"I had sex with both Jesse James and Tiger Woods and I have the racy texts to prove it."
Weston, MA, March 26 2010-Candy of Candy's Daily Dandy reveals proof of her 3 year, steamy, sexual relationships with both Jesse James and Tiger Woods and releases this statement to the press through her attorney.
Why not? Hey, everybody else seems to be doing it. Why shouldn't I jump on the bandwagon and see what I can gain from it? That should at least score me a phone call from Gloria Allred, which should be good because I've always wondered how that woman sleeps at night.
What's wrong with our society today is not the invention of the Internet so much as our dependence on portable electronic devices. They deliver instant access to our social networking world and for some, it's like main lining with your dark side. They are killing us slowly. Our children are occupied by text when we are trying to connect with them. Facebook and IM and ichat are pinging and blooping in the background while the kids are doing their homework and the emotive notification tone of a text message disrupts a productive stream of consciousness.
Have you ever stopped for a moment to listen for your ring tone because you swear you just heard it, only to find it was in your imagination? OR been on your cell phone having a conversation while furiously looking around for your CELL PHONE? Sometimes I'm panicked, searching for my phone only to find that is already in my hand. I'm that dependent on the stupid thing. And it is why people like the aforementioned adulterers were able to continue their lurid behavior on the sly. In the world of electronic sex, naughty, hot exchanges are key to fuel the adultery fire. We'll call it safe sex because no body fluids need be exchanged and it can easily be deleted. The secret is safe. Unless you're a celebrity these days.
I'm not interested in looking at My Guy's cell phone because honestly, I don't want to know. And I shouldn't have to, in a perfect world. But we all know that this isn't a perfect world. There are other ways to pick up on the cheating cues, unless you are married to a psycho-pathic deviant liar. Like I was. Like Elin is and Sandra. How did we not know? They were really good at keeping their deviant, torrid, text sex a secret because it wouldn't be as much fun otherwise. Deviance is like a drug and the sex is the haze of the high. An addict will do whatever it takes to keep the high going and the text message is the needle that delivers the drug instantly. And there's no paper trail. Instant gratification in your front pocket.
And lately, skanky deviants and bimbos are lining up for a handout. Or a photo spread, or some notoriety and a book deal and the skanky deviant celebrity is looking for a fix. But the real villain here is the text message and the cell phone just may be the new sex toy.