Friday, October 2, 2009

I Could Think Of Better Things To Do In My Car



It's certainly no secret that I LOVE make-up. I write about it, I sell it, I touch, feel and work with it every day. It has somehow become my life's work as I understand make-up and it understands me. But something I can't understand is how a woman can put her make-up on while driving/operating her car.


Let's put aside for a moment the fact that the BILLION dollar a year cosmetic industry, most definitely, never intended the user to flippantly apply her make-up in a short period of time, like during the operation of a motor vehicle. Let's talk first about the hazard that is make-up application during the drive. It is the the epitome of stupidity, second only to drunk driving and texting behind the wheel. As a make-up professional, it is my duty to educate my clients in the technique of expert make-up application, something that is, at best, the right of any consumer buying product. There are certain steps involved in the process, some integral to the finished product, some not.


These steps take time and concentration, and cannot, I repeat, cannot be completed in the few minutes at a red light or peripherally done while driving on a patch of straight road. It's just a fact. Plain and simple. Have we become a society that is so harried and hurried with jam packed schedules that we put our own safety and the safety of others on the road in question to save 15 minutes of time? Has it really come down to that? Or are these violators complete friggin morons? I'm betting on the latter.


Yet, I see it all the time. And it completely infuriates me. This coming from a make-up pusher, dealer, and addict, albeit a responsible one. I will admit to pulling out my lip gloss at a red light, opening it up, swiping the applicator across my lips and then returning it to my purse. A process that takes an entire 5 seconds, while my car is still at a complete stop and then some. But to think I could apply eye liner or mascara, something that would require my full focal attention while driving amounts to nothing more than a pompous assumption that "Super Woman" is capable of multi-tasking to the highest degree.


And how many of these drive-by make-upper's have caused major accidents or worse vehicular homicides because of their poor choices or time management skills? I think the answer would surprise us all. Yesterday, President Obama signed an initiative that would make texting behind the wheel illegal simply because it is an activity that requires focal attention. Is make-up application behind the wheel next? I certainly hope so.


As a make-er-upper, I give you permission to "flip off" the next violator you see with blatant disregard for the simple rules of the road. Let her know she's an idiot who's putting us all at risk for the purpose of beauty. Because really, she's ugly and no amount of mascara or eyeliner, applied hurriedly is going to fix that.


I could think of better things to do in my car. Like drive.


21 comments:

Slyde said...

every time i try to apply my foundation in the car, it gets all over my frilly blouse... i hate THAT!

B.E. Earl said...

I've seen Slyde do it. He's a fucking mess!

madtexter said...

Amen, sister!

I remember the first time I saw a girl applying mascara while driving, I did a double take. At first I was amazed, but then I thought, I can't believe she would even step outside the house in the morning without doing that first.

What's crazy is that applying makeup in the car and drunk driving used to be the biggest dangers on the road. Now it's texting and blabbering on the cell phone.

And no offence to those hard working moms out there, but if I see one more of you 4ft 5in little things driving an SUV full of kids, that's as big as the crosstown #60 bus, while blabbering on your cell phone, I'm gonna follow you to where you're going, and give you a good 'what for!'

Hey, maybe I could start a blog with photos of drivers talking on their cell phones!

Here's a link to a post I wrote several months ago. I think you'll agree we have a serious problem on our hands.

http://www.madtexter.com/2009/04/yackity-yack.html

Bill Stankus said...

I absolutely refuse to shampoo and rise while driving.

The Peach Tart said...

This is a big pet peeve of mine too. My daughter does it and we argue about it all the time.

Jim said...

I take great pride in being a skillful car eater. Rib sandwich one-handed, while wearing white pants? Please . . . child's play.

I draw the line at corn-on-the-cob, though. What's up with that? Is it an Asian thing? How do you go 65 on the highway and eat an ear of corn and not make a total mess?

XO

BamaTrav said...

Please tell me you wear a white lab coat. I think I'm in love.

Scandalous Housewife said...

I had one of my 1st of many car wrecks when I was applying lipgloss and driving. Oooopsie!

Heff said...

I'm sorry...did I NEED your permission to flip someone off ? LOL !

Cora said...

If I attempted to put mascara on while driving, I'd end up looking like Alice Cooper!!

I don't get it either, Candy. Either get up on time or skip the damn makeup - sounds like common sense to me.

Knucklehead said...

Like women don't have a hard enough time driving when they're focused only on DRIVING.

Good point, Candy, I agree.

Or isn't that what you meant?

Oh. Sorry.

SkylersDad said...

I saw a women once putting on eyeliner, talking on the phone, and driving with her frickin knee!

The Dental Maven said...

Yup. Make-up application is absolutely stupid while driving, but what really grinds my gears are the a-holes who read the newspaper while driving! By my count the DC area suffers from a greater number of newspaper readers than cosmetic applicators in the automobile.

Pop and Ice said...

Oh God....guilty.....slinking away to meditate on mending my ways.

Scott Oglesby said...

I couldn’t agree more Candy. Those women drive me bat-shit crazy. The only thing I can think of is they have such low self esteem that it’s almost an OCD type thing. Like, “Oh my God, It’s been 5 minutes since the last application!” The worst though, is texting; how in the hell do people think that they can drive, type and look at the screen. Why wouldn’t you just have a conversation by speakerphone, if it’s that important?

Cowguy said...

I can barely fart and chew gum at the same time.

Wait...

Mr. Condescending said...

lol @cowguy!

I always get nervous when I see girls putting on makeup, but usually they are hot, so I end up being just as distracted watching them!

BeckEye said...

I never did it in the car, except for maybe some lip gloss, which I don't need to look in the mirror for.

I put my makeup on frequently on the subway because I'm always running late. People do it all the time, but for some reason, guys always have to stare at me while I'm doing it. It's so annoying.

~E said...

may they all poke their own eyes out with a mascara wand I say!

Wil said...

Ok, so drive and what else?

Wil Harrison.com

mike said...

This is exactly why I get up early enough to apply my makeup at home. And if I'm running late, I do it at work.

by the way, your word verification says, "hooking." True story. I wonder if hookers are the exception that can put on makeup in cars.