Friday, December 20, 2013
Toilet Paper Tales
So I'm watching those crazy Kardashians, and the episode is all about how Khloe and Kris go out, get drunk, and proceed to toilet paper Kim's house. Right? I know what you are thinking, but his post is not about those crazy bitches. The episode make me laugh so hard because I've got some Toilet Paper Tales of my own to tell.
Back in high school, I was kinda wild. Are you shocked? Me wild?? But it's true, we were a pack of wild kids. We used to stay out late, drink and get this...steal our parent's cars and cruise around after hours without our drivers licences!! How the HELL we got away with it I will never know, but I would KILL Frick or Frack if they even attempted some of the crap we pulled.
Having said that...
We were "the coolies" as my dad dubbed us, and one night "the coolies" decided that we were going to toilet paper the football team's houses. We were probably sophomores, none of us old enough to drive, yet we hatched a plan to stay out all night and create mischief. The first thing was to secure the all nighter..we each lied about a sleepover at so and so's house, then we were free! My BFF's parents owned a gym for gymnastics and they had lots of vans that were unattended at night. We took a cab down to the gym, My BFF had the keys to a van and we took off to pick up the others! There were about 7 or 8 of us and like a team of Navy Seals, we set out on our stealth mission dressed all in black.
We needed lots of toilet paper, and being young and wild, we soon realized that the four pack that we had each stolen from our houses just wasn't going to do the job we needed to do. Steal being the operative word here...
It was then that we decided that every late night fast food joint would outfit us with all the toilet paper we would need. It took about 4 or 5 trips to different Burger King and McDonalds within a 5 -10 mile radius, but each bathroom had an ample supply of overflow toilet tissue which we heartily helped ourselves to. Rotten kids, we were, but we thought it was the greatest thing. When we were supplied to the brim with extra toilet paper, our mission began.
Oh what fun it was to throw the rolls over the trees, creating the effect seen above at each house. Trying to stifle the giggles and voices of 8 sophomore girls in the wee hours of the morning was a feat in itself, but we somehow managed to pull it off. I can still remember the rush of excitement when one or more of the houses were decorated in our special way. And it continued all through the night. One after the other, each home properly vandalized, the team we had assembled joyously worked, creating laughs and memories. It seemed like such good clean fun until....
The next day.
At the football game, it spread like wildfire that we were the ones responsible for the mess at each residence. And would you believe that no one thought it was as funny as we did?
The things a bunch of crazy kid will do for the hell of it.
I'm sure today if we had completed such a mission, all 8 of us would have at least received a visit at our homes from the local authorities with either the threat of criminal action or forced to clean up what we thought to be a hilarious mess. Thank God for the good old days. Beside a few snarky remarks from the guys on the football team about how they themselves had to clean it up, we escaped the consequences of our actions.
Again, it's a good thing I didn't know Frick and Frack back then. And I'm sure I never relayed to them the exact details of the story.
I don't think the world would find it as funny..