Friday, April 9, 2010

6 Reasons Why We Are Way So Much Cooler In General

So RW wrote a post the other day about why his Chicago White Sox are "much cooler than you". In that post he called myself and BE Earl out for being the most passionate fans on the planet, who are engaged in the greatest sports rivalry of all time. HA! Kids these days...

Earlsie then took to the sphere with his rendition of why the Evil Empire strives to be cooler, and being a bleeding red, white and blue Sox fan I had to follow suit. So fellas, step aside. It's time for the real "show" to start. (see what I did there? little baseball euphemism...)

#1. We are the Cubs Daddy: Just ask Pedro Martinez, cuz he coined the phrase. The Cubs are nothing more than a poor man's Red Sox. As I stated on RW's blog, we left those losers in the dust in 2004 and fact is fact. There is no more "wait until next year" because we turned around and did it again in 2007, proving that Cubbie's and every other poser, we be your daddy! Dare I say it, sometimes, (and I mean SOMETIMES) I kind of miss that underdog, loser team that we used to be. At least when we lost we could all agree to how bad we sucked. In that we were unified. But taking a look at our 2 shiny and spankin' new World Series trophies this decade puts all those feelings of inferiority to rest. History baby. We made history.



#2. You can be Bad Ass, I'll take the Idiots any day: Lovable idiots. They are the ones who brought us home the hardware. They had long hair, beards, cheeks stuffed with chew and baggy pants and they didn't care. And neither did we. We loved them as long as they were winning. And win they did. They took the Nation on a ride one October in 2004 that we will NEVER forget. Grown men cried and women who cared nothing about sports were suddenly spewing *Pedro* pitching stats like Jerry Remy. Grubby dirtbags who shocked the world and Reversed a Curse, making the stuff of legends.


Heroics, sacrifice, determination and drive are what those idiots coughed up and when the end of the ALCS championship was over, this Nation had really won the World Series. The Cardinals were just a technicality. Major League Choke makes Major League history. Those bloody sox are seated at the right hand of the Hall of Fame.


#3. Sweet Caroline: It's actually very cool that the Na-na-na-na chant heard 'round the world originated in Cominsky, but we invented a true blue Fenway tradition. No other ballpark in the world delays the play of game in the seventh inning so that it's fans can sing Neil Diamond's classic, "Sweet Caroline". It's ours and ours alone. We may look and sound like idiot's, but we don't care. No self respecting Red Sox fan would dare leave a game before "Sweet Caroline". (unless we were being brutally spanked) It's so good, so good, so good! Also, I believe Jordan's Furniture, a local furniture company was the first ever to run a promotion before the start of the 2007 season:

"As a promotion in 2007, Jordan's offered full rebates on certain pieces of furniture bought between March 7 and April 16 - provided the Boston Red Sox won the World Series. The store took out an insurance policy for approximately twenty million US dollars. Since the Red Sox did win the World Series, Jordan's Furniture gave an estimated 30,000 qualified orders away for free."

#4. Disco may suck, but Fenway believes, "Long Live Rock": The Boss, The Stones, The Police, Neil Diamond, Buffet, and McCartney are just a few of the Rock and Roll legends to have performed on the fields of "America's most beloved ballpark" to an adoring nation. This summer our very own Bad Boys of Rock & Roll Aerosmith, will perform and I will be front and center. The Stones concert was so mammoth, that rumor had it almost destroyed left field irreparably. The Winter Classic played at Fenway this year?? Poetic and beautiful. It brought a tear to a sports fan's eye.









#5. Harry God Damn Frazee, sucker: The bastard owner of the Red Sox who sold Ruth to the Yankees in 1919 and kicked off The Curse. All for a skirt and a Broadway show called, "No, No Nanette". Before then, the Red Sox were one of the most successful baseball teams in the majors, winning the first World Series and five more since the first. That all came to a halting stop after The Babe was sent packing. The rest is 86 year history. Bastard.






And Number 6???: This is The Nation.






It's not pretty, but we own it. It's the only place in the world where sitting down with your kids to have "the talk" means talking and teaching "Yankees smack-talk".

Any questions?

*this has been edited for accuracy*

20 comments:

The Dental Maven said...

Now that makes me want to stand up, remove my had and hold it to my heart. You hit this one outa the park, Girl! Bravo!

The Dental Maven said...

Shit. The word is "hat" not "had". Crikey.

RW said...

Ready to scoff and pounce and tsk tsk and give you a condescending "pleh"... and then you mentioned Jerry Remy. Depth of baseball knowledge proven, I shall therefore stand aside quietly with respect.

I would have mentioned Bill Lee, the Green Monster, and also probably the single best-played World Series by both teams of all time (1975, regardless of the outcome an eternal classic that will simply live forever).

But leaving Frank Malzone and Ed Bressoud out was probably smart. :-)

Jim said...

You're not married yet, right? Don't do anything --- I'll be right up . . . ;-)

A couple comments . . . First, where'd you get that pic of my son, from several years back? I told him not to do that . . . "lots of people in NY really like Derek, buddy . . . just don't let your mother see you do that. Oh, she taught you?"

Secondly, I'm sorry to say that the lowly Nationals also play "Sweet Caroline," in about the 8th inning now. Can we all say "pathetic copy-catters, desparate for some shred of a positive vibe, by glomming onto someone else's good karma?" Very sad, as is the loud cheering of Red Sox Nation when they invade Washington and Baltimore, and so many other places, drowning out the bewildered home-town fans. Sorry, people . . . you can do it to us, when your team doesn't suck. Redskin fans are having to listen to it from all of these damn Steeler fans now, every time they show up, so I know how ugly it can get.

XO

Joker_SATX said...

Amen Candy! I bow to you!

I grew up in New Jersey. Had the Yankees stuffed down my throat for 20+ years. Ended up moving to New England for 9+ years and found my home there.

Now, the rivalry between my father and I is of epic proportion.....

Needless to say, he likes the NY Giants too! Bastard!

Heff said...

You f'n ROCK, that's all there is to it.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I'm a lifelong Cub fan, and I have never really identified with the Red Sox before or after they won. That being said, I usually pull for them over the Yankees and certainly over the evil, evil White Sox. I'm not going to go over to that a-hole White Sox fan's link because it will just make me mad, and I don't need that.

Furtheron said...

Baseball right? .... is that like cricket?... :-)

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Editor Edit:
I just realized that I made an error!!! Oh no!

In #2 I declared that "women who cared nothing about sports were suddenly spewing Beckett pitching stats like Jerry Remy."

I just realized that Beckett and Lowell were aquired the year after the 2004 championship and were an intregal part of the 07 series. NOT '04. I have edited the post to reflect the correct pitcher.

my bad.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

AND I meant intergral

Jim said...

Even if you meant integral . . .

XO

B.E. Earl said...

Nicely done...however, I find it amusing that Red Sox fans have taken Pedro's "Daddy" comment and run with it. In fact, he was complimenting the Yankees after they had beaten him again.

"They beat me. They’re that good right now. They’re that hot. I just tip my hat and call the Yankees my daddy,"

Whatever it turned into after the Sox beat the Yankees when they were down 0-3 in the ALCS and won the World Series for the first time in forever, it was originally about the Yankees dominance over the Red Sox and Pedro.

Oh, and that Red Sox kid giving the finger? Uh-uh. It's been doctored so many times now, it seems like every team has a picture of this kid wearing their colors. But it was originally a photo of a Dutch soccer fan giving the finger before the Nation claimed him as their own.

http://letsgosox.blogspot.com/2006/06/middle-finger-kid-exposed.html

Slyde said...

sigh.. you KNOW this is just gonna prompt Earl to make another boring baseball post, dont you?

RW said...

earl I wasn't going to mention the kid out of kindness, and I was going to get all huffy at noisewater referring to me as an a-hole but then I saw his blog & realized I had nothing to concern myself with.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Leave it to Earlsie, aka Yankee's fan, to be a joy kill.

You know I still love ya!

The Urban Cowboy said...

That last photo is priceless!

Real Live Lesbian said...

I didn't understand a word of that....but it sounded really sporty and cool. And I LOVE that in a girl! :)

Scott Oglesby said...

This post wars wicked hilarious Candy.

I’ve been a Red Sox fan since the Pirates stopped ever having a shot at a winning season back in the 90’s. I had many a tear in my eye when they pulled the imposible in 04 as well. That was one of the top 5 best all time sports moments!

the walking man said...

You sissies and wimps...try to follow the Detroit Lions for perennial everything but winners. Or Detroit in general come to think of it. We Be the Baddest of all Bad Asses.

Boston...pshaw!

Chicago, where is that anyway?

RW said...

I cannot jump on the Detroit guy, he's got enough shit happening in his world. It just wouldn't be right.