Monday, November 2, 2009

It's Over Between Us


I'm done with you.

WE are no longer a WE as in, you and me.

I've decided that I'm better than you and that I know better. I left you some seventeen years ago when I was young and had plenty to live for. But when the horrid events of the "Big D" happened 4 years ago, I sought you out for comfort. And you didn't disappoint. No, you were there to give me the satisfaction and comfort I needed. The proper crutch that numbed out the pain. And we rekindled our old love affair again. Just you and me.

I guess I need to thank you for that because you kept me from doing "stupider" things. I guess even then I knew better, but when it came to you, I was weak. You offered me a casual danger that fed my edgy side and fueled my addiction. And you got me through the worst times providing the perfect shoulder to cry on no matter how hard I cried. Slowly you gave me my strength back, because I knew I could count on you to always be there for me. I could control you.

But what I realized is that I couldn't control me when I was around you. And as life got better, I shouldn't have needed you any more. But still, I kept you close. I never wanted to let you go because I was afraid I wouldn't be OK without you in my life. And that you controlled me more than I wanted to admit. You smell, you look bad, you're dirty and I hate that I love you so much. But I love me more, and you've overstayed your welcome for far too long.

I chose November 1st and I stuck to it; just 24 hours free of you.

Will I make it? I pray to God I do. But somehow, I think the worst is over. I think that if I can make it through your little reminders in my head throughout the day, clean, that I will succeed and I will survive. You're just a bad habit and habits are made to be broken.

And soon you will just be a distant memory of a love we once shared.

21 comments:

Jim said...

You gave up cigars, too?

XO

Bill Stankus said...

Good for you.

Mr. Condescending said...

Oh how I hate cigarettes. Good on you to quit.

Dawn@Embracing the Ordinary Life said...

I gave up smoking December 1st 2003. Oh there have been sooo many days I have missed it...but I get stronger every day.

The best to you...be kind to yourself. You will be irritabele, and frustrated...but you can do it.

Scott Oglesby said...

Good for you, congratulations!!!!!!!!!

If you have any trouble or temptations whatsoever run out to a bookstore and pick up, ‘The Easyway to Stop Smoking’ by Allan Carr. It totally worked like magic on me. I quit cold turkey, without so much as a craving for an entire year. I started smoking again (because I’m a moron) because it’s party season until Dec, and I can’t drink without smoking. I’ll quit again very easily, with the help of that book. Really, I’m so happy for you!!

Jay said...

Congrats! I never smoked so I'm lucky. I'm pretty sure that if I had ever started I would not be able to quit. I have a kind of addictive personality. Unfortunately I did discover beer, tequila and Doritos. ;-)

SkylersDad said...

Good for you! I lost both of my parents to smoking, it just is evil.

Furtheron said...

good stuff - I wish you the best of success.

Some friends of mine who've been locked in for years have managed to give up recently - take strength from that

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Good choice. I'm just at a year and a half without smoking.
It can be done. I wish you the best of luck.

The Dental Maven said...

Candy, I'm SO GLAD FOR YOU!!!! Keep it up, Girl. Just one minute at a time...

Meghan said...

Good on you for quitting, remember the first 3 days are the hardest and it's all good from there :)

Cora said...

AWESOME, Candy!! You can do it!!

mike said...

You can definately do it. Also, please post pictures of your Halloween costume. I can hardly wait!

Scope said...

This is a good message to send to Frick & Frack.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Good for you doll. Smoking is as unsexy an image as you can get.

Joanie M said...

Good for you, Candy! I'm proud of you!

I quit Dec. 31, 1991 and I never looked back.

Knucklehead said...

You can do it. Good for you, for making the commitment.

the walking man said...

cool. just please do not become a rabid convert.

Elenka said...

Good God, I'm so numb. Here I thought it was an old boyfriend or something. Good thing folks left comments to explain what obviously everone in the entire world knew, but me!
Sheesh
So, now, I agree with Bill....Good for you.

Slyde said...

you gave up Old Ladys?

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

WOO HOOO!!!

It's been 10 years since my last smoke and i still miss it.


but SCREW THEM AND THEIR GODDAMN 7 BUCKS A PACK!!! FRICKIN LIKE 60 DOLLARS A CARTON!!!!

better to spend that money on a lipstick, manicure, pedicure, movie, and so forth!

you go girl!!!