Captian's Log

Captain's Log, Star Date: Day 41 Quarantine 2020: 

The troops are getting restless.

41 days into a Nation-wide shutdown and life on this ship is stable but teetering on danger. The crew of five is well fed, well clothed, clean, (depending upon the day) and rested. Provisions are abundant but restlessness is approaching like a meteor heading straight into our galaxy. Morale is stagnant.  The schedule is simple but constant; eat, clean, sleep, repeat. Weather conditions in this quadrant of the star galaxy have been brutal. The result has been increasing anxiety from barometric pressure on the body inducing a lack of vigor and vitality. Must keep the troops productive! This enemy is sneaky and lethal, but we can beat it.

Biggest concerns of the crew:

• Lavatory paper: In the earlier days of quarantine, before toilet paper was a scant commodity in ship's canteen, fluffy 2-ply was the constant. Due to demand, 1-ply is sometimes all the ship's captain can secure, resulting in reported unwelcome "finger holes" when employing it's desired use. 
• Mess Hall menus: While this ship boasts a Five Star chef, gratification for all it would seem, a daunting task. Chef's choices for daily menus are welcome and delectable, but there's always that ONE.  Yet, 4 out of 5 is still a great satisfaction ratio. Commissary Chef Candy offers her observations, "This isn't a restaurant, you know."
• Refrigerator Duty: "Wasn't me," a constant theme when weekly clean out sessions produce some penicillin worthy mold in the back of the fridge. Crew are questioned regularly and held accountable for uneaten, poorly contained foods that have been left for dead. Fines have been known to be levied. 
• Cocktail Hour: Which most day's turns into "Cocktails for Hours". The outcome of which can result in poor crew production on the morrow. Inebriated behaviors are tolerated for first time offenders only. 
• Flatulence: What was once a intensely personal behavior has now become commonplace and public on this ship. Repeat offenders often refer to behavior as such, calling it lighthearted and funny. When confronted with the outlandish actions, certain crew members have resorted to the much more devious act of "crop-dusting". Fines may definitely need to be levied.
• Privacy and Consideration for your Fellow Crew Mate: While in close quarters, the door closed to the bathroom would signal an occupant. A simple knock on the door would suffice, as opposed to the "busting in without knocking" tactic sometimes employed here. Also, a binge watch session does not give the viewer all day, common room TV rights. Each of the crews living quarters are fashioned with their own personal TV in which to binge watch, so common areas must be considerately utilized for the greater good of all on board. 

With the end of quarantine somewhat in sight, the Captain's job is to keep a tight ship! Steering the course and navigating the daily tasks can be daunting but we must not let boredom and negativity penetrate this spacecraft. It's all speed ahead for a safe landing in the coming weeks, but what that liberation looks like is yet another matter. We look forward to daily life being somewhat similar to the life we had before, although we know this won't be true for a time to come. Going out into the world again daily will be challenging and at times dangerous. But  face those challenges we must! We need to resume some sort of normal behavior soon, yet with guidelines for our safety and the safety of those around us. Safety first!

 And we must remember most of all, that injecting disinfectants is ill advised. No matter what the man with the orange face says.

Reinventing The Wheel

Lately I've been busy...

Like strange busy. While quarantining at home I thought I'd have all this time to do all the things I like to do, like read, blog, do laundry, etc. But I find that I don't have time because lately, I've been doing a lot of reinventing. Social distancing policies have forced me to reinvent how I do my business in the midst of a pandemic, but it's not just work. I find that I'm reinventing different things every day.

Text and FaceTime with my friends and loved ones are the new normal in touching base and letting people know you care thereby reinventing my social interaction. While It's easy to change from your day pajamas to your night pajamas, I choose not to, so I'm reinventing my daily look. I also haven't been loving the lunch that I used pack from home and more often than not and eat on the fly, so I've been reinventing cuisine around here daily. I've become the Rachel Ray in my house and the family dinners have been epic! I forgot how much I like to cook and that I'm good at it because I used to eat out almost Every. Single. Night. The refrigerator is jam-packed like never before, and I keep watch on the food and leftovers so that nothing goes to waste, ready to pounce when something has passed it prime. A TOTAL reinvention, since I used to be never home to notice.

Supermarket, pharmacy lists and filling on-line orders at my store have become spread sheet worthy tasks as necessities are rationed and carefully planned. Trips are shortened and far more productive and deliberate. When completed, I always to then return safely home and wash my hands thoroughly. No detours.

But this one's the shocker.
I've even reinvented my TV habits.
I have hardly watched Netflix, (except for Season 3 of Ozark-loved it!) or Bravo. CNN is my constant companion and its becoming the soundtrack to my quarantine days. Everything lately is a complete reinvention from whom I used to be.

And it's OK. Because although we've been forced to look at life differently in this historic moment in time, it's given me the opportunity to be more thoughtful, more aware and more careful about my choices. It's always been me-but the me who was on the fast track and probably a bit more quick and carefree doesn’t have the same options. It's not that I have really changed who I am, It's more like I've reinvented what and how I navigate through everyday life.

I'm still me. I’m still the same person I was before the pandemic. I just need to pivot and adapt to this strange thing that has hit us all, hard. So I count my blessings and forge ahead. I really don't need to reinvent the wheel.

Dire Straights

Let's face it, things are becoming dire. 

During these desperate times its easy to fall into the black hole that is depression. The way I look at it we have a choice: fall into the black hole or step back and decide not to jump head first. How about we decide to take a deep breath and tap into all our strength and courage? Resiliency is needed, because we are all resilient and sometimes we surprise ourselves with what we are capable of. 

Me? The health and well being of my family is what keeps me going these days. That's what's important. So today, I'm going to tap into my resolve and enjoy the little things that make me happy. 

• FaceTime chats with my friends and family make me happy. 
• Group text messages with my entire extended family, sharing photos and checking in makes me happy. 
• Family dinners, enjoyed together makes me happy. 
• A cocktail after a stressful day makes me happy. Thank God for liquor.
• The 2 shamrock plants that sit on my counter top that I bought for St. Patty's Day make me happy.  
• A vigorous daily workout makes me happy. (but not while I am doing it)
• All of those hilarious videos of "Corona Compilations" that talented, bored people are putting out make me happy. 
• A hike in the woods and walking the dog make me happy.
• Netflix makes me happy. 
• The daily jokes my friend tells on Facebook makes me happy.
• People that are home-making masks for the first responders who so desperately need them, even though some vigilantly say they they are not safe? Ask the professionals who sometimes have no other choice, their efforts make me happy. 
• Even doing the laundry makes me happy and gives me a sense of purpose. 

We all need a sense of purpose. So hold on tight everyone! Stay home and stay healthy and pray for those who are the sickest and offer your support. It's all we can do. Be grateful if you are healthy and follow the guidelines to stay that way.

This too shall pass, God willing, and trust that the powers that be are trying to help us out of this mess the pandemic has created. 

It's a better choice than succumbing to dire straights.

Remember Me?

I've returned.

It would seem that I turn to writing when I don't know what to do with myself.  I put my words on paper and try to make sense of it all. And there's a lot going on that doesn't make sense these days. So, I decided to click onto my old friend Blogger and I signed into The Daily Dandy. It was that easy.

It feels good to be back. Me and the keyboard "having a conversation about nothing". But these days nothing seems... trivial. Life is changed drastically since 2016, the last time I logged into this place; my home for my words and my thoughts. But I guess that's the thing about going home, you somehow are comforted by the stability of what you know and it feeds your soul.

Comfort is something we all desperately need because right now. Life as we know it, knew it, and will live it is drastically different. That's the straight sh*t. No kidding.

Covid-19 has taken our world hostage, quite literally and we are left to wait, worry and wonder when and if we will make it out of this pandemic. We are all looking for answers and assurances that this too shall pass. But there are none.

As of today, I have been self quarantined at home for 7 days. Unprecedented. TV News media is my constant companion. My store is closed. No work, no business, no American dream or engine that drives our economy because "social distancing' must be our new normal. No restaurants, malls, boutiques, stores or coffee shops open. It's almost eerie.

I know I'm not alone. Mankind has been a great partner in all this, and we must stick together. Today, by the grace of God, I am healthy and my family is healthy. That is a blessing. So I'm going to focus on the blessings. The small things, the memories we have been making at the dinner table, and I'm going to do my part to slow the spread of this virus.

I'll come back here a lot, during this.
I'll talk about nothing and something and that something we are all talking about.
And together, we will connect without actually connecting.

It's good to be home again where I belong. In my own little universe

Media Junkie

L

I'm slightly obsessive compulsive at times. Like most people, I am attached at the hip to my mobile device and have been chastised by My Guy, My Kids and my mom about tuning out while zoning out on my cell. A self admitted news junkie, after completing my latest update on my operating system I was pleased to find a new "News" ap that I did not have before. After close inspection I have decided that this is the greatest thing ever! A news ap that I can tailor to all my favorite news feeds! Who knew? I certainly didn't and now that I have this beauty at the touch of my finger tip I'm unstoppable. 

CNN, Huff Post, Fox News, Buzz Feed, The New York Times, ESPN and many, many more. All just for me and whenever I want. This doesn't sound like a problem, does it? But it is. The problem is that I find that I am no longer alone with my thoughts as frequently as I should be. If I find myself with a spare moment, I am at my newsfeed scrolling voraciously for anything that sparks my interest. Good for everyday news but bad for the brain which doesn't leave much time to decompress. Yet I can't stop scrolling. Obsessive? Maybe. Or possibly I'm just someone who craves knowledge. 

Take for example yesterday's NFL games. I am competing in a football pool with 19 other people for money. Since the pool has started I have consistently been in the top ten, but yesterday? I really stepped it up. After a 2.5 hour session yesterday morning, researching and carefully making my picks, I submitted my choices a few hours before the deadline. Not feeling very confident, I decided NOT to obsess over the stupid pool and go about my business. I thought a workout would be just the thing to get my mind off football and I began my workout-mobile device in hand. It is my music device after all, so it had to be with me. It wasn't long before the ESPN ap was front and center with the live game day feed right in front of my face. There I was, working out, listening to my playlist, watching 2 games on my phone. Of course that continued for the rest of the day while I had the TV, NFL Red Zone and my IPad and IPhone all live to the games I had chosen. Seriously, I never missed a down on any of the games and My Guy joked that he has created a monster. He just may be right. 

When I'm working it's not an issue, and when I'm chilling out-the TV is my best friend, but you can bet during commercial breaks the phone is in my hand and engaging my attention.  I know how to relax and I know when it's time to put the phone down, but the lure of the information that I may be missing is sometimes too much. Am I hopeless? I'm not sure, but yesterday certainly didn't help me to come to that decision. I went 5-0 on all my football pics and am currently in 3rd place in the pool. Doesn't look like I will be unplugging any time soon. 

The Stomach Sleeper

My mom always said that I "could fall asleep on a picket fence", and she would be right. Put me in the back seat of a car on a long ride and soon enough I will be out cold. When I board an airplane-no matter how long the ride-I always drift off to dream land shortly after take off. So it was much to my surprise that just as this summer had turned into fall, I found myself awake at some strange hours of the night. I go to bed anywhere between 10:00 and 11:00 PM, usually not waking up until 5 or 6 AM. Lately? I'm awake at 12:30 AM, 2:30 AM and 4:45 AM and so forth. I can always fall back to sleep, but the waking up in the middle of the night is becoming more and more frequent.

I did a bit of research and learned a few valuable things:

• I am a stomach sleeper, which could be part of my problem.Sleeping on your stomach is BAD for several reasons, but the one that really stopped me dead in my tracks is this: Stomach sleeping causes WRINKLES!!! OMG! I tell people all day long how to prevent the forming of new fine lines and wrinkles and I just realized that I am putting my face in jeopardy almost every night! I never really thought about it, but I have been seeing those "pillow marks" or vertical lines on my face and cheeks that just don't fade as quickly as they used to.  I also sleep on my side-another wrinkle producer-and the tell tale signs show more on the side you sleep on. Oh the horror!

• Stomach sleeping is also bad for your back and neck. I am always looking for a neck and shoulder massage, now it totally makes sense. This form of sleeping also puts an enormous strain on you spine and spinal strain can cause numbness and tingling. No wonder I sometimes wake up with "dead arm", like my arm has fallen asleep-but I am wide awake. And forget about what it does to your neck? turning your head to the side on your pillow causes your head and spine to be out of alignment, a recipe for more pain. 

• Here's the kicker- AGE and STRESS can be a large contributor to "middle insomnia". Great-I've got both of those in spades and I wonder why I'm waking periodically through the night? Alcohol consumption and an underlying condition could also be the answer to waking in the middle of the night. Let's hope there is no underlying condition because I'm not giving up a glass of wine at dinner. Or two. 

Bottom line is doctors say that waking in the middle of the night is a normal occurrence but that you should be able to fall back to sleep easily. So far I have been lucky to drift back off to sleep, but I have been more conscious of the position I sleep in. While I am sleeping on my back more frequently, I wonder if this position change may have something to do with the middle of the night waking? Back sleeping is not my sleeping position of choice, but if it means a better night sleep, I will continue to try it.

At most, my face will someday thank me for it, of that I can be sure. 

Spirit Animal

I'm not one to buy into all that Facebook crap about being a super fan of the Brady Bunch and who your Disney princess is. But one night my friend and I were talking about your spirit animal and what that means.

So I googled it and took the quiz.

What did I find out? I found out that I was the Wolf. Sounded reasonable because it tells me that the wolf has a "stealth hunting ability as well as strength and stamina". Family comes first, says the wolf, who forms deep connections with close friends and family members. Also very true. The Wolf is loyal, devoted and passionate which is also me. OK-so I decide to blog about the spirit animal today and I pull up the quiz to read about the Wolf.  

Then what do I do? You guessed it? I freakin took the quiz again.

I got the swan. Huh? I'm not the wolf? I think it's a mistake although the Swan spirit animal has attributes I can relate to. So I Google another, different quiz and I get the Tiger. WTF? Which am I? Now I'm confused as shit because the Tiger also has spirit animal qualities that are totally me. I take it again, because determination is one of my many qualities. This time I get the Wolf. The wolf has 2x going for it.

Now my friend stops by and takes the quiz after I tell him about the mix up. What happens? He gets the Owl. I tell him to take the other quiz to see if it's all a scam, and he gets the Owl again. Now I'm pissed! I make him take it one more time and BAM...he gets the Owl. 3x he's the Owl and he wins the consistency quota.

So I decide to take it again...Bad decision because now I get the Owl! It must be wrong so I walk away from it for an hour or so...Then I take it again...and I get the Owl AGAIN. Now I've decided that it's all a scam and what the hell do I care about a stupid animal quiz?

Bottom line? I'm the Wolf with Owl tendencies since I got them both 3X.      
OK? So now we can all go back to our regularly scheduled lives.
Aren't you glad I figured that out?                                                                                                                                            

Weekend At Mommy's

So how was your 4th? I had the best weekend..

I started my weekend on Thursday because Friday was the observed holiday, so I made my way down to my July 4th destination, Cape Cod, MA. The traffic was brutal brutal, even at 11:00 am but I didn't mind that it took us twice as long to get there. We went directly to our favorite restaurant once we arrived and proceeded to have.....the most amazing.....the summer favorite and a Cape Cod Classic.....a hundred million calories and I just didn't care....

FRIED CLAM PLATTER

And I ate the whole thing. It didn't disappoint because it never does. One by one, (or ten) my family arrived to the Cape house, each one with their traffic story. Seems it didn't matter what time you left that day-there was traffic and lots of it. Once everyone had arrived we went back to our favorite restaurant and enjoyed a huge, family meal-again. This was the start of a trend. A FAT trend as we all ate like we hadn't eaten in months. The drinks were flowing, the laughs were numerous and the evening was a pure joy.

Friday? A picture perfect beach day and we took complete advantage of it. There's nothing like spending the day on the ocean with your brothers and sisters-and the kids. We had a ball. Again-lunch was a smorgasbord of different foods and damned if I didn't indulge a bit in all of them-cuz that's what life is all about right? Enjoying yourself with your family has to be one of life's great pleasures. Friday night was the country club's annual July 4th BBQ and fireworks. We all showered, dressed up and piled into our cars for the ride to the club. When we go there we were greeted by Uncle Sam on stilts!! (who happens to be our favorite waiter from a restaurant at home-his real profession is that he is a clown)

The club was adorned with red, white and blue balloons, flowers and decorations everywhere. It was gorgeous. This year was extra special as there were carnival-like vendors all around. They had kettle corn, fried dough, a raw bar, ice cream trucks and activities and kiddie train rides for the young children. And of course...there was food. The BBQ had cold fried chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, swordfish, salmon and the most incredible salads you could imagine. Once again-we ate till we couldn't eat any more then drank quite a bit too. Once the sun went down we were treated to an incredible fireworks display with music. It was spectacular. Once safely ensconced in bed after the day, I said a little prayer to God to thank him for all the gifts I experienced that day. I am truly blessed.

Saturday was cloudy-perfect day to hit the local shops. I said hello to some of my old friends who work in the stores then went back to the house where we had a HUGE Corn Hole tournament. Some friends came for the day and we partied like it was 1999. We planned a big BBQ of our own, and I was surprised that all the stores were open for business on July 4th. We must have gone to the liquor store and the supermarket at least 3 times that day. Again...it was the food. And so much of it I started to repeat the phrase, "Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins." We laughed that this weekend was starting to be like reverse fat camp. That night we had a large bonfire on the beach and more fireworks from all along the coast could be seen from our spot on the beach. It just couldn't get any better.

Sunday was another beach day bonanza and a day of reflection on all the wonders we had experienced over the weekend. So many gifts, we had been given during the time spent together. We left to return home from our weekend truly fulfilled by a family's love and the blessings of a life spent enjoying it's spoils.

But we took with us memories that we will cherish forever-and for sure at least 5 unwanted pounds of good clean living.

Clear View?

So, I just recently started wearing contact lenses. I have been complaining about my failing eyesight for a while now, so on Dec 26th, 2014, I went to the eye doc and got myself a pair of contact lenses. I can't even tell you how my life has changed for the better! I used to be so dependent on my glasses and now? I don't hardly use them at all. It's so much easier at work! I can see everything clearly and I'm not constantly fumbling and looking for my glasses. It is a blessing to be able to do my work without the distraction of searching for a clearer view.

Flash back to Dec 27, 2014: Day One of contact lens wear. It took me a good hour to insert the lenses properly into my eye and after more than a few tears, loud cussing and steely determination, it was mission accomplished!

Day 2: 45 minutes of cussing, frustrated cries for help, but I wasn't giving up!  Finally success!

Day 3: 10 minutes! I may just be getting good at this!

Day 4: 10 minutes and I'm much more confident that this can become part of my everyday life.

Flash Forward to today: Five months of everyday wear, and I've got the insertion of the lenses down to a few minutes. My contact lenses are very dear to me and I can't imagine life without them BUT I discovered today that contact lenses are a very fickle thing.

I insert my contacts after I get out of the shower, before I apply my makeup. I did that today- which was no different than any other day. I got dressed and started to apply my makeup. No problems except for a slight tingle in my left eye-I then began to blow dry my hair and as I was doing so, my phone rang. I looked at the screen and realized immediately that I could not see clearly.

Where was my contact?

I know I put it in and I might even have been able to feel it, but where was it and why wasn't it doing it's job? This is what I had feared. I had heard about contacts that "get lost" in the eye but I never had experienced it till today. I then began the painful process of swiping my iris and cornea searching for the lost contact.

Redness and stinging in the eye ensued.
Black mascara and eyeliner began to expertly pool under my left eye, creating a mess of the artistry I had minutes before created. I couldn't stop though, I knew the contact was in there but I couldn't find it no matter how hard I tried. I decided I may have dropped it somewhere, so I took a pair of extra reader glasses and began searching frantically around the bathroom for it. Nothing. I then washed my hands and began the painful sweeping the cornea/iris process all over again. After several minutes and several tears I decided to give up. It was then that I felt it!! The lost contact was balled up in the corner of my eye and I was able to pull it gently from my eye!!

I swear I shed a tear of relief that I had just successfully retrieved my $$ contact. I then cleaned it off with the disinfecting solution and you know what I did?

You bet I inserted it back into my eye where it peacefully resides right now.
The good truly outweighs the bad with my contacts. I like going through life with a nice clear view.

This Is Exactly Why I Don't Discuss Politics In Mixed Company-Again..

My Grandmother, God rest her soul, had many words of wisdom. One of my favorites that she always said was, "never tell ages or wages or discuss politics in mixed company." Boy she wasn't kidding. There is a notorious reason why I will never discuss politics in mixed company and I wrote about it in a four part series on the Daily Dandy HERE, HERE, HERE, and HERE. Feel free to check these out at your leisure-it's a doozy of a story. Of course it proves this theory nicely, because sure as sh*t, it happened yet again the other night.

Now it wasn't even close to what had happened before, but you can bet it got, shall we say, awkward? My Guy had arranged a fabulous birthday dinner for his wife (me) at our home with 8 guests. My nephew is an amazing chef and he cooked us a spectacular 4 course meal that was scrumptious! My parents were in attendance, some dear friends of ours and another couple we socialize with quite frequently. Interestingly enough, the latter couple are in the same age demographic as my parents, so the mix of generations couldn't have been more perfect!

Happily enjoying pre-dinner drinks and some fantastic appetizers, the group was getting on swimmingly until someone brought up politics. I will preface this with a disclaimer: Candy's Daily Dandy and it's management do not endorse any political party, organization or politician publicly. Whether or not I personally agree or disagree with what transpired is completely irrelevant to the story. So in the spirit of story telling, I will continue.

Someone decided to bring up the "O" word. I say that because suddenly the happy and smiling faces became blank and sullen. Someone said something disparaging about our President and immediately someone else defended our President. Political banter was exchanged and some not so nice faces were being made in one direction towards the other. Being the hostess, I jumped to action immediately and brought my dear Grandmother's words to everyone's attention. I then went on to tell a witty story about my Irish, swearing, sports loving, gambling Grandmother to which I had everyone's rapt attention.

I'm not sure if it was the spirit of my Grandma, the story about her I told or the fact that they got my message loud and clear-but the conversation ceased and merry was made for the rest of the evening. The two parties that had earlier disagreed even sat next to each other at dinner, laughing and enjoying the night. It actually turned out to be one of my favorite evenings I've had in a long time.

And to Grandma I say, thank you! I know somehow we dodged a bullet on that one.

My Heart...

To a better place, you have gone. I tell myself quietly.

Your life was full and important to us all and you let us in and never let go.
You were saved for a reason, you just didn't know it at the time.
We didn't know it either, how you would save us too.

How the quiet times on the sofa together, side by side,were important food for both our souls. How you loved me, protected me and let me know that just being close made you happy. That being part of the family was your destiny and you cherished that.

Yes, you were the Man of the house. Loyal and most loving, my heart is broken today,but I take comfort knowing that she will be there waiting for you.
Rest easy, my love..

Ebola Thots

I'm sorry to make a joke about something so serious, but I hardly know what else to do.

 It's all around us. It leads our news casts. It captures front page headlines. It's shared on social media and it's sprinkled into casual conversations so it's safe to say the world is not safe. 

I worry about my daughter. Studying in London and has already been to both Germany and Paris this month. The biggest problem she faces right now is what pub will she go to and how much it will cost? She thinks my warnings of being aware and being cautious are silly. How can I protect her? I worry about my son. Traveling on an airplane this weekend, domestically to come home, yet  part of me wants him to stay put. 

I thought about myself. I work with the public everyday. I apply makeup to people which requires close personal contact with them. How do I protect my staff? Myself? My clients? Panic is not our friend so collectively we apply logic to try and fail-safe measures and we listen to the experts. We don't need pandemonium.  The government is already scrambling. The experts are speaking and the medical professionals are putting their lives in jeopardy for the greater good. 

Punch "Ebola" into a Google search and see what you get. What do you believe and what do you follow? The CDC is talking to a ravenous public and we are listening, hanging on their every word and Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller are arguing about Dr Nancy Snyderman violating an Ebola isolation agreement.

All we can do is watch and wait. And wait and watch what happens and how it all plays out. All the while,  maybe not willing to admit we are concerned, that there is a slight frenzy over the outbreak in our own back yard. 

I'm going to do my part and admit, I'm concerned.

 

Into God's Hands

I lost a member of my family yesterday.
While this woman was not very close to us in recent history, she was at one point someone we cared about.

There was no personal reason for our loss of contact in recent years. No horrible tragedies or awful disagreements, but only that she became the victim of neglect and she didn't deserve it. She became a forgotten, inconvenient soul in the end and for that I am sad. Her life was a cautionary tale and I wonder if in her advanced years, sort of gave up. Falling victim to the cancer we surprisingly found out about in the end. There will be no memorial, no services or finger sandwiches and coffee with memories. Just silence for her soul.

I speak of her today so that she may know that her memory lives on in me. And the love I once felt for a family member meant something. Love is real, but never logical. Love is the only thing we know to be true.

I want you all to know that she mattered and that she was loved and anyone to else that reads this too. So she will know someone cared.

No Place I'd Rather Be

I'm taking a little magic carpet ride this weekend!

A much needed little get away, because my mind is on overload these days. I know we are all busy and crazy with our lives and work, but lately I have been letting it get to me. Stress is a silent killer. I carry all my stress in my upper body. My neck and shoulders are the bearers of stress for me and occasionally I come up with a stress headache. And right about now I could really use a massage.

I'm so much smarter that that. I need to learn to let it go...

Now that I've got all this time to myself, instead of taking it slower I seem to be gearing up and trying to conquer the world. But I'm learning fast that you can't take on the world with out psychical consequences. So I've decided that a small respite, a cocktail, some warm weather and some me time is just what the doctor ordered.

I will be gone from Friday, Oct 3rd 2014 to Monday, Oct 6th 2014. I will return to the bloggersphere on Tuesday, Oct 7th, 2014 and hopefully I will have some hilarious situation that happened over the weekend that we can all opine with our fabulous wisdom.

Have a great weekend bloggers, and please...try to let it go. You know what I mean?

My Cup Runneth Over

Sorry fellas, but this is a rant about BRAS, and damn if I'm not in the middle of a mid-life bra crisis. I'd like to start by saying that I've learned a thing or two in the years that I have been wearing a bra about the sizing of a woman's bra. The first and most important thing being:

• The bra size you were in your twenties is not-I repeat-NOT the size you are in your forties. 

Now this is a very tricky statement, because your bra size, or your boob size changes throughout the course of your life so many times that it's way too numerous to keep track of. So to accommodate, we buy new bras in new sizes. We know that breast size fluctuates due to:

• Pregnancy
• Hormonal changes-which occur monthly
• Weight fluctuations
• Human body growth

These are a given, and in my lifetime I have experienced all of these more than once. Hence the 6,000 different sizes of bras that reside in my lingerie drawer. I have lace bras, sports bras, under wire bras, strapless bras, colored bras, seamless bras, padded bras, push up bras and so on. But at the moment I have NO bras-not one- that fit well. When did this happen to me? I noticed mid-summer that the bras that I own were either old, too small or too big, but none were just right. So what did I do? I went to my local dept store and bought some new bras. Judging by my old bras I determined that I needed a larger cup size and a larger back size. Seems logical enough right? 

Wrong...I bought 4 new bras in the new size. Of the 4 bras, one of them is passing for a some what comfortable fit, although my cup runneth over..I then went to TJ Maxx figuring I could buy some cheaper bras in all sizes that I thought might fit me and return the ones I didn't need. This was the WORST idea ever, because now I am so confused as to what size I am that seriously considering burning all my bras this weekend.

Frustrated as hell by this I took to the World Wide Web and punched into the Google Search bar, "proper bra sizing". I found a formula that looks something like this:

1. For Band Size: Using a tape measure and wearing a bra without padding measure low on your back at your bras band level lifting it higher as it comes around your body. 
2. For Bust Size: Measure around the fullest part of your chest (at nipple level)
3. Subtract your Band Size (step 1) from your bust size (step 2)

If the difference is:

0, your cup size is AA. 
1, your cup size is A. 
2, your cup size is B. 
3, your cup size is C. 
4, your cup size is D. 
5, your cup size is DD, etc.

I hope this is accurate because it's getting very expensive, and very uncomfortable. 

The Silence of Solitude: A Short Story

She reveled in the glory of having absolutely nothing to do after a long day of working on her feet. She could hardly believe it-nothing-she had no responsibilities, no kids, no husband, just the dogs and herself to worry about for the night. The only decision facing her was to decide what to do with this rare nothingness. It was completely new to her.

The dogs greeted her with their usual vigor. She sat down on the stair and allowed them to worship her like she was their queen. Doggie slobber and white hair were her reward for returning home and never felt so good, as they attached themselves firmly to her black work clothes. The house remained untouched, not a dish in the sink, and a pristine counter top void of it's usual smeared finger tips and crumbs from a hasty snack. "I could get used to this," she thought.

The TV clicker beckoned her from the comfort of the sofa and ottoman, like they knew that they were her companion for the night and they were ready for her. She fed the dogs, poured herself a glass of white wine and kicked off her shoes along with the stressful day she had hours before completed. Hunger tapped her on the shoulder and she remembered-she had hardly ate all day-the result of the pace of her schedule. But she hadn't thought about it until now. "What to eat?" she pondered. It then occurred to her that she was the only one who cared about the menu.

A quick scan of the pantry revealed something she hadn't consumed in YEARS...

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

After a brief, "can I really eat that?" moment, she began to prepare the at one-time favorite feast. She was practically giddy with excitement, as she prepared the dish. She flicked on the TV, excellent company while she cooked along with her dogs at her feet, she completed what tasted like the most perfect macaroni and cheese ever! After dinner she retired to the family room and crumbled into her plush sofa. The dogs were only too happy to accompany her, they had no judgments on her TV show of choice.

She got lost in her favorites, thanking God for On Demand TV and catching up on missed episodes. She wasn't sure if it was the wine, the food or the physical exhaustion but her eye lids felt like accordion shades being let down with a string. She brushed her teeth then retired to her bed, lights out in complete silence except for the hum of her ceiling fan ready to drift off....when she listened to the silence.

The quiet kept sleep at bay and she began to think about her family.

Sure it was nice to have a few hours to herself, but is this what life would be like without them? Suddenly she felt lonely and in her silence she decided that the life she has with them in it is the true reward after a long, stressful day. She never again would complain about it. She knew how to block out the sounds of the day and to find peace amid the madness.

And that is the only solitude she decided she needed.

Who Me? What? No, I'm Fine. Really.

So it's no secret that Frick is currently a junior at NYU. Now its Frack's turn, and he is going to be a freshman at High Point University. This should be easy right? Been there,done that kinda thing. When your kids go away its never easy. Deep down inside you know that they need to spread their wings and fly, but this time its different. This time Frack will be leaving the nest which means the nest will be empty-save for My Guy and Me-on Friday.

And I'm freaking out.

It's bad enough that he's leaving right when I've become used to her being away, but now that my house will be without kids, like for a while, I'm wondering if I will be ok. But I don't want to think about that..so I wonder will he be ok? How will he survive without me to tell him to do his homework? Eat less red meat? Get up on time and clean his room? Do his OWN laundry? Oh the horror...

I'm kinda freaking out. 

Because the truth is I know he will figure it out. I know he will go to class, eat chicken occasionally, and do his homework and laundry and survive. I know he will thrive! The question really is, will I? What am I supposed to do if I don't have to take care of them? 

What does that make me? 

Who am I now? 

What do I do now?

Again...I'm freaking out. 

And I have a week until I have to figure this crap out. A major life transition has a way of creeping up on you like that and then bam! It hits you like a ton of bricks. Then you have to accept it and move on. I just have to accept it and move on without them under my roof. They will always be my kids, right? My babies, my family? I did my job well, now it's their turn. I gotta keep repeating that to myself so that I can get through it.

Welcome to my ton of bricks moment.  

Exerpts From A Conversation With Myself

SCENE: It's a clear, bright and gorgeous Wednesday morning and a group of my high school girlfriends have decided to meet at the beach for the day....which almost never happens.

ME: Ok Self, it's a beautiful day! Nothing better to do than play hooky and hanging with your best girlfriends at the beach all day. I am definitely going to meet them! 

SELF: Seriously Candace? You have a JOB. It's not like you have a million things to do. Sure, you just go take off for the day and let everything handle itself. Real responsible....

ME: Oh c'mon, don't be such a wet rag! I have everything covered. The store is completely staffed and there is nothing that can't wait till tomorrow. Its summer, and days like this don't come along often. Lighten up!

SELF: Ok, well you just take off for a day of fun and I will worry about everything else. No really, go have a day to yourself and don't you fret. Everybody else will do your work for you. Yup, you can just be a lady of leisure today. Go for it.

ME:  Isn't that what I pay them to do? Don't I deserve to enjoy a day to myself? 

SELF: If that's what you want to tell yourself. 

ME: You are ruining this for me. You know, if I could I would dump your ass like a hot potato. Im going to do what I want to do so just mind your own business. 

SELF: Isn't that what I'm doing? 

Guess who won this argument bloggers? 

On Love And Loss

It's come my attention lately that I have issues....

I know what you're thinking. Candy? Issues? Yes, (lol) Candy has issues. Shocker, right? Some of these I didn't realize I had until I was put into a situation that triggered a response I didn't feel comfortable with. The issues I talk about have to do with love and loss and I admit to having had my fair share of both. I truly believe you can't have one without the other, so the smart ones calculate risk vs reward when entering into love.

Was I smart? Was I stupid? Looking back I think I was both. But I now know that I got "snookered" by deception. Where was the integrity? I now know there was none. Where was the trust? That went out the door with the lies and the rest remain blurry and fuzzy...like the memories of that love I repress. Truth? Are you kidding me? Truth is for the strong who have the integrity to trust in themselves. As I said before the deception in my life had none of those.

I was lucky though...
I found love again. It restored my faith in truth, integrity and trust and it feels great! But I now know that deception lays in wait for me, lurking in the dark alleys of my soul, ready to pounce when I am most vulnerable. I'm mot afraid though because the love I found is bountiful! This love has restored my faith in myself and this love will never leave me. How do I know? Because this is my love.

I love me more.

And that's the best love of all.

Bad Weather Stew

Are you kidding me?

This time they got it right. No beauty emergencies today, that's for sure, so it looks like a lost day of revenue. I just made that FAB, slow cooker beef stew you see up above and I'm hunkering down for a day-long blasting of snow.

• The beef stew I made is from a blog called Butter with a side of Bread. I have made it before and let me tell you, it is just about the closest thing to perfection on a day like today!

• My Guy was out last night, so it was a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills MARATHON> Those bitches are so juicy...always fighting and swearing. It feels like home when I watch it! No wonder I love it so much. I'm half kidding, but really, after the latest episode, I was left feeling pitty for the ladies. Yes, they get paid a ton of money per episode and they have attained some twisted form of celebrity, but they fights and the petty drama that goes on makes me wonder about the toll it takes on their real lives...they have to fight to stay relevant or they get axed! I guess it no different than any other job except their bad behavior is rewarded.

• I bought a coat for my dog. Yes, I did and you know what? He needs it! He's an old fella. (we're not quite sure how old exactly-pound rescue) And his little Jack Russel body is slowly shedding hair. He doesn't mind his little velcro coat, it's bright orange and waterproof and as a matter of fact he kind of likes it! He has taken to wearing it around the house on really cold days. But on days like today I'm wishing I bought one for Buddy too. ( See Buddy here- it's funny. He's my Boxer)

• Tequila? A no no for Candy. Went out for My Guy's birthday on Sat night. I think I had a good time. 

• Since I'm  stuck at home today, I've decided it's the perfect time to study. I'm in the process of putting together The Candy Bar's E-Commerce site and I've been doing a ton of research on social media and online presence. It's very interesting and very motivating! So the good news is the day won't be a total loss! Happy Hump Day Bloggers!