Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Where Is Jimmy Bastard When You Need Him?

*read in a Scotish accent*

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.


the walking man said...

My grandfather was a Stewart and grew up in 1800's Edinburgh. I somehow think if he heard that joke he'd whip his kilt off and eat some candy before he had his mutton.

As the story goes the magistrate gave him a choice, prison for a few years or emigrate to Canada. Aye lassie he went to Canada where they wore zippers and he got a taste for over cooked beef & never ate a lamb again.

Anonymous said...

How do you get 4 fags off the couch? Jerk one off and the other three come.

Jim said...

Since we seem to be telling ethnic jokes today . . .

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”

“Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?”

“Yes, Father it is.”

“And who was the woman you were with?”

“I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Volpe?”

“I'll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Capeli?”

“I'm sorry but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Piriano?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?”

“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over beside him and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads . . . . "

Heff said...

Yes, "Jimmy Bastard" HAS been SHEEPISH for quite a while now !

B.E. Earl said...

Where is Jimmy, indeed?

sybil law said...


Scope said...

Sticking up for "The Scotsman"

the walking man said...

Right on Scope...That sounds like something that would have happened to Charles Bukowski. I also think that was how my grandfather was inducted into the Canadian army to go and fight in WWI. He was teetotaler after that war.