Picture Day

Yeah, today is school picture day.
And the morning run went a little something like this:

MOM: (at the bottom of the stairs) "Frick! C'mon it's time to go! Get it together and get down here!!!"
FRICK: "Mom!!!! I'm trying to straighten my hair. I'll be there in a second."

Then I tell Frack to step away from the TV and go brush his hair and teeth, and please do NOT get anything on the front of his button down shirt, the one I had to practically arm wrestle him to get him to wear.

FRACK: "WHY do I have to wear a button down mom? Can't I just wear a golf shirt?"
MOM: "No, you can't just wear a golf shirt like you do every day. I'd like you to look somewhat nice for school pictures."
FRACK: (mumbling) "I don't see the point. Why can't I look like I always do?"

Back to the bottom of the stairs:

MOM:"Frick, that's it! It's time to go NOW! Get down here this instant!"
FRICK: "Mom, I'm trying to put together my outfit for pictures. Give me another minute."
MOM: "You had all night last night to put together the 'ultimate' outfit. Time's up. NOW!"

She comes down looking like something out of teen Vogue, and then a fight ensues over the bathroom and who is going to brush their teeth first, or who looked at who strange or some other crap like who was breathing on who.

Great way to start my day.
AND, to top it all off, this whole process cost me $150 bucks for the pictures.
Why did I even get out of bed this morning?

Trudging On...

Bullets from my sick life:

• Feeling about 40% better today, which puts me in the 60% shitty category.
• I left work yesterday at 1:30, picked up Frick at school who was sick too, and spent the rest of the afternoon curled up on the couch with some Sudafed, watching a Hoarders marathon on A&E.
• Why do they need to see your drivers licence when you buy Sudafed? Either we have been healthy for the past few years, or the world has gone crazy. The pharmacist told me that Sudafed was a key component in Crystal Meth? Wow.
• Hoarders is an unbelievable show. It was bad enough that I was sick myself, but after watching that disaster, I felt even worse. Yet I continued to watch it. And watch it, and watch it, and watch it.
• Now I think I'm a shoe hoarder. I may need a "shoe-tervention".
• I have not worked out in like 5 days...who am I? I think that's making me sick too. Whens it ok to return to light exercise after being down? Today? Will I just re-lapse?
• I read this morning that Kate Gosselein went to Cabo San Lucas with her body guard for a vacation. (Copy cat). Isn't that guy married? I wonder what his wife thinks about all this. Is it just me?
• I'm dying to see that new Michael Douglas movie with Shia Lebouf. LOVE Michael Douglas. God Speed in his cancer recovery.
• On to work now, but really, I just want to stay in bed. Wash your hands a lot today bloggers, and take plenty of Vitamin c.

I Just Want To Curl Up In My Bed And Die

I did something today I NEVER do.

I got my kids off to school, then I went back to bed.

I NEVER do that. EVER. But today is different. Today, I have a terrible cold and as I said, I just want to curl up in my bed and die. But I can't because I'm at work.

Home remedies? Bring it people.
I wanna take a nap.

Friday's Freak-Fest

Hey Bloggers! It's Friday at the Daily Dandy and you know I love nothing more than wrapping up a week with those cra-zee's from Walmart.

Listen, I am all for letting your "freak flag fly" if that's what floats your boat, but these beauties are more in the "what the hell were you thinking when you got dressed this morning" category.

"You know, I wear this just to run around town and do errands...."




If you're freaky and you can't help it, hey, we'll give you a free pass. But I can issue no free pass here. Access denied! Is that Leather and Lace or just plain Linda Lovelace? I can't quite be sure. I also can't quite be sure if even Heff would hit that....

Ok, now c'mon. It's one thing if you look like that, but another if you FLAUNT it. I want to know, is this about men that have, pardon the expression, "fattie fetishes"? And is Walmart where one would go to find such men?

I'll even give her the fact that she might even want to feel sexy sometimes and put on a little black halter. Heck we all do, but in the privacy of your own home or at least neighborhood, sister. Please.

And my most favorite Freak this Friday and interestingly enough, this was entitled "Candy Dandy". I will go on record here with a FIRM denial that this lady has NO affiliation with Candy's Daily Dandy:

Oh boy, where do I get started here??

Are you shi**ing me? Oh, Ummm, oooh.... WHY? That shit is preventable, really, and could cause serious retinal damage. Like-don't stare at it for too long-type of retinal damage. Oh boy!!

While I don't agree with what these lovelies are wearing, I will honor the fact that they live in the land of the free and it is their American born right to be freaky if they so choose.

God bless America and Walmart.

I love my mother for teaching me the difference between right and wrong.

Tweeting For Attention

So the devine Ms. Moore aka Mrs. Ashton Kutcher has done it again. Yup, she's baring her bod for all the world to see and this time she has done it from the privacy of her own bathroom. She posted this picture using her husband's favorite pastime, Twitter sometime last week with the caption, "Maybe this looks more like summer".

Whoop dee doo.

Really? Ok, I'll give her that she's a smokin' hot celeb with more time and money on her hands than most people. Couple that with the fact that she is a 47 year-old woman and YES, Demi, you look good. Correct that, you look great and damn if you don't know it. And bravo to you for posting the pic for all your followers to see....Which is exactly the point now isn't it?

Does this bathing suit scream, "look at me?"

You can totally tell she was feeling the, "look at me" vibe too. The evidence; the sunglasses. Yeah, I walk around the house wearing my sunglasses and bikini all the time too. My point? She's a celebrity. Was she feeling like she needed some attention? Vogue and Harper's Bazaar weren't calling for an interview? Her agent couldn't find any good scripts? Ashton's too busy developing new shows with MTV to notice his wife has a smoking physique? What?

"Look at meee!!!

And we are all looking. I read about it in the paper this morning, then I go and validate it by BLOGGING about it. I am part of the problem, it's true. Then there's the copycats who are far worse than me.

That's C-Lister, Lisa Rhinna, posting her copycat photo days later, extolling the virtues of 47 year old Demi and how she was inspired by Demi and how she the role model for smoking hot 47 year olds or some shit like that.

This is a BLATANT case of "look at meeee!" and Rhinna is just jumping on the, I-need-some-attention-too, bandwagon. Puh-leese. Let's not forget that these women have had thousands of dollars of plastic surgery to look smoking hot. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, not at all. I'm just saying don't try and fool us into thinking they are doing this for the cause. The cause being average forty-somethings everywhere. The average forty-something everywhere has to work their ass off to come even close to looking like that.

You don't see them tweeting bikini pics that scream, "look at mmmmeeee".

Or maybe they do. The difference is they just don't get the press for it.

Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady

Ok, so enough already about me. I promise I won't bore you with the details about my fabulous wedding anymore. Really, I wont.....after today?

You want to hear about the honeymoon???

Yeah, I thought so.

Sure, I'll give you some of the deets on the honeymoon, but not the ones you're looking for. Hehehehe....Some things are better left unsaid. (Alright, down boys...)

Anyway, Cabo was HEAVEN and rather than tell you I'll show you.

This is the SPECTACULAR Las Ventanas Resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I have to tell you, it was the nicest resort I have ever been to. (and I've been to a lot of nice resorts) Believe it or not the pics do not do the minimalistic beauty of this place justice.




This is the view from our outdoor terrace. I took a nap on that couch one afternoon. What you can't see is to the left of this picture, just on the other side of the sofa, the "just small and cozy enough for 2", jacuzzi.















This is the view of the resort from our roof top terrace, one of two terraces that we had with our suite. SICK huh? When we got to our suite, they had Harry Connick Jr crooning on the stereo system, serenading us. Later that evening they served us a private, candle light dinner on the roof top deck.



Sorry for the blurry shot. As beautiful as this dinner upon our arrival was, it was pitch black up there, so they gave us mini flash lights so we could read the menus.

This is the bed in our suite and after we enjoyed our dinner up above, we came down to see it looking like this:

They had aromatherapy candles burning and had drawn us a bath with rose petals.

You getting this?

There was not one request the staff did not cater to and it was always "a pleasure" as they tell you. We had our own butler, who was waiting for us every day to take us to whatever scheduled activity we had, or to bring us whatever we needed. This was heaven to me considering I am the butler to everyone else at home.

We played golf twice and I played quite well, considering I did not play at all this summer. Especially after 9 holes, when I did a complimentary shot of tequila! These people love their tequila and I can see why. Smooth stuff.

Anyway, Las Ventanas is the playground to the stars. Who did we meet there??

That' Ryan Seacrest and his beautiful girlfriend Julianne Hough. They were there for the Labor Day weekend and were quite friendly. I have to give him credit, they were all over the resort, at the restaurants for dinner, breakfast and lunch. They were at the bars, they were at the pool and he didn't really pull a power "celebrity" play. We even had a nice chat with them both in the gift shop. He's really cute and so is she.

The only time I saw him play the celeb card was during this shot. They were eating lunch at the sea grill by the water and wouldn't you know the paparazzi pulled up on a boat to snap pics. Here they are moving them to the back of another restaurant so they could get away from the blood sucking paparazzi.

While sitting at the pool I also met, Bob Harper the trainer from The Biggest Loser. I didn't know it at the time and I still don't know him because I don't watch the show, but I LOVED him and his partner. We had the nicest conversation. Now in hindsight, I can only imagine what he must have thought of me, in my BIKINI...oh, the horror.
Anyway, the honeymoon was unforgettable, the wedding spectacular and today, life is good. Which is really all one can ask for.



But the real bonus for us was the children. They literally stole the show.

They gave the toast which was written by them one night just before the wedding (it was the most time they ever spent together NOT fighting) which brought. the. house. down. They were articulate, dramatic, funny, and serious. They both told My Guy he was officially their father, which brought a tear to his eye, and everyone else's. Then Frick sang, "Today was a Fairytale" by Taylor Swift with the band and everyone was on their feet.



The speech and the song was the proudest 15 minutes of my life.

So if I ever question whether or not my kids were happy with my decision to marry My Guy, all I have to do is look to this picture for the answer.




That day truly was a Fairytale.

We Did It!!!