I'm done with you.
WE are no longer a WE as in, you and me.
I've decided that I'm better than you and that I know better. I left you some seventeen years ago when I was young and had plenty to live for. But when the horrid events of the "Big D" happened 4 years ago, I sought you out for comfort. And you didn't disappoint. No, you were there to give me the satisfaction and comfort I needed. The proper crutch that numbed out the pain. And we rekindled our old love affair again. Just you and me.
I guess I need to thank you for that because you kept me from doing "stupider" things. I guess even then I knew better, but when it came to you, I was weak. You offered me a casual danger that fed my edgy side and fueled my addiction. And you got me through the worst times providing the perfect shoulder to cry on no matter how hard I cried. Slowly you gave me my strength back, because I knew I could count on you to always be there for me. I could control you.
But what I realized is that I couldn't control me when I was around you. And as life got better, I shouldn't have needed you any more. But still, I kept you close. I never wanted to let you go because I was afraid I wouldn't be OK without you in my life. And that you controlled me more than I wanted to admit. You smell, you look bad, you're dirty and I hate that I love you so much. But I love me more, and you've overstayed your welcome for far too long.
I chose November 1st and I stuck to it; just 24 hours free of you.
Will I make it? I pray to God I do. But somehow, I think the worst is over. I think that if I can make it through your little reminders in my head throughout the day, clean, that I will succeed and I will survive. You're just a bad habit and habits are made to be broken.
And soon you will just be a distant memory of a love we once shared.
