Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Wiggle It, Just A Little Bit

And the winner is.......Miami's Fontaineblue Hotel and Happy Mommy! 

And it did not disappoint! We arrived Friday afternoon to pouring rain and lots of excitement. Of course a little rain never never held back this group, and we quickly had lunch, unpacked and went down to the lobby to explore our new surroundings. In hindsight, I should have realized that a lobby that has a huge bar, complete with a light up disco floor in the larger portion of the lobby was there for a distinct reason, but in my "just arrived" excitement I hardly noticed.We had a few drinks then went off to the first destination, Mr. Chow in the W Hotel. 

Is everything in Miami a "scene"? I'm not complaining, because I seemed right at home in the nightclub atmosphere of the Asian Fusion  famous chain restaurant. The food was outstanding, the wait staff amazing and the atmosphere was fun and young, but a bit loud for an intimate dinner if that's what you are looking for. But that's not what this group was looking for. This group was ready for a little party. I said little right? 

All of that was fine and well, but the real heartbeat of Miami and our trip was yet to come. We had no idea what we were about to encounter. Now, I had been to Miami before, but I brought the children last time and we enjoyed the famous South Beach in a different way. This time it was from an entirely new perspective. The Fontaineblue has a unique vibe and by unique I mean after dark it turns into something completely UNBELIEVABLE. (Heff and Bama, save your pennies, cuz this place is your kind of vacation!)

After Mr. Chow, we arrived at the front of the Fontaineblue among what looked like lots and lots of young people. Did I mention lots? and we sort of looked at each other like, "What's going on here?" 
WHAT WAS GOING ON? Hundreds, and I'm not kidding you when I say hundreds, of scantily clad young women and men had descended upon the lobby of our hotel. Scantily clad being the operative words here. One young lady was more "naked" than the next and it was then that we decided that this "show" was so much better than anything we would have paid admission for. 

For the next two to three hours, we sat at the lobby bar and had what was the best part of the trip: the people watch. The Fontaineblue has a famous four story night club called LIV and no we didn't go into it, but believe me when I tell you, we didn't need to. The line to get into LIV starts forming early in the evening and never stops. The club opens at 11:30 and closes at 5:30 am, but the real show is what takes place outside the club in the expansive lobby. 

Jiggle and wiggle were jiggling and wiggling all over the place and I'm sure jiggle did not know what wiggle was up to. Boobs, butt and legs were on display in every size, shape, color and creed and even the fat ones looked gorgeous. I swear. It was hilarious and us newbies did not know where to look next. The entertainment was endless. The best part were the dresses..or lack of and the high heels. Judging by the height of the high heels and the length of the dresses, (strategically just above the coochie area, was the average) you would have SWORE there was a stripper convention going on at that hotel, and not the medical convention that was taking place in another part of the hotel. 

That scene was only topped by the scene at the hotel pool the next day. Really, that scene was much better if  I ever believed that could happen. I never have seen more bikini's, boobs and big heels at a beach destination. Skin was a pre-requisite and if you weren't showing lots skin, you were the one who was looking uncomfortable. God bless them, they were out in full force at the pool too. What a scene. 

We saw much more on our ventures up to Ocean Drive. That's where the late great Gianni Versace was brutally murdered on his front steps in 1997. His palatial private residence is now a private club complete with a restaurant, but you can't walk by there without stopping to ponder the sad shame of his untimely murder.  On our trek further down we caught a full on Drag Queen show that was amazing! We didn't even need to go into the bar that was hosting it, this one was right on the street for all to enjoy! Some of the most beautiful transgendered men/women I ever had the pleasure of judging with my applause. It was at The Clevlander, a few crazy blocks down, that we saw first hand the art of naked body painting and pole dancing right on the street!!! In full on view of everyone. The point here is, if you can't beat em', join em', so we sat and had a few jovial cocktails and enjoyed yet another show. 

All in all, the endless skin show was a blast, and the trip a huge success, but the greatest thing of all was the great time spent with great friends. Like the name of the famous night club in the Fontainebleu, it makes you want to LIV your life to the fullest. Miami beach is one of those places that really enjoys life. 

And a life like that is certainly worth living every once in a while.


MarkD60 said...

"Boobs, butt and legs were on display in every size, shape, color and creed and even the fat ones looked gorgeous." and you posted no pictures??!!??

Heff said...

I'll start saving my pennies just as soon as my blood rushes back upstairs to my BRAIN.

Anonymous said...

I DID happen to notice your lovely globes. Those, I need to explore and I swear, they are NOT flat. xoxoxoxo.

Scope said...

Sorry about your phone.

It's gotta be broken.

If there's no pictures of this show.

the walking man said...

What good is a bikini if you never get to wear it?