Tuesday, September 21, 2010

AssBraham LinColon

How gLorious that Glee has finally arrived, and boy it's good to be back at McKinley High! The best show on television is back!!!

The glee clubbers, fresh off a summer break find themselves back at school and the target of Jew fro-Jacob's anti-glee club media blitz. In a hilarious video montage, he entitled "Gay News" Jacob berates, belittles and drags through the mud the good names of the Glee clubbers at McKinley. And nobody wants to join a club with a bad rep. Hell bent on beating Vocal Adrenaline, the New Directions know they need to recruit some new members to reach it's goal. Shue comes up with the idea of a "big song; song of the year" sung for the entire student body, so that everyone can see how cool and fresh the glee club really is and attract some new blood to audition.

The cast then throws down a seamless rendition of mega-hit, Jay-Z's "Empire State", choreographed in the school court yard. The ensemble piece showcases the endless talents of all cast members and makes us remember why Glee is a superstar in it's own right. But it doesn't work and only serves to bring students to deface the New Directions sign up sheet with names like "Buttface McBallnuts" and the aforementioned "AssBraham LinColon". Classic stuff.

A new football Coach is introduced to Sue and Shue by Principal Figgins. Ken has suffered a nervous break down and has been replaced by a woman interestingly named, Beaste. And yes, it's pronounced Beast. She starts talking to Figgins about budget cuts and the ridiculousness of a cheerleading squad with a bigger budget than the team they cheer for and she makes an enemy out of Sue. Not smart. What's surprising is that Beast brings Sue and Shue together as allies, and they agree that three is a crowd in their budget play ground. Sue gets in Beast's face and does mean things like sending her 25 pizza's unannounced and playing bully in the teachers lounge. She hopes it will send her packing and it almost does, after Will plays along and ostracizes Beast in the teachers lounge. It also costs Finn his position on the football team.

Finn and Rachel are still a couple but Artie and Tina have broken up because Tina and Mike are now an item after hooking up at Asian camp over the summer. Artie is heartbroken, and wants to join the football team to try and win Tina back so when Finn wheels Artie in to Coach Beast to tell her he wants to audition, Beast freaks out! After being embarrassed by Shue and Sue in the teacher's lounge, Beast tells Shue that she had heard about Sue and expected as much, but that people told her that Shue was decent and that they were wrong. You could almost feel the tension in Shue's struggle as he carries out Sue's plan. Beast goes back to the locker room and cries and soon after Finn wheels Artie in. Beast thinks this is all a ploy to make her look bad an she kicks them both out for good.

Rachel continues her self-absorbed journey through life as she encounters a new Fillipina exchange student in the girls room and invites her to come and "worship her while she sings" and audition for glee club. She gets the surprise of her life when newcomer, Sunshine, (teen pop star Charise), starts singing Lady Gaga's "Telephone" and Rachel is compeled to join in a feisty duet with the girl. Sunshine is amazing and Rachel is threatened but she's not the only one challenged.

Finn hears a new kid singing in the shower after football and invites him to try out for glee. Sam Evans comes and rocks "Billionaire" as the boy cast joins in. This was the song of the night. I dare say it was better than the original and I'm calling this my gLipod pick of the week. But there was so much good music this week, I'll just have to download it all!! Sam agrees to audition for glee club. He fails to show after he sees Beast kick Finn off the team and he then becomes McKinnley's quarterback.

Quinn wants back in on the Cheerios and Sue cuts her down without any chance, as well as Finn when he tries to audition for Cheerios. Funny audition for Finn, a la Will Ferrell "Old School" and the scene with Becky, the Cheerio with Down Syndrome is wonderful. But Sue's merciless tirade, filled with more cold, fake boob references than I could jot down, to Santana, after learning about her summer boob job, give Quinn the in she needed. Quick as a flash Quin is back in a Cheerios uniform and head Cheerio, much to Santana's dismay. The two have a bitter cat fight in the hallway and Shue breaks it up just in time.

Shue finds out that Rachel sent Sunshine to a crack house to audition and Rachel cops an "I did it for the team" attitude, never admitting that the truth is, she does not want to share the spotlight. Shue tells Rachel she has to make it right, and Rachel tells Sunshine to come to the auditorium to audition. Sunshine performs a powerful performance of "Listen", from "Dreamgirls" and she blows them away. I suddenly remember seeing this Charise singer on the Oprah show a few years back and she is super young and crazee talented. She is in the club.

Shue gets summoned to Figgins office where-and this is CRAZY-Sue and Brittney are lying about Coach Beast inappropriately touching Brittney. Shue immediately reminds Brittney the seriousness of an allegation like that and the repercussions of a charge like that on one's life and Brittney caves like the little school girl that she is. She utters that she made the whole thing up and then she utters something else completely inappropriate about "wanting to touch Beast's breasts herself". Sue is furious and I decide that this was a low blow, even for Sue.

But Sue always has the last word. She makes a call to Vocal Adrenaline's new director, Cheyenne Jackson from 30 Rock. They steal Sunshine for the cheap price of a condo for Sunshine and her mom and green cards. Sunshine says she might have stayed, but Rachel was mean to her by sending her to a crack house. Rachel swears she did it for everyone else, but Finn gets her to admit she did it because she does not want to share the spotlight. Rachel then sings the classic, "What I did for Love" to close out the episode.

I want more. I love this cast. I loved this episode. I love Glee.
Next week: The Britney Spears episode.....I can hardly wait.


Scott Oglesby said...

I’m just glad that Mad Men and Survivor are back. I’m finally back as well. You’ll have to check out all the pics on Facebook. I hope you are still on your proverbial honeymoon!

the walking man said...

Candace you just keep on watching it for me and when you update me I...still won't know a damn thing about what you're talking about

Jim said...

Beaste freaked me out. Was that a guy playing a woman, or an actual woman who just happens to be singularly unattractive?

"Coach, are you . . . crying?"

"Yeah [sniff] . . . I just saw your stats from last year."



Heff said...

Sounds like wholesome family entertainment to me....



Buttface McBallnuts

Jim said...

By the way, Quinn, in her little cheerleader dress . . . all kinds of hot.

Just saying . . .


sybil law said...

Yeah, um, I don't watch Glee...

LegalMist said...

Discovered the joys of Glee during the off-season reruns. I love it!!

Great recap. :)

Colon Power said...

Glee Blows Ass.