Mexican Rage

The last time I drank tequila I swore I was roofied! 

Happy Cinco de Mayo and please drink tequila responsibly.

Maybe I'm Not As Old As I Think

Sometimes I think age really is a state of mind. Most days, I like to think of myself as a young woman, and there are other days when I feel really old. None more so than after a night of partying and drinking.

My nephew got married this weekend and it was a family affair; a real cause for celebration and we ripped it up hard. I had a grand old time and drank champagne all night and sure enough I was feeling it the next morning. I spent the afternoon on the sofa eating hangover food, napping and watching football. I almost hated myself for being so fricken useless and almost resigned myself to the fact that I just don't bounce back like I used to.

Then I talked to some of the other, YOUNGER, members of my family and they all reported that they were wrecked for the day yesterday too. I'm not sure I hit it quite as hard as they did, but I kept up and you could say that we were part of the group of the few left standing. Heck, I wasn't that bad. I figured it was Sunday and if there was a day to take it easy this was the day. Yeah, I could have got up and ran some errands and cooked and cleaned yesterday, but I really didn't have to and I decided to give myself permission to chill and recover.

It was then that I realized that maybe I'm not as old as I think.

This was a great revelation!

Maybe I still got it, and maybe the youngsters could learn a thing or two from us older, more experienced family members.


And no matter how hard you hit it, and how old you are; it's simple, you play, you pay.

The difference? Now my bank account is a lot bigger.

Hung Happens

So this was me yesterday.

I spent the day on the sofa, nursing a slight hangover, but here's the thing, I don't really remember drinking enough to be feeling that way. I scanned my brain for a clue as to why my body just couldn't move like it should. Is this what happens when you get old?? It started out innocently enough.

We went over to a friends house and she had concocted a wonderful home brew of hooch. The homemade Margarita. Ahhh heavenly, going down, and we drank them from tiny Grappa glasses. It seemed very innocent. Surely two or three of these small aperitifs were fine for a buxom blonde like me to handle? Right? But I forgot to mention the lethal factor to this hangover equation. Patron.

AH yes, Mexican rage, and when it hits you you are doomed...BUT, after three of four tiny shots, we'll call them, of Margarita, we were off to the restaurant where I proceeded to have two more. One while we waited for the table and one at the table. Again, Candy was feeling so Dandy, she ordered the drinks by name brand, "Petron Margarita, please." All was well by most standards.

I was having such a good time that I didn't really notice that I didn't eat my dinner. It wasn't good, I remember that, and I know I ate some stuff at the table, but not enough to sustain said buxom blonde. I must have really been feeling good because I then drank some red wine with the dinner and you know how the waiter keeps filling the wine glass when you buy a bottle? Here's where I must have gotten into trouble.

I then ate the dessert. SUGAR. Now I know I'm drunk because, even thought I had just a few bites, I don't eat sugar and here I am imbibing and eating sugar. Still, I'm fine and when I get home I see the kids, talk for a bit, then retire to bed. ALL FINE. No bed spins, nausea, nothing just a drift off to slumber but when I woke up? My head felt like a 100 lb anvil.

And that's how I spent the day yesterday, horizontal on the sofa and feeling heavy. Now I know I have hit the liquor harder than that and survived before. What the hell made this one so bad?
My only consolation on yesterday's events? I watched the Steelers whomp the Jets ass..

So not a total loss.

Hump Day

Discuss........I think the man's a genius.

Top Ten Reasons Why An Entire Weekend Of Drinking After The Age Of Forty Is Never A Good/Bad Thing

To kick off the joyous holiday season, I spent the weekend with a group of my high school girlfriends drinking, shopping and reaking havoc on the shores of Cape Cod. Did I also mention that after the age of forty this may never be a good thing. Here's why:

10. Old age is a bi*ch! Hanging out with the girls and drinking WAYYY too many is a constant reminder that you're no longer eighteen and invincible. Grow the F-up! (Although, somewhere we must get "brownie points" for giving it the old college try and getting it somewhat right).

9. Two Advil just doesn't do "the trick" any more. Forty-plus'es need at least three or four and, having to remember to take the Advil before, during and after the drink fest is key. God forbid you forget this all important detail, cuz if you play-you pay!


8. A gaggle of dazzling, hot, drunk, loud and obnoxious "cougars" attract the most undesirable male following. The Cape Cod "townies" thought they had died and gone to heaven and became our fan-club for the weekend. Lucky for us, a little more than a few of them had ALL of their teeth. Good times.


7. Drunk shopping puts impulse shopping to SHAME. You wake up the next morning to find your $300 in cash is gone, and you've got more than a few shopping bags full of unnecessary Black Dog apparel and Cape Cod hoodies and t-shirts to show for it.


6. Being the only make-up artist in a group of seven gorgeous women is not easy. Forty plus women see this as a free spa service for the weekend and will most definitely take advantage of this fact. Trying to get your own make-up on and everyone else's in a timely fashion is a not an easy task-especially when they are lined up and waiting outside the bathroom door.


5. No matter how "skinny" you think you are-there's always someone else in the group that leads you to compare yourself to Shamu The Killer Whale on his best day.


4. No one can see. I mean really-everyone is fighting this fact in one way or another. Some have gone the contact lens route or have reading glasses, while the rest of us drunks are pretending we can read the menu and ordering all kinds of obscure shit no one ever heard of because we just can't see the fine print. (The good thing here is we are all in the same boat)


3. There's always one. Yup, one of us overindulged in party mode and ended up spending the wee hours of the morning on what I can only compare to "a bad trip". The thing is after Forty, instead of realizing that you are just plain sick, you think that you are either having a heart attack, a serious allergic reaction, or someone slipped you a mickey in your drink. Contemplating a trip to the emergency room becomes a lot easier after forty than if you were a kid in high school and the panic that ensues becomes debilitating. While we took turns holding her hair as she prayed to the Porcelain God, she would utter things like, "Tell my kids I love them." Good thing for her we were all there to get through it, consoling her and taking care of her. We had her back.


2. Drunk over 40's are smart. No one wanted to be designated driver so we hired a local cabbie with a mini-van to lovingly be our "bitch" for the weekend. I think he had more fun than we did and turned out to be a great guy who watched out for us.

And the number one reason Why Drinking After the Age of Forty Is Never A Good/Bad Thing:

1. It takes two days to recover from a full weekend of drinking with the girls. Waking up on the Monday morning after a weekend bender with every muscle, ache and pain intensified, serves as your notice that the weekend's activities go against every law of nature of your forty year old body. But the memories, bonding and time spent with people you love like crazy and love you the same way are well worth it.

For sure, we will most certianly do it all over again. It's just that now, we need at least six months between to recover!