Thursday, April 29, 2010

Cuz That's How I Roll

Today, I'm just letting it roll....

  • Further proof of my extra Y chromosome: I spent the entire day yesterday with 10 women in my store, trying to sell us stuff. Talk about a hen house full of cackling Hens! I had the worst headache when I left there and I couldn't get away fast enough. I am the biggest girly of girls on every given day, but 10 cackling? All at once? Really?It' like they have a pack mentality when they are together in a big group. Shut the F up! I needed silence if only for 5 minutes, but I got none. Is it wrong that all I wanted to do was have a beer and turn on the Sox game? Somethings not right.

  • Half a loaf of bread is better than none: I try to explain this to my kids all the time. Be grateful for the blessings in life and focus on the positive. Don't try to keep up with everybody else. Who cares about the Joneses? Turns out the Joneses were a fictional family of actors who were sent to manipulate our consumer buying patterns.

  • Siobahn Magnus got kicked off American Idol last night: Despite the fact that this is the WORST season of Idol ever, Magnus was the best reason to watch. At least she wasn't predictable, and she has talent. I can't see how Aaron and Mike are still there and she is not. Go figure. This will be the most anticlimactic finale in history. The Shark has jumped for good.

  • Sandra Bullock adopts a baby and files for divorce: This story becomes more bizarre by the minute. Leave the woman alone and let her have some peace.

  • My EX-ASS thinks we are buddies: This is a good one. Because his pathetic ass is practically at rock bottom, I have been cordial to him lately. Which really means that I have answered my phone when he called. I'm not the kind to kick a snake when he's down. Or dirty dog, however that saying goes, but I sort of gave him some advice the other day. Problem is, I can't be nice to him. He thinks we're buddies now and calls 10 times a day. Inappropriate Idiot is his middle name. I'm so much smarter than I used to be, but he's too stupid to see that.

  • I have given up sugar: It seems to be working, too. I can have sugar-free treats at two meals a week, but no more. I'm finally feeling the results...12 pounds down and counting.

  • Beantown Sports Madness: I'm not going to go all superior on you. Not today. I'm just going to live in the moment and hope that my good karma scores me either Celtics tickets or Bruins tickets. Did I mention they have both advanced to the second round in the playoffs?

  • My new employee starts today at the store: I can't wait....


RW said...

Let them advance. The Blackhawks will be waiting. Mwa haha...

Oh and? Tell your ex to hit the road. 10 times a day? This is not OK.

Heff said...

Eewwww. I got a headache just READING about the cackling hens !

Joker_SATX said... many things to comment on here:

The extra Y Chromosome - Take what you heard and multiply it by a factor of 100. That is how much it hurts guys ears and our heads.....

Good luck with the half of loaf...I have a feeling it won't sink in until they become parents.

Siobahn Magnus - HOT! Loved her. I cried when she left. And no, to me the most anti climatic season of Idol was when Chris Allen dethroned Adam Lambert...Yeah, I know...Chris who? It will be tough beating that. This season is turning out to be the "I don't give a shit" season of Idol.

Sandra Bullock - no comment. I am leaving her alone.

Ex-holes are like that. Mine thinks that we are actually cordial now.

Lost 12 pounds? And I thought you were Hot looking before. I am drooling with what you must look like now.

Beantown Sports? - Another reason why I lust after you! Go SOX!

And lastly, best of luck with the nuggets! Train them right. Make them do all the work!

Scott Oglesby said...

The thing I don’t get with the newest generation of teenage girls is the sudden eruptions of screaming. I remember when NKOTB were coming to town and all that, but now it seems like they go all hysterical screamy for a new pair of shoes.

I love your take on the Joneses. I have a similar one but it involves sex.

You’ll probably have to reiterate your dislike for your ex. Men can be really thick and I don’t think he’ll take a subtle hint.

Sugar is one of the easiest things to give up. After 3 days you no longer crave it at all and you instantly feel a thousand times better. Good on you!!

Jim said...

The Joneses are NOT fictional . . . they live across the street from us, and are actually very nice people. Not hard to keep up with at all.

She was cute, and had the pipes, but it was only a matter of time before Sheboygan got the axe. She speaks as if she's mildly retarded, and her attempts to make screaming in every song some sort of trademark were wearing thin. Little Aaron needs to go next . . . back to school, little man. You might even get a pimple some day.

Big kudos on the weight loss, Candy . . . 12 pounds is a lot. It's like half of Aaron . . .


BeckEye said...

I have an extra Y chromosome too. I keep waiting to wake up one day and *boom* I'll have a penis.

Chris@Knucklehead! said...

Yeah, I was sorry to see Siobhan go, but realistically she would've only been around two more weeks at most. I'm still just thrilled that Tim "The Smilin' Douchebag" Urban is gone. And Aaron Kelly needs to go next.

As I predicted on my site several weeks ago, Lee DeWyze will be this year's winner, probably against Bowersox in the final.

And this season is still WAY better than the Jordin Sparks year. That was the worst.

Scope said...

Ah, the hen party. I have the ability to generate white noise in my head to fight off the effects.

Sandra Bullock - Tried watching "The Blindside" a few weeks ago. DVD kept skipping. Don't think it was her fault, but a gossip mag did try to interview me.

The EX-( | ) - Doesn't he have a CURRENT wife to bother? Cora has managed to piss off her ex enough recently that he insists all communication is thru email. GREATEST THING EVER.

Sugar - Then I won't tell you how off the hook Werther's Original Sugar free are. 40 calories FOR 5 PIECES! That's 8 cals per!

Cora said...

My ex used to think we were buddies too. He used to call me at work just babbling on about old tv shows and whatnot; he used to get a whiff of when my family was getting together to celebrate something and he'd just show up uninvited like that was totally okay; he used to come into my house when he was supposed to be dropping my daughter off and bring in all his other kids, sit on my couch, and make himself at home; and he used to just plop his baby into my lap or shove her into my arms whenever we crossed paths as if I want to be watching his infant for him! GRRRRR.

But then I reported something he'd said to my kid's school.

And the school called the police who almost arrested him.

And now ex-hub does NOT want to be my friend.


I feel like that Home Alone kid, running around shouting "I made them disappear! I'm free! I'm free!"