Wednesday, January 6, 2010

See You In The Funny Pages

Just thought I'd share with you some of the unBELIEVABLE crap that I read about in my morning paper today. Some of this stuff makes life much stranger than fiction, for sure.

  • Mitt Romney's Hair: Our very own former Governor, on a "Fox & Friends" interview to air this morning, talks about a possible 2010 Presidential bid, Sarah Palin AND his hair?? Romney is quoted in today's Boston Herald saying that if people used "enough glue, every body's hair could be perfect." He also talked about the direction of his perfect coif's growth. "It grows down the middle of my face unless I stick it back there." Well, I'm glad we straightened that out. I really feel like I can now make a more informed decision about Mitt's Presidential candidacy. Whew.

  • Mount Vernon New Hampshire killer admits regret: But not the regret one would hope for. Christopher Gribble, one of the four horrid youths who broke into Kimberly Cates Mount Vernon home, killed her in her bed then severely maimed her 11 year old daughter Jamie and left her for dead on Oct 4th told police "he was disappointed he didn't feel any emotion following the killing." He also stated that "his only regret was that he didn't kill the child because she now had to live with this." He also said, "if he realized she was alive he would have killed her." The words "an eye for an eye" keep popping into my head for some reason... but death would be too easy for him.

  • Springfield, MA mother of nine receives public backlash over story: Tessa Savicki, a 35 year old single mom, was highlighted recently in a Boston Herald article about her lawsuit against Baystate Medical Center, two nurses and three doctors, who she claimed performed a tubal ligation without her written consent on Dec 19, 2006, immediately after the delivery of her ninth child. In the suit, Savicki claims that doctors were supposed to insert an IUD device but instead performed a tubal ligation, preventing her from bearing any more children.....and a reality TV show in the process. OH, I'm sorry, did I write that last part out loud?? My bad. Rest assured, Savicki says in the paper she's been unfairly judged. "She had eight of her nine children while in committed relationships."

  • New Bedford Cop suspended for posting photo of dead body on Facebook: Do I really need to go on here?? Crime scene photos are always great to share on any social networking site.

  • Charlie Sheen's wife, Brooke Mueller was reportedly in rehab while 5 months pregnant with twins: RadarOnline.com reported that Brooke was confronted about her alcoholism while pregnant after bottles of booze were found in her car. To make matters worse, one of the twins was born with a heart problem, and Charlie and Brooke fought bitterly over it, Charlie blaming Brooke's drinking for the baby's heart troubles. It's no secret that Sheen spent Christmas night in a Colorado jail after his wife accused him of "holding a knife to her throat." A source claims, "they both have drinking problems and neither one of them should be drinking." Sounds like they are perfect for each other.

  • Rite Aid Pharmacy Game Card Promotion imitates "The Game Of Life": I think this was my favorite article today. Seems Rite Aid Pharmacy is offering to "pay off the mortgages of two lucky customers and is also giving away 10 'Mega-Kitchen Makeovers' as well as six Infinity convertible sports cars" in a promotion centered around Hasbro's classic "The Game of Life". The author goes on to talk about how he had become re-acquainted with Life over the holiday season, as his 7 year-old-son, received the game for Christmas. What he found was horrifying. If you remember, immediately you must choose your track: college or career. And if you choose College, you immediately go into $100k in debt. Lest we not forget the rent, car repairs, taxes, medical expenses and child care. True to life, the person who has the most money at the end of their Life "wins". The author goes on to describe another game he is well acquainted with; "Cash Flow". "The players are immediately issued income statements and balance sheets to fudge when the IRS comes calling," he writes. Somehow I never manage to win at THAT game.

8 comments:

Greg C said...

Great post. First time visitor here. I popped over here from the Maven's blog. I love your humor. I am sure some non-chess players are wondering what is so funny about that comic. I got it right away. So do you have the address of that facebook page? Not that I would view it.

SkylersDad said...

If there is any justice in the world, that New Hampshire killer will get sodomized to death in prison.

Joanie M said...

Great post, Candy!

The New Hampshire killer is probably most sorry he got caught. Talk about a sociopath!

Reality shows of moms with tons of kids is so yesterday anyway.

madtexter (corey james) said...

You're right. You just can't make this stuff up. I always scan the headlines for humor; it so much better than the funny pages.

This world has too many boobs in it already, it certainly keeps one laughing, (if not, stupified).

Scott Oglesby said...

Great comic Candy! My two favorites are Pearls Before Swine and Get Fuzzy, especially now that Bizarro is gone.

Most of those stories are why I no longer delve too deeply into the news anymore. I try to keep a very positive outlook and attitude (I already have enough cynicism and distrust of people to begin with) and it’s simply impossible when you read your daily paper front to back.

Joe D. said...

"charlie sheen!. . .charlie sheen"

That NH killer story was awful.

Andy said...

Wow, I work at the wrong paper...

I love the Game of Life, even though it's one of those "those who die with the most toys, wins" kinds of themes.
When I was a kid playing it, I always opted to get married, possibly because I was worried in real life my dating prospects would be nil. I was 80 pounds with giant glasses at the time. It wasn't far-fetched.

the walking man said...

Seems like the North East is as remarkable dense as the Upper Midwest