Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Necessary Torture

I know it's something I have to do every year. I know how essential it is to my health. I know how important it is for the early detection of a horrible disease. But seriously??? OUCH!!

Today is my day for the yearly mammogram and I dread it every year. The twins DO NOT like the torture. See that photo above? That plastic level flattens out boobie 1 like a pancake, which results in the most uncomfortable pinching and numbing pain sensation which you must hold for what seems like an eternity. Then they tell you not to breathe!!! If that's not bad enough, the nurse then comes over, bless her little soul, and grabs boobie 2 to position it perfectly for it's own special Kodak moment.

I'm just sayin', I've never been the kind of girl who likes to be consentually "felt up" by a stranger. I prefer a little wining and dining, coupled with some intellectual conversation in the form of foreplay, but make no mistake, there is no "play" here. I wouldn't condemn the process, as yearly mammography saves lives. I'm just anticipating the degrading, painful torture that is essential for me to be a healthy adult.

And I'm really lucky.

And, (knock on wood) I'm pretty healthy.

And I live in a country where it is socially pertinent to screen for breast cancer yearly. Heck, we even have our own month and color to help us to remember.

And I have a sister who is a survivor.

And I thank god every day for the gift of her cancer-free self.

And I will submit the twins to the torture, secure in the knowledge that greater women have stood there before me and did what had to be done.

So what if I have to spend the rest of today walking around like this: I'll take the odds on the necessary torture.


Jim said...

Yep, a necessary (albeit very uncomfortable) procedure. So far, my favorite, as a man, is the "examination" for early detection of colon cancer. I have to stifle a laugh EVERY TIME, because I think of that scene from "Fletch," EVERY TIME.

"Swing low, sweet chariot . . . you using the whole fist there, Doc?"

"Just relax . . . I don't seem to find anything wrong with you."

"Well, I'm sure it's not from a lack of looking."


Scope said...

One of my best friends was just diagnosed this year, so I know how important it is.

Good for you for going, even though it is painful. And think, "If one woman decides not to cancel her screening because of you..."

Admitably, I'm a fan of the B(.)(.)B, but a bigger fan of keepong my friends alive and healthy. That's why my blog is working to raise $50 toward the cure.

- Eric

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

here here!!!

glad you are getting yer boobies squished :)

The Dental Maven said...

What's Sister smiling about in that picture??? And holding the tray like she's serving 'em up?

Okay, now, that pic is totally contrived. We know better.

Anonymous said...

Now that you have blinded me with that picture so early in the day, I can go on about my business.

But we gotta do what we gotta do for our health. As you so elequently put it 'I took one "up the butt" for the good of your team' when the doctor poked my prostate last month.

Poking or pinching is necessary for early detection. Although in this instance, NOT stimulating from a stranger.

Renee said...

So necessary. I love the cartoon.

Renee xoxo

BeckEye said...

Well, great. My doc wanted me to go get a baseline done last year when I was 35 (family history, y'know) but I kept procrastinating and here it is a whole year later! I just had my annual and she didn't ask me about it, thank God. I was worried about getting chided while my feet were up in the stirrups.

I know I need to go have one done, and my sister and best friend claim it's not that bad, but now you're freaking me out.

Dr Zibbs said...

Please send me photos. I just want to make sure that your doctor is doing it right.

SkylersDad said...

I am glad you are taking the precautions against this disease. My best friend just had her second breast removed and a complete hysterectomy because of cancer.

Sassy Britches said...

I have yet to be subjected to this torture, but I expect it to start happening soon. And with my mother being a survivor, I'm definitely keeping an eye on things! Thanks for reminding everyone else!

Heff said...

- Too aroused to comment properly -

Cora said...

Oh boy. I have yet to wander into that dungeon of torture (no family history of cancer and I'm not 40 yet) but I know the day is coming. And when it does I'll just try to grit my teeth through it and not curse too much (pffft! yeah, right! wish me luck there!) because my mom's best friend beat breast cancer just a mere year or so ago and so I know how important it is to get tested. If you don't know what's lurking inside, you can not possibly fight it.


The Peach Tart said...

Thanks for the reminder and the great cartoon.

Scott Oglesby said...

My thoughts are with your twins. That might not have sounded good, by my heart is in the right place. Haha. I’m still too young, but I think I’m going to have to demand a morphine drip when my time comes for a prostate exam. And I hope I’ll be in America for that bad boy.

Good Luck!

Jimmy Bastard said...

Seriously hen, I hope it went well, and even an oul eejit like me knows how important the exam is.

Chaka said...

One more thing that I'm grateful I don't have to endure, but I'm glad it helps people with early detection.

the walking man said...

You said it all Candy.

Jules said...

Way to protect second base! (And congratulations to your sister on her victory!)
It feels a bit like breastfeeding a whale might, I think. There are times I'm happy to have tiny tata's, and mammogram time is one of them.