Thursday, April 22, 2010

Are You There Dad? It's Me,Candy.

20 years have passed since the last time I heard your voice, yet it seems like an eternity. I was a young girl when you left me, today I am a young woman.

I often see your face in my dreams and I reach out to touch your hands. Sometimes you are sick, sometimes you are not, but you are always smiling. Once, you were playing cards at a table with some others. Always the center of attention. The comic. Even the spirits are attracted to your Dean Martin swagger. You come to me as I knew you, with your Sculley cap and Members Only jacket, and I know that wherever you are, you are always with me.

What do you think of the person I have become? I often wonder.
What advice would you give me today? I often ask myself.

I got married once, and my brother stood in for you. Your son. You would have been proud. I am a mother now, and I hear your voice in my head some days telling me to be patient. You never met my children, your grandchildren, yet they know everything about you. I made sure of that. I am the keeper of your spirit and I will sprinkle bits of it over them like a magic pixie dust when they need it. It is your legacy. That spirit is a special something that is our birthright.

God knows you had far more than any human should.

We have taken good care of mom, or rather she has taken good care of us.
But you knew she would. It's why we all chose her. Her strength is inspiring.

And Papa, he has taken good care of us too. He's been an amazing role model for your family and he has taught me about integrity, respect and commitment. I sometimes think you must love him too, as you watch over us. He has fathered us right in your absence. He will give me away to another man this summer, and I think you wouldn't have it any other way.

I know you will be there, with me, on that day.
I know that you are with me wherever I go.
I know that you watch over me as I watched over you.
I know that you watch over my children.

Thank you for being there when I call out to talk to you. Somehow, I always get your message.

11 comments:

Mrs. Hall said...

awww!!! hugss!!! huuugggss!!!

that was so sweet!!

hugss!!!

The Dental Maven said...

Oh my, Candy. Big lump in my throat. I understand more than I would like. Lost my dad April 15, 1996. We later joked that he took the "death and taxes" thing too literally. But I do miss him terribly and most especially during lifes milestone moments that you mention. You're in my thoughts today, Girl.

Heff said...

*Verklempt*

Joker_SATX said...

Thank you Candy for recognizing a father as he should be recognized!

Very touching!

BeckEye said...

Beautiful post, Candy.

RW said...

My dad missed it all as well, having his heart attack 33 years ago. I'm with you on this one, walkin'.

SkylersDad said...

This was wonderful, well done Candy!

Jimmy Bastard said...

Nicely written hen.

Scott Oglesby said...

Sweetest. Post. Ever.

You know I lost both parents too soon as well. This one brought a tear to my eye!

Furtheron said...

Lovely post.

They never go far do they...

My Dad died in October 1984 10 days after I turned 22 and 9 months before I got married. That day was difficult for Mum and us as there was a big hole.

He only saw one of his 6 grandchildren.

Like you I often miss his advice... and definitely his help with DIY!

My brother gets married in August and now both Dad and sadly Mum won't be there. Well they will but not physically.

the walking man said...

This rings a bell for me Candace, you and your brother suffered an unfortunate loss at too early of an age but your mom found a good man to do what your dad would have done. This is a good blessing for your father and shows how much you learned from him.