Thursday, March 22, 2012

Three Strikes And You're OUT!




They say the third time's a charm but sitting here today at my computer screen, wincing in pain at the slightest of movements on my left side, remind me that there is nothing charming about Tuesday night's tumble down the front stairs. Yeah, I fell down the stairs, yet again. And it wasn't a small fall. No, this one was a loud ker-thunk, ker-thunk, ker-thunk, kinda tumble that made everyone in my household appear all at once. The fact that it left me gasping for my breath notwithstanding, it took me a good 10 minutes to finally catch my breath and gain my composure enough to laugh at myself.


WTF? Am I a klutz? I wouldn't say that is generally the case. No, I trip here and there, just as much as the next guy. Forever fashion obsessed, I wear the most ridiculously high heeled shoes on a regular basis, yet I never have mishaps or falls. But I can pin point three monumental falls, down entire flights of stairs, in my life time and I was wearing either no shoes or flat shoes each time. Let's see if we can make a case for clumsiness:


THE EXHIBITS:




1. Fall 1 was at my first bachelorette party back in 1992. I was at one of Boston's most notorious night clubs; Zanzibar, with a large group of my girl friends. I know EXACTLY what I was wearing. It was late August and I was wearing a white linen, color block pant suit (quite chic, I might add. It was part of my trousseau) with simple white flats. I may or may not have been completely wasted because of the shots that people were buying for "the bride". At the entrance of the club there was a grand staircase, probably about 3 or 4 regular flights high that we had started to descend for our exit. I don't really remember what the hell happened or how it happened, but I took the entire decent on my ass, from top to bottom. The fact that I had twice the legal limit of alcohol in my bloodstream was more than likely my saving grace. The girls collected me in a pile at the bottom of the stairs and we continued to laugh, whole heatedly, for the remainder of the night. The laughter that ensued may have just been my fondest memory of the evening. I believe I still had bruises on my back on the day of my wedding. (In retrospect it was a sign of things to come, for sure)



2. Fall 2 I shared right here with you on The Daily Dandy. Fall 2 was no laughing matter, in fact Fall 2 included an ambulance ride to the hospital and a serious concussion. Read Part One here and Part Two here . Fall 2 was on a short stack of 4 stairs and I was wearing a pair of Ugg slippers at the time. It was early morning and some deadly black ice had covered my front stairs. That fall was a wake up call for me, to be aware of my footing and my surroundings at all times. It could have happened to anyone in that situation.





3. Fall 3. Tuesday night. I was upstairs with Frick, after dinner, just shooting the breeze. I left her room and went to go downstairs. I was wearing a pair of FAB True Religion bell bottomed jeans, that I wear with a kick ass pair of wedge heels. I had taken the heels off when I got home, so I think I might have tripped over the bell bottoms that were now too long, without my shoes. I did not hit my head at all. This time my ribs or my lungs took the brunt of the fall, and I toppled down directly on my side. I scared the beJesus out my family because I was gasping for air when they came running. After I composed myself, we had a good laugh, but yesterday was a big day at my store and I couldn't afford to be hurt. So I Spanxed myself up, like a brace almost, and plunged ahead all hopped up on Advil. Today I think I'll call the doctor cuz right now I don't feel any better, and maybe I might feel a little worse. I might have pushed it a bit yesterday...but it was worth it.


So you tell me bloggers...klutz or not?

8 comments:

Heff said...

You've fallen more than ME, that's all I've got to say....

Denis Verdecia said...

Ouch! Here is hoping you feel better soon chica!

BamaTrav said...

I keep picturing you in these heels and I can't get past those thoughts long enough to remember what the post was about. Oh well.

Kimberly said...

Klutz. It takes one to know one.

sybil law said...

Those are all pretty reasonable reasons for falls, so I say, NOT a klutz.
Be careful!! Hope you feel better soon!

Furtheron said...

3 - only three! Actually since I stopped the drink one twice and both of those when ill with vertigo or on the meds to stop the vertigo which have the side effect of ... vertigo - go figure!

When I was drinking - lord knows, gutters, staircases, etc.

One of the best was down the side of a tube train - when they say "mind the gap" they mean it. I ran down the stairs, doors just closing, jump to go in miss my footing and straight down the side of it. Luckily I was with my wife, she is screaming like a banshe and huge South African guy (clearly years of rugby) pulls me out - suit ripped to bits, covered in oil and goodness knows what else and blood pouring from several nasty cuts. I waved away help got on the next tube and had another couple of drinks before getting the train home - and that is one of the ones I remember. The 400 yrd fly through the air before wrapping myself around a streetlamp is only a memory due to the state of me when I woke up the next morning.

the walking man said...

I think you need to have your inner ears checked. When was the last time you had a complete physical? I take this shit seriously because after 18 god damn surgeries for other people stupidity affecting me, if you're not having a balance and coordination problem then yeah---klutz. But if you are then it needs be corrected now.

MarkD60 said...

I am afraid of falling down our stairs....