Monday, April 27, 2020

Captian's Log


Captain's Log, Star Date: Day 41 Quarantine 2020: 

The troops are getting restless.

41 days into a Nation-wide shutdown and life on this ship is stable but teetering on danger. The crew of five is well fed, well clothed, clean, (depending upon the day) and rested. Provisions are abundant but restlessness is approaching like a meteor heading straight into our galaxy. Morale is stagnant.  The schedule is simple but constant; eat, clean, sleep, repeat. Weather conditions in this quadrant of the star galaxy have been brutal. The result has been increasing anxiety from barometric pressure on the body inducing a lack of vigor and vitality. Must keep the troops productive! This enemy is sneaky and lethal, but we can beat it.

Biggest concerns of the crew:

  • Lavatory paper: In the earlier days of quarantine, before toilet paper was a scant commodity in ship's canteen, fluffy 2-ply was the constant. Due to demand, 1-ply is sometimes all the ship's captain can secure, resulting in reported unwelcome "finger holes" when employing it's desired use. 
  • Mess Hall menus: While this ship boasts a Five Star chef, gratification for all it would seem, a daunting task. Chef's choices for daily menus are welcome and delectable, but there's always that ONE.  Yet4 out of 5 is still a great satisfaction ratio. Commissary Chef Candy offers her observations, "This isn't a restaurant, you know."
  • Refrigerator Duty: "Wasn't me," a constant theme when weekly clean out sessions produce some penicillin worthy mold in the back of the fridge. Crew are questioned regularly and held accountable for uneaten, poorly contained foods that have been left for dead. Fines have been known to be levied. 
  • Cocktail Hour: Which most day's turns into "Cocktails for Hours". The outcome of which can result in poor crew production on the morrow. Inebriated behaviors are tolerated for first time offenders only. 
  • Flatulence: What was once a intensely personal behavior has now become commonplace and public on this ship. Repeat offenders often refer to behavior as such, calling it lighthearted and funny. When confronted with the outlandish actions, certain crew members have resorted to the much more devious act of "crop-dusting". Fines may definitely need to be levied.
  • Privacy and Consideration for your Fellow Crew Mate: While in close quarters, the door closed to the bathroom would signal an occupant. A simple knock on the door would suffice, as opposed to the "busting in without knocking" tactic sometimes employed here. Also, a binge watch session does not give the viewer all day, common room TV rights. Each of the crews living quarters are fashioned with their own personal TV in which to binge watch, so common areas must be considerately utilized for the greater good of all on board. 
With the end of quarantine somewhat in sight, the Captain's job is to keep a tight ship! Steering the course and navigating the daily tasks can be daunting but we must not let boredom and negativity penetrate this spacecraft. It's all speed ahead for a safe landing in the coming weeks, but what that liberation looks like is yet another matter. We look forward to daily life being somewhat similar to the life we had before, although we know this won't be true for a time to come. Going out into the world again daily will be challenging and at times dangerous. But  face those challenges we must! We need to resume some sort of normal behavior soon, yet with guidelines for our safety and the safety of those around us. Safety first!

 And we must remember most of all, that injecting disinfectants is ill advised. No matter what the man with the orange face says.

3 comments:

the walking man said...

Last first--I find it odd that Orangeman is still listened to. Listened to, to the point where poison control calls went up in near every state in the union. He, the tangerine man, has now unleashed his dancing Barr, dance Billy Bear dance. I love being overtly political--HelloOOOooo it is a root of sanity for some.

It's a bummer man that your Starship was built pre-holodeck. Perhaps during the next refrigerator clean out you could look for mushrooms. A little dirt, darkness, and flatulence may result in some WHOOWHOOOOOO..Shakespeare in the common space.

Methinks the one ply problems are common--no mention of the strength of the soap iin said shower decks.

The burning question though Captain Candace is do YOU laugh, smirk, moan, or retaliate when the sophomoric flatulence humor breaks out?

Being in tight quarters with the same faces for extended periods of time is a marriage of sorts, the wife of 31 years and I, are locked in a 900 sq foot box--it is good that we accept each other farts and all.

Do not be dismayed my friend fair weather is on the way!

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