as I think.

This was a great revelation!

Maybe I still got it, and maybe the youngsters could learn a thing or two from us older, more experienced family members.


And no matter how hard you hit it, and how old you are; it's simple, you play, you pay.

The difference? Now my bank account is a lot bigger.

The Art Of The Hen Party

No Glee re-cap today, as I missed last night's episode because I threw a terrific hen party last night at my house. Throwing the proper hen party needs a few key elements, and it's quite simple really, if you incorporate them in the proper order.



For starters, you need to determine the hen party's reason.

1. fun, drunkenness, party celebration


2. food, drunkenness, shopping

Other than those reasons stated above, there is really no other IMPORTANT reason for a bunch of cackling hens to get together for a party. The first key ingredient is as follows, and if it is not a part of the equation, the hens will not follow: WINE. And lots of it. You boys like your brews and your lagers, we girls love the vino. Nothing makes us happier or warm and fuzzier.

*fellas-most definitely address your amorous significant other after a night out drinking wine with the girls.

Food would have to be second on the list. It's essential, but the hostess need not go crazy. Nuts, cheese & crackers, chips and dip and some sort of chocolate are all that is needed. The hens will graze, because they didn't eat dinner, because they knew they were coming to a party, and get tipsy while nibbling on finger foods. (all more reason to go home feeling a little frisky) I made a fabulous sugar-free Strawberry shortcake last night. It was a big hit.

Last there needs to shopping. Nothing satisfies a bunch of cackling hens than therapy. RETAIL THERAPY. There are jewelry parties, Tupperware parties, cook ware parties, handbag and accessories trunk shows, etc. The thrill of the get, is what makes up giddy with pleasure. Drink, eat, and shop, and I know I could die a happy woman. Throw in a small amount of gossip and your hen party is complete.

In the end the hens all go home to their coop, content and satisfied. Mission accomplished.

Poor Patty

Company Christmas Party

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 12, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... Feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty



Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November13, 2008
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty



Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 16, 2008
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.




Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: November16, 2008
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?! ?
Patty



Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F*%^ing Employees
DATE: November 17, 2008
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The B*tch from H*ll!!!



Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: November 17, 2008
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
Joan

I'm Too Old For This Crap

Saturday night, being All Hallows Eve, marks the American tradition of dressing in costume and commencement of the tricks for treats. Being the mother of a teen-aged girl and boy means that my trick or treat responsibilities have changed from escorting the festivities to chaperoning the festivities. There will be no trick or treating on the streets of my sleepy little town for my kids. They tell me that they are too old and waaay too cool for that. It's now house parties on the streets of my sleepy little town. This year, the parents got together and decided that the Halloween party would be held in our small, historical town tavern, which we rented out for Saturday night.

We meticulously put together a nutritious menu of pizza, pretzels, chips, cookies, soda and candy for the shindig. There is a group of us, with spouses and significant others, that will be on hand to chaperon the evening. Truth be told, we are planning on having a better time than the kids. We've got music, goodies for the kids and plenty of alcohol for the adults, which we will discretely hide from the kids. We decided that the teens would be best served if we incorporated a philanthropic spirit, and made it mandatory to bring a canned good or non-perishable food item to benefit the town food pantry for the elderly as their admission to the party. We are expecting a few hundred kids. Good times.

But of course, there is a slight hitch, witch effects me personally. At our organizational meeting last night, I was informed that since we made costumes mandatory for the kids, that the adults must come in costume too.

UGGH! Are you kidding me?? I'm too old for this crap. Really.

I have no more desire to show up in costume, than I do to get a Barium Enema. Can't I just write a check or something??? (sorry, did I just write that out loud?)

I was wracking my brain last night trying to figure out how I could get dressed up in costume without really getting dressed up in costume. The best I could come up with is I would dress as a hippie/flower child wearing my tye dye shirt that has big bell sleeves and put a peace sign headband around my forehead.

Lame, I know.

So I ask you today to give me some suggestions for a costume that allows me to be dressed up without really being dressed up. Be creative, but the goal here is to not put much effort into the actual costume, and a no-effort costume idea for me and My Guy would be acceptable too.

Give me your best bloggers, because you are just about the smartest people I know!! And thanks.

Top Ten Reasons Why An Entire Weekend Of Drinking After The Age Of Forty Is Never A Good/Bad Thing

To kick off the joyous holiday season, I spent the weekend with a group of my high school girlfriends drinking, shopping and reaking havoc on the shores of Cape Cod. Did I also mention that after the age of forty this may never be a good thing. Here's why:

10. Old age is a bi*ch! Hanging out with the girls and drinking WAYYY too many is a constant reminder that you're no longer eighteen and invincible. Grow the F-up! (Although, somewhere we must get "brownie points" for giving it the old college try and getting it somewhat right).

9. Two Advil just doesn't do "the trick" any more. Forty-plus'es need at least three or four and, having to remember to take the Advil before, during and after the drink fest is key. God forbid you forget this all important detail, cuz if you play-you pay!


8. A gaggle of dazzling, hot, drunk, loud and obnoxious "cougars" attract the most undesirable male following. The Cape Cod "townies" thought they had died and gone to heaven and became our fan-club for the weekend. Lucky for us, a little more than a few of them had ALL of their teeth. Good times.


7. Drunk shopping puts impulse shopping to SHAME. You wake up the next morning to find your $300 in cash is gone, and you've got more than a few shopping bags full of unnecessary Black Dog apparel and Cape Cod hoodies and t-shirts to show for it.


6. Being the only make-up artist in a group of seven gorgeous women is not easy. Forty plus women see this as a free spa service for the weekend and will most definitely take advantage of this fact. Trying to get your own make-up on and everyone else's in a timely fashion is a not an easy task-especially when they are lined up and waiting outside the bathroom door.


5. No matter how "skinny" you think you are-there's always someone else in the group that leads you to compare yourself to Shamu The Killer Whale on his best day.


4. No one can see. I mean really-everyone is fighting this fact in one way or another. Some have gone the contact lens route or have reading glasses, while the rest of us drunks are pretending we can read the menu and ordering all kinds of obscure shit no one ever heard of because we just can't see the fine print. (The good thing here is we are all in the same boat)


3. There's always one. Yup, one of us overindulged in party mode and ended up spending the wee hours of the morning on what I can only compare to "a bad trip". The thing is after Forty, instead of realizing that you are just plain sick, you think that you are either having a heart attack, a serious allergic reaction, or someone slipped you a mickey in your drink. Contemplating a trip to the emergency room becomes a lot easier after forty than if you were a kid in high school and the panic that ensues becomes debilitating. While we took turns holding her hair as she prayed to the Porcelain God, she would utter things like, "Tell my kids I love them." Good thing for her we were all there to get through it, consoling her and taking care of her. We had her back.


2. Drunk over 40's are smart. No one wanted to be designated driver so we hired a local cabbie with a mini-van to lovingly be our "bitch" for the weekend. I think he had more fun than we did and turned out to be a great guy who watched out for us.

And the number one reason Why Drinking After the Age of Forty Is Never A Good/Bad Thing:

1. It takes two days to recover from a full weekend of drinking with the girls. Waking up on the Monday morning after a weekend bender with every muscle, ache and pain intensified, serves as your notice that the weekend's activities go against every law of nature of your forty year old body. But the memories, bonding and time spent with people you love like crazy and love you the same way are well worth it.

For sure, we will most certianly do it all over again. It's just that now, we need at least six months between to recover!