I was raised to never use the word "ugly" when referring to someones looks. I always believed that if I called someone ugly, even in casual conversation, it come back to haunt me like a contagious disease. I'm not saying I've never used the word, because I have, but usually as an adjective to describe someones actions or a situation gone out of control. As a description of someones physical appearance, I would describe them as simply "unattractive" as a matter of reference. Truth is, I really don't see people as "ugly", as the word itself denotes negativity in actions more than physical appearance. The most beautiful people in the world can still be "ugly", as one's actions speak much louder than the perfect shade of lipstick and a genetically gifted hair-do.
I'm ashamed to admit it (but if I can't confess to you people, who can I confess to) but I used "ugly" this weekend as an adjective to describe how someone looks, which immediately renders me the UGLY one. I can't even explain this one away, citing provocation or a nasty encounter, and now I am doomed. There was no scene. Nothing happened to embarrass or hurt anyone, I just stepped up on the "petty stoop" and stood up there for a while to see how it felt.
My daughter had a show on Friday night and the EX-Ass showed up with his new wife and mother-in-law in tow. I was selling refreshments and tickets, (the mothers of the performers all volunteer), and was one of the first people in the line of sight when walking in. My son was with me, selling refreshments, myself and another mother had ticket sales. At the time, I was helping Frack make change for a $20 when I heard the EX complaining about how I was supposed to reserve tickets for him and how "it figures" that I had not done so. The other mother asked me if I had reserved his tickets somewhere else because there was no envelope bearing his name, when I calmly explained that there was no need to reserve tickets for anyone as there were plenty of tickets availiable for purchase. It was then that I smugly smiled and looked up and saw her.
I had only seen his new wife once or twice, at a golf tournament when she was wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses and in the car a few times when they have picked up my son. This was the first time I got a good look at her. God help me, you know what I was thinking. Now if we are going to talk about physical appearance, I need to be fair here and set the stage proplerly.
She's a cute package, from a distance (and as I said that's about the closest I ever got to her) She has a pretty blonde, Jenny McCarthy hair style, is in great physical shape and is seven years younger than I. But like most smoke an mirror shows, the smoke had cleared and I was able to get a good look for the first time, face to face.
Let's just say that the tanning booth she has been abusing, is doing the unsightly long blonde facial hair that covered her entire face not a bit of justice. Nor is the leathery appearance of her sun-burned skin that served to highlight her botched veneers (Mave, they looked sort of "black-ish" at the gum-line. why is that?) The look of intimidation on her face told me that my picture has been successfully painted as the Wicked Witch of the West by my EX-Ass, which was confirmed by her mother not ever making eye contact with me. They went into the theatre and I was left with that nasty adjective that I speak of today, running through my head. I am doomed to hell for even thinking it, let alone saying it, but I couldn't help but feel a certain sense of victory.
For a short time the "petty stoop" felt good, but today I feel like I am the only one who can be described as ugly.
24 comments:
That almost sounds like Catholic guilt ... just ignore it. We are subjective creatures and total fairness is mostly impossible. Polite is nice but wicked is more fun.
It's good to let it out once in a while. Nothing Compares 2 U! (Sinead O'Connor, WTF!) Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck!
Wil Harrison.com
Ah, no harm...no foul.
Play on. :)
I hate women than abuse the tanning salon. That is ugly and I'll tell you why. That ugly is a choice. If a person is born with a huge nose and uneven eyes, that's nature. But to tan aggressively, that's a choice. A choice to look like my mother's oldest leather purse.
"...I really don't see people as "ugly", as the word itself denotes negativity in actions more than physical appearance. The most beautiful people in the world can still be "ugly", as one's actions speak much louder than..."
EXACTLY. FREAKIN'. RIGHT. I couldn't agree more. "Ugly" has no place in describing anyone physically.
: )
I agree, using the word *ugly* just isn't right when describing someone's appearance. I will do my level best to find some other word or will play up some individual part rather than trash the whole.
I admit that was one of the first thoughts when I saw my ex's new wife for the first time, except that I didn't think she was ugly, but her mother was a fright! I thought, does he not see what she will look like in few skant years?!!! There was enough resemblance for me to make this projection. However, it turned out that her attitude toward my children was the really ugly side and I'm glad to report she's about to become an ex as well.
Hope third time is the charm for him.
Okay, Girl. I'll tell you what the blackish line is above her veneers if you agree to get over the "ugly" guilt trip. K?
She likely had either very dark teeth to begin with from say, tetracycline use as a child or she had root canals which turned her teeth dark. It's probably the latter, which can be hard to mask for both the lab and the dentist. But I have to tell you, as a dentist, when I see that? The word that pops in my head? Ugly----the veneers that is...
Candy, don't you dare beat yourself up over that. Sounds like she looked mighty, well, UGLY to me too. That's not your fault if you saw it the way it is.
Not that I'm calling her "it", but you know what I mean.
And I sometimes get that "victory" feeling too around my ex and his new wife. It sounds snotty to say it, I know, but I'm hotter than she is no matter which way you slice it. And sometimes every now and then I notice that and I think to myself "YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! I WIN!!!!!!!!!" But, oddly, I don't feel that directeed at HER, I feel it directed at HIM. HE's the loser, not her. He left me for her thinking she was prettier. The 12 years that have passed since then have been much more kind to me than to her - he bet on the wrong horse. I kinda like knowing that. There's a justice in that, definitely.
*now I'm going to go feel guilty for saying I'm hotter*
I agree with you, Candy, in that "ugly" is more of a personality trait than a physical description (unless we're talking about those square car/SUV things, because they are REALLY ugly). You surely can be forgiven your slip up under the circumstances.
And by the way, calling someone an "Ex-Ass" is kind of a compliment. Means he's not an ass anymore, which doesn't seem like it's what you meant.
Just sayin'.
Nice post beautiful.
There are far more offensive words you could have called her than Ugly - don't sweat it. She would like you to feel bad about it, so don't.
I have a problem with everyone throwing around the word retarded, kind of like how you feel about the word ugly.
Ah, no big deal. "Ugly" is a subjective word. It's not like you're making a statement of fact. You're allowed to have your opinion. People get too hung up on words. If you didn't think anything was ugly, how would you know what was beautiful?
Is that a photo of Gumby's illegitimate son ?
Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but ugly is as ugly does. Sometimes, you just have to call it as you see it, be it about physicality or inner ugly.
Ex-Ass sounds like a real winner (smell that? that's sarcasm!)
You should have complimented Ex-Ass' new wife on her tan by saying to him, "That's a wonderful tan. Wherever did she BUY it?"
Or something more reserved like, "Your wife has a great tan! I bet it would go great with a lip waxing."
Okay, somebody stop me before I break out the big guns!
Ha!
-M
Shrug off the guilt, it has way too many religious demons lurking within it.
What you actually experienced is the human desire to gloat when we feel vindicated over something important to us.
Send her some pamphlets on facial hair removal, and smile widely whenever you see her next.
Your work is done!
Oh, I almost forgot to ask. Ex-Ass' new wife's name wouldn't happen to be 'Betty' would it?
That would be too precious considering the topic at hand.
-M
Sounds like your knowledge of her ugly insides has translated to your opinion of her outsides.
Would you have still consciously thought she was ugly if she was a random lady on the street?
Just a thought.
please. you aren't ugly for calling her ugly--i'd have said the same thing.
when i saw my ex's new girlfriend, all i did was look at him and say, "well I would have understood the cheating if she was an upgrade...but i don't get it at all now."
If you cannot be catty toward your Ex's new wife, than who can you be catty toward?
And you decribed her as a "Seurat" (pointillism). Looks good from a distance, but when you get up close, the effect is lost.
Are you a saint or what? :)
I just don't think that's worth the self-battering. Seems to me it was a gut reaction, and those are usually the most accurate ones you can have - where you can't even lie to yourself. Besides, didn't it feel really awesome to "call" her ugly for a few minutes? :)
Forgive yourself, you've confessed to all of us and you are sorry. Let it go and move on. We are all human we all make mistakes.
Sweetie, you are truly a beautiful person inside and out. I have to assume the ugly thoughts you had were probably also mixed up in your feelings about awful Ex and her.
Let it go, you didn't do anything wrong.
LOL. Those are the moments that we cherish. The times when we look at our C and life.
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