These are the days of my life...
With my mid-life birthday, FAST approaching, I seem to be aging gracefully, yet begrudgingly. I never thought I would say that, but I think I just did. Begrudgingly, I find a new line on my face or a new sun spot from a terrific Caribbean vacation which is just wrinkle in my time that only serves to gives away my biological age.
Do I feel old?
No, never. I still posses a child-like optimism that I hope I never loose, it being one of my favorite qualities. It is that hope and wonder that gets me through the tougher times, mixed with that sparkle of defiance that makes me who I am. A VERY wise man once told me, "You dance on the knives's edge, Candace. I like that about you." I like you too, and I guess a sexy tango on the edge of a butcher's knife isn't a bad way to go through life. I believe that anything is possible, and you'll never know unless you try. "The determination of a bulldog, she's got," my dad says because I never give up. Why should I? I was taught to reach for the stars because if I don't someone else will.
Yet I somehow find myself more content and happier than I have ever been. Older than dirt, and somewhat at peace with who I have become. Is this the maturity that we all strive for, or am I just too old to give a good rat's ass? My family are just about the only thing that matters to me and I have resigned myself to the fact that at my age, my children have comprised my greatest body of work. My PHD in parenting, so to speak, a Doctorate in child rearing for the world to see. And that's good enough for me, as I'm proud of who they are. I'm not done just yet. There are still a few more years left to teach the lessons I so badly blundered. To be there to pick up the pieces, if the need be. To be the bus driver and point out the sites along the way.
Then, it will be my turn. Right? The question is; will I be too old by then to fulfill my life's expectations?
Who really knows? Wisdom has a funny way of making it's presence known when you least expect it. Can I make my mark on the world after 40 and fulfill my career dreams?
Maybe. Only time will tell.
But so far, it's been a hell of a ride trying.