Thursday, November 5, 2009

Sex And The Sandwich

Kate, Kate, Kate.....today scribes all over the country are lauding you as an oracle, a savant, a sage, for your recent comments about men in a magazine interview.
Despite all your impending wisdom I still have to ask, "ARod?" (I can't chastise him today-as he just captured his first "brass ring". Congrats, ass)

"I love boys," Hudson says in the new British Elle. "But I believe they're really simple."
Kate believes that all boys want are sex and a sandwich. Then she offers this gem, "I sometimes feel like when you're talking to boys, they just hear certain keywords," Hudson continued. "But if you had a bubble above their head, they'd be thinking about game scores, masturbation and food." And there it is...the girl's a fricken genius.

Sex and a sandwich. How could we not have seen it before? Is it not true that after a good meal, a great game on TV and a roll in the hay, life couldn't get any better for Joe? Would Jim be trolling the strip clubs on Saturday night if Sandy had a turkey in the oven wearing nothing but a sexy apron over garters and 5 inch stilettos at home??? Is keeping things hot in the bedroom and hot on the stove really the key to keeping your man? Could it really be that simple? One would wonder, although the logic here is compelling to say the least.

And if men are that simple, what about keeping your woman? What would be in the bubble above our heads, boys? The fact of the matter is that you would have no idea because this week's spread on the Giants game and the pastrami on marble rye in your lunch bag keeps you from venturing an educated guess; so says Kate the Oracle.

Is she right? While I love the precision and skill with witch Ms. Hudson lays it all out there, letting the world know, quite casually that she has men all figured out, I have to refer to her recent track record when it comes to men.

I mean really, ARod????

21 comments:

Scope said...

Well, Kate, if that's all you really offer in the form of stimulation, I guess guys get what you give.

And I'm with you Candy, look who she's been dating.

wigsf said...

I think Kate's opinion on men has to be prefaced with her choices for men.
Currently, there's A-Rod. (Sure, somebody from Mass. is gonna hate him.) He's an athlete who makes money, not friends. He likes hitting home runs, eating steak and watching peelers. He's been a superstar since he was 19 years old. He's not the average guy.
Before him, there was Chris Robinson. He's done a lotta drugs over the years. The blank stare was Chris is probably due to his heaping load of dead brain cells floating inside his skull.
As for Kate's effect on her men, sure, she turned A-Rod into a playoff calibre player instead of an October bust. But Chris Robinson's music was never worse then when he was married to Kate Hudson, so... Kate, I don't care how cool you were in Almost Famous, you suck now. You are the opposite of Penny Lane. You are the unmuse!

Bill Stankus said...

Turkey on wheat, please, and hold the onions. Oh, and a very cold bottle of beer and some chips. That'll do for the moment.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Give her a break. She's doing well to pull in something like A-Rod. Perhaps she strokes his ego as much as he does. Most women as ugly as her have to lower their standards WAY more.

BeckEye said...

Give Kate a break. She's entitled to a himbo after being married to Chris Robinson.

Andy said...

It reminds me of the Seinfeld when George tried to eat a Pastrami on Rye while having sex.

Girls think of what other girls think of them. Period.

Jim said...

Wait a minute, who's Sandy? And I haven't been in a strip club in years.

Not that there's anything WRONG with them . . .

By the way, caption for this photo:

"It was a scratch, it wasn't a pick!!!!"

XO

SkylersDad said...

I will let everyone else bust Kate's ass, you all can do it much better.

But this reminds me of Jerri Hall on Johnny Carson several years ago. Johnny asked her how she was the one Mick choose to marry after all of his dating. Jerri said "Well Johnny, my mom always told me that to keep a man you had to cook for him, clean for him, and keep him happy in bed. I just figured I would hire the other two out."

Dr Zibbs said...

I really think the main reason that men cheat is because they're not gettting enough at home.

Meghan said...

If sammies and sex were all men needed, then I'd be married ten times over.

I mean A-rod? Really?

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

lol...I think Kate has it pretty much right on...of course that doesn't really mean ALL men...my husband for one, is way more complicated...which is why he will soon be my ex-husband...

I have to say, sex and a sandwich sounds pretty good to me right now though...but that's another post.

B.E. Earl said...

I could really go for a sandwich right now. What were you saying?

Scott Oglesby said...

If I were to try to be as casually arrogant about what women want, I would say this……They want a best friend who will always at least listen, even when you are both pissed. They want you to at least TRY to understand. They want a partner. They want appreciation for the daily grind. They want a slow dance even if you are home alone on a Saturday night. They want a great glass (or 5) of red. They want an occasional backrub (but so do I.) They want you to laugh at their jokes and be funny and easygoing. They want you to be able to cook a killer omelet on a Saturday morning and a killer shrimp Alfredo on Sunday night. They want help with 19 down in the crossword puzzle. And once or four times a week they want you to drive them out of their minds in bed. –Did I come close?

Candy's daily Dandy said...

WOW Scott!!! I'm impressed.

Sign me up dude!! Your wife is one lucky lady....

Knucklehead said...

Kate's got it right, for sure. But there are various combinations:

Doggy-Turkey Sub-Yankee Game

Missionary-Egg Salad-UFC

Reverse Cowgirl-Tuna on Rye-Super Bowl

The possibilities are endless.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Girls want a man who will refuel their car, tell them that their arse does not look big in 'that' dress, and a long cuddle after sex.

Men want sex, sex, sex, sex with their wifes sister, then a sandwich and beer while watching the game scores.

As for Kate Hudson, I didn't even know she could talk and chew gum at the same time, but as long as her arse looks as though it's taking in washing when she walks, who cares?

~E said...

AMEN!

And honestly, A-Rod???

I hated that guy even before he left the Mariners.

the walking man said...

I make my own sandwiches, don't watch or give a rat's ass about sports and masturbation, as it should be, is between me and my hand.

I know what my old lady wants and she gets it. I also know what she thinks and she "gets it."

I am so tired of the inexperienced young poofs who have been given a bit of fame trying to be made out as wise and learned. I can't honestly think of a one of them I would want my kids to admire for their "wisdom extrapolated."

Geeze Britney tell me again how to parent a child?

The Dental Maven said...

Seems to me most men would do anything to keep from listening to Kate run her yap...that would include having sex with her. Dumb ass.

Cora said...

Oh poor little Katie. She generalizes men negatively and then gets exactly what she expects them to give. Funny how that happens, huh?

Maybe she should stop seeing all men as sleazebags and maybe then men will stop seeing her as something to use and then throw away.

Furtheron said...

Depends on the filling doesn't it...

Am I talking about the sandwich or the sex here... I'm confused all over again!