My CVS Haul

So I'm in CVS to get contact solution and I can't help but be lured to the beauty aisle. Like really, Candace? I happen to OWN an entire store of beauty products, yet I feel the pull of touch, feel, try and smell all that CVS, or drugstore brands, have over me. Coming in to spend $17.00 for the needed contact solution soon turns into $100.00 of beauty crap that literally fascinates me. I'm going to justify it as research and development-as I need to stay on top of all the beauty trends. Don't I?

My number one favorite this trip is:

Nivea-In-Shower-Body Moisturizer-Oh hell yes! Where has this stuff been my whole life? I am a girl who loves body products, and a daily user of body moisturizers. I never skip my lotion, if I can help it, and this stuff is my answer to skipping body lotion outside the shower. WHY I LOVE IT: It's so easy and about $6.00. After cleansing the body/hair with soap or gel and getting ready to exit, you step away from the stream of water and apply this gem directly to wet skin just like you would a regular body moisturizer IN THE SHOWER!. After fully immersing your body in the creamy goodness you then step back into the stream of water and rinse off. Voila! Moisture drenched skin that can go the day without applying moisturizer outside the shower. MY RECOMMENDATION: Apply moisturizer after drying off. Now I know you are thinking that it totally defeats the purpose here, but trust me, you skin will look moisture drenched all day long and be oh-so-supple to the touch.

Maybelline Rocket Volume Express Mascara- I had high hopes, really, but this one was an epic fail for me. Sorry Maybelline. (I'm going to stick to my Maybelline Lash Stiletto which I LOVE) This one just didn't hit the mark for me. At $7.99, it boasts "8x bigger, smother, explosive, most beautiful lashes ever instantly". WHY IT DIDN'T WORK FOR ME: It didn't deliver "bigger, smoother, explosive" lashes. As amatter of fact, the patented Supersonic Brush turned out to be goopy and messy, therefore the "instantly" part took twice as long as an instant to smooth out. When all was said and done, the formula didn't give me anything but pretty average looking lashes. 

Loreal Infallible Never Fail Lip Color- Never fail-for sure! Holy long lasting! If you are looking for a color that will literally not move all day, this is the lip color for you. I had heard about this product from my clients who are constantly asking me for "a lipstick that will last", so I was more than curious. The formula, infused with Marine collagen and Vitamin E, protects and conditions the lips while preventing moisture loss over time. The price is a real steal at $9.99 for all day color. The dual, mirrored compact includes two lip products in a 2-step process. You apply the lip color first, let it dry down (about 2 minutes) to a matte finish. Then apply the white, gloss over it and go! WHY IT DIDN"T WORK FOR ME: This product did everything it said it would do-a bonus for sure. The only re-applying I needed to do was the white gloss, maybe a few time in the course of a long day. But I'm a girl who wears nude/beige lipstick and glosses all day, every day. This was simply too much color for me for way too long! If that's a bad thing for you-like me- this product may well be better for you on a day that you can't get to your makeup bag easily. Other than that, this product is a great deal for ladies who want all day color. ALSO: Like I said, this stuff does not come off, so an oil based product for removal is recommended. 

Roc Daily Resurfacing Disks-I know I have blogged about this one before, because I love this product! I hadn't bought them in a while-(and My Guy stole my last batch) so I picked them up again. These dual-use pads are pre-moistened and a breeze to use. WHY I LOVE THEM: They are self-foaming! One side is textured to slough off dead skin cells and blur the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles and the other side is smooth to gently cleanse and remove makeup and dirt. I use these babies at night, after a long day and swipe away everything them rinse. 3-5 times a week I will use the textured side to exfoliate my skin's surface so that my skin care products will be 50-60% more effective! What's better than that? at real bargain at $9.99.

Ponds Dry Skin Cream- This product is a no brainer for me; an absolute staple in my medicine cabinet and must have. I love this product so much that I would literally put a spoon in it and eat it if I could. 

WHY I ADORE IT: There are so many reasons but simply said, I use it for everything. Mostly as a fantastic body moisturizer but I do use it for my face, just not regularly. I always have Ponds Dry Skin Cream with me when I travel because it is so easy to transfer the cream into travel size jars and because it's a face and body moisturizer all in one! The Price varies due to jar size but safe to say you can get into one of these puppies for a mere $7.99. What can I say? My grandmother would be so proud!

I also bought a bunch of other stuff because I am a hapless, hopeless beauty junky who doesn't discriminate. Expensive or inexpensive, I have to try it all. Like it says on my Twitter profile, 

"If I can smudge it, buff it apply it and try it, then I gotta have it..."

Cleaning Out The IN Box

Uggh...

My desk at work is a clutter of crap! I can't believe I have let it get like this because it is so out of character for me. And I can't even stand it for one more minute. I guess it means I have been busy with other things, but a cluttered desk must mean a cluttered mind and my mind is clear.

Don't you hate it when things pile up on your desk? I have been focusing on the immediate things like everyday stuff that's necessary and INVENTORY! My focus has been to complete inventory before the big events of the weekend, which I almost did-but in the interim everything else landed squarely in a pile on my desk. Now I am back to work and it is looming over my head like a wrecking ball. I can't stand looking at it and I feel like I can't focus on anything else until I clean up that mess. I'm going to dig right in and destroy the clutter like nobody's business. I might even surprise myself.

Because my mind is clear, even if my desk is not.

p.s. This photo is not my desk..if it was-you might find me crumpled up in the fetal position somewhere near there.

Spirit Animal

I'm not one to buy into all that Facebook crap about being a super fan of the Brady Bunch and who your Disney princess is. But one night my friend and I were talking about your spirit animal and what that means.

So I googled it and took the quiz.

What did I find out? I found out that I was the Wolf. Sounded reasonable because it tells me that the wolf has a "stealth hunting ability as well as strength and stamina". Family comes first, says the wolf, who forms deep connections with close friends and family members. Also very true. The Wolf is loyal, devoted and passionate which is also me. OK-so I decide to blog about the spirit animal today and I pull up the quiz to read about the Wolf.  

Then what do I do? You guessed it? I freakin took the quiz again.

I got the swan. Huh? I'm not the wolf? I think it's a mistake although the Swan spirit animal has attributes I can relate to. So I Google another, different quiz and I get the Tiger. WTF? Which am I? Now I'm confused as shit because the Tiger also has spirit animal qualities that are totally me. I take it again, because determination is one of my many qualities. This time I get the Wolf. The wolf has 2x going for it.

Now my friend stops by and takes the quiz after I tell him about the mix up. What happens? He gets the Owl. I tell him to take the other quiz to see if it's all a scam, and he gets the Owl again. Now I'm pissed! I make him take it one more time and BAM...he gets the Owl. 3x he's the Owl and he wins the consistency quota.

So I decide to take it again...Bad decision because now I get the Owl! It must be wrong so I walk away from it for an hour or so...Then I take it again...and I get the Owl AGAIN. Now I've decided that it's all a scam and what the hell do I care about a stupid animal quiz?

Bottom line? I'm the Wolf with Owl tendencies since I got them both 3X.      
OK? So now we can all go back to our regularly scheduled lives.
Aren't you glad I figured that out?                                                                                                                                            

Need+ Want+ Value+ Emotion= Happy Shopper Squared!

As a shopper and retailer, I am constantly looking into new ways to motivate and understand the reasons that shoppers shop. What brings you to a store? What causes you to purchase and what makes you go weak in the knees-thereby igniting your emotional response to an item you want to buy?

Need is truly personal-if you need something, that sends you out on a mission-ie; the need for something. While you are there or on your way to your need based destination, what causes you to stop and look? Is it a sale sign? Is it a gorgeous feature of a product? Or is it a retail store that literally pops and causes you to inquire within?

Want is another thing entirely. I, for example, could be shopping for something I need and suddenly I am distracted by something I want. That's when the emotion part of the equation comes into play and I usually figure how to justify want over need. Do I really need another something or other? But I really want it! The answer to that, if you are me is YES!

Next up is value. Value and affordability sort of go hand in hand, so if I score a great item on sale, I am happy that I have acquired the item at a great value. Who wouldn't be? But items that are not on the 'great value' spectrum but score high on the want spectrum make a shopper stop and think before they buy. We reason and justify an expensive purchase which makes us evaluate the quality of the item, an important factor too. Value can make or break a purchase decision.

Last is the most influential of all variables in the equation. EMOTION! Shoppers are nothing if not influenced by emotion. Like the $1600.00 Valentino boots I saw on line. Lord knows I don't need them but I want them! The value is there in the quality and feature of the boots, yet the price makes me hesitate to click the BUY button. But it's the emotion that keeps me thinking about them-so much so that I haven't been able to clear that window on my computer. I keep going to that window on my iPad to look at them every few days, hoping I can x-out of it and go on without them...but I can't. My emotional attachment to boots- that aren't even mine- keep me coming back for more.

These are just a few observations on how I shop. Now I want to know how you shop?

So let's do this, I'm going to put up a poll on the side bar with some answers to see what your shopping habits really are! Take the poll and give me your opinion. You will really be helping me out and doing a bit of community service at the same time.

And if I've ignited a fire within the shopper in you, feel free to visit www.candybarcosmetics.com. 

Change Is In The Air

Ever get a feeling that change is coming? This feeling feels like the opportunity for a big change and suddenly you are on the verge of something different? Different and good or different and bad?That's the Yin and Yang of life. For me- it's here and now and I feel it rising like the tide. I need to be smart. I need to be really smart and research the hell out of the options. Something tells me this may just be what I need-like that something I have been praying for, asking for during sleepless nights.

Change is good and it comes in all shapes and sizes.

Caitlyn Jenner-"I'm free" are the words she used to launch her new life change. It's a big one too-a "watershed moment", both historic and important for people like her-life altering because life, as she knew it, will never be the same.

David Letterman-His "Late Show" life has come to an end. Change for him was self imposed because "not everything good lasts forever". His change is here and now.

Birth/Death-The beginning of a new life is by far the greatest gift of all-the Yin. Death, by contrast can be earth shattering-the Yang.

Divorce/Marriage-The breaking up of a marriage can be a devastating change, but can ultimately bring both a good or bad change to those who experience it. So can the beginning of a marriage. The creation of a shared life and family is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself-and your mate. As someone who has experienced divorce, I never thought, while I was going through it, that it was good. I often cursed the heartache and pain I went through and wondered what I had done to deserve it. But I know now that it was a blessing.

Change can be challenging and difficult but it can also be liberating. Change takes attention and perseverance and ultimately, whatever the change that takes place, you pray for the knowledge that it was somehow meant to be.

Whatever the change in the air for me at this time-I am ready. I have been waiting for this opportunity my whole life.

Jive Turkey

Just quietly sitting here going crazy. 

But one can literally drive themselves crazy, can't they? I mean focusing only on what's wrong is easy, and detrimental to any chance of positivity. I swear, this dark and dreary winter has done just about all it can to depress even the happiest of people. But I'm done with it. I'm done complaining about it and I'm done feeling helpless. There's power in change! Turning over a new leaf means accepting whatever life hands you and that despite it all you know that you will be ok. I will be ok. The snow will melt-the dirt and salt will get cleaned up, the sun will come out and the world will look new again. Renewal is inspiring. I will look for action in that inspiration. 

Elanor Roosevelt once said that "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I say, "Can't let the turkeys keep you down!" Down is not where I belong. 

I found my funk and funny, it is precisely that same funk that pulled me out of one. 

You Go Girlfriend!!

A self proclaimed "Bravo-phile", it has been well documented here that my TV almost exclusively broadcasts the Bravo network when I find myself in front of it. So it should be no surprise that while on my recent 15 day-unauthorized vacation, that suddenly I had some rare personal time on my hands. Thank God for my iPad, because actually sharing the family room TV with my family can get very tricky. Since I needed to catch up on what all my favorite Housewives were doing, I downloaded the GENIUS Bravo ap and discovered my entire guilty-pleasure-viewing world at my finger tips!

It was within that world that I decided to start watching Bravo's first scripted series "Girlfriends Guide to Divorce". The show is promoted constantly during the Real Housewives franchise and stars Girlfriend Lisa Edelstein as Abby McCarthy, an acclaimed self-help author and family guru who lives in LA. Edelstein is a brilliant choice considering I loved her as the long suffering girlfriend of curmudgeonly doctor House of the 2004 long-running TV series bearing the same name. "Girlfriends" was one of my best binge watches to date. Season 1 is comprised of 13 interesting episodes.

Now before you say anything negative, let me clarify a few things:

• I am EXACTLY the demo Bravo wants; over 40, educated, self employed career woman who is divorced with two children. Safe to say the show speaks to me.
• Abby McCarthy (Lisa Edelstein) and I are nearly the same age and living somewhat the same life-not really-but I am sympathetic to her character and the parallels are numerous. 
• Add marriage, divorce, sex, money, fashion, family and powerful women and I'm in.
• The series first premiered on my birthday. Need I say more?

To those who say that Bravo and it's reality TV franchises are partly responsible for the "dumbing down of America", I say here is a smart and sexy, scripted show that just may teach us a thing or two. 

It's powerful. It's funny and compelling while being heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. And if you've ever been through a rough patch in your life or have a girlfriend who has, it manages to mirror your own personal story only with better fashions and better scripts. It's also one of the best season finale episodes I've watched in a long time. You don't have to be a girlfriend to watch it either, I think the story lines are compelling enough for anyone watching to find a relatable angle. 

Bravo, Bravo! Thanks for giving us finally Girlfriends we can depend on. 

The Reluctant Vacartion

Ok, so I just got back from Florida.

I was there for 15 days!! And before you bemoan what a complete b*tch I am for complaining about being in Florida during the snowiest spate of weather MA has ever seen, understand that it wasn't the most convenient or comfortable for me. Get this-three canceled flights! Yes, I swear three of my scheduled flights home were cancelled due to snow. I was lucky enough to have a place to stay, and I got a bonus vacation to boot, but I own my own business and I was very anxious to get back.

So here I am and don't you just love the first day back? Not really.

• Piles of mail at home and at work. Nothing is more anxiety inducing that a big, tall pile of unopened mail. It makes me feel like the little girl who slept through the final exam!
• So many invoices for product! And all that accounting?? I need to make lists of priority and take it slow-otherwise I will have a full on anxiety attack.
• Piles of laundry! Not really. I was fortunate enough to take home 100% clean laundry. Thank God for small miracles. Nonetheless I have piles of clothes to put away.
• Ice dams-if you don't like in New England you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Ice dams are when snow fall after snow fall after snow fall collects on the roof of your home. Ice forms on the roof which when you mix that with the heat from the inside of your home, it causes the most incredible water damage that is sneaky and crazy. 

But rest assured, there is some comfort in the fact that I am back.
On the contrary, there's the satisfaction of crossing all those crazy things off the list and feeling like you are accomplishing something. Seeing my dog's face after 15 days made my heart sing! There is the warmth of the fire and relaxing under my favorite blanket with my dog at my feet and of course, my own bed! I missed my own bed.

Going away for a "surprise" vacation was great, but if you had told me before I left that I would be gone for two weeks I would have said your were outta your FREAKIN mind! I would have said no way-nada-not happening. Yet it did happen, and if I tried to duplicate it again next year it would never be as spontaneous. So this one will go down in the history books as reluctant, yet special nonetheless.

Notes From The Bunker

Hunkered down inside my house with the wind blowing and the snow still falling, I have become a news junkie. When I am home, the TV is a constant companion, but usually Bravo is streaming live on my TV. Due to today's "historic storm" the TV has been left on the local news channels that have been bellowing emergency information and snow fall totals all morning long. As of now,12 noon EST, in my part of the state we have recieved over 20" of snow with no indication that it's stopping. 

I say bring it! I just made a beef stew in the crock pot and I'm about to make some spiked hot chocolate! We are lucky because we still have power so the play list is qued up and the backgammon board is at the ready. Even Buddy has his storm provisions. He's got a gorgeous bone that he's been happily devouring at my feet for the past hour. 

The govenor has issued a state of emergency warning as well as a driving ban. It's a winter wonderland and I'm curious, so maybe later this afternoon I will venture out into the majestic surroundings. It's not so bad here. In fact, it's a quite cozy sense of community with all the neighbors checking in on each other. With the entire state is virtually shut down, it puts us all in the same boat if just for a day. It is a uniquely New England experience, and one that brings us together. A safe, warm feeling, so I can't resist but state the obvious:

While the weather outside is certainly frightful, my fire is definitely delightful! And yes, we've no place to go, so why not let it snow? 

The New England Experience

A major snow storm is predicted for these parts later today, all day tomorrow and into Wednesday morning. Forecasts predict up to two feet or more of snow dumped into our area in the next 48 hours with close of 32 hours of heavy snowfall.

And that means it's time for the New England experience.

I was born and raised in Massachusetts, so I've seen my fair share of snow storms. I even survived the Blizzard of '78 as a kid who was out of school for over a week. Yes, it snows a lot here and yes, we always manage to survive it. This time they are predicting a blizzard with 24-28 inches of snow with potential flooding and strong damaging winds. OK-so that means a few things to us:

• Check the salt, sand and ice melt in your garage. I can't even imagine what Home Depot looks like today, but I'm pretty sure its got SOLD OUT signs everywhere. 
• Buy batteries, candles, matches and flashlights. These are essential storm preparedness items.  Also-charge all essential electronics, cell phones, lanterns, lap tops and Ipads. 
• Food and Water-It's insane how crazy the region gets over food and water. We have known about the severity of this storm for just about 24 hours and our local markets are already bare bone! I took these pics this morning at our local major supermarket. 

                                                 

• Test the generator. Power outages will be a reality this storm and we don't know for how long. Because of the severity of the weather challenges in this region, most people I know have invested in hard wired generators. It's just smart business for most of us who live in older towns where the power lines are still above the ground and the investment comes back two fold on storms like this. 
• To me-the snow storm means people will home SHOPPING ONLINE! Why not take advantage of this fact and have an ONLINE SALE?!!! Go to www.candybarcosmetics.com this Tuesday, Jan 25th and Wednesday, Jan 26 and use the code SNOWDAY at checkout to receive 20% off your purchase. 

It's like this: we bitch and moan about the big storms and yes, it can be dangerous, inconvenient and bad for business but the one thing we all know to be true is that it is uniquely New England. I was talking to my mom today in who is in Florida and she told me that this snow storm is the lead story on every newscast down there. She then told me that she's a wee bit envious. She said that despite the nuisance of a snow storm, it's that warm and endearing feeling you get while hunkering down with your family that she will miss.  

I gotta agree with her on that. 

I Was Just Thinking....

• BAG LADY: I have serious issues. In the past month I have bought/received 5 handbags. And not cheap ones. I have very expensive taste and once I get one I am on to the next one. Each one unique and expensive. My Guy is constantly telling me that he is going to sell my old, expensive handbags on Ebay and finance a trip around the world for BOTH of us. Like I said- I have serious issues.

• REAL EYES: Remember I told you about how blind I am? Well guess what? I got CONTACTS!!! Yes, me-I got contacts for what's called monovision. One contact is for distance and the other is for up close reading. So far so good! It's been 4 days and I haven't reached for my glasses once while I am at work, which is highly unusual for me. Most people comment on my FAB Tom Ford glasses, but the contacts are working great, so I don't need them for my day to day work duties. There is one small problem though-I am not the best at inserting them and removing them. They say this comes with practice and I really hope so because it took me over an hour the first day to put them in, 45 minutes the next two days, but today? 9 MINUTES TOTAL! This could be a good thing!

• PEACE YET SORROW: They found the wreckage in the ocean off Indonesia of the AirAsia plane that disappeared a few days ago.Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for the victims and families of the passengers on board. I am, however, grateful for a resolution to the tragedy for the loved ones. Unlike the Malaysian Airline plane that disappeared and was never recovered earlier this year. I cant help but think that those families must live in some kind of "Lost" fantasy from time to time.

• I WANNA BE A BILLIONAIRE: Saw "Guardians of The Galaxy" last night. What a terrific movie! I absolutely loved it. Here's the thing, I have seen this movie advertised on iTunes, On Demand, Apple TV and thought it looked stupid so I breezed over it a million times. My BFF, who sees every movie imaginable in the theaters, also commented that it was a great movie, but I still considered it  to be what looked like a dud. Then I saw an "Best movies of 2014" end of year list that had it at #1. It grossed over 1.8 BILLION dollars so far, so My Guy and I decided to watch it with reservations. Boy were we wrong! There are 1.8 billion reasons to love this movie. I highly recommend it.

• NEW YORK STATE OF MIND: Frick is BACK and we are going to NYC on Thursday to get her situated in her most beloved city. I am so happy that my baby is back on American terra firma and going back to the place she calls home. I miss the city too-I haven't been back since the summer. I love seeing her in her element. It warms a mother's heart.

Just Cause

I am a person who hates an injustice.

Recently I have discovered that it has been a theme in my life. I always fight for justice. Justice in myself and justice for others, I tend to stand up for the injustice of it all. So it was recently that I remembered that I was not always just in my life.

The memory came to me upon reflection. I was in 6th grade and I remembered bullying a young red headed girl in my school. I'm not proud nor am I exactly sure why it happened, but I definitely singled her out for whatever reason. She probably pushed some of my buttons, so I decided to make her a target of my anger.

I called her ugly. Daily.
I preyed on her because I considered her to be weak.
I intimidated her with physical threats like my brother had intimidated me, and I was good at it because he was a pro at terrorizing me.

As I reflected on this memory, I remembered her face. Scared and red from crying, she tried her best to let me know she wasn't going to take it lying down. But I knew she was and I wanted it that way. And I used it against her. It didn't go on for very long, as our parents were called and discussions took place between me and my parents and it was swiftly put to an end. And again, I'm not sure why I had chosen this innocent girl to unleash my special kind of terror.

Maybe I knew I was stronger.
Maybe I decided that she would be my target because I was sick of being his.
Yet I can't get the image of her frightened face out of my mind today.

So I want to say to you, Michelle, I am deeply sorry for any pain I caused you back in 6th grade, on the play grounds of the Sheehan school. I'm sure I was sorry then, but I am certain I am very sorry now. My hope is that you have forgiven me for my adolescent angst against you and that it may bring you some perspective to share with your own children.Maybe even a nugget of wisdom.

Because there must be some justice in that...

Go Shorty...It's Your Birthday!

It's the one day of the year that is yours and yours alone...so I guess it's my day!

It's "the day of larger than life". According to December 2 Birthday Astrology:


"The mysterious Sagittarius men and women born on December 2 are big on image. They are romantic and talented; their talents often relate to the arts. They sometimes use their talent to shelter themselves from the world. They seem strong but are vulnerable to emotional pressures. They seldom show their wounds, putting a positive spin on difficult events."

Sounds familiar.

Lucky are the ones I love:

"Few people display the loyalty and affection that December 2 men and women show. December 2 people love on an epic scale. They often fall in love unwisely, but there is no doubt of their sincerity. Learning to live with their romantic choices can be difficult, but these resilient people are up to the task."

Up to the task? I guess so considering I've loved and lost and loved and won.

Traits of this day..Dec 2 "Larger than life".

DYNAMIC
LUCID
HUMAN
TEMPERAMENTAL
JUDGMENTAL
MANIPULATIVE

Oh hey! Who threw in manipulative? But I can be influential. Or is it magical?

"Those born on December 2 are possessed of tremendous spirit. No matter how small their physical frame, they will exert an influence on their surroundings far beyond what one might expect on first meeting them. It is only when seen in action that they really shine. So magical is their effect that those involved with them may sometimes feel as if they’ve been hit with a bolo punch."

And now it's calling me out. OK, so you've got me here:

"The December 2 judgmental aspect is very expansive, for better or for worse. On the one hand, those born on this day are keen evaluators, true judges of honesty and integrity, but on the other hand they are capable of harboring grudges and taking their often furious tempers out on those who have transgressed."

As a gift to me here are some words to live by. Advice for those born on this day: 

Watch your temper.

Regardless of what people say, winning isn’t everything.

Real self-assurance will minimize your need to be appreciated.

Try to be less judgmental and condemning.

To improve, one must first acknowledge weaknesses and faults.

On the whole not a bad gig. I'd have to admit to the accuracy. Me and Brittney Spears, Lucy Lu-we are all born on this day. And I'll make my birthday wishes- because there is magic in your birthday wish-
World peace, honesty, integrity, my daughter home safe, health, success and protection for my family. 

That's not asking too much, is it?

My Heart...

To a better place, you have gone. I tell myself quietly.

Your life was full and important to us all and you let us in and never let go.
You were saved for a reason, you just didn't know it at the time.
We didn't know it either, how you would save us too.

How the quiet times on the sofa together, side by side,were important food for both our souls. How you loved me, protected me and let me know that just being close made you happy. That being part of the family was your destiny and you cherished that.

Yes, you were the Man of the house. Loyal and most loving, my heart is broken today,but I take comfort knowing that she will be there waiting for you.
Rest easy, my love..

My Cup Runneth Over

Sorry fellas, but this is a rant about BRAS, and damn if I'm not in the middle of a mid-life bra crisis. I'd like to start by saying that I've learned a thing or two in the years that I have been wearing a bra about the sizing of a woman's bra. The first and most important thing being:

• The bra size you were in your twenties is not-I repeat-NOT the size you are in your forties. 

Now this is a very tricky statement, because your bra size, or your boob size changes throughout the course of your life so many times that it's way too numerous to keep track of. So to accommodate, we buy new bras in new sizes. We know that breast size fluctuates due to:

• Pregnancy
• Hormonal changes-which occur monthly
• Weight fluctuations
• Human body growth

These are a given, and in my lifetime I have experienced all of these more than once. Hence the 6,000 different sizes of bras that reside in my lingerie drawer. I have lace bras, sports bras, under wire bras, strapless bras, colored bras, seamless bras, padded bras, push up bras and so on. But at the moment I have NO bras-not one- that fit well. When did this happen to me? I noticed mid-summer that the bras that I own were either old, too small or too big, but none were just right. So what did I do? I went to my local dept store and bought some new bras. Judging by my old bras I determined that I needed a larger cup size and a larger back size. Seems logical enough right? 

Wrong...I bought 4 new bras in the new size. Of the 4 bras, one of them is passing for a some what comfortable fit, although my cup runneth over..I then went to TJ Maxx figuring I could buy some cheaper bras in all sizes that I thought might fit me and return the ones I didn't need. This was the WORST idea ever, because now I am so confused as to what size I am that seriously considering burning all my bras this weekend.

Frustrated as hell by this I took to the World Wide Web and punched into the Google Search bar, "proper bra sizing". I found a formula that looks something like this:

1. For Band Size: Using a tape measure and wearing a bra without padding measure low on your back at your bras band level lifting it higher as it comes around your body. 
2. For Bust Size: Measure around the fullest part of your chest (at nipple level)
3. Subtract your Band Size (step 1) from your bust size (step 2)

If the difference is:

0, your cup size is AA. 
1, your cup size is A. 
2, your cup size is B. 
3, your cup size is C. 
4, your cup size is D. 
5, your cup size is DD, etc.

I hope this is accurate because it's getting very expensive, and very uncomfortable. 

The Silence of Solitude: A Short Story

She reveled in the glory of having absolutely nothing to do after a long day of working on her feet. She could hardly believe it-nothing-she had no responsibilities, no kids, no husband, just the dogs and herself to worry about for the night. The only decision facing her was to decide what to do with this rare nothingness. It was completely new to her.

The dogs greeted her with their usual vigor. She sat down on the stair and allowed them to worship her like she was their queen. Doggie slobber and white hair were her reward for returning home and never felt so good, as they attached themselves firmly to her black work clothes. The house remained untouched, not a dish in the sink, and a pristine counter top void of it's usual smeared finger tips and crumbs from a hasty snack. "I could get used to this," she thought.

The TV clicker beckoned her from the comfort of the sofa and ottoman, like they knew that they were her companion for the night and they were ready for her. She fed the dogs, poured herself a glass of white wine and kicked off her shoes along with the stressful day she had hours before completed. Hunger tapped her on the shoulder and she remembered-she had hardly ate all day-the result of the pace of her schedule. But she hadn't thought about it until now. "What to eat?" she pondered. It then occurred to her that she was the only one who cared about the menu.

A quick scan of the pantry revealed something she hadn't consumed in YEARS...

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

After a brief, "can I really eat that?" moment, she began to prepare the at one-time favorite feast. She was practically giddy with excitement, as she prepared the dish. She flicked on the TV, excellent company while she cooked along with her dogs at her feet, she completed what tasted like the most perfect macaroni and cheese ever! After dinner she retired to the family room and crumbled into her plush sofa. The dogs were only too happy to accompany her, they had no judgments on her TV show of choice.

She got lost in her favorites, thanking God for On Demand TV and catching up on missed episodes. She wasn't sure if it was the wine, the food or the physical exhaustion but her eye lids felt like accordion shades being let down with a string. She brushed her teeth then retired to her bed, lights out in complete silence except for the hum of her ceiling fan ready to drift off....when she listened to the silence.

The quiet kept sleep at bay and she began to think about her family.

Sure it was nice to have a few hours to herself, but is this what life would be like without them? Suddenly she felt lonely and in her silence she decided that the life she has with them in it is the true reward after a long, stressful day. She never again would complain about it. She knew how to block out the sounds of the day and to find peace amid the madness.

And that is the only solitude she decided she needed.

Mimicry Is The Best Form Of Flattery

It has recently come to my attention that I may have the psychological syndrome called FAS (Foreign Accent Syndrome). This is a real thing, seemingly, as I did a quick Google search on it. The back story here is that my daughter recently scolded me: She said, "When you talk to someone with an accent you adopt their accent into your response to them."

And she would be right.

I know I am doing it at times and at times I a am completely unaware I am doing it. Like last month when we were doing the buying for The Candy Bar in New York City and I was conversing with a gentleman who had a heavy Latin accent. Evidently, in my responses, I intoned the nuances of this gentleman's specific vernacular into my speech. And she called me on it. Again, she would be right and I'm not quite sure why I do it. I've done it before, a bunch of times, but none more specifically than when I was traveling in Europe or I am speaking to someone with a strong accented speech pattern. I have even opened a conversation in Paris with a simple, "Bonjour" to which the person I am talking to assumes I am French speaking and will respond in a long response in French which I do not understand at all.

Upon closer inspection I may be suffering from "the chameleon effect" instead of FAS-which can medically be the result of a brain trauma. The chameleon effect is said to be subconscious and more like "mimicking". Many famous people have been criticized in the media for it. Madonna, Oprah and Tony Blair have all been condemn for changing their accents to suit their audience. Scientists and researchers are actually studying this phenomenon. "Researchers who made the discovery believe accent mimicry is part of the brain's in-built urge to 'empathize and affiliate' with other people."

So it would seem that I am not alone or even "weird" as my first born would lead me to believe. It would seem I am in good company. Bottom line is I'm not crazy or brain damaged. Maybe I'm just deploying a useful strategy. By adopting some of the speech patterns I hear, deep down, what I could really be trying to say to you is "I hear ya...and I understand you completely."

Tuesday Tough Love

We all have to fly. We all have to spread our wings, fly free and soar where we have never dared to soar before. And we have to do it alone, but together in spirit. Always.

• The nest will be empty today..by 5 pm. I've realized that it's not about me. They will be great. I've done my job. 
• It's not so bad... my life is good. Possibly even great, but I'm being challenged lately. I can't run and hide. I've got to fight and move forward with everything I've got. Piece of cake, right?

I'm done whining and crying. I had my moment, now it's time to live. Fly free and soar. 

Eagles don't fly with crows. 

Who Me? What? No, I'm Fine. Really.

So it's no secret that Frick is currently a junior at NYU. Now its Frack's turn, and he is going to be a freshman at High Point University. This should be easy right? Been there,done that kinda thing. When your kids go away its never easy. Deep down inside you know that they need to spread their wings and fly, but this time its different. This time Frack will be leaving the nest which means the nest will be empty-save for My Guy and Me-on Friday.

And I'm freaking out.

It's bad enough that he's leaving right when I've become used to her being away, but now that my house will be without kids, like for a while, I'm wondering if I will be ok. But I don't want to think about that..so I wonder will he be ok? How will he survive without me to tell him to do his homework? Eat less red meat? Get up on time and clean his room? Do his OWN laundry? Oh the horror...

I'm kinda freaking out. 

Because the truth is I know he will figure it out. I know he will go to class, eat chicken occasionally, and do his homework and laundry and survive. I know he will thrive! The question really is, will I? What am I supposed to do if I don't have to take care of them? 

What does that make me? 

Who am I now? 

What do I do now?

Again...I'm freaking out. 

And I have a week until I have to figure this crap out. A major life transition has a way of creeping up on you like that and then bam! It hits you like a ton of bricks. Then you have to accept it and move on. I just have to accept it and move on without them under my roof. They will always be my kids, right? My babies, my family? I did my job well, now it's their turn. I gotta keep repeating that to myself so that I can get through it.

Welcome to my ton of bricks moment.  

Exerpts From A Conversation With Myself

SCENE: It's a clear, bright and gorgeous Wednesday morning and a group of my high school girlfriends have decided to meet at the beach for the day....which almost never happens.

ME: Ok Self, it's a beautiful day! Nothing better to do than play hooky and hanging with your best girlfriends at the beach all day. I am definitely going to meet them! 

SELF: Seriously Candace? You have a JOB. It's not like you have a million things to do. Sure, you just go take off for the day and let everything handle itself. Real responsible....

ME: Oh c'mon, don't be such a wet rag! I have everything covered. The store is completely staffed and there is nothing that can't wait till tomorrow. Its summer, and days like this don't come along often. Lighten up!

SELF: Ok, well you just take off for a day of fun and I will worry about everything else. No really, go have a day to yourself and don't you fret. Everybody else will do your work for you. Yup, you can just be a lady of leisure today. Go for it.

ME:  Isn't that what I pay them to do? Don't I deserve to enjoy a day to myself? 

SELF: If that's what you want to tell yourself. 

ME: You are ruining this for me. You know, if I could I would dump your ass like a hot potato. Im going to do what I want to do so just mind your own business. 

SELF: Isn't that what I'm doing? 

Guess who won this argument bloggers?