Monday, November 10, 2008

Gentelmen (and ladies), start your engines!!!

*Please be advised, the content presented here is adult in nature and may contain the use of profanity and sexually explicit content. Content of this nature is expressed here today only for the purposes of the electoral process and not usually contained within writings posted on this site daily. Kinda.

I received 26 equally hilarious posts and comments for nomination to the Hall of Fame. That being said, my job, to whittle them down to only 10, was NOT easy. Then, you factor in that what may strike some as comical may not be as funny to another, and you begin to see my conundrum. It is also the beauty of this democratic process.

So, taking into consideration the fact that there is so much good stuff here, I decided to post the top 15 for consideration on the ballot (can you blame me?) and the other 10 for the category of Honorable Mention.

The guide lines for the election are as follows:
  • The nominations are numbered so that you can correspond your vote with your favorite numbered comment nominee on the ballot.

  • The blogger who nominated the other is named first, then the URL linking you to the post with the nominee's comment and then the actual comment nominated. *a word of caution: I got so lost in all the other hilarious comments on the posts that I had to keep going back and checking to see who was nominated. Better to stay the course, for the integrity of your vote-then go back and re-read later.

  • Voting ends at 3am EST tonight. You may vote for as many nominees as you like-and let's employ the honor system here-but you may only vote for a nominee ONCE.

  • The voting is open to ALL bloggers. You need not have nominated someone in order to cast a vote.

  • The winner will be revealed Tuesday morning.

Without further adieu, I present to you the NOMINEES: (in no specific order)

#1. Falwless nominated Mike for:

mike said...
I don't even think that's a real unicorn.
#2. MeLO nominated The iNDefatigable mjenks for:

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...
Wow. I was afraid we were gonna go all Sharks and Jets there for a second.
#3. Dr Zibbs nominated Words, Words, Words for:

words words words said...
I say he's getting you accustomed to this form of communication so that he can fulfill his legal requirement to notify you that he's a sex offender without actually talking to you face to face.Even if that's NOT it, this is the best thing that could ever happen to your blog. I'm jealous
#4. Dr. Zibbs nominated Whiskeymarie for:

Whiskeymarie said...
I actually once dated a guy who basically just left me a note. He ended up being the boyfriend who didn't ever really have a job who played Nintendo all day naked, but it really did have a sweet beginning. Our first date was (and I don't say gross stuff like this often)...magical. Who cares if it's the garbageman? That means he has a steady job and will bring you all sorts of cool stuff that he found on his route, like broken chairs and unwanted babies.
#5. Candy nominated Vodka Mom for:

Vodka Mom said...
sweet baby jesus. Finger condoms? I'd type more, but it's hard to type with one hand, while the other is protecting my a**.
#6 Gwen nominated Eric (who I am assuming is this funny dude) for:

Eric said...
I'm waiting to see one of these headlines from the Post Dispatch...
Joe "Six Pack" Biden Caught Trolling for Walleye
Completely Hairless Woman Terrifies Small Children With Lack Of Eyelashes
Metropolitan St. Louis Sewer District Tells Soulard Woman – We've Taken About Enough Of Your S**t
Local Office Worker "Works From Home" on Fridays. Rest of Office Sees 15% Productivity Increase.
Angie Devastated As Brad Elopes With Her ARCH Nemesis
#7. Falwess nominated Beckeye for:
BeckEye said...
You know that elevator that you're on has an H for "Hell," don't you?
#8 Falwess nominated Dr. Zibbs for:

Dr Zibbs said...
Falwless, you've got a good blog, but when it comes to Science, you don't know shit. Let me field this question. You see, when you got a proton and you want to split it..wait..there's an atom split but it's very small so when...uh..I gotta go.
* funny post Fal-equally funny comment Zibbsy; but be sure to read mjenks comment also. it was TRUE genius.
#9. Candy nominated Slyde for:

Slyde said...the dog is just being framed by the white man...
#10. Candy nominated Poobomber for:

Poobomber said...
You forgot to mention Bob likes spanking and hardcore a**play and a*al, while Mavis likes double penetration and dirty sex with strangers.
They're the perfect couple. They thank Jesus every time when Bob can pick up a hitchhiker leaving Mt. Rushmore, bring him home, tie him up, and he and Mavis can get their freak on....

*click above to read the rest. Great Stuff. BTW-you both should write a book about the life of Bob and Mavis. Good times.
#11. Gwen nominated Pistols at Dawn for:
pistols at dawn said...
Finally, someone using children for their intended purpose: prop comedy.
#12. Gwen nominated McGone for:
McGone said...
Is it gross to make out with an elf?Not at all, but if you are expecting them to call you the next day, you'll be very disappointed.I'm sorry, I have to go. I have something in my eye.
#13. Fancy Schmancy nominated Dr. Zibbs for:
Dr Zibbs said...
That lady is a jerk! But how funny would it have been if when you asked the kids where his mom was he was really a midge like on the Warner Brothers cartoons, "Listen seee, I'm a full grown man. Whadya talkin' about lady?"
*read further the back and forth with Fancy and Zibbs. Great stuff.
#14. The Imaginary Reviewer nominated Beckeye for:

BeckEye said...
I went to high school with this girl who was a crazy born again Christian, and she told me that horoscopes were the "gateway" to devil worship. Well sir, talk about being able to predict the future! One night, after she told me that for the umpteenth time, I ripped her tongue out, cut her throat and offered up her blood to the Dark One. She's my zombie slave now and, gosh, we still laugh about the irony of that whole thing.

#15. Gwen nominated The Lady Who Dosen't Lunch, Falwess, Suze, and Whiskeymarie for:
Falwless said...
*moves tent to back porch*
The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...
I'm very sorry. I pooped in your bushes while I was waiting.
Suze said...
Camping on your front porch - ha? I broke into your house, drank your alcohol, slept in your bed and ate the last of your Rice Krispies. do live in New Jersey right? gulp...right?
Whiskeymarie said...
I was camping on what I THOUGHT was your porch...Your neighbors have no sense of humor whatsoever. You'd think they would have been HAPPY to come home to a passed out drunk chick in her underwear. Hmmm...maybe it was the vomit in the mailbox that they were mad about. Who can really say?

So there you have your Top 15 nominees for consideration. As I said, this was not easy so if you didn't see your favorite above, you can cast a vote for them in the Honorable Mention category.

Honorable Mention Nominees are as follows: (in no specific order)

#1. Dr Zibbs nominated Some Guy for:
Some Guy said...
I actually prefer StatCounter for my statistical needs (I have used Google Analytics, too). It seems like it's much more detailed. For example, it tells me what people are wearing when they read my blog. Seriously, some of you people are pretty depraved.
#2. Gwen nominated Gwen and Whiskeymarie for:

Gwen said...
Whiskeymarie is a man.Oh shit, that's not MY secret to tell. Oops
Whiskeymarie said...
I had something funny to say, but I was laughing so hard at what Gwen said that I forgot what it was. Oh yeah- Gwen has a "thing" for midgets, and she has webbed feet.
Gwen said...
Whiskeymarie speaks the truth; I'm a very good swimmer.
#3. Falwess nominated Dr. Zibbs for:

Dr Zibbs said...
Mavis: Bob! We're on the Internet!
Bob: Did we win something?
Mavis: I don't looks like...we're getting made fun of.
Bob: Get my gun.
#4 Candy nominated The iNDefatigable mjenks for:
*don't read the whole thing-well, you can if you want to- but scroll down to the picture of Mel Gibson and read just that.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...
That chick to the left looks Jewish. You think Mel's uncomfortable?
#5. Gwen nominated Falwess for:
But Falwess graciously denominated herself. I just love this post! It is hilarious and Gwen's comment is a classic to which the Lady who dosen't lunch's reply is great too! A vote here is for all three of them!

Falwless said...
I cannot stop laughing. F**K. This is way funnier than anything I have ever posted on my blog ever. In the history of ever. I may just have to rename my blog after seeing this post. Or add the addendum (except for Gifts from a Broad). S**t.I'm gonna go read it again and laugh like I've never read it before. It's always better the second time around because then you know when the good parts are coming up.God I need a life.
Gwen said:
A gaggle of Car Sh***ing F**k Knuckles destroyed the interior of my convertible once. I've had the it hand-detailed twice and that s**t won't come off in some places. The same night someone stole the instruction manual for my car out of the glove box. I didn't lock it because, really, who steals a f**king instruction manual?!? A dipsh*t who can't likely read, that's who.Oh Lady, you've got me riled up now. Look out.
The Lady Who Doesn’t Lunch said:
Gwen - It's the Elmer's glue in their diet that keeps the s**t sticking for decades. Little bastards. Calm down Gwennie - get a drink.
#6. Gwen nominated The Imaginary Reviewer for:
The Imaginary Reviewer said...
Wow, he's playing a hand? That's impressive. Soon he'll work his way up to being a groin, then a torso, and eventually he'll be a whole boy!
#7. Gwen nominated Anonymous for:
Anonymous said...
Gwen and Brian: The first meeting.
Gwen: It's so nice to finally meet you!
Brian: (Scribble, scribble, scribble)
Gwen: You say "You have watched me from afar and have been too shy to come forward." How cute!

*click above to read the entire comment.

#8. Mr. nominated Big Ben for:

· Big Ben said:
There is no doubt I would have punched him in the face.
· Big Ben said:
on second thought I don’t want to fight someone with an erection
#9. Fancy Schmancy nominated Kate for:

kate said...
Ha! That is a great story!! And I'm sooo glad I'm not the only one. Last year, when my daughter was in first grade, I went to pick her up from school. Another (very proper) mother and I were discussing a play date and pick up times. I MEANT to ask "What time to you eat dinner?" Instead I asked "What time do you start drinking?" Yes, I'm afraid I did.
#10. Dr. Zibbs nominated McGone for:

McGone said...
It would really be a cherry on top if the owner said "OK, now that you have the costume on, let's practice the dance moves."

Told you this would take some time. My work here is done. Happy Voting!!


LYDIA said...

Oh hello Candy - That was a fun post! I hate that feed thing on your sidebar, and the reason I hate it is because it has my wrong city on there. I am currently in Salt Lake City, UT and it always says Layton, UT. Layton is 30 minutes north of here. Lame, I know...but I hate it. How was your weekend?

Dr Zibbs said...

Candy. I love this post so much I can't even tell you! First of all, I realized, I'm hysterical. I mean, did you see some of those classics I just pulled off the top of my head. I'm good. All of these comments were so great I'm going to be reading this a few times. If this becomes a regular post, I will be savoring this. I'm going to set up a folder in my email so I can start saving funny comments when I see them. Well done!

Falwless said...

I just voted. Voting makes me high.

Sass said...

I said something funny in a comment once. Something about sporting a chubby.

I'm just sayin'.

(actually...also wanted to say...what a fun post!!!!)

McGone said...

Zibbs has been pimping this "Best Comments" contest pretty hard lately. I think people are sick of same old Dr. Zibbs. Haven't we all heard his "First of all, I'm hysterical" speech before?

Now's the time for change. A vote for me is a vote for change, and maybe a new tomorrow.

Vote McGone '08.

BeckEye said...

McGone is right. Don't vote for Zibbs. But McGone is also wrong. Don't vote for him. I happen to know that every commenter (other than me, of course) nominated here is racist. And a few of them are pedophiles. So, basically, a vote for anyone but me is a vote for racism. And kiddie diddling. But white kiddie diddling only because, as I said before, they're all racists.

Vote for me. I won't discriminate when it comes to diddling your kids.

No, uh...that's not right. Whatever. You know what I mean.

Anonymous said...

What a cool post, I haven't voted yet, but I can't decide. I just love clicking buttons, so someone will benefit.


Some Guy said...

I know it's probably forbidden to campaign within a certain distance of the polling place, but I just want you all to know I have lived 36 years on this planet and never been mentioned honorably. Plus, my hamster just died. And I'll buy you a Kit Kat if you vote for me. What? You don't like Kit Kats? How about meth?

Gwen said...

All I can ask is that you make me honorable for once.

Dr Zibbs said...

OK. Not to be a jerk, but it's 5:42and some of those losers haven't even received a single vote. Not one! Oh that is sad.

Mr said...

wow. that was exausting. I vote for... well, anything that falwless girl says. she's freaking hilarious. It also motivates me to leave better comments to be nominated in 09... there is a prize for this right?


H said...

I am writing in my vote. I'm not telling you where though.

mike said...

I voted for myself.

(now that comment is NOT funny... ironic, huh?)

Anonymous said...

Don't vote for me, I'll eat your babies!

(Reverse psychopathology. Did it work?)

Fancy Schmancy said...

All Zibbs, all the time. That is how I roll...

Scope said...

Candy-O - Are "Eric" and "Scope" the same person? Physically or metaphysically? I've been struggling with that for around 25 years.

McGone said...

Beckeye should get it for the comment she left on this post.

Joe D. said...

OMG, I think I laughed for a whole hour.

MelO said...

Awesome (series of) posts, Candy!! I can't imagine how long this took you to put together!! Good for you!

And... since it IS MY DUTY, as an American, to vote... I must go now.

Also McGone's comment here cracks me up.

MelO said...

Damn. I can't believe I missed voting!


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