Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Cupcake Chronicles

I'm throwing this out there for your consumption, opinion and general take on what I am fast calling, "The Cupcake Chronicles". So my daughter's high school class is having a semi-formal dance this Saturday, and a committee of parents has put together decorations, food lists, chaperone's, etc for said dance. Let me preface this by saying that I NEVER join those committees because the ladies that preside over them regularly are not my "kind", but I will help out now and then how ever I can, as most parent do.

The ladies sent out a list of foods that parents could volunteer bring to drop off at the dance location on this Saturday morning for set-up. Last week I volunteered to buy "60 mini vanilla cupcakes with red frosting". I figured that this would easy for me, as my shop is located very close to our local supermarket, where mini cupcakes are sold by the dozen. Last Friday I got an email from the parent coordinating the food stating that I should probably order the cupcakes ahead of time because as she put it, "the ladies are very specific about the vanilla and red frosting because it goes along with the "Fire and Ice" theme of the evening."

Ok, I'm hip to that. I like things to coordinate also. So I walked over to the market to place the order. The market bakery tells me NO CAN DO on the "custom mini's" because the mini's that they sell come in already made and packaged. They tell me they can do the regular size-no problem-but the mini's are half chocolate and half vanilla and the icing color is pretty much a crap shoot. So I place the order, figuring the large ones are just as good if not better, but I'm wondering if they still need 60. I shoot a quick e-mail to the coordinating parent to find out if the large ones are OK at 60 and the frosting quickly hits the fan.

I get an email back from the other volunteer who is supplying 60 mini cupcakes also stating this,

"I have two little muffin pans that make 12 mini cupcakes each, so I was thinking of just buying yellow cake mix, white frosting and red food coloring and making 2 and a half batches with my two pans."

You've got to be kidding me. Now they want me to BAKE the cupcakes? Now don't get me wrong, I don't really have a problem with the baking thing. I can bake like nobody's business and actually enjoy the entire process, but here's the thing. I FRICKEN WORK EVERYDAY! I do not want to bake 60 mini vanilla cupcakes with red frosting if I don't have to.

Am I wrong here?

So this goes back and forth on email yesterday, and I was so disgusted, that I didn't respond and I just watched what happened as they communicated via email. They go back and forth about where else I can order them and this and that and how they are for the "Fire side" of the food tables, yada, yada, yada, and I realize that these ladies have too much time on their hands.
Big or small, cupcakes are cupcakes. I'll volunteer to spring for all of them if I don't have to bake them.

So after a good night's sleep, this morning I sent this email:

"Hi Ladies,
Sorry for no response yesterday, as I was unable to check email for most of the day. Looks like I'm baking, unless Roche Bros makes them, but I am not in possession of mini cupcake tins nor the opportunity to go and purchase them by Friday, since I work full time. If Annie could lend me hers, I will commit my Friday night to baking the 60 vanilla mini cupcakes with red frosting.


Was that snarky? My bad.

You think my daughter will notice whether her cupcake is mini or not?

You think my daughter really cares?


Scope said...

I have seen teenagers get picky about food, but never about the size of the cupcake they are shoving in their "pie hole" except to say something like, "Since they are mini, can I have 2?"

Bring the regular size and tell them, "These are the mini ones where I come from." And give them the, "I will CUT you" look to stave off protests.

And your daughter will neither notice nor care. If the talk of the dance is the extra large cupcakes someone's mother brought, then it was a damn boring dance.

Jim said...

Right on, sister!!! Working FT people who also choose to volunteer, unite!!!

I'm not huge on baking, myself, but I'm willing to crank out something if they give me enough time. I would have recommended the box red velvet cake mix for a project like this, having used it recently with very good results, but it sounds like the party Nazis wouldn't have allowed any variation on their color scheme.

How about something tactful, yet direct, like --- "Listen, I realize you had to cut your tennis lesson short to hand-make these petit fours of yours, but I skipped out on work and have been sitting on 128 for an hour and a half to bring you these store-bought-yet-delectable full-sized cupcakes, so if they're not good enough for teenagers to inhale without looking at them, then you can shove it . . . bitch."

I'll be leaving work early today (again) to pick up supplies for the school snack bar . . . I've also volunteered to grill at other games. I realize at-home parents can be very busy and stressed, too, but I'm sorry . . . there's nothing like the rat race that FT people go through to try to do school stuff too.

I also vote for Scope's "I will CUT you" as a back-up response for any lingering dirty looks.

"You gettin' a Coke," lol.


The Dental Maven said...

In my neck of the woods we refer to these women as "Happy Moms!" Oh, yeah, they are happy. And I do all I can to avoid them. And lets be honest, the only people who are gonna care whether those damn cupcakes are mini, maxi, red, white, or black and blue are the frickin Happy Moms. Here's a tip, when you bake them, make a special batch for the Happy Moms and put a little ex-lax in them --- loosen up those constipated, overinvolved bitches.

Heff said...

Ugg. More food. For constipation, I recommend PEPPERONI.

Anonymous said...

Uh uh! No WAY, NO HOW! Coordinating is one thing, but we're talking about cupcakes here and a kiddie dance. Those hookers have nothing better to do with their time than bizzy-body the details of a school dance? Is this the PTA or the PLO?

If I were you, I'd BUY the cupcakes, but ask the bakery to put black icing on them. HA!

Picky, my arse. I'd show 'em good!

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

You've got to be kidding me. Now they want me to BAKE the cupcakes?


And don't do it Candy. Don't give in to the REDONKULOUS REQUEST.




Cora said...


Like the kids are even going to care or remember what they ate 20 minutes later anyway. Those chicks have waaaayyyyyyyy too much time on their hands. How annoying.

TROLL Y2K said...

Rule #1: Never Volunteer.

Rule #2: If you do volunteer make sure the regulars aren't officious jobsworth a-holes with way too much on their hands and prone to become petty dictators.

Rule #3: Since Rule Number (2) is impossible, see Rule Number (1).

SkylersDad said...

Bring in a bunch of cupcakes with raw bacon on top in place of frosting, and tell them sweetly "It's the only red thing I could find in the house!"

Miscellany said...

Remember, whatever you do for the children its's the same as pouring water on the ground. You do the work, produce something and it's gone, out of sight, forgotten within seconds.

Pop and Ice said...

Ye gads, those women have way too much time on their hands. I can see the point of mini-cupcakes (easy to eat in one bite, less messy), but you could have easily customized the white frosting with red sugar, red hots or some such thing. That's why I volunteer to drop off water. :)