Weekend At Mommy's

So how was your 4th? I had the best weekend..

I started my weekend on Thursday because Friday was the observed holiday, so I made my way down to my July 4th destination, Cape Cod, MA. The traffic was brutal brutal, even at 11:00 am but I didn't mind that it took us twice as long to get there. We went directly to our favorite restaurant once we arrived and proceeded to have.....the most amazing.....the summer favorite and a Cape Cod Classic.....a hundred million calories and I just didn't care....

FRIED CLAM PLATTER

And I ate the whole thing. It didn't disappoint because it never does. One by one, (or ten) my family arrived to the Cape house, each one with their traffic story. Seems it didn't matter what time you left that day-there was traffic and lots of it. Once everyone had arrived we went back to our favorite restaurant and enjoyed a huge, family meal-again. This was the start of a trend. A FAT trend as we all ate like we hadn't eaten in months. The drinks were flowing, the laughs were numerous and the evening was a pure joy.

Friday? A picture perfect beach day and we took complete advantage of it. There's nothing like spending the day on the ocean with your brothers and sisters-and the kids. We had a ball. Again-lunch was a smorgasbord of different foods and damned if I didn't indulge a bit in all of them-cuz that's what life is all about right? Enjoying yourself with your family has to be one of life's great pleasures. Friday night was the country club's annual July 4th BBQ and fireworks. We all showered, dressed up and piled into our cars for the ride to the club. When we go there we were greeted by Uncle Sam on stilts!! (who happens to be our favorite waiter from a restaurant at home-his real profession is that he is a clown)

The club was adorned with red, white and blue balloons, flowers and decorations everywhere. It was gorgeous. This year was extra special as there were carnival-like vendors all around. They had kettle corn, fried dough, a raw bar, ice cream trucks and activities and kiddie train rides for the young children. And of course...there was food. The BBQ had cold fried chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, swordfish, salmon and the most incredible salads you could imagine. Once again-we ate till we couldn't eat any more then drank quite a bit too. Once the sun went down we were treated to an incredible fireworks display with music. It was spectacular. Once safely ensconced in bed after the day, I said a little prayer to God to thank him for all the gifts I experienced that day. I am truly blessed.

Saturday was cloudy-perfect day to hit the local shops. I said hello to some of my old friends who work in the stores then went back to the house where we had a HUGE Corn Hole tournament. Some friends came for the day and we partied like it was 1999. We planned a big BBQ of our own, and I was surprised that all the stores were open for business on July 4th. We must have gone to the liquor store and the supermarket at least 3 times that day. Again...it was the food. And so much of it I started to repeat the phrase, "Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins." We laughed that this weekend was starting to be like reverse fat camp. That night we had a large bonfire on the beach and more fireworks from all along the coast could be seen from our spot on the beach. It just couldn't get any better.

Sunday was another beach day bonanza and a day of reflection on all the wonders we had experienced over the weekend. So many gifts, we had been given during the time spent together. We left to return home from our weekend truly fulfilled by a family's love and the blessings of a life spent enjoying it's spoils.

But we took with us memories that we will cherish forever-and for sure at least 5 unwanted pounds of good clean living.

Father's Day Friday!

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions. 

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun? 

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that. 

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY. 

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son? 

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks. 

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall. 

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend. 

1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal. 

http://www.ahajokes.com/par025.html

Happy Weekend bloggers! And a very happy Father's Day to you and yours from Candy's Daily Dandy!

Friday Funny

A Woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

RE: INSTALLING HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewelry Applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled another valuable program, Romance 9.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SPORTS 4.1

What can I do?

Reply:-

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: "ithoughtyoulovedme.html" and try to download
Tears 6.2. Then it will automatically run the applications Jewelry 3.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 3.5 or Beer 6.1.

Also DO NOT disturb the original package of Husband 1.0.... Otherwise new virus Girlfriend 2.5 will automatically be downloaded into your system.

So be careful. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 Program. These are unsupported applications and will Crash Husband 1.0.

We recommend: Cooking 5.0 and Cute Looks 7.7

Good Luck Madam.

Happy Friday bloggers! And try to remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. 

Friday Funny Flashback

*This is a re-post from The Daily Dandy, April 2010


Roger left for work on Friday morning. Friday was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay packet.

Finally, Roger appeared at home on Sunday night, and obviously he was confronted by his angry wife, Martha who castigated Roger for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, Martha stopped the nagging and said to Roger, 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?'

Roger replied grimly, 'That would be fine with me.'

Monday went by and he didn't see his Martha. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

By the Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough so that Roger, he could see Martha a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Have a great weekend bloggers and try think before you speak.

Dumb Blonde Friday

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. 

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. 

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''


Happy Friday bloggers. Have a great weekend and please don't let the kids play with anything dangerous. 

TGIF

It's Friday Bloggers! And that means it's almost the end of a long week for me! Today I thought I would regale you with some fun Friday funnies...

Amen to that brother!

What's the first one again? Oh, yeah, that one...

Adorable...

Did I mention I work weekends?

Did they actually have a kid named Friday? Those crazy Adams..

Off the "cute" charts!

Mmmm hmmmm...Latesha be looking fly!

Bad Decision Juice is always a good decision!

And this one had nothing to do with Friday but I loved it anyway!!

Happy Friday Bloggers! Try and be the ultimate opportunist this weekend!

Friday Funny

My husband and I were sitting at a table at my 20th anniversary school reuinion, and I kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink, as he sat alone at a table. My husband asked: "Do you know him?"

"Yes," I sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God." said my husband. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for that long?"

Happy weekend Bloggers! Make sure you stop and celebrate the moment!

Mom's Rock

What My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”.

Happy Mothers Day Bloggers! Mom-thanks for all the lessons you taught me! I Love you.

It's A Good Friday

'

Hey bloggers! This is the end of a crazy, busy week and the start of the Easter holiday weekend.

I searched the interwebs for the best Easter humor I could muster up and I found some great ones! Consider this my little bag of Easter jelly beans to you!!!!

Happy weekend peeps! Have an EGGScelent holiday........

Friday Foolishness

A loser is having a hard time picking up chicks, so his well traveled friend takes him to a nightclub in Daytona where he tells him that he will score for sure. The loser enters the bar, sees his prey, and begins to barrage her with pick up lines that he acquired from his friend. 

The young lady continues to ignore him but finally gives in. She says " OK, I’ll spend the night with you, but I’ve got to let you know up front that I’m on my menstrual cycle. The loser looks at her and says " That’s OK. I’ll follow you on my Moped. 



Happy Friday bloggers! Be nice to the losers...someday they might be your boss.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/bornloserjokes.html

Booty Boogie Bonanza

Hey Blogggers! It's Friday and  Friday's are the day I sometimes like to visit our dear, old friends at Wally World. While I haven't visited them in a while, it never ceases to amaze me what I find when I log on to the peopleofwalmart site. Today's edition seems to have a theme, and Bootylicious would be the sound track!

So away we go!

Oh, Papa! I can't find fault here! I have to give the dude credit. He's got killer legs and a nice svelte figure. I also give him props on his outfit. Dare I say it? The guy has perky boobs too. Add in the fab zebra print purse and this guy just could be the envy of all the silver haired dolls in WalMart.

There is so much going on here, I don't know where to begin. So when you have back fat rolls, is it ok to showcase them in this fashion? And did I say fashion? I am truly mistaken because the 80's called and they want their look back! That is one hell of a display of ripped and torn, shards of clothing. Oh hell girl, no.

While some of you may enjoy this, I say, REALLY? OK the girl has what seems to be a nice ass, and on the beach its totally appropriate. But waltzing into Walmart on a sunny afternoon? I hope the blood pressure machines are working in there.

I have no words....except, working girl?

So our friend here looks to be wearing the newly crafted, plastic "say no to crack" cover. Cover being the operative word, cuz this is doing no covering of crack. Seriously? What the hell is that? I don't get it.

Somebody forgot to feed the cat....

And finally! The Redneck version of the "Whale Tail". Cheap and just distinctive enough to get Uncle Earl to notice!

Happy Friday bloggers! And try to keep it in your pants this weekend.

Friday Funny

The Happiest Place On Friday

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she replied "It had to be at least 8 characters long."

Happy weekend Bloggers!!

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/agoraphobia-discussions/lounge/887043-tgif-jokes-and-quotes

Monday, Err Ummm, I Mean Tuesday Morning Water Cooler

This is the post I was about to post yesterday when I got distracted by something and forgot about it:

Monday Morning Headline News:

• It's frigid weather here so nothing much to do but indoor activities, so I saw two great movies yesterday. 
• First up: Saving Mr Banks. This was a delight! Emma Thompson's portrayal of the acerbic author P.L Travers, who wrote the children's classic Mary Poppins series, was so unlikable which was in stark contrast to Tom Hanks' lovable portrayal of Walt Disney. The movie tells the tale of the making of Disney's classic musical motion picture of Travers book Mary Poppins and the seemingly insurmountable battle that ensued. In telling the tale we get a biographical look at Travers childhood with a surprise turn from Colin Farrell as her alcoholic banker father. I give this one a resounding two thumbs up! Let's just say that I enjoyed it so much, that I made a purchase on Amazon.com immediately after. 
•  After a quick dinner, I then watched Dallas Buyers Club.  Talk about an about face on the subject matter. I get why Matthew McConaughey is winning all the awards for Best Actor this season. The movie and his performance was riveting. The subject matter-HIV Virus and Aids in the mid 80's-set the stage for McConaughey's portrayal of a man who unwittingly finds out about his diagnosis and death sentence. Jared Leto plays his transgendered partner in the journey to stay alive and beat the odds. Both McConaughey and Leto lost unhealthy amounts of weight to play these roles which lent itself to the urgency of this debilitating disease and the desperate measures people were willing to take in those days. Certainly worth viewing, for sure. 
• Fortune or Misfortune? You decide. Watch out for those winter pot holes!  While I was going to pick up balloons for The Candy Bar event on Friday, I drove right over a pot hole the size of a bathtub. I didn't see it but my car certainly did! I was on a major thoroughfare with lots of traffic. Immediately the tire began to deflate and the steering wheel locked up. I pulled into the first driveway I could, which just so happen to be a Jiffy Lube. As I stepped out of the car on that frigid morning, an employee of Jiffy Lube came out to inspect. "I just got a bad flat tire can you help me?" was all I could muster up and I could hardly believe it when the man asked for my keys and pulled it into his garage to change to my spare. The whole thing took maybe 15 minutes and they didn't charge me!!!! I sent him a Dunkin Donuts gift card while i still wonder with amazement. 

So how was your weekend? 

A Shameless Plug

So I've been watching a lot of Bravo TV lately and I will admit to being a Real Housewives Addict. I watch them all...It's my favorite guilty pleasure (besides Modern Family) and I'm not ashamed to admit it. My Guy believes that the Real Housewives franchise is responsible for part of the "dumbing down of America". I say Andy Cohen for President!

Once in a while I will go to the Bravo cast blogs to see if I can dredge up any new juicy tidbits from the Housewives. Yesterday I finally found something somewhat redeeming for my time spent and something I can use!! 

Carlton Gebbia-a new cast member from Real Housewives Beverly Hills wrote in her latest blog post dated Jan 8, 2014:

"For a gift last year David had a surprise pentagram necklace made for me by "King Baby" with our children's names engraved on it. Sometimes with silver jewelry it has no substance to it, it's flimsy, but 'King Baby' jewelry has some real weight. It's a solid gorgeous piece of jewelry."

Music to my ears Carlton! I agree wholeheartedly!! That's why The Candy Bar has been carrying the unmistakable King Baby brand for 4 years. King Baby is best described as designed for "the chosen few". So if you are looking for an edgy and unique way to express yourself, look no further. 

Happy weekend bloggers. And celebrate your inner King Baby...

Wacky Wally Weirdos

Hey Bloggers! It's Friday and sometimes that means I travel to another dimension.....to check out what those Wally World crazee's have been up to. It never ceases to amaze me...

Around this time of year you know this guy is playing the Santa card for all it's worth! Hotties taking selfies and giving him kisses, you know the Santa thing is working out for him.

Oh hell no.... Girlfriend here ain't no jolly little Santa's helper! Doesn't she have a full length mirror at home? I'll give her credit for trying though...at least she's covered up. But those brown leggings aren't doing her any favors.

The crime here? It's not the striped tank with the chartreuse Grinch shorts. It's not the saggy boobs with the questionably unsupportive bra. No, the crime here are those shoes!!! I think those might be slippers with the sole crocheted to the bottoms??

Holy...I'm not really sure what this is, but you can be damn sure Mattel and myself are not putting anything like that under the Christmas tree this year.

I'm giving this guy props...I LOVE Snoopy!

A Snowman for every Redneck! Yup, right next to the santa in the RV. Oh the joys of Christmas.

Creepy...just really creepy. And why he gotta be driving the electronic scooter too?

But we finish on a high note! This little cutie restores my faith in WalMart humanity.


Have a great weekend Bloggers! And good luck with your holiday shopping..

Friday Funny

Not to brag or anything...
But I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

Happy Weekend bloggers! Celebrate any victory no matter how small.

Friday Focus

Hey Bloggers! It's Friday and yesterday the social media giant Twitter went public. It's debut performed way over expectations, which experts say is due to hype, so only time will tell if the IPO will be a major player on Wall Street.

Here are some examples of how we have changed the world in 140 characters or less.

Have a great weekend bloggers and if you're doing something you think we need to know, Tweet it!