Clean And Sober

If you grew up in the United States in the late 70's, could you ever forget this image and what it stands for?

I'll bet I don't even need to explain it, for it is most likely burned into the memory of every American living in that decade. I thought of this image yesterday when I was talking to Frick from Italy. It went a little something like this:

CANDY: Hi baby! How's Italy?

FRICK: It's hot and beautiful, but mom I was so surprised...It's dirty here.

CANDY: *whispering* (Please don't tell My Guy or we'll never go there) but what do you mean dirty?

FRICK: There's trash all over the place. Today we were on a beautiful beach, but it was covered with litter.

CANDY: Litter? Like trash? How could that be?

FRICK: It's everywhere. I just don't get it.

The image of the crying Indian immediately came to mind and I began to think about how unacceptable littering is in this country. Then I thought of the crying Indian again and I realized that in the 70's that commercial just may have changed the way Americans dispose of unwanted waste. Was it then, that we the people, decided to take care of our planet? And if so, was there ever an advertising campaign more successful?

Frack was shocked that the litter went unattended to and quite frankly, so am I. In the new Millennium I'm stunned that any place in the world turns their head when they see litter on the ground and I'm proud that the country I live in has worked for the last 40 years to give back to our planet. My child was horrified by litter.

For all the bad we do in this country, for once, maybe we got it right?

Jersey Chic

Is everyone from New Jersey ridiculous?

It seems like this is what the Reality TV world would like us to believe because the residents of that fine state just keep playing it up getting more and more redonk as time moves on. Case in point; The Cast of the Jersey Shore, MTV's latest reality series about a group of over tanned, over worked out, over accented 20 somethings who live together and "have their lives taped to see what happens."

Truth be told I have never seen one episode of this crapola, and yet I know who The Situation, Snookie and the rest of the gang are. Why? They are the punchline to a million and one jokes. And they are clueless-ly ridiculous. And they are all over every tabloid magazine, their every move scrutinized. And they are laughing all the way to the bank. I heard on the RADIO (see I can't even get away from them in the privacy of my own car) yesterday that they just wrapped up their Miami season, which is airing soon, for which they all received a $10 K raise per episode. Only to be asked to resume shooting immediately back in New Jersey at the shore for the third season.

What's funny is the cast is now holding out for more money per episode because they are rolling in it right now, being paid by night clubs that are standing in line wanting them to promote their clubs. They'll get their raise, too. Not too shabby for a group of Jersey townies whose claim to fame is GTL (gym, tanning, laundry).

Then there's these bitches...

The Real Housewives of New Jersey make being bad look good. Not really, but they are like the biggest train wreck that you can't stop watching. They are so bad that one of the housewives quit the show because she no longer wanted to be associated with the villian of the group. And who could forget the infamous table flip? I believe that will go down in Housewives/TV history. Danielle Staub, the housewife who is most hated, has turned gay? Only time will tell, as she breathlessly tells the cameras last night. Yet I can't wait to find out, as much as I hate myself for admitting that.

These ladies live in their own Jersey world and speak their own Jersey speak and each of them lives a charmed life. So they want us to believe. Table flipper Theresa is rumored to have filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy yet we all know she's making bank fighting Danielle for the cameras. I'm sure she's doing it for the well being of her family. Housewife Jacquline has been deleted from the Mother of the Year ballot, for throwing her 18 year-old daughter to the lions and not having her back.

"It's a very serious situation," Danielle says for the cameras. Ya think?

Jacquine's daughtery Ashley has been charged with assualt for pulling out a large portion of Danielle's hair at a country club fashion show turned brawl. She says she was protecting her mother, whom she thought was hit by Danielle. That same mother who brought her daughter to that fashion show and then kicked her out after the altercation telling her to "go home Ashley." Jaquline then waited by the crying victims car and I'm not sure why.

If that were me. I know for a fact my daughter would have been pinned to the ground by me until I got her into the car and drove her ass out of there. Then she would have never left the house again. I'm just saying...All that crazy play for the cameras is one thing but if my child gets involved all bets are off. What is wrong with these people?

Not all Jersey-ites are like these people. I know because one of my best friends, my college roommate hails from West Orange, NJ. She is the anti-Jersey compared to these bimbos. Educated, classy and articulate and intelligent. The only problem is you can never quite take the Jersey completely from the girl.

It always rears it's ugly head when she orders a simple CAAAWFEE, or coffee as it's known everywhere else in the world.

Weekend Recap

I'm off early today....a quick re-cap of the weekend events:

• the shower was FANTASTIC! Holy crap, I am an ass. It was in one of my most favorite places, the people, the food, the whole thing....one of the best day's of my life. The only thing missing was Frick, but she's having a great time in Italy right now.

• It wasn't your average shower. The theme was lingerie and I got so many beautiful things. Good thing the weight loss tally is at 19 lbs. My Guy is soooo lucky. hee hee.

• I eneded up staying overnight at the hotel where the the shower was held with my 4 good friends from high school. We had the best time, had wayyyy to many drinks and ended up sleeping in the same bed together. ALL FOUR OF US. Hugh Heffner would have been in heaven. I love those guys.

• Did I mention I'm still recovering?

• I'm beginning to enjoy this whole "wedding" process.

• I couldn't ask for a better family and friends to share this with. I am so grateful for their love and support.

"Lucky is the man who recognizes that his blessings out weigh his problems"........

That's me. Luckiest lady in the world.

I Need A Cold Shower

Ok, so if you don't want to hear the most ridiculous, selfish, ungrateful rant then just step away from The Dandy today and have a great weekend.

It's ok, really. If you don't want to hear me sound like the spoiled, self centered, ungrateful little hog that I am, then please navigate to another page. Because what I have to say today just may ruin my saintly streak...(which is a joke because anyone who spends anytime over here knows that I am no saint)

Well, they did it. They managed to get me. Yup they did! They are throwing me a shower tomorrow and I'm pissed. I guess it was supposed to be a surprise, but they had to tell me because I was scheduled to work and I had appointments for make-up applications, which I had to re-schedule. Now I know what you are thinking...how wonderful! And bridal showers are a wonderful thing.....for a blushing, new bride. WHICH I AM CLEARLY NOT!

Listen, I have been to this particular rodeo before and I am not 23 years old....double that...almost, but not quite, and you have me, older than dirt bride. So here's the thing: I told EVERYONE many months ago when we got engaged, please......no shower. It's really the only thing I requested. I told my family and friends that at my age I do not need anything.....pots, pans, sheets, etc...I'm all set and I already went down the "shower" road the first time. I told them I would much rather have a fun evening out with my girlfriends. I thought I made myself clear.

Evidently not.

Now I have to ooooh and aaaah and open the wonderful gifts that my guests spent their hard earned money on, to honor my committment to my wonderful man, and, I'm sorry, but it's all so unnecessary.(God forgive me)

I didn't want this.

I would have rather bought them all gifts...and for that matter, screw the gifts because that is not what this is about. I'm freaking 4o something years old, and I have been running my household for quite sometime now, I need for nothing except for my "peeps" to join in the celebration.

I know, I'm awful.

And in a way, I'm embarrassed. I'm too old for this crap.

And I asked you NOT to do this.

Please, just come and celebrate. I'm not into the celebration being a financial committment for anyone. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have a family and friends that are willing to go out of their way to celebrate this joyous occasion, and I love them for it.

I really do.

But a shower??? No, please, couldn't we have done it in another way?

I can't stand myself for feeling this way, but I can't help it.

SO what do I do?

Suck it up and put on my best Academy Award performance? When I think about all the money and effort that has UNNECESSARILY gone into tomorrow, I feel like I owe it to everyone to shut up and put up, and how awful that sounds.....How lucky am I? What an ungrateful little hog.

I suck on so many levels.

So, don't tell anyone my secret. I have the best, most loving family and friends on the planet. I'm about to marry the most wonderful guy and I have been blessed in so many ways. My inner circle care only abut my happiness and they want to mark the occasion with the showering of gifts....it's tradition.

I get it.

Even if I don't want it. I'm grateful that they love me enough to want to make me feel special.

Even if they don't listen to a Goddam word I say anyway.

OMG

I can't even imagine what the camel toe in the front looks like......

New York State Of Mind

I may get kicked out of The Nation for this and my membership revoked forever, but today I will remember one of baseball's legends.

Love him or hate him, George Steinbrenner was the New York Yankees. George Steinbrenner is the New York Yankees. The Boss will always be synonymous with the pinstripes. And all he cared about was winning.

"Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing. Breathing first, winning next. "

Word is that Steinbrenner was the lead partner of an ownership group who bought the struggling New York Yankees from CBS for $8.8 million in 1973. His investment? Less than a million. In the 37 years that followed, The Boss turned the organization into one that he recently passed on to his sons worth over $1 billion.

So how did he manage to do that? Steinbrenner was tough, controversial, pushy, outrageous and passionate about his team, and he lived to win. George saw his team win 11 pennants and 7 world titles, most recently in the last year of his life. He was even banned from baseball for life in 1990 only to be reinstated three years later. The Boss made it clear: you played his way or you took the highway and his way was winning, plain and simple. During the Steinbrenner years he fired managers 21 times and changed general managers more that half of that, because The Boss played by his own rules and because he could.

"Owning the Yankees is like owning the Mona Lisa."

He made baseball his business and he earned a handsome profit for that business. He turned the New York Yankees into one of the most valuable baseball franchises ever. He was loved, hated, loved again, and hated again but all the while respected. He did things for charity, and would surprise people with his acts of kindness. Word is that when Jon Lester was diagnosed with cancer in 2006, a large arrangement of flowers were sent from the only team to acknowledge his battle, the New York Yankees. Insiders say it was a direct order from The Boss.

When I heard the news of his passing, I felt a sadness in my heart. That same heart that bleeds red and blue for my beloved Red Sox. To us, he was Darth Vader Steinbrenner. The imperious leader of the Evil Empire, and Sox fans may never live to hate another owner with such a fervor.

"I will never have a heart attack. I give them."

Somewhere up there today, we know that God must be wearing pinstripes.

Today's Special: Sexy Zen

For those of you who don't know me, by day, I am a retailer of fine beauty products. Every once in a while, my expert eye will capture something that defies all logic in it's perfection and every once in a while my expert eye will capture something that just plain old sucks..Nature of the beast.

Today I want to tell you about the former, because the product I'm about to explain is a home run in any ball park. Fellas, listen up, because if you gift your lady with some of THIS, you will most definitely be King.

kai fragrance is unique and special and just about everybody loves it. I can't keep the stuff in stock and this is my SLOW time, yet 90% of my clients walk out of my store with something from the kai fragrance line. It's that good. It's that sexy. It's that unique....and it smells different on everyone. Let me explain.

kai was created by Gaye Straza who spent her life vacationing in tropical climates. She created the scent for herself, designing it with the white flowers she loved. While wearing it on Madison Avenue in NYC, a fashion editor stopped her and inquired where she could get this incredible scent. The rest is kai history.

It's unique scent is different on everyone and positively intoxicating. AS I told you 90% of my clients leave my spot with something from kai. I placed the roll on perfume oil, $45.00, at the register at point of purchase and ask my clients if they ever heard of kai. I then explain a little bit about it, let them smell it to make sure they like it, then tell them to apply it to the pulse points and go home. 9 out of 10 return the next day to purchase. I cannot lie, it's really that simple.

kai has several ways to enjoy the scent beginning with the roll on perfume oil. Small and concentrated, this $45.00 mini roll on is perfect to put in your purse. The kai dry oil $30.00 is like nothing I have ever experienced.

Simply applied in a small spray bottle, this hydrating oil is sprayed all over the body and rubbed in until it is dry. Completely. No oily residue. All you are left with is glowing skin and a heavenly scent. kai also has body lotion, body wash, and a salt and sugar body polisher seeped in rich oils scented with kai that gives the user a healthy glowing skin after the shower.

But the big seller, the big Kahuna, at least at The Candy Bar, is the kai body buffer. I got a dozen in on Thursday and today I have 5 left.

These white sponges, packed with palm, coconut, and olive oil, release the kai scent in white foaming bubbles when wet. You get 2 sponges, each good for 30 washes, all for, are you ready,...$36.00. That's two months of kai craziness in your shower for $36.00.

Now, I don't do a lot of pimping out of my store here on The Dandy, but if you are interested in purchasing kai for yourself or your lady, or a friend, click this link to The Candy Bar and call the store. We will ship it to you, with free shipping. If you don't want to do business with me, click the kai link above and order direct. Either way, you won't be sorry. You'll be in heaven.

kai is like nothing I've ever used before.

Heck, even Oprah has it on her favorites list.

And so does Candy over at Candy's Daily Dandy. Take that Oprah.