Thursday, October 15, 2009

Touch Me And You Die

Is there a secret society out there that gives membership to those whose lifework it is to torture and torment one's sibling?? Did I miss the memo about membership fees being overdue, because evidently my kids didn't miss it. I can pretty much tell that they are both members in excellent standing.

It wasn't that long ago that I was a kid too (really) and I remember the relish with which my brother tormented me. Fortunately my years of shock therapy and intensive psychoanalysis have all but wiped away those memories, allowing me to be the somewhat normal adult I am today. Is it a genetic thing or is it a birth order thing? Are some kids just plain rotten, or are they just plain rotten to their siblings? If my kids were bananas, I would have to say that as of late, they are turning black, with more than a few soft spots between them. And I don't mean the good kind of soft. I mean the indication that the fruit is rotten, SPOILED. (now maybe we are getting somewhere)

The oldest, the director, has to answer to the chairman of the board (me), so she knows when to pour on the poly-saccharine sweetener substitute to satisfy my needs. Her direct subordinate, waits to check the daily climate then proceeds with extreme caution. And since his direct superior is a teen aged girl, life certainly is a box of chocolates for him, as he never knows what he's going to get. Neither do we, for that matter.

And when did physical violence become the standard solution to any disagreement? I have never hit my children in anger or otherwise, so where did they learn to slap up side the head with such fervor? Punishments are becoming obsolete, as they only serve to create more tension and anger towards each other. But I continue to try, employing a Geneva Convention for direct problem solving against such war crimes. Torment and no mercy are the only constants.

Today, I am withdrawing my application for consideration of the Nobel Peace Prize, as my efforts to create a harmonious shift in a peaceful household climate have proved to be futile.

I understand that these days, they are awarding those to just anybody, anyway.

14 comments:

Elenka said...

ha ha ha ah
Great morning laugh!
But all so true!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Yeah, I'm not even a candidate. Keeping mine from killing each other is futile.

SkylersDad said...

My older sister and I got along freakishly well, I knew when to shut the hell up!

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

This is a battle in my own home...unfortunatly, I was an only child, so I have nothing to draw on.

Just recently, dd and friends went into ds room and took his stuff...he went into her room to get it back...beads from the NEW room makeover were broken...

I told them they will share the cost of the replacement...cause it's both their fault...

They don't get it...

I want a drink...

Cora said...

Yup. My little sister and I fought all the time too.

Wanna know why?

Because she used to follow me around 24/7 trying to bother me on purpose. She'd just walk into my room and sit down and stare at me. I had no privacy at all. She'd walk in on me changing my clothes and just sit down and stare. WTF?! She'd steal my clothes behind my back. She'd listen in on my phone conversations. She was a total tattletale. And, worst of all, she was Mom's favorite - she had Mom wrapped around her finger and got EVERYTHING she wanted and just looooooved to flaunt it. She'd say awful things just to try to be mean too - "Mom thinks you're a fatty", "Your paintings suck rocks", etc. It was like having a bratty, depressing little monkey on my back all the time.

All those times I kicked her ass and pinned up against the wall and made her hit herself, she soooooooooooo had 'em coming!!

Jim said...

Lol . . . you're probably more qualified than the guy who got it this year. What did he do again, exactly?

I used to sit on my brother and punch him in the back until he stopped whatever he was doing that was bugging the crap out of me. Nowadays, I just let my two duke it out, and try to ignore them . . . builds character.

XO

Scott Oglesby said...

Yea, but it could be worse. I was an only child, and I’m only now getting past my selfish nature, egotism, and narcissism. I think having siblings makes people much more well-adjusted. That was nice writing by the way!!

BeckEye said...

Watch more Supernanny. Then you won't think your kids are so bad.

madtexter said...

As the youngest of three kids, I was, am and will always be the BABY. I could be 86 years old and wear a diaper for incontinence and still be called a baby...er, scratch that.

I tortured my older brother and sister, because of course, I was the GOLDEN child (Or rather what was referred to in certain circles as "the accident".)

As for seeking therapy - nah! I enjoy the insanity too much.

joe said...

I've never known anyone who received the prize who hadn't done anything for it..

Scope said...

I'm sure there are pictures that they wouldn't want you to post on your blog...

TROLL Y2K said...

Obama's a lock for the Heisman.

The Dental Maven said...

I was the youngest of 3 and therefore received the brunt of the older coalition. Fortunately, the Supreme Commmander, my mom, took no hostages and she was a bloodhound when it came to sniffing out squabbles.

~E said...

they'll grow out of it.

I have two younger brothers (one of whom I 'accidentally' pushed down the stairs when he was three) and even though we had our rough times, we all love each other to pieces now.

Maybe it's because we all aren't living together anymore.