Loose Lips Sink Ships?

So have you heard about this?



Apparently Australian billionaire Clive Palmer thinks he's "king of the world"!

He's going to build an exact replica of the doomed Titanic ship and set sail from England to New York in 2016. Titanic II will be built at a Chinese ship yard and will be powered by diesel rather than the original ship's coal. The plans for Titanic II have been approved by a historic research team and like the first boat, it will have 840 rooms and nine decks.

Mr. Palmer estimates that the Titanic II will be built as closely to the original as possible, but that it will have state of the art engineering. The main changes will be below the water line for better maneuverability.

  "Titanic II will be the ultimate in comfort and luxury with on-board gymnasiums and swimming pools, libraries, high class restaurants and luxury cabins," he said.


Of course Mr Palmer was asked whether the ship could sink.

"Of course it will sink if you put a hole in it." He added: "It will be designed as a modern ship with all the technology to ensure that doesn't happen. But, of course, if you are superstitious like you are, you never know what could happen.''

No thanks. I think I'll stay on dry land and watch.

My Tommy Laid An Egg

I'm SO over it...

We Pardon This Interruption In Your Regular Programming

So I woke up this morning in Florida.

Long story short, I needed to come here least minute to take care of some family stuff, and its all good. Funny thing is, I feel kind of strange, you know, like this is a interruption in my "regularly scheduled programming". Even the air is different. The second I stepped off the plane, I could smell it. It smelled liked warm and balmy and it smelled good.

I'm just beginning to adjust and the weather helps with that process greatly. I can see why people want to come here to retire. If you've never been here, I can tell you that its got a kind of vacation feel, with plenty of palm trees and sunshine. Then there's the restaurants and strip malls. The place is inundated with miles of strip malls and fancy restaurants. And let's face it, lots of old people. Tons of them. This is their place and they are everywhere. They don't call it God's waiting room for nothing.

Florida is also the home of golf courses, lakes, Gators and Mickey Mouse and during the short time that I will be here, I hope I see none of them. I'm sure I will be seeing a lot of the inside of several of the local malls and a lot of the back of my eyelids. Yup, while sitting pool side. I'm going to squeeze in some quiet time by the pool, because soon enough I'll be back in the home of snow and ice.

And even though I have billed this as an inconvenience in my life, I need to understand that this is a small gift and enjoy myself.

Yeah, I think I can do that.

Check This Sh*t Out..

Hey, I am all for love.

Dang, I am probably one of the most mushy, push overs when it comes to being in love and being around love. I also know when I'm being hoodwinked, and something ain't right here.

Meet Doug Hutchison and his 17 year old bride, Courtney Stodden. Yes, that girl just turned 17, and she was 16 when they met and married this past May. Doug, a Hollywood actor, is best known for his role as a creepy and twisted prison guard in The Green Mile. The two met when Doug agreed to give Courtney some acting lessons. It was then they say, that they fell in love. With Courtney's parents giving her their blessing and their parental consent, the two were able to marry legally. She says she found her soul mate and he says he was attracted to her mind. Cmon now.....

The truth? I can't say for sure but their upcoming reality show says a lot about their love. The Internets are all abuzz with Courtney's Tweets, so sexy and salacious, that I'm thinking this girl lives on Ecstasy 24-7.

Please, have at this little GMA interview then let's discuss this in the comments.

That Dastardly Cellulite

I'm talking smack today about cellulite because quite frankly, it sucks. That photo above is of the lovely Eva Longoria, and yes ladies, even Eva has cellulite. And with the summer upon us, we want to get our groove on and show some sexy skin, but that dastardly cellulite always foils the plan. It seems to me there is an epidemic of dimply, lumpy thighs and butts out there and no matter how you eat or how you exercise, the cellulite creeps up on you and gets a hold of your body.

So what the hell is this stuff and how do we deal with it? The first thing to know is that we all have it, even super fit and slim celebs. The degrees are varying and believe it or not, it's not always about fat. It's true that cellulite is fat deposits that cause dimpling on the skin, especially evident in the hips and buttocks area, but it has more to do with the cellular structure of the skin. According to about.com, " It is the structure of the overlying skin and of the underlying connective tissue that determines whether a given area has a smooth or rippled appearance."

Well, isn't that just great? It's a genetic thing.

Ok, so I'll admit that when I google celebrity cellulite all these pics come up with celebs like this, and this, it makes me feel better knowing that these women have cellulite too. I would have showed them here, but you really need to see a BIG picture to get the full effect of the cellulite. Yes, celebrities are human too.

Some days I feel like I work so hard and eat right and yet, I still can't seem to rid my body of cellulite and other days I decide I'm gonna eat that pizza and embrace my dimples and I just say screw it! It is what it is but one thing's for sure, we all have it somewhere. So in the sinking lifeboat that is cellulite, even Kim Kardashian and Pamela Anderson are right there, going down with us.

So remember that the next time you look at someone and think they are perfect. Somewhere, photo shopped out or hidden by some good lighting, is that dastardly cellulite. Of that we can be certain.

How Bad Does It Have To Get?

You're never gonna believe this one.

This woman, Catherine Kieu Becker, chopped off her husband's pecker.

Really. She did. Then, she threw it in the garbage disposal and turned it on. Evidently, she poisoned her husband's dinner with some sort of hallucinogen that would make him drowsy. Police reports allege that she then tied him to the bed and chopped off his penis, put it in the kitchen garbage disposal and turned it on. She told police, "he deserved it".

Now I gotta ask you, how bad do things have to get for someone to do this? The couple were reportedly going through a divorce. I know a thing or two about divorce and when I was going through it, the last thing I wanted to do was see his face much less make him dinner. Would I have liked to cut off his penis? Maybe, but the thought of getting rid of him for good made much more sense to me.

You can read about it here and wonder just like I did, what this woman was thinking. The only one she's screwed is herself. According to the Associated Press she has been charged with "aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse." One of these charges carries a life sentence.

Was it really worth it? No one knows for sure what goes on behind closed doors but to give in to hate and anger like that only destroys both lives.

It may or may not be that simple, but I say just get out and save yourself.

It's Britney, Bi*ch

Why am I writing about Britney today? Because today her new album Femme Fatale drops and because she was all over my beloved Good Morning America. I actually worked out this morning with Britney.

I feel like I really want to hate her, but for some reason I can't. She has managed to stay relevant and continues to keep her hold in our culture.She's made big mistakes in the public eye and lived to tell about them. I watched her performance this morning and I have to admit, her new single, "Hold It Against Me" has some serious "sticking in your head" power. I keep waiting for her to bomb big time, but she hasn't. And I also have to admit at 29 years old, and selling over 100 million albums to date, the girl is a bona fide pop icon.

Say what you will about her. She of the gargantuan mental melt down in front of the world, this Phoenix emerged from the ashes more powerful and popular than ever. You just have to respect that. You may not respect the choices she has made in her personal life, but you can't deny that her mom and dad stepped in and saved her life and that her two little boys still have their mama. Whatever that is worth.

This Britney is a little slower and not as crisp on stage, but she still rocks and the people love her. Suffice it to say that she's not going anywhere soon. She may not be the classiest pop star nor the brightest pop star on the block, but she's a draw and she still sells. I'm also sure that some of her new album will migrate it's way onto my ipod.

Britney and I were born on the same day, so in a way we are kindred spirits from "the day of larger than life" (our birthday December 2). And quietly I'll be rooting for her, because I love a good story of triumph and hers is one for the record books. That's right, It's Britney, Bitch, and she's back.

What Did We DO To Deserve This?

I'm in the "Buy Lots Of Booze" part of the map...

Just Plain Weird

So I'm reading a magazine yesterday, an old US Weekly, (riveting, I know) and I come across a small story that literally left me numb for a moment. It was one of those little blurbs in the news-y section of the mag where they announce things like pregnancies and births. It said simply,

"Patrick McDermott, former boyfriend of Olivia Newton John who disappeared in 2005 has been found alive and living in Mexico after faking his own death."

Now believe me, I have more pressing things that send me into a tizzy in my life, but this one had me fascinated. I remember watching a Dateline about his whole disappearance and they even interviewed Olivia for the broadcast. She said she was devastated by his "death". She spoke about how much she loved him and how they were connected, and she later took the news crew out to her backyard where she had erected a large rock garden in his honor. She said it brought her peace to go there and pray for him and talk to him and it helped her through her grief.

And the dude faked the whole thing.

So I gotta ask myself, how connected could they have been? The man faked his death to get out of reportedly $30,000.00 debt so his son could recover the $100,000.00 life insurance. Are you kidding me? I'm sure O-New-Jo spent more than $30K on her rock garden. $30K seems like a drop in the bucket for her, so if they were so connected, why didn't he just ask her for the money?

Something seems fishy here, or is it just me?

And why in God's name, did Dateline NBC hire private investigators to find Patrick McDermott? What did they stand to gain, beside a "news scoop"? Was it worth it? How much money and resources were spent to find this elusive man, who obviously did not want to be found, when that effort and money may have been better spent looking for dangerous fugitives or missing children. The whole thing is just plain weird, and now that they have found this guy, he says he does not wish to be "hounded" by the media or investigators.

Yeah, just let him live out the rest of his lie in peace.

Whatever. I'll still be facinated if I see the follow up to this story in print, but it sounds to me like the guy just wants to disappear. After he repay's his debt and answers for the faking his death thing, I think he should be allowed to go back into hiding, or obscurity, or whatever it is they are calling it now.

Grifters tend to like it that way.

Is It Wrong That I'm Jealous?

Of course it's wrong!!! Sometimes I don't even recognize myself....

I'm sure you've seen this by now. It's the most insane thing I have ever seen!
Yet, I find myself longingly watching this kid's technique. He's got it down.

It's so disturbing and wrong, yet I can't look away. He reportedly smokes 40 cigarettes a day which amounts to a two pack a day habbit. Sounds pretty expensive, and super bad for this child's health, but his father says, "I don't see the problem".

And I still can't look away.

It's just so rediculous, that I'm mesmerized by the image of this child smoking a cigarette. It's so crazy watching this baby smoke and I know by posting it here, watching it over and over again I am contributing to the glorification of this tragedy.

Yet I can't stop myself. May God bless us both!

Happy Memorial day weekend bloggers! Lay off the butts this weekend, if you can.

A Cheap Laugh

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving.

They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Is, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? "

"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree.

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees... a ham bush...."

Dream A Little Dream For Me

I believe that sometimes the universe is trying to tell you something. It's whether or not you pick up on it, that sets you on the path of that particular destination. Sometimes the cues are subtle and sometimes, not so much.

Today, not so much. The cues were more of the "in your face type" so I couldn't help but pick them up. Funny, long shots have a way of reaching inside of you and grabbing a hold of your safety zone and then they hammer away at you until you tuck them back away, under lock and key.

But I've been here before. This ain't my first time at this particular rodeo I'm older and smarter this time. I call it realistic, really. I was having a conversation about my other passion with a friend of mine, via-email, just yesterday. It got me thinking about the good old days and when the conversation ended, so did the memories. Locked away back in the saftey of my heart.

Until this morning when I opened my email to find a few of my friends had sent me this link.

Subtle? No. Ironic. Yes. And maybe that's just what it is. Irony.

I know I'm too old, but just for today, I'll allow myself to dream about what could be.......

C.P. Casting is seeking a FEMALE, ON-AIR REPORTER from BOSTON with excellent knowledge of the RED SOX -- for a job with NESN to work live and in recorded segments during ALL of the home AND away Red Sox games.

They want a REAL Bostonian who is fun, gutsy, and able to improvise well, on-camera with sports fans at Red Sox games.

This is a large time commitment, working at the home games, AND traveling for many weeks to away games. This is paid work, and all travel expenses will be paid.

Women who have the time, the on-air experience, the improv. skills, the knowledge of the Red Sox, and who grew up here in Boston should reply ASAP!

Defeat The Undefeated

Maybe it's just me.

There are now three teams left in the NFL that are still undefeated and I want them to go down HARD.

As I said, maybe it's just me.

Because I want MY team to be the only one of two teams to have ever completed an undefeated regular season. I watched Favre and the Minnesota Vikings go down to Pittsburgh yesterday with relish! I watched a fantastic football game between Miami and New Orleans and almost got my wish...almost. But the freaking Dolphins choked in the end. Now I am out for blood.

My rally cry, "Defeat the undefeated!!" Down with Indy, Denver and New Orleans.

Kill the dream. Please. Is that so wrong??

NOT A Lame Excuse For A Post

I was having a discussion yesterday with some of my intellectual contemporaries about the meaning of the age old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

It was a spirited debate which touched on the discussion of the theory of evolution, religious themes and theology, and at one point, I felt like I got to know each one of the participants in the discussion a bit better. Some of the shit people came up with was just plain funny and some quite thought provoking.

So I decided to continue on with this conundrum in this forum today. Let's see what we can learn about each other. Let's throw it up against the wall and see what sticks.

I pose the question to you bloggers, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

Odds On How Long This Guy Will Be Out Of Work

Some people are just downright brilliant. It's either brilliance or pure chutzpah, but any way you look at it, this guy has it all going for him. His name is Lawson Clarke and he was recently laid off from his job at Arnold Worldwide, a Boston based ad agency in March of this year. Clarke has launched an online resume, http://www.malecopywriter.com/ to showcase his portfolio of digital, TV and print work to potential employers.

In a takeoff of the the famously parodied Burt Reynolds centerfold spread in Cosmo Magazine decades ago, Clarke cleverly places an old-school TV in the perfect spot for viewing his "stuff". The Boston Herald reports 37 year-old Clarke said, "Had I known that taking off my clothes would get this much attention, I would have been nude years ago."
After getting a positive write up in Monday's trade mag, AdvertisingAge, Clarke reports his site received over 140,000 hits as of yesterday with no offers of employment yet, although he has been getting plenty of e-mails. One chairman of a large New York ad agency asked him, "Why are you unemployed? Do you have a personality disorder?"

The thing about this guy's site is that it's really unique and definitely entertaining. Ever the curious one, I checked it out after reading about it in the paper this morning, and found myself spending far more time perusing the site than I had anticipated. I am always in awe of creative ingenuity and talent. Clarke says that he saw the handwriting on the wall when the recession hit and began working on the site before he was laid off. He reports it took two months to grow the cheesy moustache for the photo and that the chest hair is all his.

So I wonder, with all the great press and a resume like that, what odds would Vegas place on how long this guy will be out of work?