Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Like Sands Through The Hourglass

These are the days of my life...


With my mid-life birthday, FAST approaching, I seem to be aging gracefully, yet begrudgingly. I never thought I would say that, but I think I just did. Begrudgingly, I find a new line on my face or a new sun spot from a terrific Caribbean vacation which is just wrinkle in my time that only serves to gives away my biological age.

Do I feel old?

No, never. I still posses a child-like optimism that I hope I never loose, it being one of my favorite qualities. It is that hope and wonder that gets me through the tougher times, mixed with that sparkle of defiance that makes me who I am. A VERY wise man once told me, "You dance on the knives's edge, Candace. I like that about you." I like you too, and I guess a sexy tango on the edge of a butcher's knife isn't a bad way to go through life. I believe that anything is possible, and you'll never know unless you try. "The determination of a bulldog, she's got," my dad says because I never give up. Why should I? I was taught to reach for the stars because if I don't someone else will.

Yet I somehow find myself more content and happier than I have ever been. Older than dirt, and somewhat at peace with who I have become. Is this the maturity that we all strive for, or am I just too old to give a good rat's ass? My family are just about the only thing that matters to me and I have resigned myself to the fact that at my age, my children have comprised my greatest body of work. My PHD in parenting, so to speak, a Doctorate in child rearing for the world to see. And that's good enough for me, as I'm proud of who they are. I'm not done just yet. There are still a few more years left to teach the lessons I so badly blundered. To be there to pick up the pieces, if the need be. To be the bus driver and point out the sites along the way.

Then, it will be my turn. Right? The question is; will I be too old by then to fulfill my life's expectations?

Who really knows? Wisdom has a funny way of making it's presence known when you least expect it. Can I make my mark on the world after 40 and fulfill my career dreams?

Maybe. Only time will tell.
But so far, it's been a hell of a ride trying.

10 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

Well, an early Happy Birthday to you!

And a hey-ho to an exceptionally healthy way of looking at life and aging. I'm the same way most of the time...but there are days when I just feel old.

sybil law said...

Happy Early Birthday!

Most days, I still feel young. Actually, I guess I always do, except when my back acts up - then I feel 90!
Overall, though - life is what you make it, and contentment is hard to come by, it seems.
I think you can have/ do anything you want, beautiful lady!

Jim said...

What I want to know is how the heck do you know it's your "mid-life birthday?" Someone told you that this is exactly the halfway point? You could be one of those people who's cursed with outliving all of your friends, or something . . . like the 107 yr-old woman in the paper (her birthday is today) who said she's always eaten whatever she wanted, since the age of 45. They even quoted her on her marriage advice to her female relatives, on keeping your relationship with your husband strong . . . "give it up," lol.

A very happy early birthday wish to you, my friend. Even though you look marvelous on the outside, keep in mind that you're even better inside, where it really matters.

XO

Joker_SATX said...

The Joker gives you the early Happy Birthday! You just keep making it do what it do babe!

In the Joker's humble opinion...age has not really touched you yet!

The Dental Maven said...

40 is mid-life?? Holy Crap! I thought it was much later than that!

Happy Birthday, Girl!

SkylersDad said...

you aren't old! and happy early birthday to you.

Scope said...

Age is a number. I am "younger" now than I was 10 years ago.

Just keep doing what you want. And dance even if no one else can hear the music.

BeckEye said...

No worries. 40 is the new...10...or something.

Scott Ogelsby said...

What the hell do you call ‘mid-life,’ 30? Because you look around 27 for realz. I still feel like I’m in my late 20’s. At least until I try to play sports.

Happy Aproaching Birthday Babes, I hope you have an amazing year ahead!!

the walking man said...

40? Really? I was two years shy of enlisting when you were shitting in your nappies. Hell yes you can make mark on the world until there is either no more world or no more you.

Congratulations you have danced the honed edge through the teenage years where you age at twice the rate.